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  • Mar 30 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: PETRIFIED

petrified

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PETRIFIED
At the Passion poor Peter did thrice
Deny Him ere the cock could crow twice:
When we too face the Terror,
Will we make the same error
And insist that we never knew Christ?

From the archive

YOU TURN
Do you feel you’ve been left in the lurch
And not found what you sought in your search?
Why continue to roam
When it’s time to come home?
Why not join us this Easter in church?
(2014)

SUFFRAGE
Now our enemies freely attack us –
Pillage, plunder, despoil, and ransack us –
But we once had a voice
And were offered a choice,
Whereupon we cried, “Give us Barackus!”
(2014)

FULLNESS
Though they say it’s a post-Christian time
And we follow a new paradigm,
There are martyrs galore,
More than ever before:
Christianity’s now at its prime.
(2014)

HE LIVES
Demons dread this day,
They hate to hear us say
Year after year
The phrase they fear:
¡Viva Cristo Rey!
(2013)

WITNESS FOR THE PERSECUTION
“Can I get a tattoo, Dad?” said she.
“It can be quite expensive,” said he.
“Why not wait and emboss
On your forearm a cross?
Let the government do it for free.”
(2012)

IN HOC SIGNO VINCES
Raise high the holy cross
And show them Who is boss:
Fight the merchants of death
With every breath
And never count the cost.
(2012)

GOOD FRIDAY
When tornadoes come whirling your way,
You get down on your knees and you pray:
You’re just glad you’re not dead,
Have a roof overhead –
Nothing else seems to matter that day.
(2011)

HOLY WEEK
So begins the passion play:
Evil triumphs for a day,
But Friday’s cross
Redeems our loss
And confirms us in the Way.
(2009)

NATIVITY
Tell me how can an innocent Child –
Holy Infant, so tender and mild –
Be the object of scorn
From the moment He’s born:
Rejected, resented, reviled?
(2005)

MEA CULPA
How fully prim piety fails
And scarcely scapegoating avails
When I add my own ration
To Christ’s frightful passion
And with my hands help drive in the nails.
(2004)

PASSION
Critics say it’s a judgmental story
With scenes that are overly gory,
But that’s what you’re liable
To read in the Bible
Of sacrifice leading to glory.
(2003)

P.C. (POST CHRISTIAN)
The other children teased her
For being a faithful feaster:
When the pagan takes
His seasonal breaks,
She celebrates Christmas and Easter.
(2002)

SCHADENFREUDE
Why do liberals like to besmirch
Institutions confirmed by research
As conducive to wealth,
Happiness, and health –
Such as marriage, the family, and church?
(1998)

BASKET CASE
My obesity just isn’t funny
And I’m suing for bundles of money:
When a basket of candy
Is too full and too handy,
Who’s to blame but the old Easter Bunny?
(2005)

POSITION STATEMENT
While walking with the abbot,
Which was his daily habit,
A monk who spied
Hares side by side
Said, “That’s the east-er rabbit!”
(2011)

Last week’s limerick

THE LAST TO KNOW
“I’m appalled by these clandestine capers,
So much so that I’m feeling the vapors:
I hadn’t a clue
I was running a zoo
‘Til I read of these things in the papers.”

  • Mar 23 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: THE LAST TO KNOW

lasttoknow

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THE LAST TO KNOW
“I’m appalled by these clandestine capers,
So much so that I’m feeling the vapors:
I hadn’t a clue
I was running a zoo
‘Til I read of these things in the papers.”

From the archive

(DOING) THE OBAMA
Two steps forward and bow like Barack.
Arms akimbo, a single step back.
Now a shuffle in place
With a smile on your face.
Two steps forward and bow like Barack . . .
(2012)

CHANGE AGENT
“I’m a master at deceivin’,
At wigglin’, waffllin’, weavin’;
And when I create
A socialist state,
You’ll have change you can believe in.”
(2008)

Last week’s limerick

CHEATER
The way she plays this game is unique,
When it’s her turn to count she will peek,
When you find where she’s hidden
She insists that you didn’t:
That’s how Hillary plays Hide & Seek.

  • Mar 16 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: CHEATER

cheater

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

CHEATER
The way she plays this game is unique,
When it’s her turn to count she will peek,
When you find where she’s hidden
She insists that you didn’t:
That’s how Hillary plays Hide & Seek.

From the archive

THE POLITICS OF
PERSONAL CONSTRUCTION
“I brought Belfast the peace they desire
And in Bosnia dodged sniper fire!
I’m impossibly grand
And cannot understand
Why I’m called an incorrigible liar!”
(2008)

THE RULES
“We can tell filthy lies about you
And there’s nothing at all you can do,
But we’ll make such a fuss
If you criticize us –
Even if what you say is quite true.”
(2007)

NO EXCEPTIONS
The rule of law, don’t you see,
Is the essence of liberty
And freedom will end
When leaders pretend
“The rules don’t apply to me.”
(2000)

Last week’s limerick

NOT DOT GOV
You’d expect a felonious female
Not to want to mail mail the way we mail,
Not to follow the rules
Like the rest of us fools,
And to have her own personal email.

  • Mar 09 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: NOT DOT GOV

notdotgov

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NOT DOT GOV
You’d expect a felonious female
Not to want to mail mail the way we mail,
Not to follow the rules
Like the rest of us fools,
And to have her own personal email.

From the archive

BELLE OF BENGHAZI
The worst candidates money can buy
Are the ones psychopathically sly,
So inherently truthless,
Self-absorbedly ruthless
They don’t care when their countrymen die
(2014)

HILLARITY
“Though she’s ugly, dishonest, and mean,
Just the wickedest witch ever seen,
She’s the best that we’ve got,
So let’s give her a shot
And elect her in Twenty-Sixteen.”
(2013)

HILL OF BEANS
“Oh, for goodness sake:
I made a little mistake!
So I lied and lied
And people died:
What difference does it make?”
(2013)

Last week’s limerick

ALIENATED
Are you from here or some other spot?
Is there something that you haven’t got?
Do you feel no emotion?
Do you lack all devotion?
Do you love this great nation or not?

  • Mar 02 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: ALIENATED

alienated

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ALIENATED
Are you from here or some other spot?
Is there something that you haven’t got?
Do you feel no emotion?
Do you lack all devotion?
Do you love this great nation or not?

From the archive

IRONIC CURTAIN
You’re not really “transparent” at all:
When you’re asked for your records, you stall;
You keep everything hidden,
Public access forbidden.
Mr. President, tear down this wall!
(2012)

WATCHDOGS
“There’s just too much at stake,
We’ve got other muck to rake,
So, thanks, Sheriff Joe,
But we’d rather not know
If the birth certificate’s fake.”
(2012)

TARGET ACQUIRED
Taking years to amass information
And exactly determine location,
What at last have we found
Buried deep underground
But Obama’s birth documentation?
(2011)

UNPRESIDENTED
We’re remiss to dismiss and deride
Those who ask if Barack’s qualified:
If it cannot be sworn
That he is “natural born,”
Then Obama has something to hide.
(2011)

Last week’s limerick

DREAMERS FROM MY FATHERLAND
“People say I pursue my goals sneakily
Or, exceeding my powers, act regally,
But I’ve done what I’ve done
‘Cause I feel myself one
With the folks who have come here illegally.”

  • Feb 23 / 2015
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YWP: DREAMERS FROM MY FATHERLAND

dreamers

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DREAMERS FROM MY FATHERLAND
“People say I pursue my goals sneakily
Or, exceeding my powers, act regally,
But I’ve done what I’ve done
‘Cause I feel myself one
With the folks who have come here illegally.”

From the archive

DREAMS FROM MY FUHRER
“You can laugh or dismiss me as mad,
But I knew from the first as a lad:
Though unlikely it seems,
I’ll make good on the dreams
Of my true, psychological dad.”
2012

DREAMS FROM MY FEATHERBRAIN
“Like a Ninja, I crept ’til I’d gotten
To a spot I could get a good shot in,
Zeroed in on my game,
And then took a dead aim,
Singlehandedly killing bin Laden.”
2012

DREAMS FROM MY MOTHER
Though the leader in question was hesitant
To discuss where his parents were resident,
Still his mother was smitten
By a subject of Britain
And young Winston could never be president.
2011

DREAMS FROM MY FATHERLAND
“You may think that I haven’t a plan,
But from Libya it’s on to Sudan,
And from there to Nairobi
To quell kinsmen who know me
As a sly, native-born Kenyan man.”
2011

Last week’s limerick

DOING WITHOUT
To avoid any purchase or rent
Was my niggardly neighbor’s intent,
So I said with mock sorrow,
“I don’t have what you’d borrow:
It’s Ash Wednesday, it’s already Lent.”

  • Feb 16 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: DOING WITHOUT

Lent

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

DOING WITHOUT
To avoid any purchase or rent
Was my niggardly neighbor’s intent,
So I said with mock sorrow,
“I don’t have what you’d borrow:
It’s Ash Wednesday, it’s already Lent.”

From the archive

MARDI GRAS TIME
In New Orleans, where everyone knows
How to scramble for carnival throws,
It’s just one day of fun,
Then the madness is done –
But the madness in Madison grows.
(2011)

HAPPY MARDI GRAS!
When the spirit of carnival reigns,
Sober citizens unplug their brains;
Egotists in disguises
Are proffering prizes
To propel presidential campaigns.
(2008)

FAT TUESDAY
Every revel unravels at last
And evaporates into the past,
For today is soon spent
And tomorrow is Lent:
Forty days to repent and to fast.
(2007)

MAY WE?
It’s not a big “faux pas”
When we say, “Oh, la la!”
Or “laissez faire,”
Or “derriere,”
Or Happy “Mardi Gras!”
(2006)

HAPPY MEDI-GRASS!
Marijuana has helped me a lot!
It’s a marvel, this medical “pot”!
My condition’s the same,
But I’m pleased to proclaim
I’ve forgotten what illness I’ve got!
(2005)

Last week’s limerick

PEACOCK
“There’s no point in anyone tryin’
To find someone who’s better at lyin’,
‘Cause Barack is the best
And he does it with zest:
He’s the perfect replacement for Brian!”

  • Feb 09 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: PEACOCK

peacock

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PEACOCK
“There’s no point in anyone tryin’
To find someone who’s better at lyin’,
‘Cause Barack is the best
And he does it with zest:
He’s the perfect replacement for Brian!”

From the archive

DETOX
Take the pledge and escape from its grip,
Nevermore from this moment a nip:
If you value your brain,
You must henceforth refrain
From the vile Mainstream Media drip.
(2014)

DREAMS FROM MY FEATHERBRAIN
“Like a Ninja, I crept ’til I’d gotten
To a spot I could get a good shot in,
Zeroed in on my game,
And then took a dead aim,
Singlehandedly killing bin Laden.”
(2012)

WATCHDOGS
“There’s just too much at stake,
We’ve got other muck to rake,
So, thanks, Sheriff Joe,
But we’d rather not know
If the birth certificate’s fake.”
(2012)

MISS CANDY TO THE RESCUE!
Miss Candy to the rescue!
Miss Candy to the rescue!
Go, Miss Candy!
Go, Miss Candy!

Miss Candy put her man on top,
Wouldn’t be just a traffic cop,
Saw Benghazi as a runaway horse,
Uh oh, time to change course.
Miss Candy to the rescue, ETC.

Miss Candy had a job to do
And she was the moderator, too.
Miss Candy saw her favorite guy
Looking like he’s about to cry.
Miss Candy to the rescue, ETC.
(2012)

CANDY CROWLEY REPORTS
“You would have to be totally blind
Or completely out of your mind
To begin to esteem
The Republican team:
They’re too decent, intelligent, kind.”
(2012)

FULL COVERAGE
“Save Santorum, Newt Gingrich, and Cain,
Male debaters wore blue ties and plain;
And, though Bachmann chose gray,
Darker suits won the day.
This is Chris Wallace from the campaign.”
(2011)

THE BURROWERS
“Just like Cronkite and Edward R. Murrow,
We’re committed, determined, and thorough:
In the media, the schools,
With our radical rules,
We’re the moles that unceasingly burrow.”
(2011)

BALANCE
“This Talk Radio’s going too far
And we soon will be raising the bar:
In the interest of fairness
And cultural awareness,
Every station will air NPR.”
(2009)

THE POLITICS OF
PERSONAL CONSTRUCTION
“I brought Belfast the peace they desire
And in Bosnia dodged sniper fire!
I’m impossibly grand
And cannot understand
Why I’m called an incorrigible liar!”
(2008)

SORRY CHARLIE
How they made such a hullabaloo
Over one rather blah interview!
Sarah Palin’s got class,
Charlie Gibson’s an ass –
These are things that we already knew!
(2008)

SAD TIMES
Their respect for the truth may be scanty,
Their perspective outrageously slanty;
Still, despite all their lies,
The posh Pulitzer Prize
Is retained by the Times and Duranty.
(2003)

JENNINGS DOES BASEBALL
“Diehard fans are still cheering and grinning,
Convinced that their favourites are winning:
Yes, their team’s up by ten
And at bat once again,
But it’s taking them more than one inning!”
(2003)

BIRDS OF A FEATHER
The media rarely deride
A President on the same side:
For the faithful defender
Of their social agenda,
They’re willing to let some things slide.
(1998)

THE JOURNALIST
In the past, he was forced to “pay dues”
And develop “a nose for the news.”
Well, he still has a nose,
But, my, how it grows
When the facts must conform to his views!
(1996)

INSTANT ANALYSIS
Jennings, Rather, Brokaw
Seem determined to jabber and jaw.
They think we’re too dumb
To discern the outcome
Of the campaign debate we just saw.
(1991)

Last week’s limerick

BUST
You might deem balls deflated okay
And let cut-corner quarterbacks play,
But the last thing that you
Would want Brady to do
Is prepare a delicious soufflé.

  • Feb 02 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: BUST

bust

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BUST
You might deem balls deflated okay
And let cut-corner quarterbacks play,
But the last thing that you
Would want Brady to do
Is prepare a delicious soufflé.

From the archive

MARCHING IN
Listen close and you may hear the cheers
From Jim Mora, Bum Phillips, Tom Fears:
With Sean Payton around,
They’re now Superbowl-bound
For the first time in 43 years!
(2010)

XLIII
This year’s Superbowl Party was fun.
I enjoyed every kick, pass, and run.
But I had such a blast,
And it went by so fast,
That I can’t quite remember who won.
(2009)

TELL IT LIKE IT IS
I tuned into the last Super Bowl
Just before all the rigamarole:
For a moment to revel
As I heard Aaron Neville
Sing the anthem with singular soul.
(2006)

NO RESERVATION NEEDED
The perfect time to dine
Was Sunday six to nine:
Every other soul
Was watching the Bowl
And we didn’t stand in line.
(2006)

DAMAGE CONTROL
“She had something to get off her chest
And decided to make a clean breast;
We assure you that Janet
Did not mean it or plan it:
She just happened to wind up undressed.”
(2004)

Last week’s limerick

STUPID BOWL
“It’s fourth quarter, we’ve just gone ahead,
We could run up the score, but, instead
Of taking a chance
To make further advance,
We’ll play prevent defense,” Boehner said.

  • Jan 26 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: STUPID BOWL

Stupid Bowl

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

STUPID BOWL
“It’s fourth quarter, we’ve just gone ahead,
We could run up the score, but, instead
Of taking a chance
To make further advance,
We’ll play prevent defense,” Boehner said.

From the archive

JENNINGS DOES BASEBALL
“Diehard fans are still cheering and grinning,
Convinced that their favourites are winning:
Yes, their team’s up by ten
And at bat once again,
But it’s taking them more than one inning!”
(2003)

Last week’s limerick

SOT-U
Here’s a drinking game you’ll want to try
If your goal is to get really high:
Watch Obama’s address
And then drink (to excess)
Every time he says I, me, or my.

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