“Back in the summer of 1991, I began accepting assignments to write newspaper articles for Phyllis Schlafly’s Education Reporter. As I learned more and more about the preposterous programs and policies to which public school students all across America were being subjected, I realized that the journalistic expose was insufficient to capture their absurdity and that satire was what was called for. I’d written limericks for years, just for the fun of it, and decided to adapt this light-verse form to my purpose.
“In my first ‘blackboard jingle,’ I poked fun at the disingenuity of sex-ed instructors who pretend to offer ‘balance’ by combining prophylactic and abstinence perspectives:
When a boy and a girl have a date
And it looks like he’ll get to homeplate,
They must have protection
To ward off infection,
Though it’s better, of course, if they wait.
“I devoted a second limerick to drug-education instructors who offer similarly ambiguous advice:
JUST SAY NO?
Today we discovered the thrills
Of powders, potations, and pills.
Our teacher gave plugs
For all sorts of drugs —
To test our assertiveness skills.
“As it happened, 1991 was also the year when George Bush, Bill Clinton, Ross Perot, and miscellaneous unmemorable others were gearing up for the next presidential election. There was quite a lot of confusion as to why Perot was even in the race, so I took it upon myself to offer an explanation:
PEROTS & CONS
Perhaps some of you are at a loss
Why I want to be President Ross.
It’s simple, you see:
It’s better for me
If I am the one who is boss!’
“Another limerick was inspired by a longstanding pet peeve of mine, the boneheaded practice of television anchormen ‘explaining’ to their viewers what they and the viewers have both just seen together:
Jennings, Rather, Brokaw
Seem determined to jabber and jaw.
They think we’re too dumb
To discern the outcome
Of the campaign debate we just saw.
“The problem with limericks is that they tend to become addictive. Once you start writing them, it’s hard to stop. Over the last nine years I’ve churned out quite a few of these political limericks — or ‘Politickles,’ as I dubbed them — and have distributed them on a weekly basis to an ever-growing list of email subscribers (email@example.com). Politickles are the verbal equivalent of editorial cartoons. They make a point quickly, forcefully, humorously. Like editorial cartoons, they’re ideal for energizing allies or demoralizing opponents, and perfect for posting on office bulletin boards, faculty lounge refrigerators, and other high-traffic areas.
The good thing about lampooning the lunatic left is that there’s never any shortage of material. By the time you’ve bought a copy of Politickles for yourself (and extra copies for all your relatives), I’ll have written several dozen more limericks – none of which, needless to say, will be found in the first volume! Is a sequel presaged? Can Politickles II and Son of Politickles be far behind? What do you think? Place advance orders now. And feel free to share my Politickles with your friends, use them to annoy your enemies, or write your own. It’s a free country. Life is short. Express yourself.