You know you’re a liberal if . . .

1. You’re willing to give a needy person the shirt off of someone else’s back
2. You pride yourself on being unprejudiced but think minorities need assistance
3. You want the government to do something about everything
4. You’re okay with your 100-page condo agreement but find the Ten Commandments too restrictive
5. You have no faith but think people who do are narrow-minded
6. You think all Democratic presidents are geniuses and all Republican presidents are morons
7. You detest mass murderers who are fascist but admire mass murderers who are communist
8. You think aborted babies are better off
9. You think mankind is responsible for the earth getting warmer — or colder, or warmer, or colder
10. You think the world’s population should be reduced but won’t volunteer for the downsizing

F.R. Duplantier

Comment to add to the list

Bob’s Other Lists:

• Things You Don’t Want to Mix Up
• What Bosses Really Mean
• How to Interact with Humorless People
• Why Ordinary TV is Better than Cable
• Funny Things to Say at Work
• Things that Made Playing More Fun
• Lying Words and What They Mean
• Benefits to Homeschooling
• Drawbacks to Homeschooling

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

STUPID?
If an honest and well-meaning cop
Doesn’t know when he better had stop,
He is bound to regret
The abuse he will get
For arresting a world-famous fop.

From the archive:

BLANK LIKE ME
Census takers who tally my head
Will not know if I’m black, white, or red:
Because, in the space
To designate race,
I’ll inscribe the word “human” instead.
(2000)

PREFIXATION
Adding Euro- and Afro- won’t do:
Ethnic conflict will only ensue.
No hyphen for me:
I’m happy to be
An American through and through.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick:

PAY TO PLAY
When our candidates vie for a post,
We Americans rightfully boast:
The position will go
To the one who can show
He’s the one who will offer the most.

Why not? Bigots are victims, too. In fact, they’re the ultimate victims, nowadays. Everyone hates them. But isn’t bigotry a disease, just like every other bad habit? Aren’t they born that way? And, if not, weren’t they infected with bigotry? Either way, it’s not their fault. So we can’t blame them, right? We have to understand, and accept, and affirm.

Where are the support groups for bigots? How about a national celebration of bigotry: National Bigot Day, Week, or Month? Legislation to protect the rights of bigots? Why aren’t the ACLU, the Democratic Party, and the United Nations championing the victims of the intolerance of intolerance? Is there a limit to their tolerance?

Dear Mr. President:

I admire the rhetoric of Martin Luther King and devoutly hope that my own children “will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” Are you the one who will lead us into this color-blind society? I think I know the way it can be done. Not with recriminations, apologies, and reparations. Those will never suffice. What is needed is forgiveness.

The victims and the villains are long dead, but their legacy lingers. How can we erase that legacy, except with forgiveness? All who have been forgiven know the relief it brings. All who forgive know an even greater joy. Will you not call on all Americans to forgive, and be forgiven?

I hope you will. God will bless you for this gesture.

Sincerely,

F.R. Duplantier
St. Louis