Your Weekly Politickle: MATH CONFUSION

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

MATH CONFUSION
If the number of voters is x
And the number who do vote half x,
I’m afraid I can’t see
How it ever could be
That the total votes cast is 2x.

From the archive

MARICOPA
(to the tune of “Copacabana)

The vote was stolen
It wasn’t chosen
With ballots gathered from the air
And addresses from nowhere

They were McCain-ites
And dirty low-lifes
And while they tried to distort
Even still they came up short

They cleared the crowded floor
And they worked behind closed doors
They were dumb and they had no other
Chance to add some votes

Maricopa, Arizona
A virus that’s worse than Corona
Corruption and treason
Were always in season
Maricopa, they broke the law.
(2021)

MEA CULPA COUNTY
“We’ve got lots of explaining to do,
As the scandal’s far worse than we knew.
This was no accident,
This stage-managed event:
What we have on our hands is a coup!”
(2021)

SCORECARD
It was late, Donald Trump way ahead,
So I called it a night, went to bed;
While I slept, an odd “glitch”
And improbable switch
Made Joe Biden the winner instead!
(2020)

DEAD TO RIGHTS
“I admit I’m a little distraught
That your friends and mine finally got caught,”
I said in palaver
With a fellow cadaver,
“But we voted more times than I thought.”
(2020)

AMAZING RACE
What polls tell us is probably wrong,
As we’ll find out before very long:
They can’t measure the grace
That’s inspiring this race
And making the patriots strong.
(2020)

CANCEL CULTURE
As a voter, I used to rejoice
At the franchise that gave me a voice,
But the system’s now fixed
And my own vote is nixed
By a fraudulent balloter’s choice.
(2020)

UNIVERSAL SUFFRAGE
“An illegal, a felon, a tot,
A nonresident, even a bot:
They should all get to vote
And be part of the tote,
Whether living or human or not.”
(2019)

VOTO FINISH
“Immigration concerns are what spur us,
Opposition will never deter us,
And the line of the souls
Heading out to the polls
Stretches all the way down to Honduras.”
(2018)

FRANCHISE OPPORTUNITY
When a voter votes multiple times
And is “punished” for multiple crimes
With a sentence commuted,
Are not others recruited
Likewise to vote multiple times?
(2014)

GRAVE RESPONSIBILITY
Though his body will surely decay,
A dead Democrat’s ballot may stay:
He moves in with the moles,
But remains on the rolls
And continues to vote anyway.
(2012)

NIGHT OF THE VOTING DEAD
“We’ll be summoned from slumberous state
To endorse the biennial slate;
Then it’s back to the grave,
Where we’ll try to behave
‘Til another electoral date!”
(2004)

REGISTERED VOTERS
The polls open and who comes in?
Mary Poppins and Mickey Finn,
Then Betty Boop
And Alley Oop,
Sherlock Holmes and Gunga Din!
(2004)

TWO-DAY ELECTION?
To ensure that the balloting may
Proceed in an orderly way:
On Tuesday, please note,
All Republicans vote –
And all Democrats on the next day.
(2002)

WINNING BY A WHISKER
“Our Party is poised to prevail
With this new registration by mail:
All corpses and cats
Are staunch Democrats,
So our candidates simply can’t fail!”
(1998)

ROCK THE VOTE (TO SLEEP)
If free markets are something you dread,
Our Constitution is over your head,
And American history
To you is a mystery,
On election day, please, stay in bed!
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

DEPLORABUS UNUM
You may think that we’re deplorable,
But the fact is we’re adorable:
We are tried, we are true,
We outnumber you,
And that means we’re unignorable.

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