Politickles

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

HAPPY WHATEVER’S DAY!
“Is your father a man? I’m so glad.
That’s the kind that I wish that I had –
One that’s not a pretender,
One that is the right gender –
But my mother’s butch lover’s my ‘dad.’”

From the archive:

POP PSYCHOLOGY
What a fashion sense he had,
Mixing stripes and checks with plaid!
And the jokes that he told,
All so corny and old!
How I miss my dear old dad!
(2011)

THE INVISIBLE MAN
Someone opened a devilish door
Without caring what might lie in store:
Disconnected from “donors,”
Single mothers are loners
And their kids don’t have dads anymore.
(2010)

FATHER TIME
Twenty years ago I lost my dad
And the loss to this day makes me sad,
But I’m glad he was there
In my formative years
And can cherish the time that we had.
(2009)

POOR DAD
“I’ve been poor since the day of my birth
And may die with a negative worth;
Though I live on the skids,
With my wonderful kids,
I’m the wealthiest man on the earth!”
(2007)

LONE CHENEY
“Mommy, why did you do something bad?
Mommy, why did you make me so sad?
Mommy, what will you say
When I ask you one day,
‘Mommy, why don’t I have my own Dad?’”
(2007)

FATHERS STAY
The third Sunday in June will be gray
For the sons and the daughters who may
Not remember the dad
That they never quite had
’Cause he left them and went far away.
(2006)

Last week’s limerick:

BIG EARS
Does Obama read my email?
Does Obama tap my phone?
Does he peer into my bedroom
With a dragonfly-shaped drone?

Does he know my favorite color,
Movie, music, and cologne?
Does he know I like chai latte
With a croissant or a scone?

Does he know where I’ve donated,
Where I’ve driven to or flown?
Does he check my charge card charges
Just as if they were his own?

Does he recognize no boundaries
And respect no private zone?
Does Obama lack the decency
To leave us all alone?

Mass times and readings

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BIG EARS
Does Obama read my email?
Does Obama tap my phone?
Does he peer into my bedroom
With a dragonfly-shaped drone?

Does he know my favorite color,
Movie, music, and cologne?
Does he know I like chai latte
With a croissant or a scone?

Does he know where I’ve donated,
Where I’ve driven to or flown?
Does he check my charge card charges
Just as if they were his own?

Does he recognize no boundaries
And respect no private zone?
Does Obama lack the decency
To leave us all alone?

From the archive:

PULL!
With much practice, a trap shooter hones
His precision with shotguns he owns,
But his targets today
Are not made out of clay:
In his backyard, he’s shooting down drones.
(2012)

REVERSE RIDE
Listen, my children, and you shall hear
Of the Boylston St. bombers’ brief career:
How demagogues avidly used the alarm
To bully their betters and make them disarm
And a people once free succumbed to their fear.
(2012)

DREAM JOB
“How things change from day to day,
What’s taboo becomes okay:
Though once arrested
For having molested,
I now work for TSA!”
(2011)

JANET’S LAW IS COMING TO TOWN
You’d rather opt out?
You’d better get scanned,
Cause if you opt out
You’ll get a cold hand:
Janet’s Law is coming to town.

She’s lining you up
And checking you twice,
Couldn’t care less who’s naughty or nice:
Janet’s Law is coming to town.

She sees you when you’re naked,
She knows what’s in your slacks,
She knows that you and grandma could
Launch some terrorist attacks!

O! You’d rather opt out?
You’d better get scanned,
Cause if you opt out
You’ll get a cold hand:
Janet’s Law is coming to town,
Janet’s Law is coming to town.
(2010)

SAFETY FIRST
A student in junior high classes
Spotted several suspicious young lasses,
But the principal said
He was out of his head
And forbade him to wear x-ray glasses.
(2010)

NEW DEPARTS
When I travel by air now and then,
The security staff wave me in:
I don’t have to be scoped
Or publicly groped,
I just hand them a nude 8×10.
(2010)

TAKEOFF
“With security lapses reviewed
On Flight 253, we conclude:
Due to differing beliefs
About bombs in one’s briefs,
Every passenger now must fly nude.”
(2010)

WELCOME TO AMERICA
“You illegally crossed our border?
You’re a drugs and weapons importer?
You’re a sociopath
Spewing venomous wrath?
Yes, everything seems in order.”
(2002)

ZERO TOLERANCE
When the stewardess gave it a tug,
I complained that my seatbelt was “snug.”
She said I’d regret
That insidious threat:
“Backwards, ‘snug’ spells ‘guns,’ you lug!”
(2002)

PROFILES IN CARNAGE
Multiculturalism assails
Common sense until it fails:
Screeners x-ray granny
And pat down the nanny,
But ignore young Arab males.
(2002)

Last week’s limerick:

STUCK IN DEBASEMENT
Treat your people as if they were knaves,
Make them crave what an animal craves,
Confiscate all their wealth,
Micromanage their health,
And you’ll soon have a nation of slaves.

Mass times and readings

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

STUCK IN DEBASEMENT
Treat your people as if they were knaves,
Make them crave what an animal craves,
Confiscate all their wealth,
Micromanage their health,
And you’ll soon have a nation of slaves.

From the archive:

NEIN NEIN NEIN
All that’s needed are several swift whacks
From a strict constitutional axe:
To destroy the machine
Built in 1913,
Reestablish the indirect tax.
(2011)

PLEDGE
“I’ll oppose social revolution
And income redistribution,
I will take an ax
To the federal tax
And adhere to our Constitution.”
(2010)

YOURS, MINE & THE/IRS
Our bureaucracies do us disservice
When they try to coerce and unnerve us;
We must bring to an end
What no one can defend:
The Internal Revenue Service.
(2006)

TAXING OUR PATIENCE
The flat tax is best, some contend,
But the sales tax has much to commend.
Taxing income or sales
These are minor details
‘Til we limit what Congress can spend!
(1998)

Last week’s limerick:

BE PREPARED
Who knows what to make of “scouting”
And once-winsome words like “outing”?
What plain terms mean
May be obscene
When acceptance turns to touting.

Mass times and readings

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BE PREPARED
Who knows what to make of “scouting”
And once-winsome words like “outing”?
What plain terms mean
May be obscene
When acceptance turns to touting.

From the archive:

OUTLAW SCOUT LAW?
Should Scouts suppress their squareness
For fashionable fairyland “fairness”
And give badges of merit
To all who can parrot
Propaganda on “AIDS awareness”?
(2001)

Last week’s limerick:

PEER REVIEW
“Kermit Gosnell has gotten us riled,
By his actions we’ve all been defiled,
But he does not belong
With the rest of our throng:
We have standards for killing a child!”

Mass times and readings

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Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

PEER REVIEW
“Kermit Gosnell has gotten us riled,
By his actions we’ve all been defiled,
But he does not belong
With the rest of our throng:
We have standards for killing a child!”

From the archive:

MARCH
No, their numbers are never reported
(If they were, they’d be greatly distorted),
But this year in the throng,
Fifty million-plus strong,
Are the souls of the children aborted.
(2013)

POSTNATAL ABORTION
Oh, the wailing could hardly be shriller
For the fallen abortionist Tiller:
How those pro-choicers burn
With such tender concern
For an infamous serial killer!
(2009)

NO BIG DEAL
Why feel sorry for the slain
While you’re sucking out his brain,
Tearing off of him
Every little limb,
If he cannot feel real pain?
(2005)

DOA
“Shall I never see the morn?
Hear a rattle, bell, or horn?
Or taste the air?
Or touch your hair?
Must I die before I’m born?”
(2005)

MOTHER’S DAZE
“In confusion I resorted
To the ‘choice’ that was exhorted;
Now every day
I cry and pray
For the baby I aborted.”
(2003)

LOST ON EARTH
We’re so eager to find a trace
Of the least little life in space,
But here on Earth
We bar the birth
Of lives we could embrace.
(2001)

CHOICE POSITION
Don’t be fooled by the “pro-choice” ruse
That amoralists use to confuse,
For your choices could
Be bad or good
And it matters how you choose.
(2001)

LEGAL ISSUE
Five Justices’ wanton support
Preserves the grim “right” to abort:
To keep babies alive,
Replace one of those five
And establish a life-choosing Court.
(2000)

TERRIFIED TISSUE
“Oh, Mama, don’t let that thing get me!
Oh, Mama, you’ve not even met me!
Oh, Mama, please give
Me a lifetime to live!
Oh, Mama, you’d never regret me!”
(2000)

Last week’s limerick:

HILLARITY
“Though she’s ugly, dishonest, and mean,
Just the wickedest witch ever seen,
She’s the best that we’ve got,
So let’s give her a shot
And elect her in Twenty-Sixteen.”