Weapons of mass destruction

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

PRO-CHOICE?
There are so many ways to take lives:
You can do it with bombs, bats, or knives.
A big rock or a fist’ll
Serve as well as a pistol:
It’s a wonder that mankind survives.

From the archive:

TIME TO KILL
A man had a row with his mate
And decided to speed up her fate.
He thought that his wife
Might enjoy afterlife
And he knew that he couldn’t wait.

There were myriad ways he might bag her –
Bow and arrow, blunt object, or dagger,
Or poison or pills –
For there’s so much that kills
(The possibilities made him stagger).

There were hanging and gassing and worse –
The methods too great to rehearse –
And that’s just if he tried
To fake suicide,
For murders were much more diverse.

A compendium of deaths accidental
Holds drowning and falling essential,
Includes hit and run
And cleaning a gun,
And a long list of acts providential.

He thought he’d give toxins a try,
But the chemist had several to buy
And he couldn’t decide
Among cyanide
Arsenic, strychnine, and lye.

He considered a venomous snake,
As well as a time-triggered cake:
A bomb (tick, tick, tick)
Would sure do the trick,
But what kind of a cake should he bake?

A pillow case stuffed in her face
Could be counted to leave not a trace,
But a bat and a brick
And a sharpened ice pick
Are weapons that all have their place.

And, if shotguns had been all the rage,
He would have bogged down on the gauge.
Thus, before he could choose
The best weapon to use,
His poor partner had died of old age.
(1985)

Last week’s limerick:

MARCH
No, their numbers are never reported
(If they were, they’d be greatly distorted),
But this year in the throng,
Fifty million-plus strong,
Are the souls of the children aborted.

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

MARCH
No, their numbers are never reported
(If they were, they’d be greatly distorted),
But this year in the throng,
Fifty million-plus strong,
Are the souls of the children aborted.

From the archive:

POSTNATAL ABORTION
Oh, the wailing could hardly be shriller
For the fallen abortionist Tiller:
How those pro-choicers burn
With such tender concern
For an infamous serial killer!
(2009)

NO BIG DEAL
Why feel sorry for the slain
While you’re sucking out his brain,
Tearing off of him
Every little limb,
If he cannot feel real pain?
(2005)

DOA
“Shall I never see the morn?
Hear a rattle, bell, or horn?
Or taste the air?
Or touch your hair?
Must I die before I’m born?”
(2005)

MOTHER’S DAZE
“In confusion I resorted
To the ‘choice’ that was exhorted;
Now every day
I cry and pray
For the baby I aborted.”
(2003)

LOST ON EARTH
We’re so eager to find a trace
Of the least little life in space,
But here on Earth
We bar the birth
Of lives we could embrace.
(2001)

CHOICE POSITION
Don’t be fooled by the “pro-choice” ruse
That amoralists use to confuse,
For your choices could
Be bad or good
And it matters how you choose.
(2001)

LEGAL ISSUE
Five Justices’ wanton support
Preserves the grim “right” to abort:
To keep babies alive,
Replace one of those five
And establish a life-choosing Court.
(2000)

TERRIFIED TISSUE
“Oh, Mama, don’t let that thing get me!
Oh, Mama, you’ve not even met me!
Oh, Mama, please give
Me a lifetime to live!
Oh, Mama, you’d never regret me!”
(2000)

Last week’s limerick:

PROTECTED CLASS
“When all private gun ownership’s barred,
I’m sure giving up mine won’t be hard:
I’ll be safe as before,
And perhaps even more –
’Cause I’ll have a well-armed bodyguard.”

Bankers are not the cause of the global economic crisis, according to the president of the Institute for the Works of Religion. Rather, the cause is ordinary people who do not “believe in the future” and have few or no children. – Zenit

Don't blame the Duplantiers! We did our part! Now it's up to you to be fruitful and multiply!

This message brought to you by Unplanned Parenthood.

Essay on why babies are a public nuisance?

I have to write a six page essay on why babies are a public nuisance.

Can someone give me some ideas?? Where do I start?? – Yahoo! Answers

This is an actual question that some student posted on Yahoo! Answers. Do I detect a teacher with an axe to grind? A feminist, perhaps? Maybe the students in the class should write an essay on why bad teachers are a public nuisance, instead. Think of all the carbon dioxide they spew as they propagandize the next generation!

Baptism of Duplantier Public Nuisance #6

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

POSTNATAL ABORTION
Oh, the wailing could hardly be shriller
For the fallen abortionist Tiller:
How those pro-choicers burn
With such tender concern
For an infamous serial killer!

From the archive:

NO BIG DEAL
Why feel sorry for the slain
While you’re sucking out his brain,
Tearing off of him
Every little limb,
If he cannot feel real pain?
(2005)

DOA
“Shall I never see the morn?
Hear a rattle, bell, or horn?
Or taste the air?
Or touch your hair?
Must I die before I’m born?”
(2005)

MOTHER’S DAZE
“In confusion I resorted
To the ‘choice’ that was exhorted;
Now every day
I cry and pray
For the baby I aborted.”
(2003)

LOST ON EARTH
We’re so eager to find a trace
Of the least little life in space,
But here on Earth
We bar the birth
Of lives we could embrace.
(2001)

CHOICE POSITION
Don’t be fooled by the “pro-choice” ruse
That amoralists use to confuse,
For your choices could
Be bad or good
And it matters how you choose.
(2001)

LEGAL ISSUE
Five Justices’ wanton support
Preserves the grim “right” to abort:
To keep babies alive,
Replace one of those five
And establish a life-choosing Court.
(2000)

TERRIFIED TISSUE
“Oh, Mama, don’t let that thing get me!
Oh, Mama, you’ve not even met me!
Oh, Mama, please give
Me a lifetime to live!
Oh, Mama, you’d never regret me!”
(2000)

Last week’s limerick:

GRADUATION DAZE
There once was a student named Bob
Who stood out from the mortarboard mob;
Now he’s got his diploma,
But he’s stuck in a coma
‘Cause he can’t find a well-paying job.

Lying Words & What They Mean

1. Climate change: Unless you do what I say, the temperature will go up or down
   
2. Pro-choice: I have the right to kill anyone who annoys me
3. Social justice: I should be praying, but agitating is more fun
4. Peace: Surrender
5. Bailout: Boondoggle
6. Balance: Imbalance
7. Diversity: It’s all good
8. It’s all good: I have absolutely no standards
9. You’re trying to impose your values on me: I’m trying to impose my values on you
10. For the children: It’s all about me

politickles.com

“Judgment Day is on its way. For many, this coming election may very well be judgment day, for this election will measure us.” — Bishop Robert Hermann, St. Louis

“Recently, a politician made a promise. Politicians usually do. If this politician fulfills his promise, not only will many of our freedoms as Americans be taken from us, but the innocent and vulnerable will spill their blood.” — Bishop Arthur Serratelli, Paterson, New Jersey

“With the economic crisis darkening the political horizon, the past month has left little room for other issues to penetrate the minds of Americans as we prepare to vote in the upcoming election.” — Archbishop José Gomez, San Antonio

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