{"id":8822,"date":"2014-01-12T14:06:23","date_gmt":"2014-01-12T20:06:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/?page_id=8822"},"modified":"2020-09-05T07:08:56","modified_gmt":"2020-09-05T12:08:56","slug":"politickles2000","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/politickles2000\/","title":{"rendered":"2000"},"content":{"rendered":"

The Year in Verse<\/strong>
\nA Politickles Retrospective<\/p>\n

INAUGURAL NIGHT<\/strong>
\nBush had plenty of sleep before,
\nKnowing now he will get no more,
\nWith the clanking chain
\nAnd the cries of pain
\nFrom the ghost of a grieving Gore.<\/p>\n

\n

RECOUNT DRACULA<\/strong>
\nThere once was a man named Vlad
\nWho was known for a habit he had:
\nWith such pride in his nailing,
\nWhen he took to impaling
\nNo one ever would challenge his chad.<\/div>\n

\n

COUNT OFF<\/strong>
\n“It’s really quite simple,” Al said.
\n“The one who’s behind should have led,
\nSo we’ll void votes for George
\nAnd then we will forge
\nEnough ballots to put me ahead.”<\/div>\n

\n

DEAD LIFT<\/strong>
\nEvery Democrat losing a race
\nHas a serious question to face:
\nShould he follow the plan
\nOf the late Carnahan
\nAnd expire just to capture first place?<\/div>\n

\n

SPLIT DECISION<\/strong>
\nIf the “new and improved” Albert Gore
\nMet the first Albert Gore from before,
\nA debate would ensue
\nBetween Als Old and New
\nOver which Albert Gore to ignore!<\/div>\n

\n

OVER (AND OVER)<\/strong>
\nYou say you can’t stand anymore
\nAdvertisements for Bush or Al Gore?
\nWell, no matter who’s won,
\nThis election is done,
\nSo get ready for 2004!<\/div>\n

\n

ALLIES<\/strong>
\nAides offer an explanation
\nFor Albert’s exaggeration:
\n“It’s not that he lies,
\nIt’s just that he tries
\nTo use his imagination.”<\/div>\n

\n

FEELING HIS OWN PAIN<\/strong>
\nAware that he may be disbarred,
\nBill Clinton is taking it hard:
\nHe’s never once paid
\nFor mistakes he has made
\nAnd would rather not reap his reward.<\/div>\n

\n

STAG NATION<\/strong>
\nWith their focus on goals of their own,
\nYoung people today who postpone
\nOr incline to disparage
\nA commitment in marriage
\nMay find themselves aging alone.<\/div>\n

\n

TREE AMIGOS<\/strong>
\nYou can have all your hullabaloo
\nAnd ‘arbor illusions too,
\nYou can care about trees
\nAs much as you please,
\nBut the trees still won’t care about you!<\/div>\n

\n

LEGAL ISSUE<\/strong>
\nFive Justices’ wanton support
\nPreserves the grim “right” to abort:
\nTo keep babies alive,
\nReplace one of those five
\nAnd establish a life-choosing Court.<\/div>\n

\n

TARGET FOR CRITICISM<\/strong>
\nAl Gore wants to target tax cuts
\nWith innumerable ifs, ands, or buts
\nYet we target each day
\nWhat to do with our pay,
\nWith no help from presumptuous nuts!<\/div>\n

\n

TESTY MOANY AL<\/strong>
\n“You don’t have to be very clever
\nTo know that I’m anxious to sever
\nAll connections to him
\nWhom I once on a whim
\nCalled the greatest President ever.”<\/div>\n

\n

ROCK THE VOTE (TO SLEEP)<\/strong>
\nIf free markets are something you dread,
\nOur Constitution is over your head,
\nAnd American history
\nTo you is a mystery,
\nOn election day, please, stay in bed!<\/div>\n

\n

ROBOVEEP<\/strong>
\nR2D2 and Robbie had more
\nVariations of speech than Al Gore:
\n“Risky scheme, risky scheme,”
\nHis unwavering theme,
\nHas become just a bit of a bore.<\/div>\n

\n

NO SALE<\/strong>
\nDownwardly spirals demand
\nFor that outdated Albert Gore brand
\nThe quality’s cheap,
\nThe price way too steep
\nAnd Prince Albert is soon to be canned.<\/div>\n

\n

BOOMER ANGST<\/strong>
\nThey prefer that it not be recalled
\nHow their youthful behavior appalled:
\n“Trust none over thirty,”
\nRoared the young and the dirty,
\nBut that was before they went bald.<\/div>\n

\n

BUBBA BATH<\/strong>
\nEight years of the Clintons in power
\nLeave a taste in the mouth that is sour
\nAnd an overall sense
\nThat we need a good rinse
\nAnd should spend extra time in the shower.<\/div>\n

\n

WILL THEY EVER LEAVE?<\/strong>
\nThe mood of the people is clear
\nAs November’s election draws near:
\nWe’ve had more than our fill
\nOf Al, Hill, and Bill
\nAnd we wish they would all disappear.<\/div>\n

\n

CLARITY BEGINS AT HOME<\/strong>
\nTheir parents won’t be overruled,
\nNor their personal values retooled.
\nTheir minds will grow strong
\nAs they learn right from wrong,
\n‘Cause these children are being homeschooled.<\/div>\n

\n

GRASS CONSCIOUSNESS<\/strong>
\nMy neighbor’s a tree-hugging pain,
\nBut he’s unsympathetic to grain:
\nIf I chance not to mow
\nAnd my grass starts to grow,
\nHe’s the first on the block to complain!<\/div>\n

\n

INCOMPLETE LIMERICK<\/strong>
\nYou may think that Im pulling a prank,
\nBut I’m trying my best to be frank:
\nIn my search for a rhyme
\nI have run out of time,
\nSo you’ll just have to fill in the ___.<\/div>\n

\n

CONVENTIONAL FARE<\/strong>
\nNominations are not in contention
\nAnd there’s nary an issue to mention:
\nCrowning Bush and Al Gore
\nWill be such a big bore,
\nSo why even have a convention?<\/div>\n

\n

BLAND OLD PARTY<\/strong>
\nIt’s truly depressing to see
\nWhat’s become of the GOP:
\nStill pro-life, more or less,
\nAnd for gun rights, we guess,
\nBut no telling how long that will be.<\/div>\n

\n

FRESHMAN ORIENTATION<\/strong>
\nStudents headed for college each fall
\nHave to keep their opinions in thrall:
\nIt’s essential to be
\nPerceived as “PC,”
\nSo they try not to speak up at all.<\/div>\n

\n

DIRTY BUSINESS<\/strong>
\n“When we measured no parts per million,
\nWe raised standards to parts per billion.
\nWe’re the new EPA
\nAnd we’ll have it our way,
\nFinding parts per trillion and zillion!”<\/div>\n

\n

ECO-MANIACS<\/strong>
\nTheir abiding misanthropy shows
\nWhat’s behind the Earth Firster’s pose,
\nFor these mopes without mirth
\nHave no love for the earth
\nAnd are nothing but Mean Green Joes.<\/div>\n

\n

KINGFISHY<\/strong>
\nHuey Long could not have foreseen
\nThis perverse American Dream,
\nBut the vision today
\nIn a land going gay
\nIs of “Every man a queen!”<\/div>\n

\n

NO JOKE<\/strong>
\nI’m loath to make light of the lying,
\nThe fraud, the corruption, the spying:
\nThe norms villains shatter
\nAre no laughing matter,
\nBut the only alternative’s crying.<\/div>\n

\n

POLITICKLES REVIEWED<\/strong>
\nConservatives say it’s a gas,
\nBut liberals give it a pass:
\nMy book is a mirror
\nThat shows their flaws clearer,
\nAnd they hate what they see in the glass!<\/div>\n

\n

EAGLE FORMULA<\/strong>
\nThere’s a cure for the liberal bacillus
\nThat’s invaded our system to kill us:
\nOvercome ERA
\n(In pill form or spray!)
\nWith the powerful antigen “Phyllis.”<\/div>\n

\n

RUSH HOUR<\/strong>
\nWhen combative conservatives hush
\nAnd the brazenest liberals blush,
\nWe know that the fun
\nHas already begun
\nAnd the nation is listening to Rush!<\/div>\n

\n

CUBA LIBRE<\/strong>
\nYour days are now numbered, Fidel.
\nPretty soon they’ll be tolling your bell.
\nWhen they shout, “Cuba free!”
\nRum and cokes are on me,
\nAnd I’ll hand out Havanas as well.<\/div>\n

\n

BOXER REBELLION<\/strong>
\nI will thank Gore and Bush in advance
\nIf they’ll promise to take a firm stance
\nAnd conceal their beliefs
\nAbout boxers or briefs
\nAnd their preference in underpants.<\/div>\n

\n

BLANK LIKE ME<\/strong>
\nCensus takers who tally my head
\nWill not know if I’m black, white, or red:
\nBecause, in the space
\nTo designate race,
\nI inscribed the word “human” instead.<\/div>\n

\n

SECOND THOUGHTS<\/strong>
\nAs he wriggles and wiggles and squirms,
\nThe Republican chairman confirms
\nThat he relishes clout
\nAnd is anxious to flout
\nHis support for strict limits on terms.<\/div>\n

\n

NEA ENNUI<\/strong>
\n“We ignore those impossible pests
\nAnd their parents’ complaints and requests:
\nAs a matter of prudence,
\nWe disregard students
\nAnd focus on feathering our nests.”<\/div>\n

\n

AL-LURE<\/strong>
\n“Our donations are going to Gore,
\nThat ponderous, pandering bore:
\nHe’s a stiff Beta Male,
\nBut his soul is for sale
\nAnd we really can’t ask for much more!”<\/div>\n

\n

SAYS ME!<\/strong>
\nI’m aware that my viewpoint excites
\nThe wrath of the Leninites,
\nBut I wield this pen
\nAs a citizen,
\nDefending his God-given rights!<\/div>\n

\n

IN DENIAL<\/strong>
\nHere’s what to say to a clod
\nWho denies the existence of God:
\n“If He isn’t true,
\nThen neither are you,
\nWho were shaped with a soul from His sod.”<\/div>\n

\n

SHEEP IN SHEEP’S CLOTHING<\/strong>
\n“We’ve each received our ration
\nOf the latest political fashion.
\nDismiss us as artless,
\nBut don’t call us heartless:
\nWe’re ‘conservatives with compassion.'”<\/div>\n

\n

CHICKEN LITTLE<\/strong>
\nDoomsday deadlines bear recalling
\nWhen they’ve passed and we’re not sprawling:
\nIf dreaded fate
\nIs running late,
\nThen perhaps the sky’s not falling.<\/div>\n

\n

LOOK FOR THE UNION LIBEL<\/strong>
\n“Be forewarned that our slanders won’t stop
\nUntil yours is a unionized shop:
\nOh, the pictures we’ll paint
\nWhen we file our complaint!
\nSo you might as well throw us a sop.”<\/div>\n

\n

SUER SYSTEM<\/strong>
\n“Most assuredly I’m the master
\nOf calamity, crisis, disaster:
\nWhat my clients call woe
\nI transmute into dough.
\nHow I wish their misfortunes came faster!”<\/div>\n

\n

FOOL ECONOMY<\/strong>
\n“But, Boss, to save fuel, I must drive
\nNever faster than 55.
\nIf I want to save plenty,
\nI must not exceed 20
\nWhich explains why I’m last to arrive!”<\/div>\n

\n

LATE RETIREMENT<\/strong>
\nWith taxes exorbitantly high,
\nIt’s hard to put anything by.
\nAnd yet there’s no surety
\nIn Social Security,
\nSo I guess I’ll just work ’til I die.<\/div>\n

\n

SUPPLY CREATES DEMAND<\/strong>
\nJust as sugar may draw out the ants,
\nThere’s a better than even chance
\nThat amateurs and hobbyists
\nTurn professional lobbyists
\nWhen a government’s giving out grants.<\/div>\n

\n

INTRO TO ECONOMICS<\/strong>
\nIt should come as no surprise
\nThat poverty rates will rise
\nWhen more is spent
\nOn the indigent,
\n‘Cause you get what you subsidize.<\/div>\n

\n

DEAD MAN SQUAWKING<\/strong>
\nAs their days of departure draw nigh,
\nYou may hear death-row denizens sigh:
\nI’m not certain still
\nThat it’s so wrong to kill,
\nBut I personally would rather not die!”<\/div>\n

\n

TERRIFIED TISSUE<\/strong>
\n“Oh, Mama, don’t let that thing get me!
\nOh, Mama, you’ve not even met me!
\nOh, Mama, please give
\nMe a lifetime to live!
\nOh, Mama, you’d never regret me!”<\/div>\n

\n

RUN OF THE MILLENNIUM<\/strong>
\nOur thousand-year party was fun.
\nWe’ll repeat it for 2001.
\nA millennial glow
\nTwo years in a row
\nAnd a hangover second to none!<\/div>\n

\n

RUN-ON ELECTION<\/strong>
\nThe electorate, tired and downhearted,
\nWish the candidates could all be discarded.
\nThey’ll be beating the drum
\nFor months yet to come:
\nThe campaigning has just barely started!<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Year in Verse A Politickles Retrospective INAUGURAL NIGHT Bush had plenty of sleep before, Knowing now he will get no more, With the clanking chain And the cries of pain From the ghost of a grieving Gore. RECOUNT DRACULA There once was a man named Vlad Who was known …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"slim_seo":{"title":"2000 - Politickles","description":"The Year in Verse A Politickles Retrospective INAUGURAL NIGHT Bush had plenty of sleep before, Knowing now he will get no more, With the clanking chain And the"},"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-8822","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/8822","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8822"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/8822\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8822"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}