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Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

IT’S THE LAW!
Seatbelt on your easy chair,
Life vest in the tub to wear,
Steel-toed bedroom slippers,
Velcro trouser zippers,
Flame-retardant underwear.

From the archive:

ZERO RISK?
I anticipate danger ahead
And foresee myself injured or dead
– From falling, perchance,
While putting on pants,
So I’d better not get out bed.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick:

CLICK IT OR TICKET
“I’m afraid I must take you downtown,”
The policeman announced with a frown.
Such a fate I was dealt
For not wearing a belt –
Which was why my new trousers fell down.

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Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

CLICK IT OR TICKET
“I’m afraid I must take you downtown,”
The policeman announced with a frown.
Such a fate I was dealt
For not wearing a belt –
Which was why my new trousers fell down.

From the archive:

BUSYBODIES
They’ll first find tobacco at fault,
Then coffee, wine, spirits, and malt.
Then they’ll next demonize
Colas, burgers, and fries,
Then all snacks made with sugar and salt!

NO CURE FOR THE COMMON SCOLD
They insist we directly disown
Every pleasure and pastime that’s known.
Those “natural” nags
And health-conscious hags –
Oh, why can’t they leave us alone?

Last week’s limerick:

BRONX CHEER
At their names true Republicans scowl,
Snarl, cuss, condemn, spit, and howl:
The new Democrat Specter,
That self-serving defector,
And the graceless ingrate Colin Powell.

My next-door neighbor is a hardworking young fellow who cuts grass for a living. One Spring day, about five years ago, I agreed to go along with him to help him catch up after a few days of rain. I always wear a seatbelt and had been wearing one earlier that day; but, when we made a short jaunt from one customer’s yard to another, we neglected to buckle up and wouldn’t you know that’s just when we happened to pass a Maryland Heights (Missouri) patrolman going in the opposite direction.

We were only going a few blocks in a residential neighborhood and driving well below the speed limit, but he must have noticed that we weren’t strapped in, because he turned around and pulled us over on some trumped up pretext (evidently, patrolmen were not allowed to stop someone solely for a seatbelt violation). Then he launched into his canned “click it or ticket” shtick, giving the clear impression that he thought he was being quite humorous (I was not aware of the campaign at the time and had no idea what he was talking about). The upshot was, we both got $10 tickets, which effectively wiped out my young friend’s profit from the last hour of mowing.

It gets worse. When we went to the local police station to pay the fine, the policeman clerk who took our tickets and rang up our fines announced an absurdly high total of several thousand dollars. This, evidently, was more of the “click it or ticket” humor that we’d experienced from the patrolman. Needless to say, we were not amused.

With a background in advocacy and public relations, I have to say I can’t imagine a better way to create ill will toward a police force than the sort of behavior I encountered that day. I’ve always had great respect for the police. My two best friends in the world — one daughter’s godparents — are a (husband and wife) pair of retired police officers in my hometown of New Orleans. But now that respect has been needlessly diminished. For the uniformed clowns at the police department in Maryland Heights (Maryland Heist?), I have nothing but contempt.