{"id":8788,"date":"2014-01-11T21:28:47","date_gmt":"2014-01-12T03:28:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/?page_id=8788"},"modified":"2020-09-05T06:59:11","modified_gmt":"2020-09-05T11:59:11","slug":"politickles2012","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/politickles2012\/","title":{"rendered":"2012"},"content":{"rendered":"

The Year in Verse<\/strong>
\nA Politickles Retrospective<\/p>\n

GOOD NEWS<\/strong>
\nBriefly now is theirs the throne,
\nFame and fortune overblown,
\nAnd the ones oppressed
\nEver after blessed
\nWhen the Savior claims His own.<\/p>\n

CONTROLLING PERSONALITY<\/strong>
\nThough the news out of Newtown was grim,
\nMayor Bloomberg’s reaction was dim.
\nWhy we keep and bear arms?
\nTo respond to alarms
\nAnd protect us from tyrants like him.<\/p>\n

ROBERTS’ RULES OF ARDOR<\/strong>
\nA conservative judge may betray us
\nBy voting in ways that dismay us,
\nSaving Obamacare
\nTo conceal an affair
\nAnd avoid the same fate as Petraeus.<\/p>\n

MISADVENTURE<\/strong>
\nIf these weeks must be spent at the mall,
\nBaskets bulging with kitsch big and small;
\nChristmas prelude must be
\nA nonstop shopping spree,
\nDo we miss the true gist of it all?<\/p>\n

AGITPROP<\/strong>
\nMaybe three in a hundred are bent,
\nAnd one tenth of that number intent
\nOn pretending to wed
\nSame-sex partners instead:
\nAll this turmoil for three-tenths percent?<\/p>\n

THANK GOD!<\/strong>
\nThis Thanksgiving, may families join ranks
\nAnd remember to fill in the blanks:
\nSo expression of gratitude
\nMay be more than a platitude,
\nLet’s acknowledge to Whom we give thanks.<\/p>\n

BRIGHT SPOT<\/strong>
\nThough he seems to completely ignore
\nAn economy sick to the core,
\nFearless Leader has made
\nMore demand for one trade,
\nGuaranteeing that gun sales would soar.<\/p>\n

AMEN!<\/strong>
\nHear us, O Lord, we pray
\nOn this election day:
\nDeliver our nation
\nFrom subjugation,
\nMake Obama go away.<\/p>\n

OUT<\/strong>
\nHis own poll shows a massive defection
\nAnd he cannot succeed sans injection:
\nAll his intimates know
\nThat Obama, down low,
\nNow has trouble achieving election.<\/p>\n

MISS CANDY TO THE RESCUE<\/strong>
\nMiss Candy to the rescue!
\nMiss Candy to the rescue!
\nMiss Candy to the rescue!
\nGo, Miss Candy!
\nGo, Miss Candy!
\nMiss Candy put her man on top,
\nWouldn’t be just a traffic cop,
\nSaw Benghazi as a runaway horse,
\nUh oh, time to change course.
\nMiss Candy to the rescue!
\nGo, Miss Candy!
\nGo, Miss Candy!
\nMiss Candy to the rescue, ETC.
\nMiss Candy had a job to do
\nAnd she was the moderator, too.
\nMiss Candy saw her favorite guy
\nLooking like he’s about to cry.
\nMiss Candy to the rescue!
\nGo, Miss Candy!
\nGo, Miss Candy!
\nMiss Candy to the rescue, ETC.<\/p>\n

MAKING AN OMELET<\/strong>
\nIt’s not optimal spilling the beans,
\nAnd far safer to hide behind screens,
\nUsing cute comrade code
\nSuch as “bumps in the road”
\nWhen an end’s deemed to justify means.<\/p>\n

LAST TIME<\/strong>
\n“Mr. President, please, tell me why
\nIn your first debate you didn’t try.”
\n“Well, that question’s a dandy,
\nAnd the answer is, Candy,
\nI tried hard — not to make Romney cry.”<\/p>\n

NEXT TIME<\/strong>
\n“By October 16th, that’s the date
\nThat I want you to have this all straight:
\nTeleprompter is on,
\nRomney’s microphone’s gone.
\nThen we’ll see who will win the debate!”<\/p>\n

BARRYOKE<\/strong>
\n“Honey child, should you inquire,
\nI have but one desire:
\nIt’s not to start
\nA flame in your heart,
\nBut to set the world on fire.”<\/p>\n

A LA MODE<\/strong>
\n“I’m no savage, brute, bully, or hick,
\nBut some things in my craw really stick:
\nWith my set, it’s the fashion
\nTo react with great passion
\nAnd go nuts when we see a bad flick.”<\/p>\n

HERE WE GO AGAIN!<\/strong>
\nJimmy Carter’s the president when
\nSome insane Arab protests begin
\nAnd is justly rewarded,
\nBeing rightly regarded
\nAs a laughingstock ever since then.<\/p>\n

HOSANNA OBAMA!<\/strong>
\nThis convention was more than just odd,
\nWith the delegates given a prod
\nTo embrace depraved gaiety,
\nOverthrow the true deity,
\nAnd install Lord Obama as god.<\/p>\n

BIG FINISH<\/strong>
\n“Just imagine what waits in the wings,
\nAll the wonders another term brings!
\n[Pause for Clapping & Cheers]
\nGive me just four more years
\nAnd I swear you won’t recognize things!”<\/p>\n

PET PEEVE<\/strong>
\n“Master says that my weight is too low,
\nThat he wants me to eat more and grow,
\nBe at least twice this size,
\nBut that gleam in his eyes
\nLooks a little suspicious,” growled Bo.<\/p>\n

BUILD-A-BARRY<\/strong>
\nThough I have ugly feelings about him
\nAnd consistently set out to flout him,
\nI still have to admit
\nHe has sharpened my wit
\nAnd I can’t write this limerick without him.<\/p>\n

CANDY CROWLEY REPORTS<\/strong>
\n“You would have to be totally blind
\nOr completely out of your mind
\nTo begin to esteem
\nThe Republican team:
\nThey’re too decent, intelligent, kind.”<\/p>\n

BEST OF SHOWS<\/strong>
\nBarry tunes in TV every night:
\nRin Tin Tin, Scooby-Doo his delight.
\nThen there’s Benji and Lassie,
\nAugie Doggie and Daddy —
\nHow they work up that man’s appetite!<\/p>\n

BULLIES<\/strong>
\nIn the 50s our fathers knew best,
\nBut back then they could scarcely have guessed
\nThat a mere three percent
\nWho are sexually bent
\nWould intimidate all of the rest<\/p>\n

EVERYONE’S BUSINESS<\/strong>
\nThough our work be a labor of love,
\nStill, we have to have help from above:
\nYes, we have to depend
\nOn that one special friend
\nWhom we pray to at whitehouse.gov.<\/p>\n

NOT SOON ENOUGH<\/strong>
\n“There is nothing to fret about, friend:
\nMy one term will soon come to an end.
\nDon’t be down in the dumps:
\nI’ll be gone in six months.
\nHow much harm can I do before then?”<\/p>\n

DREAMS FROM MY FUHRER<\/strong>
\n“You can laugh or dismiss me as mad,
\nBut I knew from the first as a lad:
\nThough unlikely it seems,
\nI’ll make good on the dreams
\nOf my true, psychological dad.”<\/p>\n

DEPENDENCE DAY<\/strong>
\n“I remember how some of us tried:
\nHow we fought, how we failed, how we cried,
\nHow we few knew the worth
\nOf this last hope on earth.
\nI was there when America died.”<\/p>\n

CEREALISM<\/strong>
\n“Here’s a great idea, what do you think:
\nThe Trix Rabbit ‘comes out’ with a wink,
\nWhile Count Chocula warms
\nTo the Leprechaun’s charms
\nAnd the Jolly Green Giant wears pink?”<\/p>\n

FREAK OUT!<\/strong>
\nIf a spectacle’s what you are seeking,
\nAnd to see a pretentious prig freaking,
\nA glib gabber tight-lipped
\nAs he’s thrown off his script:
\nInterrupt when Obama is speaking.<\/p>\n

WITNESS FOR THE PERSECUTION<\/strong>
\n“Can I get a tattoo, Dad?” said she.
\n“It can be quite expensive,” said he.
\n“Why not wait and emboss
\nOn your forearm a cross?
\nLet the government do it for free.”<\/p>\n

CINO* EVIL<\/strong>
\nWith a logic at best acrobatic
\nAnd morality most problematic,
\nYou help peddlers of porn,
\nYou help kill the unborn,
\nAll you Catholics who vote Democratic.
\n*Catholic in Name Only<\/p>\n

WEST VIRGINIA<\/strong>
\nIn the Democrat primary, some went
\nAnd cast votes for a bellicose bum bent
\nOn flaunting his flaws
\nAnd flouting our laws —
\nAnd this candidate was the incumbent!<\/p>\n

CAVE CANEM<\/strong>
\nAll the diplomats gathering, greeting,
\nAnd locating their specified seating.
\nIn their midst, a big grinner,
\nThe man hosting their dinner.
\nOnly he really knows what they’re eating.<\/p>\n

WIFE SENTENCE<\/strong>
\nAs evolving positions now gel,
\nHe pronounces this travesty swell,
\nBut you might change your view
\nAbout “gay marriage,” too,
\nIf you’d married a mate like Michelle.<\/p>\n

DREAMS FROM MY FEATHERBRAIN<\/strong>
\n“Like a Ninja, I crept ’til I’d gotten
\nTo a spot I could get a good shot in,
\nZeroed in on my game,
\nAnd then took a dead aim,
\nSinglehandedly killing bin Laden.”<\/p>\n

COMMITTMENT<\/strong>
\nWhen Mitt Romney takes office, we will
\nBe enacting on Capitol Hill
\nA total repeal
\nOf Obama’s Bad Deal:
\nWe can call it the Romneybus Bill.<\/p>\n

CHOW TIME<\/strong>
\nAt the Kmart, the president got
\nA new 16-quart stainless steel pot;
\nHe’d been getting much thinner,
\nSo he had friends for dinner:
\nRex, King, Rover, Spike, Fido and Spot.<\/p>\n

IRONIC CURTAIN<\/strong>
\nYou’re not really “transparent” at all:
\nWhen you’re asked for your records, you stall;
\nYou keep everything hidden,
\nPublic access forbidden.
\nMr. President, tear down this wall!<\/p>\n

RUSSIAN<\/strong>
\n“Please, Vlady, let’s slow down the pace,
\nYou really must give me more space,
\nBecause after November
\nI’ll have time to dismember
\nWhat’s left of the United States.”<\/p>\n

SAWBUCKS<\/strong>
\n“We affirm all the airheads who stop
\nFor the beverages brewed in our shop:
\nIf such customers think
\nThat we’re green and we’re pink,
\nThey will purchase more cups of our slop.”<\/p>\n

CHINESE BANDITS<\/strong>
\nWe are told that our nation’s in debt
\nAnd our balance of trade is upset,
\nBut our deficit’s swollen
\nBecause China has stolen
\nAll American goods it could get.<\/p>\n

GRAVE RESPONSIBILITY<\/strong>
\nThough his body will surely decay,
\nA dead Democrat’s ballot may stay:
\nHe moves in with the moles,
\nBut remains on the rolls
\nAnd continues to vote anyway.<\/p>\n

FLUKES<\/strong>
\n“I may act like a female mutt
\nAnd have multiple partners, but
\nThat doesn’t mean
\nYou can be obscene
\nAnd call me a you-know-what.”<\/p>\n

WATCHDOGS<\/strong>
\n“There’s just too much at stake,
\nWe’ve got other muck to rake,
\nSo, thanks, Sheriff Joe,
\nBut we’d rather not know
\nIf the birth certificate’s fake.”<\/p>\n

WHOSE SARI NOW?<\/strong>
\n“Mr. President, hazard a guess:
\nWhat’s an Indian word for a dress?”
\n“Gee, I’m scratching my head.
\nHmm, uh, sorry,” he said.
\n“That was it, Mr. President, yes!”<\/p>\n

FREELOADER<\/strong>
\nWhat began with such grand expectations
\nAs a quest for the best destinations
\nFinds Michelle scaling back
\nWhen it’s up to Barack
\nTo finance his own family’s vacations.<\/p>\n

(DOING) THE OBAMA<\/strong>
\nTwo steps forward and bow like Barack.
\nArms akimbo, a single step back.
\nNow a shuffle in place
\nWith a smile on your face.
\nTwo steps forward and bow like Barack . . .<\/p>\n

IN HOC SIGNO VINCES<\/strong>
\nRaise high the holy cross
\nAnd show them Who is boss:
\nFight the merchants of death
\nWith every breath
\nAnd never count the cost.<\/p>\n

RINOPLASTY<\/strong>
\n“If you don’t want your votes cast in vain,
\nThen wash Newt, Rick, and Ron down the drain;
\nAccept candidate Romney
\nAs the mandated nominee:
\nBe consoled with a clone of McCain!”<\/p>\n

OATHBUSTER<\/strong>
\nWhen he swore, did Obama intend
\nTo preserve and protect and defend?
\nWere his motives all wrong,
\nDid he plan all along
\nTo presume and project and upend?<\/p>\n

SYMBOL-MINDED<\/strong>
\nWhen the persons we honor today
\nTurn out to have had feet of clay,
\nWhen our heavily hyped heroes
\nAre exposed as mere zeroes,
\nWhat a lesson their statues convey!<\/p>\n

CITIZENSHIPWRECK<\/strong>
\n“We don’t care who’s the better debater
\nOr superior administrator,
\nWe would rather not choose
\nWho will win, who will lose:
\nCan we just make somebody dictator?”<\/p>\n

2012<\/strong>
\nAt last, the moment’s here:
\nThe beginning of the year
\nIn which Barack
\nIs beaten back
\nAnd tossed out on his ear!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Year in Verse A Politickles Retrospective GOOD NEWS Briefly now is theirs the throne, Fame and fortune overblown, And the ones oppressed Ever after blessed When the Savior claims His own. CONTROLLING PERSONALITY Though the news out of Newtown was grim, Mayor Bloomberg’s reaction was dim. Why we keep …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"slim_seo":{"title":"2012 - Politickles","description":"The Year in Verse A Politickles Retrospective GOOD NEWS Briefly now is theirs the throne, Fame and fortune overblown, And the ones oppressed Ever after blessed"},"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-8788","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/8788","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8788"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/8788\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8788"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}