Stooge Christmas

I’ve got a surefire way to avoid the holiday blues — with a Three Stooges TV marathon!

Now that I’m happily married and have six children, I no longer have to worry about loneliness at Christmas. But there was a time, many years ago, when I too dreaded the onset of the holiday season, and one holiday season in particular when I’d never felt lower.

I still remember that worst Noel and the televised tonic that lifted me from the depths of despair: a Three Stooges marathon broadcast by an independent tv station in my hometown of New Orleans.

My melancholy was no match for the inspired madness of Moe, Larry, and Curly as they portrayed incompetent plumbers, scheming exterminators, and pie-throwing “gentlemen.” The one scene etched indelibly on my mind that night, appropriately enough, was of Moe accidentally pulling a Christmas tree down upon himself and slowly extracting from his mouth the string of lit Christmas lights he’d swallowed.

To capture that moment, and encourage holidazed others to take advantage of the uplift only the Three Stooges can provide, I rewrote the lyrics of one of the most popular Christmas tunes. With apologies to Walter Kent, Kim Gannon and Buck Ram (composers of the original), here is my Stooge version of “I’ll Be Home for Christmas”:

Stooge Christmas
© 2004, F.R. Duplantier

I’ll be home for Christmas
you can plan on me
I must see Moe, Larry, Curly, or Joe
destroy a Christmas tree!

Christmas Eve will find me
where the blue light beams
I’ll be home for Christmas
watching Stooges on TV!

I’ll be home for Christmas
you can plan on me
I must see Moe, Larry, Shemp, Curly Joe
destroy a Christmas tree!

Christmas Eve will find me
where the blue light beams
I’ll be home for Christmas
watching Stooges on TV!

If you’re a Three Stooges fan, check out the official Three Stooges website. The album pictured above is available for download there.

2 Comments

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