2020

The Year in Verse
A Politickles Retrospective

CIVICS 101
There is lots of confusion today
On a subject that’s clear and not gray:
It’s the right of the POTUS
To choose judges for SCOTUS
And let senators vote yea or nay.

PRIZELESS
All the world is erupting in cheers
At the greatest new peace deal in years,
But the chattering class
Will ignore it en masse
’Cause they’ve got something stuck in their ears.

CUCKOO
Do you think you can pull off a coup
And establish a tyranny, too,
Without us fighting back
With a counterattack?
If you do, then you don’t have a clue.

KAMALA
It’s well known she was willing to swap
Certain assets to get to the top:
There’s no way to embarrass
VP nominee Harris
Any more than a pig in the slop.

LIGHT VERSE
Although limericks often depend
On coarse content that’s bound to offend
And bad puns that are prone
To elicit a groan,
To what heights do they sometimes ascend!

BIDEN TIME
An old hack who is out of his mind,
Who for decades robbed taxpayers blind
And feathered his nest
With foreign largesse:
He’s the best that the Party could find?

AVALANCHE!
How unnerving for you and for me
When we’re up on the mountain and see
The whole slope start to crumble
And then suddenly tumble:
Kevin Clinesmith’s decided to plea.

AWAKENING
For decades we were battered
Until one day we were shattered:
It was then we knew
That it wasn’t true
And we’d never really mattered.

HEARING IMPAIRED
“I await your response, A.G. Barr.”
“I’d be glad to oblige, but so far –”
“I’m so sorry, but I’m
Reclaiming my time.
(I’m so coy! Har har, hardy har har!)”

MIGHTY FAUCI
As a doctor he may be renowned,
And his skills could transfer to the mound,
But this man of some stature
Can’t connect with the catcher
And instead pitches wild to the ground.

KARENS
They are going to take you to task
If you don’t do the thing that they ask:
They don’t care if it works
Or they’re acting like jerks,
They’re compelled to command, “Wear a mask!”

ACT NOW!
If you’re half as sincere as you say
And you think perpetrators should pay,
Then show some real bravery
And protest the slavery
That exists in the world still today.

MASK CHARADE
“Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!
I’m as virtuous as can be!”
Says the proud, preening prig
With his chest puffed up big.
Then you look and there’s nothing to see.

’STHAT YOU?
You’re a preening, illiterate fool
Who learned nothing but nonsense in school,
So you sneer and you frown
And pull monuments down,
Never knowing you’re used as a tool.

FATHER’S DEITY
Every Christian understands
That his fate is in God’s hands,
That he needs to pray
And let the day
Unfold as God commands.

QED
Throw some bricks and make glass shatter,
Cap some cops and make blood splatter,
Riot and pillage,
Burn down your own village:
That’ll show that black lives matter.

RIOT ON CUE
“Don’t blame us if your city’s destroyed:
We just happen to have been employed
To spark riots and looting
(With no fear of cops shooting)
As a tribute to the life of George Floyd.”

RATS!
Life in prison or maybe a trip
To the gallows, unless you now flip,
Help expose all the plots,
The ones calling the shots,
And abandon this fast-sinking ship.

CORNY POPS
“I’m Joe Biden, I’m ‘ill’ and talk smack,
I’m all down with the dudes that smoke crack,
All the boys in the ’hood
Know I’m ‘bad’ (which means good):
If you don’t vote for me, you ain’t black.”

HELTER SHELTER
I can’t breathe with this mask on my face!
Social distancing wastes too much space!
Though I try to comply,
I just have to ask why
All the healthy must shelter in place.

GATES OF HELL
My suspicion – and I cannot shake it –
Is that Fauci and Birx tried to fake it:
Do you know what it means
To make new vaccines
And reap billions from those forced to take it?

DEAF, DUMB, AND BLIND
So, now everyone’s blaming The WHO
For not stopping the CCP flu.
Did the singers of “Tommy”
Unleash this tsunami?
What a thing for a rock band to do!

DUMB ON ARRIVAL
“Where am I? The Emergency Room?
My intestines just upped and went boom?
Why’d the president preach
About Lysol and bleach
If I wasn’t supposed to consume?”

THE GIRL WITH EMPHYSEMA
Tall and tan and young and lovely
The girl with emphysema starts coughing
And when she passes, each one she passes goes “ew!”

When she coughs, they think it’s the virus
That came from the lab in Wuhan, China
And when she passes, each one she passes goes “ew!”

Oh, but she hasn’t a fever
Though she does have trouble breathing
But, still, they all are aghast
That she isn’t wearing a mask
And they’re sure that she must have the flu

Tall and tan and young and lovely
The girl with emphysema starts coughing
And when she passes, they cry
She should be quarantined.

PANNED MEDIC
Dr. Fauci has long been in bed
With Bill Gates, the old Microsoft head:
Though he tried to inspire us
With a fear of the virus,
His vaccine is what scares us instead.

WITNESS
What did Whittaker Chambers once say?
“God or Man?” is the question today.
If we answer it wrong,
We will find before long
Our presumption has led us astray.

Q-LESS
You can say you were somehow deprived,
But the warnings online were archived:
It’s apparent that you
Just do not have a clue
And don’t know that the storm has arrived.

COFFEE BREAK
When you offered to hire us [cough, cough],
We did not have the virus [cough, cough].
Rest assured, then, that we [cough],
Are still virus-free [cough],
So there’s no need to fire us [cough, cough].

INSANITIZING
I have followed the experts’ commands,
Blocking access to all of my glands:
There’s not one single trace
Of a germ on my face,
And I’ve scrubbed all the skin off my hands.

CORONARYVIRUS
There once was a woman named Beth
Who experienced shortness of breath:
The Wuhan Flu panic
Was making her manic,
And the fretter was frightened to death.

RUNNING ON EMPTY
“I’m Joe Biden, I’m running for press event!
What I mean is, I’m running for peppermints!
Folks, I’m not really senile,
You can trust me, and meanwhile:
I’m Joe Biden, I’m running for Pepsodent!”

MORTIFIED
“I was pleased I secured your consent
About giving up something for Lent,
But, instead of rich sweets,
You’re abstaining from beets?
Son, you misunderstood what I meant.”

LOSERS
Bernie and Lizzie and Joe,
Petey and Amy all show
Zero potential
To be presidential:
This pathetic selection’s no-go.

SHOWTIME
Please be patient, you’re in for a treat,
Grab some popcorn and find a good seat,
Soon the show will begin
And the good guys will win
As the bad guys go down to defeat.

REPUGNANCY
When I urged her, “Put down your carafe,
Read this limerick, and have a good laugh,”
She made faces a lot,
Threw a fit like a tot,
And then stood up and tore it in half.

COVFEFE MATE
Once impeachment is finally done,
We can then start to have some real fun,
Watching Democrats squirm
As the tables are turned
And they find that they’ve no place to run.

LOOKS GOOD TO MEME
I’m reluctant to act like a rash wag,
But I’m anxious to launch a new hashtag
And to see my neat theme
Be the next viral meme –
If I don’t toss it into the trash bag.

MATH EXTINCTION
When a vigorous inward migration
Overwhelms an effete population,
People have to be dumb
Not to know the outcome:
What will follow is sure subjugation.

UKRANIUM ONE
Of a scandal, there’s not been a whiff?
Biden, Kerry, Pelosi, and Schiff
All have ties to Ukraine
That they cannot explain:
It’s no longer a question of if.

THE MULLAH REPORT
Soleimani got snuffed in Iraq
While preparing another attack,
And the mullahs are vexed
’Cause they know they’ll be next
If they’re stupid enough to strike back.