YOU ESSAYED
You tried to bleed us dry.
You tried to make us die.
You tried for years
To stoke our fears.
You tried to fly too high.
From the archive
SUPER BAWL
Seeing tirades and tantrums begin
Well before Donald Trump was sworn in,
Fake adults throwing fits
Like some overgrown kids,
Aren’t you glad these big brats didn’t win?
(2017)
BUST
You might deem balls deflated okay
And let cut-corner quarterbacks play,
But the last thing that you
Would want Brady to do
Is prepare a delicious soufflé.
(2015)
STUPID BOWL
“It’s fourth quarter, we’ve just gone ahead,
We could run up the score, but, instead
Of taking a chance
To make further advance,
We’ll play prevent defense,” Boehner said.
(2015)
MARCHING IN
Listen close and you may hear the cheers
From Jim Mora, Bum Phillips, Tom Fears:
With Sean Payton around,
They’re now Superbowl-bound
For the first time in 43 years!
(2010)
XLIII
This year’s Superbowl Party was fun.
I enjoyed every kick, pass, and run.
But I had such a blast,
And it went by so fast,
That I can’t quite remember who won.
(2009)
TELL IT LIKE IT IS
I tuned into the last Super Bowl
Just before all the rigamarole:
For a moment to revel
As I heard Aaron Neville
Sing the anthem with singular soul.
(2006)
NO RESERVATION NEEDED
The perfect time to dine
Was Sunday six to nine:
Every other soul
Was watching the Bowl
And we didn’t stand in line.
(2006)
DAMAGE CONTROL
“She had something to get off her chest
And decided to make a clean breast;
We assure you that Janet
Did not mean it or plan it:
She just happened to wind up undressed.”
(2004)
Last week’s limerick
SCIENCE INFECTION
If you say that it’s settled, you’re lying,
‘Cause you never can ever stop trying
To discover what’s true,
That’s what scientists do,
And the moment you stop, you start dying.