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Posts Tagged / politickle

  • Apr 25 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: SPOTTED

spotted

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

SPOTTED
A ladybug, asked why
She seemed to be so shy
About sharing a shower
On a marigold flower,
Said, “That ladybug’s a guy!”

From the archive

UNLOCKER ROOM
In the past when a pervert would peek,
He’d be met with a slap or a shriek:
Now he says he’s a woman,
Is entitled to come in,
Not be treated like some kind of freak.
(2015)

Last week’s limerick

COMEUPPANCE
“Yes, that miserable, mangy old hound
Should be picked up and penned in the pound,
But he wouldn’t have got him
Such a bite from your bottom
If your britches weren’t half to the ground.”

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  • Apr 18 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: COMEUPPANCE

comeuppance

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

COMEUPPANCE
“Yes, that miserable, mangy old hound
Should be picked up and penned in the pound,
But he wouldn’t have got him
Such a bite from your bottom
If your britches weren’t half to the ground.”

From the archive

CLICK IT OR TICKET
“I’m afraid I must take you downtown,”
The policeman announced with a frown.
Such a fate I was dealt
For not wearing a belt –
Which was why my new trousers fell down.
(2009)

Last week’s limerick

YIKES!
“You may claim that you’re not anti-gay,
But to prove that you mean what you say
You must now demonstrate
That you really don’t hate –
And to do that, there’s only one way.”

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  • Apr 11 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: YIKES!

yikes

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:​

YIKES!
“You may claim that you’re not anti-gay,
But to prove that you mean what you say
You must now demonstrate
That you really don’t hate –
And to do that, there’s only one way.”

From the archive

DEAD END
Though the mob is completely insane, though
They cause everyone so much pain, though
They shout and shove
And call it “love,”
There is death at the end of the rainbow.
(2015)

UNLOCKER ROOM
In the past when a pervert would peek,
He’d be met with a slap or a shriek:
Now he says he’s a woman,
Is entitled to come in,
Not be treated like some kind of freak.
(2015)

THE ADVOCATE
No man’s perfect, nor ever has been:
We fall over and over again,
And, while some turn to prayer,
Many others despair
Or crusade on behalf of their sin.
(2015)

AGITPROP
Maybe three in a hundred are bent,
And one tenth of that number intent
On pretending to wed
Same-sex partners instead:
All this turmoil for three-tenths percent?
(2012)

BULLIES
In the 50s our fathers knew best,
But back then they could scarcely have guessed
That a mere three percent
Who are sexually bent
Would intimidate all of the rest.
(2012)

CZARDOM & GOMORRAH
“We are in your schools now and polluting
All the innocent minds we’re rebooting:
There’ll be total immersion
In every perversion
And the schools will be safe for recruiting.”
(2011)

BAD SAMARITANS
When a brother has wandered astray,
Those who love him will show him the way;
Those who follow the fashion
Of corrupted compassion
Will assure him his sin is okay.
(2010)

SAFE AND UNSOUND
There’s “safe sex” and “safe schools” and “safe touch,”
“Safe this” and “safe that” and “safe such,”
But, if “safe” now means “queer”
And is said with a leer,
The word “safe” doesn’t comfort me much.
(2009)

IN TOLERANCE
Left-wing radicals running our schools
Do great harm with their inverted rules:
They oppose every norm,
Reject custom and form,
And show deference to freaks and to fools.
(2007)

LAWRENCE V. TEXAS
The evil with which men are ridden
In normal times hardly is hidden,
But no era’s more awful
Than when vice is made lawful
And propriety, then, is forbidden.
(2003)

NOVEL IDEA
In The Wanting Seed, Anthony Burgess
Prophesied the preposterous purges
He knew surely would come
When the righteous play dumb
And the vicious give vent to their urges.
(2003)

Last week’s limerick

YOU’RE IN DOUBT?
“If you’re not really sure of your stance
As to bathrooms, then why take a chance?
Confused about gender?
Do what I do: Surrender —
And just stand there and pee in your pants.”

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  • Apr 04 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: YOU’RE IN DOUBT?

weeklynder

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

YOU’RE IN DOUBT?
“If you’re not really sure of your stance
As to bathrooms, then why take a chance?
Confused about gender?
Do what I do: Surrender —
And just stand there and pee in your pants.”

From the archive

UNLOCKER ROOM
In the past when a pervert would peek,
He’d be met with a slap or a shriek:
Now he says he’s a woman,
Is entitled to come in,
Not be treated like some kind of freak.
(2015)

CZARDOM & GOMORRAH
“We are in your schools now and polluting
All the innocent minds we’re rebooting:
There’ll be total immersion
In every perversion
And the schools will be safe for recruiting.”
(2011)

SAFETY FIRST
A student in junior high classes
Spotted several suspicious young lasses,
But the principal said
He was out of his head
And forbade him to wear x-ray glasses.
(2010)

IN TOLERANCE
Left-wing radicals running our schools
Do great harm with their inverted rules:
They oppose every norm,
Reject custom and form,
And show deference to freaks and to fools.
(2007)

Last week’s limerick

EASTER EGG HUNT
Across the Net arrayed:
A Hillary cavalcade.
Instead of eggs,
Collect jpegs
Of every pantsuit shade.

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  • Mar 28 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: EASTER EGG HUNT

easteregghunt

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:


EASTER EGG HUNT
Across the Net arrayed:
A Hillary cavalcade.
Instead of eggs,
Collect jpegs
Of every pantsuit shade.

Easter Morning
From the archive

AMENDMENT 2
What do liberals and feminists say
About women exploited today?
They say, “Women are hens,
So let’s keep them in pens
To collect all the eggs that they lay.”
(2006)

OVA REACTION
“Whistling at my shapely legs
Violates my rules and regs,
But I’ll drop pretense
And take no offense
If you want to buy my eggs.”
(2002)

Last week’s limerick

OMG
On a phone or computer or pod,
These exclamatory letters are odd:
When you breathe your last breath
And can no longer text,
Will you log off and cry, “Oh, my God!”?

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  • Mar 21 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: OMG

omg

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:


OMG
On a phone or computer or pod,
These exclamatory letters are odd:
When you breathe your last breath
And can no longer text,
Will you log off and cry, “Oh, my God!”?

From the archive

PETRIFIED
At the Passion poor Peter did thrice
Deny Him ere the cock could crow twice:
When we too face the Terror,
Will we make the same error
And insist that we never knew Christ?
(2015)

YOU TURN
Do you feel you’ve been left in the lurch
And not found what you sought in your search?
Why continue to roam
When it’s time to come home?
Why not join us this Easter in church?
(2014)

SUFFRAGE
Now our enemies freely attack us –
Pillage, plunder, despoil, and ransack us –
But we once had a voice
And were offered a choice,
Whereupon we cried, “Give us Barackus!”
(2014)

FULLNESS
Though they say it’s a post-Christian time
And we follow a new paradigm,
There are martyrs galore,
More than ever before:
Christianity’s now at its prime.
(2014)

HE LIVES
Demons dread this day,
They hate to hear us say
Year after year
The phrase they fear:
¡Viva Cristo Rey!
(2013)

WITNESS FOR THE PERSECUTION
“Can I get a tattoo, Dad?” said she.
“It can be quite expensive,” said he.
“Why not wait and emboss
On your forearm a cross?
Let the government do it for free.”
(2012)

IN HOC SIGNO VINCES
Raise high the holy cross
And show them Who is boss:
Fight the merchants of death
With every breath
And never count the cost.
(2012)

GOOD FRIDAY
When tornadoes come whirling your way,
You get down on your knees and you pray:
You’re just glad you’re not dead,
Have a roof overhead –
Nothing else seems to matter that day.
(2011)

HOLY WEEK
So begins the passion play:
Evil triumphs for a day,
But Friday’s cross
Redeems our loss
And confirms us in the Way.
(2009)

NATIVITY
Tell me how can an innocent Child –
Holy Infant, so tender and mild –
Be the object of scorn
From the moment He’s born:
Rejected, resented, reviled?
(2005)

MEA CULPA
How fully prim piety fails
And scarcely scapegoating avails
When I add my own ration
To Christ’s frightful passion
And with my hands help drive in the nails.
(2004)

PASSION
Critics say it’s a judgmental story
With scenes that are overly gory,
But that’s what you’re liable
To read in the Bible
Of sacrifice leading to glory.
(2003)

P.C. (POST CHRISTIAN)
The other children teased her
For being a faithful feaster:
When the pagan takes
His seasonal breaks,
She celebrates Christmas and Easter.
(2002)

SCHADENFREUDE
Why do liberals like to besmirch
Institutions confirmed by research
As conducive to wealth,
Happiness, and health –
Such as marriage, the family, and church?
(1998)

BASKET CASE
My obesity just isn’t funny
And I’m suing for bundles of money:
When a basket of candy
Is too full and too handy,
Who’s to blame but the old Easter Bunny?
(2005)

POSITION STATEMENT
While walking with the abbot,
Which was his daily habit,
A monk who spied
Hares side by side
Said, “That’s the east-er rabbit!”
(2011)

Last week’s limerick

COMIC CON
“You can say that you meant it in jest,
Were just kidding, and all of the rest,
But the fact is you broke
A new law with that joke:
Mr. Seinfeld, you’re under arrest!”

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  • Mar 14 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: COMIC CON

comiccon

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

COMIC CON
“You can say that you meant it in jest,
Were just kidding, and all of the rest,
But the fact is you broke
A new law with that joke:
Mr. Seinfeld, you’re under arrest!”

How to interact with humorless people

From the archive

AN INCONVENIENT MIRTH
With the waning of warming pretense
Putting climate change on the defense,
Humbugs have a new hoax:
The world’s threatened by jokes
Being made at the humbugs’ expense.
(2010)

NO JOKE
I’m loath to make light of the lying,
The fraud, the corruption, the spying:
The norms villains shatter
Are no laughing matter,
But the only alternative’s crying.
(2000)

Last week’s limerick

HOPELESS
They elected a black Forrest Gump,
Whom world leaders dismissed as a chump,
By this churl they were charmed,
Now they say they’re alarmed
At the prospect of President Trump!

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  • Mar 07 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: HOPELESS

hopeless

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:


HOPELESS
They elected a black Forrest Gump,
Whom world leaders dismissed as a chump,
By this churl they were charmed,
Now they say they’re alarmed
At the prospect of President Trump!

From the archive

TRUMP CARD
When a pol from a party’s defected
And a third-party bid is expected,
You can bet the turncoat
Will just split up the vote
And ensure the opposition’s elected.
2015

TOUCHED BY AN ANGLE
There is only one way it can go
When the Clintons are destined for woe
And they don’t have the base
For a two-person race:
Michael Bloomberg must play Ross Perot.
2007

PAGING ROSS PEROT
As the days drift toward 2008,
Hillary hopes for a fabulous fate:
All she needs is a goat
Who can split up the vote
As a third-party sham candidate.
2006

PEROTS & CONS
“Perhaps some of you are at a loss
Why I want to be President Ross.
It’s simple, you see:
It’s better for me
If I am the one who is boss!”
1991

Last week’s limerick

BERN WARD
“Bernie Sanders, I’m on your team!
It’s so cool you look like ‘The Scream’!
You can bet I would cast
My vote for you fast
If I wasn’t still under eighteen!”

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  • Feb 29 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: BERN WARD

bernward

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BERN WARD
“Bernie Sanders, I’m on your team!
It’s so cool you look like ‘The Scream’!
You can bet I would cast
My vote for you fast
If I wasn’t still under eighteen!”

From the archive

BERN, BABY, BERN!
If you’re fired up by someone who panders
To ignorant, idle demanders,
Then place your hope
In a misanthrope:
The self-avowed socialist Sanders.
(2016)

Last week’s limerick

BOOB
Knowledge of basic facts she neglects,
Truth and logic she simply rejects:
She went to the Academy
Of the Female Anatomy
And will vote on the basis of sex.

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  • Feb 22 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: BOOB

boob

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BOOB
Knowledge of basic facts she neglects,
Truth and logic she simply rejects:
She went to the Academy
Of the Female Anatomy
And will vote on the basis of sex.

From the archive

TRANSFORMER
It was destiny, she knew it
And was certain she could do it:
Be the one to set precedent
As the first woman president,
But Obama beat her to it.
(2014)

Last week’s limerick

BERN, BABY, BERN!
If you’re fired up by someone who panders
To ignorant, idle demanders,
Then place your hope
In a misanthrope:
The self-avowed socialist Sanders.

Donate to Politickles via Paypal!

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