FOSSIL FOOLS
Congressmen who are ninety years old,
Congressmen who are covered in mold,
Congressmen who can’t walk,
Congressmen who can’t talk,
Congressmen who just do what they’re told.
From the archive
SEE YOU LATER, AGITATOR
Well, I saw Pelosi hawkin’
Another evil plan today,
Well, I saw Pelosi hawkin’
Another evil plan today,
And that’s when I realized
She just needs to go away.
See you later, Agitator
After a while, Miss Senile
See you later, Agitator
After a while, Miss Senile
Don’t you know that in November
You’ll be defeated by a mile?
When I think of how she played us,
All she did and all she said,
When I think of how she played us,
All she did and all she said,
I can’t wait until November,
Vote for someone else instead.
See you later, Agitator, ETC.
She’s a drunken alcoholic
And a greedy grabbing shrew
She’s a drunken alcoholic
And a greedy grabbing shrew
She doesn’t care about our country
She doesn’t care for me and you
I say, “Listen, Madam Speaker,
It’s time for you to go away.”
I say, “Listen, Madam Speaker,
It’s time for you to go away.
Don’t you know that you’re disgusting?”
We the voters have to say:
See you later, Agitator, ETC.
(2022)
DAY DRINKER
Not a good Speaker
Pretending to be so devout
Not a good Speaker
Pretending to be so devout
She’s a day drinker
Loves her liquor, yeah
It takes her so long to dry out
We found out
She’s a big boozer
She’s not completely all there
She’s a big boozer
She’s not completely all there
She’s a day drinker, ETC.
Try to please her,
You’ll never meet her demands
Try to please her,
You’ll never meet her demands
She’s a day drinker, ETC.
(2020)
MADAMSPEAKERVILLE
Numb from a rum cake, watching the House take
One of those votes that call for roll call
Starting to toddle, I downed a whole bottle
Grab the lectern and try not to fall
Wasting away again in MadamSpeakerVille
Searchin’ for my last scotch single malt
Some people claim I’m the woman to blame
But I know it’s Donald Trump’s fault
Watch me unravel, wavin’ my gavel
With nothing to show but these souvenir pens
I’m limp as linguini from vodka martinis
What I say doesn’t make any sense
Wasting away again in MadamSpeakerVille
Searchin’ for my last scotch single malt
Some people claim I’m the woman to blame
But I know it’s Ronald Dump’s fault
I have a confession: I open each session
High as a kite, cruising on cruise control
But I’ll get through this bender and enact my agenda
Protecting the Deep State’s my one single goal
Wasting away again in MadamSpeakerVille
Searchin’ for my last scotch single malt
Some people claim I’m the woman to blame
But I know it’s Donald Duck’s fault.
(2020)
MISS DEMEANOR
At Pelosi’s press conference today,
All attending asked, “What did she say?”
’Cause it sounded like “Trump
Constitutes a peach pump,
Russian rooster, and Biden bidet.”
(2019)
NANCYLVANIA
With the change in the House status quo, see
The new Madame Speaker Pelosi
Enduring the glare
With the crazed, glassy stare
Of a transgendered Bela Lugosi.
(2007)
Last week’s limerick
WRAY OF MOONSHINE
“I can honestly say, sir, that I’m
At a loss what to say at this time:
I can’t say yes or no
‘Cause I don’t want to show
That I’m guilty of this or that crime.”