The Year in Verse
A Politickles Retrospective
CON MEN
You rejected our viewpoints, and how!
But today you cannot disavow
The views of all men
As you did way back when,
If we claim that we’re all women now.
CROSS WORDS
“Rex, the reason I put on your muzzle
Was to keep you from trying to nuzzle,
’Cause I can’t make a play
With your snout in the way:
Can’t you see that I’m doing a puzzle?”
ATWITTER
He’s releasing all the receipts
Of their various, nefarious cheats:
From dawn until dusk,
They will vilify Musk
’Cause he’s got a big tranche of their tweets.
RUM, THEY TOLD ME
Went to bed with my head in a fog,
Nodded off, and then slept like a log:
Christmas cocktails were good,
But I wish that you would
Tell me, What did you put in that nog?
HIPPY HOLIDAYS
With such goodies I’ve been graced
In this season of good taste:
Until extra pounds melt,
I will need a new belt
To gird my widening waist.
BASIC THANKSGIVING
Though my life may be austere,
What I’m thankful for this year
Is the same as ever
And changes never:
The fact that I’m still here.
SUB STACK
“We’ve got roast beef, smoked turkey, and ham,
Kielbasa, andouille, and lamb,
Tuna salad, salami,
Pulled pork, and pastrami,
Plus fried oyster, fried shrimp, and fried clam.”
PRONOUNCEMENT
Okay, now you are going too far,
Saying what your preferred pronouns are:
We don’t care if this vexes,
There are only two sexes,
And what you really are is bizarre.
HAMMERED
“You need to be more discreet, Paul.
You can’t pick up guys on the street, Paul.
I do not need your help
To embarrass myself.
Enough of this gay trick or treat, Paul.”
HALLOW VEGAN
“Reese’s Pieces? Kit Kat? Milky Way?
M&Ms? Butterfinger? Payday?
Hershey Bar? Baby Ruth?”
“To tell you the truth,
I eat only nondairy, okay?”
DOG GONE
“Competition was keen, as you know,
But the judges decided to go
With Felipe the Frog,
Who presents as a dog
And is hereby declared ‘Best of Show.’”
OVERINFLATED
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who never would drive his new truck; it
Just sat in the drive
Once gas prices passed five,
‘Cause to fill up the tank cost a bucket.
KAMALA SALAD
“A community needs to have unity.
Without unity, it can’t be community.
Is not ‘unity’ heard
At the end of the word?
Without ‘unity,’ it would be ‘comm.’”
GINGER DISPHORIA
There are basically two types of man:
One’s the type that prefers Mary Ann.
Take Dawn Wells, if you please.
I’ll take Tina Louise.
I’m the type that’s a big Ginger fan.
SANTA KLAUS
We’ve had more than enough of Klaus Schwab,
That moronic, Teutonic, big slob
Who thinks he can “reset”
And decide what we get
’Cause we’re all just an ignorant mob.
LAME DOC
Dr. Jill has a college degree,
And a Master’s and Ph.D,
But they’re in education
(They have no valuation),
And her brain is the size of a pea.
FBI
“It is merely a matter of time
’Til the target is tarnished with slime:
Follow Beria’s plan,
Just bring us the man,
And we will establish the crime.”
DID YOU LEARN ANYTHING?
“You had four years or more just to play,
While we went to work right away.
Yes, you made a bad bet
And incurred lots of debt.
Why should we be expected to pay?”
GUNS & ROSARIES
We have weapons from which we can choose
To defend rights you want to abuse:
Perforate you with holes?
Intercede for your souls?
Which one would you rather we use?
MAR-A-LAGO
“Open up! FBI! It’s a raid!
We have evidence to be displayed,
To be planted in pantries
And Melania’s panties
So a solid court case can be made.”
SEE YOU LATER, AGITATOR
Well, I saw Pelosi hawkin’
Another evil plan today,
Well, I saw Pelosi hawkin’
Another evil plan today,
And that’s when I realized
She just needs to go away.
See you later, Agitator
After a while, Miss Senile
See you later, Agitator
After a while, Miss Senile
Don’t you know that in November
You’ll be defeated by a mile?
When I think of how she played us,
All she did and all she said,
When I think of how she played us,
All she did and all she said,
I can’t wait until November,
Vote for someone else instead.
See you later, Agitator, ETC.
She’s a drunken alcoholic
And a greedy grabbing shrew
She’s a drunken alcoholic
And a greedy grabbing shrew
She doesn’t care about our country
She doesn’t care for me and you
I say, “Listen, Madam Speaker,
It’s time for you to go away.”
I say, “Listen, Madam Speaker,
It’s time for you to go away.
Don’t you know that you’re disgusting?”
We the voters have to say:
See you later, Agitator, ETC.
HUBBY LOBBY
“Paul, you know I can’t give you stock tips,”
Nancy said between generous sips.
“Not even in jest
Can I tell you, ‘Invest
Five million in firms making chips.’”
AMERICA LAST
Our economy’s circling the drain.
Do you feel like you’re struggling in vain?
You can count on Joe Biden
To help by providin’
Umpteen billions to crooks in Ukraine.
CONTENTED
Half-empty or half-full?
It’s quantifiable:
Solid, liquid, gas
Combining in one mass,
The glass is always full.
DYSPHORIA
“I’m a woman without any tits,
I’m a woman without woman bits,
I’m a woman who can
Urinate like a man,
I’m a woman who’s out of her wits.”
DIRTY PIXAR
“Buzz and Woody have a bond
And a friendship that is fond:
Let’s turn that to raunch,
So that they can launch
To iniquity and beyond.”
COY STORY
“Woody, why are you toying with me?
Woody, why can’t you see what could be?
Woody, why won’t you try
And reach for this guy?
Woody, you’ve got a friend in me.”
INCONCEIVABLE
We’re on sexual strike, women bray,
As if any man cares what they say:
They’re upset that the Court
Killed the “right” to abort,
Even though they’re repulsive or gay.
FACT CHICK
“When I saw her cute pic, I swiped right
And requested a date for that night.
When she opened the door,
She weighed 50 pounds more –
And I was four fifths of my height.”
LGBTQ+
“We’re so proud of our rainbow today,
This forever-expanding array:
Every day it gets better
As we add one more letter.
The whole alphabet soon will be gay.”
PRIED
“When your children come under our sway,
We indoctrinate from the first day:
With our gradual grooming
And the lies they’re consuming,
We are leading the young ones astray.”
J6
There was no “insurrection”:
This false-flag misdirection
Was an effort to stump
Donald J. Trump
And prevent his reelection.
CREDIT DENIED
“Though I tried to be all I could be,
She would never acknowledge to me
Anything I achieved:
She was so much aggrieved,
She pretended that she didn’t see.”
SO’S UMAMI!
When I’m hungry, I do not devour
Something sweet, bitter, salty, or sour:
No, I swallow salami,
That savory tsunami,
Let that pepper my palate empower.
DEPENDENT KLAUS
“You’ll own nothing and be happy,”
Says Klaus Schwab, who’s feeling crappy.
Klaus is in a snit
And throwing a fit:
Someone needs to change his nappy.
2000 MULES
They were paid to deliver the votes,
So to change the results of the totes,
Stuffing box after box
Over multiple blocks,
Thus creating the Joe Biden bloats.
CALCULATOR
“I discovered to my dismay
She’d assigned me a part in a ‘play,’
And her fond affirmations
Were just public relations
To sustain her sweet image and sway.”
WHO’S HE?
He’s “in bed” with some bad so-and-sos,
He’s “in bed” with drug pushers and hoes,
He’s “in bed” with Deep Statists
And pedophile sadists,
He’s “in bed” with America’s foes.
THE MASK GAME
Said Gene Rayburn, “Brett, give me your views:
Which of these men would you choose,
A man with a mask
Or a man with a flask?”
“Gene, give me the guy with the booze!”
TRYING
Each night to bed dejected,
Our lives far from perfected,
Wondering why
We try and try,
Each morning resurrected.
FACT CHEKA
“I am serving to monitor news
And ensure it comports with right views:
If you must disagree,
Go ahead, you are free
To destroy your own life if you choose.”
YOU’RE THE TERRORIST!
Hey, Mayorkas, you blood-sucking leech,
Do you think you can curb our free speech?
We will question elections
And fallacious infections!
You can shove your insane overreach!
HERE COMES THE SON!
“I’m so sick of all of this crap, Pop,
This obsession with what’s on my laptop.
Oh, how happy you’d be
If they pinned it on me!
I am not gonna cop to this rap, Pop.”
DIS PUTIN
Of course, Putin is prone to deceive,
But Zelensky has reason to weave
A few lies of his own,
And Joe Biden has shown
He is never someone to believe.
A MISS
“In the locker room, I saw a chick
And I said to my bestie, ‘Look quick:
See that girl over there
Who’s blow-drying her hair?
Tell me why does that chick have a dick?’”
INCOME VAX
“We’ve developed a new vaccine
And it only remains to be seen
If we’re able to make it
Compulsory to take it,
Then our profits will be obscene.”
INTO THE FIRE
“We must ‘speak truth to power,’” he said,
“Transfer ‘power to the people’ instead.”
Now that we’ve got the power,
We still have to cower,
‘Cause the power has gone to his head.
CARNIVAL THROES
On Mardi Gras Day, tap a cask
And fill up a bota or flask,
But make sure you’re not spotted
Looking totally potted:
For your own sake, please, wear a mask.
I PAD
“My podcast’s a real sensation,
The most popular in the nation.
How on earth do I pack
In an hour-long track
Fifteen minutes of information?”
BOYCOTT THE COY BOTS
We can start any time that we like
And all take a long virtual “hike”:
Stay off Facebook and Twitter,
Watch their revenue wither
From our grand social media strike.
C’EST MOI!
There is something about his defiance,
His absurdly smug self-reliance,
That makes me say, “No,
This guy Fauci must go,
This guy who says ‘I am the Science!’”
STAR-CRAVING MAD
The DeNiros, the Hankses, the Streeps,
Sanctimonious Hollywood creeps:
All their evil’s recorded
And will soon be reported
Without any censorship bleeps.
SCOUTING FOR THE PROSE
Before hiring an “analyst,” quiz him
To detect any barbarism:
That banality
“Physicality,”
The grotesque “athleticism.”
BOOSTED INCOME
“Covid Karen’s addicted to shots
And is filling up lots of my slots:
Just today I re-goosed her
With her 25th booster
And re-jabbed two or three of her tots.”
GHISLAINE
Her conviction for procuring
Is just and reassuring,
But will clients report
For their day in court?
That’s what needs to be occurring.