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  • Dec 15 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: TWITS

twits

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

TWITS
It may be just the biggest lie ever,
Making saner sorts say, “Well, I never!”
But celebrities tweet it
And you have to repeat it
If you want to sound current and clever.

From the archive

PROJECTIONISTS
It’s a simple, effective deceit:
Those called “racist” are doomed to defeat,
Yet the ones with most gall,
The most racist of all,
Are the pandering liberal elite.
(2014)

DETOX
Take the pledge and escape from its grip,
Nevermore from this moment a nip:
If you value your brain,
You must henceforth refrain
From the vile Mainstream Media drip.
(2014)

FIFTH COLUMN
Our brave battle for self-preservation
Must address the domestic predation
Of those traitors and fools
– All those socialist tools –
Who are hoping to change our great nation.
(2011)

THE BURROWERS
“Just like Cronkite and Edward R. Murrow,
We’re committed, determined, and thorough:
In the media, the schools,
With our radical rules,
We’re the moles that unceasingly burrow.”
(2011)

IN TOLERANCE
Left-wing radicals running our schools
Do great harm with their inverted rules:
They oppose every norm,
Reject custom and form,
And show deference to freaks and to fools.
(2007)

THE RULES
“We can tell filthy lies about you
And there’s nothing at all you can do,
But we’ll make such a fuss
If you criticize us –
Even if what you say is quite true.”
(2007)

THE LIBERAL
“You may think I’ve got rocks in my head
Or that maybe I’m even brain-dead,
But you needn’t complain
‘Cause I don’t use my brain:
I rely on emotions instead.”
(2004)

BIRDS OF A FEATHER
The media rarely deride
A President on the same side:
For the faithful defender
Of their social agenda,
They’re willing to let some things slide.
(1998)

SCHADENFREUDE
Why do liberals like to besmirch
Institutions confirmed by research
As conducive to wealth,
Happiness, and health –
Such as marriage, the family, and church?
(1998)

INSTANT ANALYSIS
Jennings, Rather, Brokaw
Seem determined to jabber and jaw.
They think we’re too dumb
To discern the outcome
Of the campaign debate we just saw.
(1991)

Last week’s limerick

FRIENDS AT LAST
We’ll go through a transitional stage
To get over a long-lasting rage,
And when Jennifer Anniston
And her very last fan is gone,
We will enter a post-Rachel age.

  • Dec 08 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: FRIENDS AT LAST

friends

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

FRIENDS AT LAST
We’ll go through a transitional stage
To get over a long-lasting rage,
And when Jennifer Aniston
And her very last fan is gone,
We will enter a post-Rachel age.

From the archive

BLANK LIKE ME
Census takers who tally my head
Will not know if I’m black, white, or red:
Because, in the space
To designate race,
I’ll inscribe the word “human” instead.
(2000)

PREFIXATION
Adding Euro- and Afro- won’t do:
Ethnic conflict will only ensue.
No hyphen for me:
I’m happy to be
An American through and through.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

HOBBY PARENTS
“We do not want to deal with the rabble
And we cannot abide any babble:
We will hire an au pair,
Send our kids to day care,
‘Cause we don’t want to do more than dabble.”

  • Dec 01 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: HOBBY PARENTS

hobbyparents

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

HOBBY PARENTS
“We do not want to deal with the rabble
And we cannot abide any babble:
We will hire an au pair,
Send our kids to day care,
‘Cause we don’t want to do more than dabble.”

From the archive

FATHERS & FERGUSONS
Yes, the killing of blacks has to stop,
But the person to blame’s not a cop:
No, the one to put down
For the death of Mike Brown
Is his absent and disengaged pop.
(2014)

HAPPY WHATEVER’S DAY!
“Is your father a man? I’m so glad.
That’s the kind that I wish that I had –
One that’s not a pretender,
One that is the right gender –
But my mother’s butch lover’s my ‘dad.’”
(2013)

CZARDOM & GOMORRAH
“We are in your schools now and polluting
All the innocent minds we’re rebooting:
There’ll be total immersion
In every perversion
And the schools will be safe for recruiting.”
(2011)

THE INVISIBLE MAN
Someone opened a devilish door
Without caring what might lie in store:
Disconnected from “donors,”
Single mothers are loners
And their kids don’t have dads anymore.
(2010)

RE: ORIENTATION
Fully formed are your heart, soul, and mind
With the facts of a faith well defined.
Now we send you to college,
Where a secular “knowledge”
Will ensure that belief’s undermined.
(2005)

FATHERS STAY
The third Sunday in June will be gray
For the sons and the daughters who may
Not remember the dad
That they never quite had
’Cause he left them and went far away.
(2006)

LESS THAN APPARENT
“I don’t know what’s to be done
With my sullen and insolent son:
I bought him a car,
His own VCR,
A Walkman, a Gameboy, and gun!”
(1998)

CHILDHOOD DISEASE
The teacher now has a new ploy
For the youngster who tends to annoy:
For fussin’ and fidgetin’,
Prescribe him some ritalin
And cure him of being a boy!
(1997)

Last week’s limerick

COLD TURKEY
Though our Thanksgiving customs are charming,
Experts say one such custom is harming
Our environment and planet
And they may have to ban it:
This man-made, oven-based gobbler warming.

  • Nov 24 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: COLD TURKEY

coldturkey

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

COLD TURKEY
Though our Thanksgiving customs are charming,
Experts say one such custom is harming
Our environment and planet
And they may have to ban it:
This man-made, oven-based gobbler warming.

From the archive

TURKEY SURPRISE
“Maw, I cain’t get the butcherin’ done.
You an’ Granny had both better run:
That big turkey’s a-fussin’
An’ comin’ for us’n –
With my hatchet and Paw’s 12-gauge gun!”.
(2013)

THANK GOD!
This Thanksgiving, may families join ranks
And remember to fill in the blanks:
So expression of gratitude
May be more than a platitude,
Let’s acknowledge to Whom we give thanks.
(2012)

LEFTOVERS
Thursday’s carcass long after supplies
Turkey Sandwiches, Stews, and Pot Pies;
Turkey Omelets, Fettucini,
Casseroles, Tetrazzini;
Turkey Gumbo, à la King, and Surprise.
(2011)

DRESS CODE
We showed up in our holiday best,
With the exception of one honored guest,
So the dinner was late
And we all had to wait
Because “Tom” was not properly dressed.
(2010)

ASK AND RECEIVE
The poor Tinman is lacking a heart,
While the Scarecrow is not very smart;
And the King of the Forest,
Expected to roar best,
Is reluctant to play a brave part.
(2009)

OOH LA LA!
A fried turkey injected with spice,
Shrimp-stuffed mirlitons and dirty rice,
Pecan pie, oyster dressing –
How we rush through the blessing!
Yes, a Creole Thanksgiving is nice.
(2008)

GRATITUDE
If you’re thankful for your lot
And all the things you’ve got,
Then say a prayer
And give a care
For someone on the spot.
(2007)

FAVORITE DISH
How much better can Thanksgiving get?
In my bedroom a 60-inch set,
And in HD displayed
This year’s Macy’s Parade:
Waking up to a scrumptious Rockette!
(2007)

SATIETY
With the turkey and trimmings procured,
Our Thanksgiving repast is assured,
But it won’t be complete
‘Til we sit down to eat
And the family’s as stuffed as the bird.
(2006)

CIRCULAR SAUCE
If your husband’s a Thanksgiving fan
And a cranberry sauce kind of man,
You might make him a batch
Of the sauce all from scratch,
But he’ll miss that weird goop in the can!
(2005)

THANKSGIVING
Lord, we ask of you a boon:
To bless our guests this noon.
We’re so grateful they
Could come today –
And have to leave real soon!
(2004)

GOBBLER
Hold your horses; we’re not in a race.
Get that drumstick away from your face.
Now put your fork down
And stop making that frown.
You can eat when we finish the grace.
(2003)

Last week’s limerick

FATHERS & FERGUSONS
Yes, the killing of blacks has to stop,
But the person to blame’s not a cop:
No, the one to put down
For the death of Mike Brown
Is his absent and disengaged pop.

  • Nov 17 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: FATHERS & FERGUSONS

Ferguson

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

FATHERS & FERGUSONS
Yes, the killing of blacks has to stop,
But the person to blame’s not a cop:
No, the one to put down
For the death of Mike Brown
Is his absent and disengaged pop.

From the archive

BIG KID
“When the cop got to the scene,
He started acting mean.
Sure, I’m eight-foot-one
And a quarter ton,
But I’m just an unarmed teen!”
(2014)

“GENTLE GIANT”
What they show on our media screens
Is distorted and not what it seems,
And despite their insistence
We all know from existence
There is reason to fear “unarmed teens.”
(2014)

MARTINIZING
“May his memory not be defiled,
This young angel who never was wild.
Pay no heed to the lies
That suggest otherwise:
Lil Trayvon was an innocent child!”
(2013)

DIVISION LEADER
Who has kept black Americans down
And spread hatred from town to town?
No, it’s no Anglo-Saxon
But the Reverend Jackson
Who’s the rabidest racist around!
(2001)

Last week’s limerick

BRICKS AND MARTYRDOM
If jihadis were really astute,
They would know Christians are resolute
And their vicious predations
Will inspire more vocations
In the Church that they dare persecute.

  • Nov 10 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: BRICKS & MARTYRDOM

Bricks

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BRICKS & MARTYRDOM
If jihadis were really astute,
They would know Christians are resolute
And their vicious predations
Will inspire more vocations
In the Church that they dare persecute.

From the archive

WHO CARES?
“Why offer them resistance
When they’re way off in the distance?
Why risk our hides
By taking sides
If they’re only killing Christians?”
(2014)

FULLNESS
Though they say it’s a post-Christian time
And we follow a new paradigm,
There are martyrs galore,
More than ever before:
Christianity’s now at its prime.
(2014)

WITNESS FOR THE PERSECUTION
“Can I get a tattoo, Dad?” said she.
“It can be quite expensive,” said he.
“Why not wait and emboss
On your forearm a cross?
Let the government do it for free.”
(2012)

IN HOC SIGNO VINCES
Raise high the holy cross
And show them Who is boss:
Fight the merchants of death
With every breath
And never count the cost.
(2012)

11-9
If I live long enough, I may see
Every nation on earth truly free,
Every tyranny tackled,
Every subject unshackled –
What a glorious day that would be!
(2011)

WORLD FREEDOM
If freedom can come to Romanians,
Albanians, Lithuanians, Ukrainians,
Why must others abide
While their freedom’s denied:
Brother Syrians, Saudis, Iranians?
(2006)

SCHADENFREUDE
Why do liberals like to besmirch
Institutions confirmed by research
As conducive to wealth,
Happiness, and health –
Such as marriage, the family, and church?
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

PRESIDENT EVIL
Open borders and mass immigration,
Homosexual indoctrination,
Racial riots and war:
That’s what he has in store,
That’s Obama’s macabre “transformation.”

  • Nov 03 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: PRESIDENT EVIL

presidentevil

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

PRESIDENT EVIL
Open borders and mass immigration,
Homosexual indoctrination,
Racial riots and war:
That’s what he has in store,
That’s Obama’s macabre “transformation.”

From the archive

BIG FINISH
“Just imagine what waits in the wings,
All the wonders another term brings!
[Pause for Clapping & Cheers]
Give me just four more years
And I swear you won’t recognize things!”
(2012)

DEPENDENCE DAY
“I remember how some of us tried:
How we fought, how we failed, how we cried,
How we few knew the worth
Of this last hope on earth.
I was there when America died.”.
(2012)

HOPE AGAINST HOPE
By nefarious allies surrounded,
With socialist nostrums propounded,
Obama has won,
The change has begun,
And I hope that my fears are unfounded.
(2008)

CHANGE AGENT
“I’m a master at deceivin’,
At wigglin’, waffllin’, weavin’;
And when I create
A socialist state,
You’ll have change you can believe in.”
(2008)

Last week’s limerick

ALL OBAMA
“Whether Grimes, Tennant, Landrieu, or Nunn,
Durbin, Pryor, or Braley’s the one,
Whether Kagan or Franken,
You can just fill the blank in:
You choose me when it’s all said and done.”

  • Oct 27 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: ALL OBAMA

allobama

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

ALL OBAMA
“Whether Grimes, Tennant, Landrieu, or Nunn,
Durbin, Pryor, or Braley’s the one,
Whether Kagan or Franken,
You can just fill the blank in:
You choose me when it’s all said and done.”

From the archive

HOLLOW WEENIE
“I may act like Elmer Fudd
And appear to be a dud,
But I’m truly spectacular,
The awesome Count Barackula,
And I want to suck your blood.”
(2011)

HOUSE OF HORRORS
By the demons we all have been taunted
As unnatural powers were flaunted,
But the townsfolk will rout
And then drive the fiends out
Of the House on the Hill that is haunted.
(2009)

GETTING WHAT WE ASK FOR
Halloween we all shout “Trick or Treat!”
As we hit every house on the street.
The next morning we wake
With a bad stomach ache,
‘Cause we had too much candy to eat.
(2009)

NANCYLVANIA
With the change in the House status quo, see
The new Madame Speaker Pelosi
Enduring the glare
With the crazed, glassy stare
Of a transgendered Bela Lugosi.
(2007)

NIGHT OF THE VOTING DEAD
“We’ll be summoned from slumberous state
To endorse the quadrennial slate;
Then it’s back to the grave,
Where we’ll try to behave
‘Til another electoral date!”
(2004)

THE GREAT BUMPKIN
Linus scans the nightscape scary
For a form imaginary:
There, looming tall
Like an orange ball,
Glows a pumpkin-colored Kerry!
(2004)

HILLAREEN
What compares to the horrible fright
That will haunt us on Halloween night?
Consider the fear,
As elections draw near,
Ghoulish candidates soon will excite!
(2003)

INAUGURAL NIGHT
Bush had plenty of sleep before,
Knowing now he will get no more,
With the clanking chain
And the cries of pain
From the ghost of a grieving Gore.
(2000)

RECOUNT DRACULA
There once was a man named Vlad
Who was known for a habit he had:
With such pride in his nailing,
When he took to impaling
No one ever would challenge his chad.
(2000)

WHAT IS IT, E-GORE?
The mad doctor was testing a drug
When he felt on his labcoat a tug:
“Master, oh Master,
We’ve got to work faster
To destroy the Millennium Bug!”
(1999)

ZOMBIES
From justice they craftily fled
And avoided the sanctions they dread;
Now O.J. and Bill
Can linger at will
In the night of the fast-living dead.
(1999)

Last week’s limerick

MILK OF AMNESIA
With the president under attack,
Every desperate Democrat hack
Drawing near to November
Finds it hard to remember
Anyone by the name of Barack.

  • Oct 19 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: MILK OF AMNESIA

amnesia

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

MILK OF AMNESIA
With the president under attack,
Every desperate Democrat hack
Drawing near to November
Finds it hard to remember
Anyone by the name of Barack.

Lagniappe

HOPELESS
Some admit that they backed the wrong horse
And were overly quick to endorse,
But Kentuckian Grimes
Voted Barry both times,
Only now feeling buyer’s remorse.

Last week’s limerick

FRANCHISE OPPORTUNITY
When a voter votes multiple times
And is “punished” for multiple crimes
With a sentence commuted,
Are not others recruited
Likewise to vote multiple times?

  • Oct 13 / 2014
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YWP: FRANCHISE OPPORTUNITY

franchiseop

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

FRANCHISE OPPORTUNITY
When a voter votes multiple times
And is “punished” for multiple crimes
With a sentence commuted,
Are not others recruited
Likewise to vote multiple times?

From the archive

GRAVE RESPONSIBILITY
Though his body will surely decay,
A dead Democrat’s ballot may stay:
He moves in with the moles,
But remains on the rolls
And continues to vote anyway.
(2012)

NIGHT OF THE VOTING DEAD
“We’ll be summoned from slumberous state
To endorse the quadrennial slate;
Then it’s back to the grave,
Where we’ll try to behave
‘Til another electoral date!”
(2004)

REGISTERED VOTERS
The polls open and who comes in?
Mary Poppins and Mickey Finn,
Then Betty Boop
And Alley Oop,
Sherlock Holmes and Gunga Din!
(2004)

TWO-DAY ELECTION?
To ensure that the balloting may
Proceed in an orderly way:
On Tuesday, please note,
All Republicans vote –
And all Democrats on the next day.
(2002)

WINNING BY A WHISKER
“Our Party is poised to prevail
With this new registration by mail:
All corpses and cats
Are staunch Democrats,
So our candidates simply can’t fail!”
(1998)

ROCK THE VOTE (TO SLEEP)
If free markets are something you dread,
Our Constitution is over your head,
And American history
To you is a mystery,
On election day, please, stay in bed!
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

CONTAGION
It’s not spread by mosquitoes or fleas,
Nor dispersed by a cough or a sneeze,
It’s communicated by
The half-witted and sly:
The political kind of disease.

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