{"id":10039,"date":"2015-12-31T21:38:55","date_gmt":"2016-01-01T03:38:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/?page_id=10039"},"modified":"2020-09-05T06:52:31","modified_gmt":"2020-09-05T11:52:31","slug":"politickles2016","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/politickles2016\/","title":{"rendered":"2016"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n

The Year in Verse
\n<\/strong>A Politickles Retrospective<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

2017<\/strong>
\nWith last month’s great electoral win,
\nA new president soon to come in,
\nAnd our eight-year-long slump
\nSure to end (thanks to Trump),
\nI can’t wait for next year to begin!<\/p>\n

MARIAH CHRISTMAS!<\/strong>
\nWhen you’re down to me, you’re through,
\nNo more shopping left to do.
\nThere is only one gift
\nThat will give me a lift:
\nAll I want for Christmas is you.<\/p>\n

ROACH MOTEL<\/strong>
\nOur support for the Union was stout,
\nBut we started to entertain doubt,
\nSo we asked about Brexit
\nAnd were told there\u2019s no exit:
\nYou check in, but you never check out.<\/p>\n

MISFIRE<\/strong>
\nHow their \u201clogic\u201d persistently stuns,
\nThese predictable, partisan ones:
\nSomeone loses his life
\nTo an ice pick or knife
\nAnd these geniuses say, \u201cLet’s ban guns\u201d!<\/p>\n

NUTS TO CASTRO<\/strong>
\nThough delusions are hard to dispel,
\nAll it takes is the will to rebel,
\nBut what kind of a chump
\nFears the businessman Trump
\nAnd adores the dictator Fidel?<\/p>\n

YUGE MEAL<\/strong>
\nTrump has won, there’s no way to annul it:
\nCelebrate with a Thanksgiving pullet,
\nBut, before you eat, nod
\nAnd be grateful to God
\nThat our country has just dodged a bullet..<\/p>\n

RANK<\/strong>
\nWhat acclaim does Obama deserve,
\nWho had nothing to offer but nerve?
\nLeast experienced to start,
\nLeast improved to depart,
\nThe least qualified ever to serve.<\/p>\n

GHOSTBUSTERS<\/strong>
\nTrump supporters must flock to the polls,
\nNot believe all the negative trolls:
\nThis might be our last chance
\nTo arrest their advance
\nAnd outvote all the ghosts on the rolls.<\/p>\n

GOOD NOOSE<\/strong>
\nWith more dirt every day to defend,
\nEven Hillary can now see the trend:
\n\u201cIt’s just not meant to be,
\nI’ll need some place to flee,
\nMy great criminal career’s at an end.\u201d<\/p>\n

WHY? WHY? WHY?<\/strong>
\n\u201cIs it all the untrue things I’ve said?
\nIs it that I look more than half-dead?
\nThat I’m guilty of treason,
\nCould that be the reason?
\nIs that why I am not way ahead?\u201d<\/p>\n

PERFECT!<\/strong>
\nAren’t elitist Republicans quaint?
\nThey’re offended by his<\/em> unrestraint?
\nThe alternative’s worse,
\nBut to him<\/em> they’re averse?
\nChoose a devil ’cause Trump’s not a saint?<\/p>\n

A-NOT-HER<\/strong>
\nIf for no other principled reason,
\nIn this present electoral season
\nWith two candidates who
\nAre repugnant to you,
\nChoose the one who’s not guilty of treason.<\/p>\n

ORGANIZED FOR ACTION<\/strong>
\nWant some protesters at the mall?
\nNeed to rig an election this fall?
\nWhatever the job,
\nThe Obamaphone Mob
\nIs now waiting to take your call.<\/p>\n

INNER VOICE<\/strong>
\n\u201cI’m sorry, I can’t hear.
\nSay, ‘I’m sick, dishonest, queer’?
\nWait a minute! Hey!
\nWhat did I just say?
\nSomeone’s hacked into my ear!\u201d<\/p>\n

AHEM<\/strong>
\n\u201cThis whole issue’s asinine [COUGH]
\nAnd there isn’t any sign [COUGH]
\nOf anything wrong,
\nSo let’s move along:
\nMy physician says I’m fine [COUGH].\u201d<\/p>\n

JOHNSON<\/strong>
\nGary knows what is a depot,
\nGary knows what is a Zeppo,
\nBut it’s plain to show
\nGary doesn’t know
\nWhat the hell on earth’s a leppo.<\/p>\n

ON EAGLE’S WINGS<\/strong>
\nWith firm faith in you, Lord, fill us.
\nWith a patriot’s zeal, instill us.
\nProvide what we need
\nSo that we may proceed
\nTo follow the footsteps of Phyllis.<\/p>\n

DEMOCRAT<\/strong>
\nWhat kind of a jughead or jerk
\nSports a pious, self-satisfied smirk,
\nDoes what’s destined to fail,
\nWhat can never avail,
\nAnd keeps doing it when it won’t work?<\/p>\n

SYSTEM<\/strong>
\nWhen a Democrat goes to the track,
\nHe will always wind up in the black:
\nHe considers it funny
\nThat he’s betting our money
\nAnd will never pay anything back.<\/p>\n

WHITE HOUSE OR BUST<\/strong>
\nShe must win to achieve absolution.
\nIf she loses, she’ll face retribution.
\nIf she isn’t elected,
\nShe will soon be subjected
\nTo indictments and swift prosecution.<\/p>\n

SELF-CRITICISM<\/strong>
\nHis objections to Trump are so grim
\nAnd he makes them with venomous vim,
\nBut Obama misspeaks
\n‘Cause his cranky critiques
\nAre more aptly descriptive of him.<\/p>\n

NAME THE PRESIDENT!<\/strong>
\nPick one word you might say with a frown,
\nUse a five-letter word that’s a noun,
\nSpell it out upper case,
\nSafely hide it some place:
\nYou alone will see what’s written down.<\/p>\n

RANSOM<\/strong>
\nThough they are<\/em> authorized to play wardens,
\nTheir abuse of that power disheartens:
\nWhen they make lots of dough
\nLetting criminals go,
\nWhen Obama, like Clinton, sells pardons.<\/p>\n

JEERS!<\/strong>
\nSure, she’s got a few pounds she could lose
\n(And those pantsuits in multiple hues),
\nBut her one highest hurdle
\nBesides needing a girdle
\nIs she’s got a big problem with boos.<\/p>\n

RESET<\/strong>
\nOut of date is the slogan some blithering
\nAdman proposed to a dithering,
\nTruth-noncompliant
\nDolt of a client:
\n\u201cI’m With Her\u201d should be changed to \u201cI’m Withering.\u201d<\/p>\n

ARMS & THE MANDATE<\/strong>
\nWhat the Second Amendment defends
\nIs a right on which all else depends:
\nTo resist subjugation
\nOf ourselves and our nation
\nAnd live free as our Maker intends.<\/p>\n

E PLURIBUS<\/strong>
\nOur last names may be Hess, Hock, or Harrigan,
\nFederov, Feldstein, or Farrakhan,
\nMacDonald, Mandina,
\nNguyen, Wong, Kim, or Pena,
\nBut we\u2019re one and we\u2019re all all-American.<\/p>\n

LYNCHPIN<\/strong>
\n\u201cDon’t worry,\u201d said Bill, \u201cit’s a cinch.
\nWe just need to hang tough and not flinch.
\nHow can acts be illicit
\nWhen the boss is complicit
\nAnd our friend will come through in a pinch?\u201d<\/p>\n

IDENTITY CRISIS<\/strong>
\nYou are British or French in the clutch,
\nPolish, Spanish, Czech, German, or Dutch,
\nGreek, Italian, Slovene,
\nBut you\u2019re not<\/em> \u201cEuropean\u201d:
\nReaffirm who you are and be such.<\/p>\n

$PEECHE$<\/strong>
\nShe’s about as exciting as clay
\nAnd has nothing of interest to say,
\nBut the muckety-mucks
\nGive her millions of bucks
\n‘Cause they know that they must pay to play.<\/p>\n

POP QUIZ<\/strong>
\n\u201cIt’s the second time now that you’ve had
\nTo miss school for the death of your dad.
\nDid he die more than once?
\nDo you think I’m a dunce?\u201d
\n\u201cLosing two<\/em> fathers, so far<\/em>, is so sad.\u201d<\/p>\n

PRESIDENTIAL ADDRESS<\/strong>
\nIf she happens to win, what then?
\nWhere will Hillary be sworn in?
\nWill she be inaugurated
\nWhere she’s incarcerated:
\nIn her cell in a federal pen?<\/p>\n

MANIA<\/strong>
\n\u201cThat corrupt and incompetent frump
\nOr that slovenly socialist grump?
\nEither one would be better
\nThan a genuine go-getter:
\nWe must do what we can to stop Trump!\u201d<\/p>\n

LIVE AT THE APOLOGY!<\/strong>
\n\u201cAmerica has<\/em> been lawless
\nAnd should<\/em> be held in awe less:
\nFor her acts unwise,
\nI apologize,
\nThough I myself am flawless.\u201d<\/p>\n

RICHER DOLE<\/strong>
\nAll those Clinton years left Eric colder,
\nHis Obama time left Eric older:
\nSuch experience hardens,
\nBut the selling of pardons
\nHas undoubtedly left Eric golder.<\/p>\n

MINSTREL PERIODS<\/strong>
\nWhat he’s done for his \u201cbrothers\u201d ain’t much,
\nWith his \u201croots\u201d he appears out of touch,
\nBut when under attack
\nHe’s decidedly black,
\nWith a race card to play in the clutch.<\/p>\n

DIS ESTABLISHMENT<\/strong>
\nBush and Dole and Bush again?
\nRomney after John McCain?
\nReagan and Trump,
\nYou tried to dump?
\nGrand Old Party, please explain.<\/p>\n

SEE YOU LATER, AGITATOR!<\/strong>
\nOur future would now seem quite bright
\nIf Obama had sought to unite,
\nIf he’d done what he could
\nTo promote brotherhood:
\nNot the opposite, so to divide.<\/p>\n

SPOTTED<\/strong>
\nA ladybug, asked why
\nShe seemed to be so shy
\nAbout sharing a shower
\nOn a marigold flower,
\nSaid, \u201cThat<\/em> ladybug’s a guy!\u201d<\/p>\n

COMEUPPANCE<\/strong>
\n\u201cYes, that miserable, mangy old hound
\nShould be picked up and penned in the pound,
\nBut he wouldn’t have got him
\nSuch a bite from your bottom
\nIf your britches weren’t half to the ground.\u201d<\/p>\n

YIKES!<\/strong>
\n\u201cYou may claim that you\u2019re not anti-gay,
\nBut to prove that you mean what you say
\nYou must now demonstrate
\nThat you really don\u2019t hate \u2013
\nAnd to do that, there\u2019s only one way.\u201d<\/p>\n

YOU\u2019RE IN DOUBT?<\/strong>
\n\u201cIf you\u2019re not really sure of your stance
\nAs to bathrooms, then why take a chance?
\nConfused about gender?
\nDo what I do: Surrender —
\nAnd just stand there and pee in your pants.\u201d<\/p>\n

EASTER EGG HUNT<\/strong>
\nAcross the Net arrayed:
\nA Hillary cavalcade.
\nInstead of eggs,
\nCollect jpegs
\nOf every pantsuit shade.<\/p>\n

OMG<\/strong>
\nOn a phone or computer or pod,
\nThese exclamatory letters are odd:
\nWhen you breathe your last breath
\nAnd can no longer text,
\nWill you log off and cry, “Oh, my God!”?<\/p>\n

COMIC CON<\/strong>
\n“You can say that you meant it in jest,
\nWere just kidding, and all of the rest,
\nBut the fact is you broke
\nA new law with that joke:
\nMr. Seinfeld, you’re under arrest!”<\/p>\n

HOPELESS<\/strong>
\nThey elected a black Forrest Gump,
\nWhom world leaders dismissed as a chump,
\nBy this churl they were charmed,
\nNow they say they’re alarmed
\nAt the prospect of President Trump!<\/p>\n

BERN WARD<\/strong>
\n\u201cBernie Sanders, I’m on your team!
\nIt’s so cool you look like ‘The Scream’!
\nYou can bet I would cast
\nMy vote for you fast
\nIf I wasn’t still under eighteen!\u201d<\/p>\n

BOOB<\/strong>
\nKnowledge of basic facts she neglects,
\nTruth and logic she simply rejects:
\nShe went to the Academy
\nOf the Female Anatomy
\nAnd will vote on the basis of sex.<\/p>\n

BERN, BABY, BERN!<\/strong>
\nIf you’re fired up by someone who panders
\nTo ignorant, idle demanders,
\nThen place your hope
\nIn a misanthrope:
\nThe self-avowed socialist Sanders.<\/p>\n

TOTAL RECALL<\/strong>
\nDid you hear that there’s been a recall
\nOf that cute little toy at the mall?
\nEvery pull on his string,
\nHe repeats the same thing:
\nIt’s defective, the Rubio doll.<\/p>\n

SAP<\/strong>
\nSpecial Access Programs compromised?
\nCovert agents exposed, jeopardized?
\nOne so reckless and dumb
\nWould be sure to become
\nA commander-in-chief neutralized.<\/p>\n

PARSED LIPS<\/strong>
\nWhen he’s asked to define what the crisis is,
\nThis man who is known for his vices is
\nCompelled to resort
\nTo a proven retort:
\n\u201cIt depends what the meaning of ISIS is.\u201d<\/p>\n

CRYING GAME<\/strong>
\nWhen he wants to, Obama can cry,
\nBut you won\u2019t see a drop in his eye \u2013
\nNo, he won\u2019t shed a tear \u2013
\nFor the million each year
\nOf babies aborted who die.<\/p>\n

CHILLARY<\/strong>
\n\u201cThough I handled Bill’s bimbo outbreaks,
\nDoing damage control on ‘mistakes,’
\nIt meant nothing to me
\nAnd I really don’t see,
\nAt this point, what difference it makes.\u201d<\/p>\n

RODHAM<\/strong>
\n\u201cI support, I embrace, I exalt
\nEvery victim of sexual assault
\n\u2013 Unless it was Bill
\nExercising his will,
\nIn which case, the hussy’s at fault.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Year in Verse A Politickles Retrospective 2017 With last month’s great electoral win, A new president soon to come in, And our eight-year-long slump Sure to end (thanks to Trump), I can’t wait for next year to begin! MARIAH CHRISTMAS! When you’re down to me, you’re through, No more …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"slim_seo":{"title":"2016 - Politickles","description":"The Year in Verse A Politickles Retrospective 2017 With last month's great electoral win, A new president soon to come in, And our eight-year-long slump Sure to"},"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-10039","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/10039","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10039"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/10039\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/politickles.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10039"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}