Politickles

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

INVERT TED
Olson says a square is round,
Half an ounce is twice a pound,
Two o’clock is ten,
Men can marry men,
And the sky is underground.

From the archive:

TWISTED
As the lavender lobby engages
To subvert Christian culture in stages,
They accuse us of hate
If we dare validate
Common sense and the wisdom of ages.
(2010)

BENT ON MARRIAGE
“We are undermining resistance
With our carefully plotted persistence:
Rather than disparage
The institution of marriage,
We’re defining it out of existence.”
(2009)

PANSY
It will be a stylish “marriage,”
They can afford a carriage,
They’ll book a suite
Upon deceit
In a farcical rite for two.
(2008)

LONE CHENEY
“Mommy, why did you do something bad?
Mommy, why did you make me so sad?
Mommy, what will you say
When I ask you one day,
‘Mommy, why don’t I have my own Dad?’”
(2007)

CONSERVATIVE BENT
What began as an ill-advised craze
To authenticate “tolerant” ways
Has got way out of hand
And now needs to be banned:
The Republican courting of “gays.”
(2006)

PERFECT MATCH
A narcissist went to extremes
To marry the one he esteems;
He walked with a smile
All alone down the aisle:
He, himself, was the one of his dreams.
(2005)

STRAIGHT TALK FOR THE QUEER GUY
There’s no doubt that you’re deft at design,
Can select an appropriate wine,
And know just how to dress,
But your life is a mess
‘Cause you don’t idolize the divine.
(2004)

POX AMERICANA
“Though we suffer the simmering effects
Of syphillis, herpes simplex,
Gonorrhea, and AIDS
From our rash escapades,
We make certain to practice ‘safe sex.’”
(2003)

LAWRENCE V. TEXAS
The evil with which men are ridden
In normal times hardly is hidden,
But no era’s more awful
Than when vice is made lawful
And propriety, then, is forbidden.
(2003)

NOVEL IDEA
In The Wanting Seed, Anthony Burgess
Prophesied the preposterous purges
He knew surely would come
When the righteous play dumb
And the vicious give vent to their urges.
(2003)

PRESERVE THE UNION
Gay advocates harry and vex,
Making simple things seem so complex,
But the truth’s never varied:
They’ve the right to get married –
To a member of the opposite sex!
(2003)

QUEENS COLLEGE
“Your report card’s created a fuss
With your father and me: Both of us
Are a little bit leery
Of this course called ‘Queer Theory’
– And the fact that you got an A-plus.”
(2002)

ECCE HOMO
“Comrades, have no fears;
It’s only a matter of years:
We’ll sneak some fairies
Through the seminaries;
Soon the Church will be full of queers!”
(2002)

OUTLAW SCOUT LAW?
Should Scouts suppress their squareness
For fashionable fairyland “fairness”
And give badges of merit
To all who can parrot
Propaganda on “AIDS awareness”?
(2001)

SAME-SEX MARRIAGE?
There’s nothing new under the sun:
Two women or men can’t be one
And only a jerk’ll
Try squaring a circle
‘Cause some things aren’t meant to be done.
(2001)

KINGFISHY
Huey Long could not have foreseen
This perverse American dream,
But the vision today
In a land going gay
Is of every man a queen.
(1999)

HEATHER HAS ALL THE LUCK
The kids in the class have to nod
When I say that my family’s odd:
I’ve only one mother,
Dad won’t have another
No matter how much I may prod.
(1998)

Last week’s verse:

WARMAGEDDON
In the end and come what might,
Climate changers may be right:
In the depths of hell,
Where such liars dwell,
Things can get real hot all right!