Politickles

Maybe Obama just thought he was eating dog? It could happen, as the Three Stooges demonstrate in the above excerpt from one of their more educational films.

Sledge Hammer does have a catchy title, a clever premise, funny characters, and a sycophantic laugh track — still, it goes nowhere. Sledge Hammer is Dirty Harry, Mike Hammer, and Fearless Fosdick all rolled into one, but either his aim is off or his gun isn’t loaded, because this show just keeps missing. — “The Season in a Nutshell,” F.R. Duplantier, 1986

With a review like the one above, you wouldn’t think I’d have been delighted to receive the first season of Sledge Hammer as a Christmas gift from my daugther Ida, but I was. My nutshell review was based solely on the first episode, before all the comic elements had gelled in the show, or in my perception of it. I was intrigued by the program, however, kept watching, and was soon hooked. When the first season ended with Sledge accidentally detonating a nuclear bomb that destroyed the entire city (the show’s creator was convinced that it would not be renewed and wanted to go out with a bang), I was among the hardcore fans who wondered all summer long how the show would be “revived” in the second season. The solution proved to be ingeniously simple: the words “Five years earlier” supered on the first frame.

I made out like a bandit at Christmas. In addition to Sledge Hammer, I got collections of Three Stooges films from Audrey and Isabel, a fancy new ice bucket from my son Crozet, a new Mr. Boston book from Maxine (the old one was suffering from overuse), and Myers’s rum and cigars from Maria. If you’re thinking all I do is drink, smoke, and watch movies, you get an A+ for perception. It’s a wonderful life.

But wait, there’s more. I also got several nifty things from my wife, Evann: a Three Stooges poster, the complete Thin Man collection on DVD (our video version is suffering the same fate as the old Mr. Boston book), a bottle of Frangelico, and a handtruck. Yes, a handtruck! I’ve always wanted one. A man’s not fully a man without a handtruck — and a polesaw (which I got for Father’s Day). The handtruck will come in handy when it’s time to wheel Dad to bed after the movie.

It’s fun to look back at my review of the 1986 television season, my first and only foray into TV criticism, and see which shows survived and which did not. As I expected, Life with Lucy was an early fatalilty. But Amen, one of the worst shows ever broadcast, somehow prospered, as did Designing Women. Three of my favorites — Matlock, Perfect Strangers, and ALF – did achieve syndication immortality. Sledge Hammer, of course, which I mistakenly panned, has become a cult classic.

I’ve got a surefire way to avoid the holiday blues — with a Three Stooges TV marathon!

Now that I’m happily married and have six children, I no longer have to worry about loneliness at Christmas. But there was a time, many years ago, when I too dreaded the onset of the holiday season, and one holiday season in particular when I’d never felt lower.

I still remember that worst Noel and the televised tonic that lifted me from the depths of despair: a Three Stooges marathon broadcast by an independent tv station in my hometown of New Orleans.

My melancholy was no match for the inspired madness of Moe, Larry, and Curly as they portrayed incompetent plumbers, scheming exterminators, and pie-throwing “gentlemen.” The one scene etched indelibly on my mind that night, appropriately enough, was of Moe accidentally pulling a Christmas tree down upon himself and slowly extracting from his mouth the string of lit Christmas lights he’d swallowed.

To capture that moment, and encourage holidazed others to take advantage of the uplift only the Three Stooges can provide, I rewrote the lyrics of one of the most popular Christmas tunes. With apologies to Walter Kent, Kim Gannon and Buck Ram (composers of the original), here is my Stooge version of “I’ll Be Home for Christmas”:

Stooge Christmas
© 2004, F.R. Duplantier

I’ll be home for Christmas
you can plan on me
I must see Moe, Larry, Curly, or Joe
destroy a Christmas tree!

Christmas Eve will find me
where the blue light beams
I’ll be home for Christmas
watching Stooges on TV!

I’ll be home for Christmas
you can plan on me
I must see Moe, Larry, Shemp, Curly Joe
destroy a Christmas tree!

Christmas Eve will find me
where the blue light beams
I’ll be home for Christmas
watching Stooges on TV!

If you’re a Three Stooges fan, check out the official Three Stooges website. The album pictured above is available for download there.