When I was a kid, all the comic books had ads for x-ray glasses. Intrigued, I ordered a pair. You see, there were several girls in my grammar school class that I suspected of being terrorists and I couldn’t wait to confirm my suspicions.
The first pair I got were clearly defective, so I sent them back.
When the second pair performed no better, my respect for American craftsmanship was greatly diminished.
Unfortunately, in the interim, the mother superior ascertained the purpose of my high-tech specs and confiscated the second pair before I could return them for a full refund.
They didn’t work for her either, however, and she eventually reverted to her mirrored shades.
I was called back to her office a few days later.
There had been complaints about the patdowns.
I was only in 6th grade, mind you, and my cohorts and I had not yet taken civics; but the girls had somehow managed, in some mysterious way, to acquire a keen understanding of their constitutional rights.
So ended my career as a security agent.
As it turned out, there were never any terrorist incidents at my school, at least none perpetrated by the students. Nevertheless, to this day, “better safe than sorry” remains my motto.