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  • Sep 15 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: NUTSHELL

nutshell

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NUTSHELL
Hillary, dillary, dork,
A senator from New York,
Secretary of State,
Bill Clinton’s mate,
Female variant of an orc.

From the archive

NANCYLVANIA
With the change in the House status quo, see
The new Madame Speaker Pelosi
Enduring the glare
With the crazed, glassy stare
Of a transgendered Bela Lugosi.
(2007)

NIGHT OF THE VOTING DEAD
“We’ll be summoned from slumberous state
To endorse the quadrennial slate;
Then it’s back to the grave,
Where we’ll try to behave
‘Til another electoral date!”
(2004)

HILLAREEN
What compares to the horrible fright
That will haunt us on Halloween night?
Consider the fear,
As elections draw near,
Ghoulish candidates soon will excite!
(2003)

INAUGURAL NIGHT
Bush had plenty of sleep before,
Knowing now he will get no more,
With the clanking chain
And the cries of pain
From the ghost of a grieving Gore.
(2000)

RECOUNT DRACULA
There once was a man named Vlad
Who was known for a habit he had:
With such pride in his nailing,
When he took to impaling
No one ever would challenge his chad.
(2000)

MR. PRECEDENT
What a vile conglomeration
Of every abomination:
In Clinton’s wake,
Only villains will make
A bid for the nomination.
(1999)

Last week’s limericks

MISS CALCULATION
“Math made sense to me before,
Way back when I knew the score,
And it all added up
In my measuring cup.
Now I’m lost with Common Core.”

PARADIGMS LOST
“There’s no future in it, see,
For what was can never be,
It’s a thing of the past,
And the die is cast,
So why study History?”

  • Sep 08 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: MISS CALCULATION

misscalculation

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MISS CALCULATION
“Math made sense to me before,
Way back when I knew the score,
And it all added up
In my measuring cup.
Now I’m lost with Common Core.”

lagniappe

PARADIGMS LOST
“There’s no future in it, see,
For what was can never be,
It’s a thing of the past,
And the die is cast,
So why study History?”

From the archive

FOUNDERING FATHER
“Though his name sounds familiar to me,
I’m still wondering who he could be:
In the index I look
Of my history book,
But George Washington’s name I don’t see.”
(2002)

ROCK THE VOTE (TO SLEEP)
If free markets are something you dread,
Our Constitution is over your head,
And American history
To you is a mystery,
On election day, please, stay in bed!
(2000)

Last week’s limerick

U.S. OPEN
How Obama will stutter and sputter
And act like his spine’s made of butter!
Nine-Eleven draws near,
But there’s nothing to fear
With our leader’s firm grip on his putter.

  • Sep 01 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: U.S. OPEN

ObamaGolf

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

U.S. OPEN
How Obama will stutter and sputter
And act like his spine’s made of butter!
Nine-Eleven draws near,
But there’s nothing to fear
With our leader’s firm grip on his putter.

From the archive

HANDICAP
He’s again at the club, is he nuts?
He’s no athlete, the man is a klutz.
All this time on the green,
It’s becoming obscene:
He should mind something else than his putts.
(2014)

SWING FEVER
Most unwelcome at the tees:
Caddies who have allergies.
It’s a certain thing
When you start to swing
That they’ll break out with a sneeze!
(2006)

GOLF COARSE
I tried to please my daddy,
Who said, “Watch your language, laddie.”
But my speech grew worse
When I learned to curse
Working summers as a caddy.
(2006)

HAZARD
Every hole a golfer’s downed,
Lying knocked out on the ground.
I won’t ignore
To yell out “Fore!”
Next time I go around.
(2005)

Last week’s limericks

BS
Here is something we need to abolish:
The idea we must all go to college,
Squander four years or more,
Pile up debt at our door,
And gain little or negative knowledge.

GRADUATED TAX
How they worry us and make us fret:
These degrees that we just have to get!
I’ve now earned my diploma,
But what’s that aroma?
It’s the smell of a smoldering debt.

  • Aug 25 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: BS

BS

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BS
Here is something we need to abolish:
The idea we must all go to college,
Squander four years or more,
Pile up debt at our door,
And gain little or negative knowledge.

Lagniappe:

GRADUATED TAX
How they worry us and make us fret:
These degrees that we just have to get!
I’ve now earned my diploma,
But what’s that aroma?
It’s the smell of a smoldering debt.

From the archive:

GRADUATION DAZE
There once was a student named Bob
Who stood out from the mortarboard mob;
Now he’s got his diploma,
But he’s caught in a coma
‘Cause he can’t find a well-paying job.
(2009)

RE: ORIENTATION
Fully formed are your heart, soul, and mind
With the facts of a faith well defined.
Now we send you to college,
Where a secular “knowledge”
Will ensure that belief’s undermined.
(2005)

GRAD SONG
The student goes to college
And an education forges,
But I fed too much
On knowledge and such,
And now my brain disgorges:
Within the dark and dismal class,
You’ll no longer spot my features.
My notes I burned,
And since I’ve learned
What I never could from teachers.
(2004)

QUEENS COLLEGE
“Your report card’s created a fuss
With your father and me: Both of us
Are a little bit leery
Of this course called ‘Queer Theory’
– And the fact that you got an A-plus.”
(2002)

GRADUATION DEITY
No religious beliefs were expressed
In his valedictorian address,
But he feigned an “achoo!”
And his classmates on cue
In unison shouted “God bless!”
(2002)

FRESHMAN ORIENTATION
Students headed for college each fall
Have to keep their opinions in thrall:
It’s essential to be
Perceived as “PC,”
So they try not to speak up at all.
(1999)

FAILING MARX
Socialism is dead!
Done in, the indomitable Red!
Or so it would seem,
But in academe
One had better check under one’s bed.
(1998)

Last week’s limericks

BIG KID
“When the cop got to the scene,
He started acting mean.
Sure, I’m eight-foot-one
And a quarter ton,
But I’m just an unarmed teen!”

“GENTLE GIANT”
What they show on our media screens
Is distorted and not what it seems,
And despite their insistence
We all know from existence
There is reason to fear “unarmed teens.”

  • Aug 18 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: BIG KID

bigkid

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BIG KID
“When the cop got to the scene,
He started acting mean.
Sure, I’m eight-foot-one
And a quarter ton,
But I’m just an unarmed teen!”

Lagniappe

“GENTLE GIANT”
What they show on our media screens
Is distorted and not what it seems,
And despite their insistence
We all know from existence
There is reason to fear “unarmed teens.”

From the archive

MARTINIZING
“May his memory not be defiled,
This young angel who never was wild.
Pay no heed to the lies
That suggest otherwise:
Lil Trayvon was an innocent child!”

Last week’s limerick

WHO CARES?
“Why offer them resistance
When they’re way off in the distance?
Why risk our hides
By taking sides
If they’re only killing Christians?”

  • Aug 11 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: WHO CARES?

whocares

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WHO CARES?
“Why offer them resistance
When they’re way off in the distance?
Why risk our hides
By taking sides
If they’re only killing Christians?”

from the archive

FULLNESS
Though they say it’s a post-Christian time
And we follow a new paradigm,
There are martyrs galore,
More than ever before:
Christianity’s now at its prime.
(2014)

WITNESS FOR THE PERSECUTION
“Can I get a tattoo, Dad?” said she.
“It can be quite expensive,” said he.
“Why not wait and emboss
On your forearm a cross?
Let the government do it for free.”
(2012)

IN HOC SIGNO VINCES
Raise high the holy cross
And show them Who is boss:
Fight the merchants of death
With every breath
And never count the cost.
(2012)

SCHADENFREUDE
Why do liberals like to besmirch
Institutions confirmed by research
As conducive to wealth,
Happiness, and health –
Such as marriage, the family, and church?
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

RE: EDUCATION
Are your parents incredibly cruel?
Do they know you’ll be forced to eat gruel
And to sit still for hours
Under gargoyle-like glowers?
Are they making you go back to school?

  • Aug 04 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: RE: EDUCATION

re-education

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

RE: EDUCATION
Are your parents incredibly cruel?
Do they know you’ll be forced to eat gruel
And to sit still for hours
Under gargoyle-like glowers?
Are they making you go back to school?

From the archive

ONNA STOODINT
“in are distrik we, de bestes
way mutch, betta den de restes
we mist, lotsa daze
but gots, strat A’s
cuz are teacha, fixt are testes”

NO CHILD LEFT
If a kid is a bit of a scamp
And resists the new socialist stamp,
He will be reassigned
And his mind realigned
At a reeducational camp.

THE UTOPIA OF MORE
We’ve spent several billion so far,
And still we have failed in our chore.
Our schools are a mess,
But they could be the best
If we just spent a few billion more.

OVERSIGHT
Show us where in the argumentation
For new “standards” in education
Is their rigorous quality
Or idle frivolity
Given any consideration.

NEA ENNUI
“We ignore those impossible pests
And their parents’ complaints and requests:
As a matter of prudence,
We disregard students
And focus on feathering our nests.”

CHILDHOOD DISEASE
The teacher now has a new ploy
For the youngster who tends to annoy:
For fussin’ and fidgetin’,
Prescribe him some ritalin
And cure him of being a boy!

WHY JOHNNY CAN’T READ
Musicians must master harmonics
Just as airmen absorb avionics,
But pedagogues flout
The need to “sound out”
And reject all instruction in phonics.

WHAT JOHNNY CAN DO
Johnny’s schooling has been all for naught
When he doesn’t know half that he ought.
If he barely can read,
But knows well how to breed,
Can you guess what Johnny’s been taught?

TEACHER’S GUIDE
If you want to be part of the team,
You’ll have to agree with our theme:
Kids don’t really need
To learn how to read
As long as they have self-esteem.

SOMETHING’S MISSING!
Now our schools have security directors,
Electronic surveillance by sectors,
To keep kids safe and sound
As their scores plummet down
What we need are some mental detectors.

Last week’s limerick

TRANSPARENT
“If the clowns in the Congress get brash,
We’ll deny and delay, talking trash,
And we’ll cover our trail
With a fanciful fail:
A conveniently timed hard-drive crash.”

  • Jul 28 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: Transparent

transparent

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

TRANSPARENT
“If the clowns in the Congress get brash,
We’ll deny and delay, talking trash,
And we’ll cover our trail
With a fanciful fail:
A conveniently timed hard-drive crash.”

From the archive

IRONIC CURTAIN
You’re not really “transparent” at all:
When you’re asked for your records, you stall;
You keep everything hidden,
Public access forbidden.
Mr. President, tear down this wall!
(2012)

Last week’s limerick

PAN
S/he was straight, s/he was bi, s/he was gay:
Openminded, s/he went any way,
Even trying out trans,
At last settling on sans,
Too exhausted for any more play.

  • Jul 21 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: PAN

pan

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

PAN
S/he was straight, s/he was bi, s/he was gay:
Openminded, s/he went any way,
Even trying out trans,
At last settling on sans,
Too exhausted for any more play.

From the archive

PROMISE ACUITY
Infidelity’s fêted as “hot”
And perversity, too, but they’re not:
Find that person to love
Who is sent from above
And be true to the one that you’ve got.
(2014)

Last week’s limerick

BACK FROM TULSA
“I went out and got drunk, had a ball.
Now I’m pregnant, my boss has the gall
To deny he’s the one
Who should pay for my fun.
Don’t I have any rights, after all?”

  • Jul 14 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: BACK FROM TULSA

tulsa

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BACK FROM TULSA
“I went out and got drunk, had a ball.
Now I’m pregnant, my boss has the gall
To deny he’s the one
Who should pay for my fun.
Don’t I have any rights, after all?”

From the archive

PROMISE ACUITY
Infidelity’s fêted as “hot”
And perversity, too, but they’re not:
Find that person to love
Who is sent from above
And be true to the one that you’ve got.
(2014)

Last week’s limerick

SPOILERS
All the Devil’s disciples deceive,
But just what do they hope to achieve?
Do they really not know
The last act of the show
Ends in triumph for those who believe?

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