Taxpayer’s Lament

What I could do with a few extra grand!

by F.R. Duplantier

Of my annual earnings Uncle Sam will extract
Fully two-fifths, as a matter of fact.
That’s quite a large portion, but what’s got me burned:
I’ll never see that much in service returned.
Domestic tranquility and the common defense
Are the only two items that are worth the expense.
And who can depend in his golden old days
On the pittance that Social Security pays?
We all know the System is not even sound;
By the time we retire, it won’t be around.
tax art

What would I do with a few extra grand?
For such a sweet surplus, here’s what I’ve got planned.
I’ll feast on filets and heave out the hash;
I’ll chuck my old chinos and dress with panache.
I’ll make a deposit on the decent-size house
I’d love to provide for my children and spouse.
(If we just had the money, if only we could,
We’d much rather live in a nice neighborhood.)
Uncle Sam takes too much of the money I’ve earned.
He must have forgotten what the British Crown learned.

Life would be rosy, for the first time in years:
I’d be in the black, instead of arrears.
I’d pay off the balance on each credit card —
Visa, Discover, and Montgomery Ward.
I’d pay off the note on my Chevy “Classique”
And buy me a car that’s not an antique.
I’d undo the default at my old alma mater
And attend our homecoming a persona who’s grata.
Of what would be left — a handsome amount —
I’d put every cent in a savings account!

Well, not every cent — there’s so much to do
With a fewgrand a year, for so many years too!
I might make provision, in case of disaster,
To ensure that yours truly remains his own master.
I might purchase a policy, term or whole life,
Benefitting my children, grandchildren, and wife.
I might line up a health plan that covers things dental
(Even more comprehensive, in case I go mental).
I could afford these things now, were it not for my tax —
I’m one of those wretches who’ve fallen through cracks.
tax art

There are other investments I’d make with each grand —
If my after-tax income exceeded demand.
I’d buy stocks and bonds with my yearly rebates,
Rare books, stamps and coins, and collectible plates.
I’d invest in myself, maybe learn a new skill,
Some trade to fall back on when I’m over the hill.
I’d invest in my children, to help them excel,
And then, in my dotage, they might treat me well.
(Yet another investment that pays dividends
Is to spend some time traveling and making new friends.)

With a few extra grand, I’d no longer be penniless.
For once in my life, I could afford to be generous.
I could give to my church a sizable sum,
Or set up an annual scholarship fund.
I could sponsor a mission and some needy child,
Or save some rare species at risk in the wild.
I could hire some musicians to play in the park
Or pay pyrotechnicians to light up the dark.
I would spend my own money however I please!
Why should I scrimp to put tyrants at ease?

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