Politickles

Politickles are free AND priceless. That’s what makes it so hard to figure out how much to charge yourself for a subscription to “Your Weekly Politickle.” To avoid hurting your brain as you deliberate, please apply the following helpful guidelines.

Ask yourself this question: How much should I pay for 52 weeks of politickles? How about 10 cents a laugh? 10 x 52 = $5.20. How about a dollar a laugh? $52. Ten dollars a laugh? $520. This is quite logical. Just figure out how much each politickle is worth to you and multiply by 52. (Remember, it’s easier to multiply numbers like 10 or 100 — i.e., any number that starts with 1 and has zeros behind it. If you have trouble multiplying by 52, just multiply by 50 first and then by 2 and add the totals. Or use a calculator.)

Now, upon reflection, you may conclude that not all of the 52 politickles you received in the last year were worth $10, in your estimation. Maybe only 10 of them were. Fair enough. Just give $100 then (10 x $10), and a dollar apiece for the rest: $142 total.

Before you donate, however, please go to the archives and review the last 12 month’s worth of politickles. Maybe you’ll find some you’ve forgotten about and realize that there were more than 10 that were worth $10. If so, recalculate your donation.

On the other hand, you may find that the ten that you thought were worth $10 each aren’t as funny as you remember and therefore be inclined to reduce your donation accordingly. Don’t be hasty, however. Think this through. Remember, when you first read them, you thought they were worth $10. Now, upon rereading them, you think they’re worth only $1. So, what do you do? Donate only $1 apiece for them? No, indeed! You donate the $10 apiece that you originally intended, plus an extra dollar for their current value: $11 apiece. As noted above, this is quite logical.

If, at this point, you’re still confused, just pick a number from 1 to 1,000,000 and donate that. Then the burden will be on me to determine how you settled on that figure, and you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that it’s driving me mad — because, after all, I’m a very logical fellow.

Last of all, remember that whatever you donate today will be worth considerably less a year from now, so it really doesn’t matter to either one of us.

Click the DONATE button at the top of the right sidebar now.

Yours truly,

F.R. Duplantier

P.S. Remember me when you plan your estate, or adopt me now.