Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:
In your minds, foolish fallacies furled
And pretentious impieties pearled,
But you’re done with your classes,
So now all you smartasses
Must adjust to the work-a-day world.
From the archive
People say that a college degree
Is a right and it ought to be free:
If you get out of college
With no valuable knowledge,
Maybe free is the way it should be.
“In my cap and my gown, ill at ease,
One of millions with college degrees:
How that college has dunned me!
Please click through to GoFundMe,
Help defray my tuition and fees!”
Here is something we need to abolish:
The idea we must all go to college,
Squander four years or more,
Pile up debt at our door,
And gain little or negative knowledge.
How they worry us and make us fret:
These degrees that we just have to get!
I’ve now earned my diploma,
But what’s that aroma?
It’s the smell of a smoldering debt.
IN LOCO PARENTIS
It is time to let go of the dears
We have formed in their faith 18 years –
And to spend, as we planned,
More than one hundred grand
On their faith-killing college careers.
There once was a student named Bob
Who stood out from the mortarboard mob;
Now he’s got his diploma,
But he’s caught in a coma
‘Cause he can’t find a well-paying job.
Fully formed are your heart, soul, and mind
With the facts of a faith well defined.
Now we send you to college,
Where a secular “knowledge”
Will ensure that belief’s undermined.
“Your report card’s created a fuss
With your father and me: Both of us
Are a little bit leery
Of this course called ‘Queer Theory’
– And the fact that you got an A-plus.”
No religious beliefs were expressed
In his valedictorian address,
But he feigned an “achoo!”
And his classmates on cue
In unison shouted “God bless!”
P.C. (POST CHRISTIAN)
The other children teased her
For being a faithful feaster:
When the pagan takes
His seasonal breaks,
She celebrates Christmas and Easter.
CLARITY BEGINS AT HOME
Their parents won’t be overruled,
Nor their personal values retooled.
Their minds will grow strong
As they learn right from wrong,
‘Cause these children are being homeschooled.
Students headed for college each fall
Have to keep their opinions in thrall:
It’s essential to be
Perceived as “PC,”
So they try not to speak up at all.
Socialism is dead!
Done in, the indomitable Red!
Or so it would seem,
But in academe
One had better check under one’s bed.
The student goes to college
And an education forges,
But I fed too much
On knowledge and such,
And now my brain disgorges:
Within the dark and dismal class,
You’ll no longer spot my features.
My notes I burned,
And since I’ve learned
What I never could from teachers.
Last week’s limerick
Are we doomed to be tirelessly trolled
By a child who’s not twenty years old?
Well, then, who could be better
Than the garrulous Greta,
That grave Scandinavian scold?