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  • Oct 15 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: I REMEMBER IT WELL

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I REMEMBER IT WELL
Certain memories are retellable
And potentially resellable –
They affect us, they stamp us,
They depress us or amp us –
But some memories are plain smellable.

From the archive

BLASÉ
An accuser cites her fear of flying
To justify not testifying,
But she’s been everywhere
And has traveled by air,
So it’s clear she has no fear of lying.
(2018)

K SERA
“Justice of the Supreme Court I will be
When I’m grown up, you wait and you’ll see –
Unless somebody nosy
Conspires to expose me
For tantrums I threw at age three.”
(2018)

Last week’s limerick

BELLA
There once was a woman named Dodd
Who rejected His scepter and rod,
In His Church sowing seeds
Of the wickedest weeds,
But repented and came back to God.

  • Oct 08 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: BELLA

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BELLA
There once was a woman named Dodd
Who rejected His scepter and rod,
In His Church sowing seeds
Of the wickedest weeds,
But repented and came back to God.

From the archive

IN THE PUNCH BOWL
Do you wonder why Francis demurred,
Also wonder if he was deterred
By his own share of blame,
And because of his shame
Papa Caca would not say a word?
(2018)

McCARRICK
Woe to shepherds who secretly mock
And mislead the poor sheep in their flock!
Woe to bishops betraying
And on innocents preying!
Woe to all undermining the Rock!
(2018)

IMBROGLIO
Like Obama, he promises hope
And a yep to replace every nope:
“Forget about sins
And let’s just be friends,”
Says all affably dear Auntie Pope.
(2017)

BAD SAMARITANS
When a brother has wandered astray,
Those who love him will show him the way;
Those who follow the fashion
Of corrupted compassion
Will assure him his sin is okay.
(2010)

CARPE DEUM
We’ve had “free” love and all of the rest;
Other options were put to the test.
Now we see in the light
Benedict has it right
When he says “Deus caritas est.”
(2006)

VIVA IL PAPA!
I remember the blear Berlin Wall
And the day that it started to fall,
And the part that was played
By a man unafraid –
The inspired and inspiring John Paul.
(2005)

ECCE HOMO
“Comrades, have no fears;
It’s only a matter of years:
We’ll sneak some fairies
Through the seminaries;
Soon the Church will be full of queers!”
(2002)

Last week’s limerick

BLASÉ
An accuser cites her fear of flying
To justify not testifying,
But she’s been everywhere
And has traveled by air,
So it’s clear she has no fear of lying.

  • Oct 01 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: BLASÉ

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BLASÉ
An accuser cites her fear of flying
To justify not testifying,
But she’s been everywhere
And has traveled by air,
So it’s clear she has no fear of lying.

From the archive

SCHNEIDERMAN
Schneiderman, Schneiderman
Has that Weiner and Spitzer gland:
S&M is his style,
Choking chicks makes him smile.
Look out! Here comes weird Schneiderman!
(2018)

“BIMBO ERUPTIONS”
“When a woman accuses, discredit her
(With the help of a compromised editor):
Though she’s anything but,
Call the woman a slut,”
Said the wife of a serial predator.
(2017)

RODHAM
“I support, I embrace, I exalt
Every victim of sexual assault
– Unless it was Bill
Exercising his will,
In which case, the hussy’s at fault.”
(2016)

CHILLARY
“Though I handled Bill’s bimbo outbreaks,
Doing damage control on ‘mistakes,’
It meant nothing to me
And I really don’t see,
At this point, what difference it makes.”
(2016)

SENSE OF HUMA
“If your husband is horny like Bill,
You should pose as the good wife like Hill.
Do whatever you must
To regain public trust:
Once in office, then do what you will.”
(2013)

CRAFT PRODUCT
Oh, you ought to get an oscar, “Mayor” Weiner,
For the explanation of your tweet,
But I doubt you’ll get an oscar, “Mayor” Weiner,
Or even keep your legislative seat.
(2011)

AL GORGE
If a human is hungry for strudel,
He can get some by using his noodle,
But his quest for confection
May result in rejection
If he paws like a poor, crazed sex poodle.
(2010)

SPITZER
“New York State Attorney General” rang fine,
“New York Governor” sounded divine,
And yet even more eminent
Would have been “U.S. President”
– But, instead, he is now “Number 9.”
(2008)

MISS KOPECHNE REGRETS
“Though I’ll miss your grand tribute to Ted,
I’ll be with you in spirit instead
As you strive to deny
That grave night in July
When he swam off and left me for dead.”
(2004)

SO THAT’S WHAT YOU CALL IT!
She was flattered he found her appealing,
But preferred that he be less revealing.
Bill tried to explain
He was feeling her pain,
But Paula knew what he was feeling!
(1998)

AKA
Nelson, Luciano, Capone
All had nicknames uniquely their own.
In Bill Clinton’s case,
You can bet “Cigarface”
Is the moniker by which he’ll be known!
(1998)

INITIAL REACTION
The intern arrived optimistic,
But her outlook proved unrealistic.
Now she’s anxious to flee,
Having learned that D.C.
Means “Distinguishing Characteristic.”
(1998)

PUTTING THE LEG IN LEGACY
A filtering V-chip’s desired
‘Til our Masher-in-Chief is retired:
His obsession with sex
Makes our news triple-X
And parental discretion required.
(1998)

ZOMBIES
From justice they craftily fled
And avoided the sanctions they dread;
Now O.J. and Bill
Can linger at will
In the night of the fast-living dead.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

K SERA
“Justice of the Supreme Court I will be
When I’m grown up, you wait and you’ll see –
Unless somebody nosy
Conspires to expose me
For tantrums I threw at age three.”

  • Sep 24 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: K SERA

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K SERA
“Justice of the Supreme Court I will be
When I’m grown up, you wait and you’ll see –
Unless somebody nosy
Conspires to expose me
For tantrums I threw at age three.”

From the archive

BRETT KAVANAUGH*
(to the tune of “Chim Chim Cher-ee”)

Brett Kavanaugh
Brett Kavanaugh
In him we’ll see
A justice as just as
A justice can be

Brett Kavanaugh
Brett Kavanaugh
He’ll be so true
As justice he’ll do what
Good justices do
(Not try to act like
A lawmaker too)

Long was the letter
Of law misconstrued
He may need to sweep
Away much that’s accrued.

Brett Kavanaugh, ETC.

Out with the smoke,
Emanations, and haze!
Penumbras begone!
Brett will sweep them away!

Brett Kavanaugh, ETC.

A JUSTICE LIKE SCALIA*
(to the tune of “How Do You
Solve a Problem like Maria?”)

How do you top a justice like Scalia?
How to replace a lion of the bench?
How do you find a mind to match Scalia’s?
A textualist! An originalist! A mensch!

Many a thing you’d like in his successor:
Unwillingness to obfuscate or fudge,
Respect for the law’s intent
And eloquence in dissent,
Principles from which he’ll never budge.

Oh, how do you top a justice like Scalia?
How to replace a giant of a judge?

WE’RE GETTING GORSUCH*
(to the tune of “Get Me
to the Church on Time”)

We’re getting Gorsuch as a justice
He’s got a brilliant legal mind
Neil’s no beginner, Trump picked a winner!
For justice of the court, Neil’s fine!

He will protect our Constitution
And all the rights therein enshrined,
Giving assent to original intent!
For justice of the court, Neil’s fine!

Religious freedoms he will support
And right to life won’t come up short

We’re getting Gorsuch as a justice
He’s got a brilliant legal mind
Oh. Mama mia! Another Scalia!
For justice of the court, Neil’s fine!

*Commissioned by PublicAdvocateUSA.org, 2017-8

YOUR PENUMBRA’S UP
We will have a conservative Court,
One that won’t legislate or distort
The plain meaning of laws
To advance a bad cause,
One that won’t invent “rights” to abort.
(2018)

SUPREME FOLLY
Who’d have thought there would come such a time
When the butchering of babes was no crime?
Now another miscarriage:
Homosexual “marriage,”
Legalized by a panel of nine.
(2015)

KAGANROO COURT
Poor Obama is losing support,
But he still has a sure last resort:
He can perpetrate strange
And perpetual change
Placing radicals on the High Court.
(2010)

SUPREME INDIFFERENCE
Should our judges be judged by their gender,
Or the justness of verdicts they render?
Should we reckon their race,
Or their ken in a case
As a strict Constitution defender?
(2009)

SUPREME IRONY
From first principles he won’t budge.
Constitutionally he won’t fudge.
But with Durbin and Biden
And their buddies decidin’,
He’s not “fit” to become a judge.
(2005)

LAWRENCE V. TEXAS
The evil with which men are ridden
In normal times hardly is hidden,
But no era’s more awful
Than when vice is made lawful
And propriety, then, is forbidden.
(2003)

LEGAL ISSUE
Five Justices’ wanton support
Preserves the grim “right” to abort:
To keep babies alive,
Replace one of those five
And establish a life-choosing Court.
(2000)

JUDICIAL RESTRAINT
It’s a perfectly valid complaint:
An activist judge is no saint.
So, give him a jacket
That ties in the back; it
Will force him to show some restraint.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

ANONYMOUS SOURCE
“My identity’s always a mystery
And my broadsides bombastic and blistery:
When opponents are slighted,
I’m the one who is cited,
I’m the most quoted person in history.”

  • Sep 17 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: ANONYMOUS SOURCE

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ANONYMOUS SOURCE
“My identity’s always a mystery
And my broadsides bombastic and blistery:
When opponents are slighted,
I’m the one who is cited,
I’m the most quoted person in history.”

From the archive

ANON.
There are times I’d like to boast
Or be honored by a toast
And have my name
Receive acclaim,
But I can’t ’cause I’m a ghost.
(2017)

RATHER EMBARRASSING
“The truth of the matter, of course, is
We rely on anonymous sources,
On political hacks,
Certifiable quacks,
And extraterrestrial forces.”
(2004)

Last week’s limerick

0BAMA
If his predecessor was to blame
For each failure attached to his name,
As a form of redress
His successor’s success
He should now be permitted to claim.

  • Sep 10 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: 0BAMA

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0BAMA
If his predecessor was to blame
For each failure attached to his name,
As a form of redress
His successor’s success
He should now be permitted to claim.

From the archive

U.S. OPEN
How Obama will stutter and sputter
And act like his spine’s made of butter!
Nine-Eleven draws near,
But there’s nothing to fear
With our leader’s firm grip on his putter.
(2014)

OBAMA DOCTRINE
There’s no need for a war on terror.
Just say no to the c’est-la-guerrer.
Everything will be ducky
As long as we’re lucky
And the terrorist makes an error.
(2010)

CORDOBA
Like a swaggering conquering hero,
Rauf is building a mosque at Ground Zero
— Where some 3000 bodies
Were interred by jihadis —
And Obama just fiddles like Nero.
(2010)

SUBMISSION
These new guidelines are certainly odd:
“We must never denounce the jihad;
We must never demean
The mujahideen,
As they force us to worship their god.”
(2008)

9-11, THE MOVIE
“We’ve done all we could possibly do
To incorporate your point of view!”
“Oh, I know,” said blythe Bill,
“But I’m wondering still,
Could you please make your movie less true?”
(2006)

SEPTEMBER 11TH
Kissed my loved one at the door.
No idea what lay in store.
In the tower
Not an hour.
Now my loved one is no more.
(2001)

Last week’s limerick

IN THE PUNCH BOWL
Do you wonder why Francis demurred,
Also wonder if he was deterred
By his own share of blame,
And because of his shame
Papa Caca would not say a word?

  • Sep 03 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: IN THE PUNCH BOWL

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IN THE PUNCH BOWL
Do you wonder why Francis demurred,
Also wonder if he was deterred
By his own share of blame,
And because of his shame
Papa Caca would not say a word?

From the archive

McCARRICK
Woe to shepherds who secretly mock
And mislead the poor sheep in their flock!
Woe to bishops betraying
And on innocents preying!
Woe to all undermining the Rock!
(2018)

IMBROGLIO
Like Obama, he promises hope
And a yep to replace every nope:
“Forget about sins
And let’s just be friends,”
Says all affably dear Auntie Pope.
(2017)

BAD SAMARITANS
When a brother has wandered astray,
Those who love him will show him the way;
Those who follow the fashion
Of corrupted compassion
Will assure him his sin is okay.
(2010)

ECCE HOMO
“Comrades, have no fears;
It’s only a matter of years:
We’ll sneak some fairies
Through the seminaries;
Soon the Church will be full of queers!”
(2002)

Last week’s limerick

CLUB GITMO
Will they swig rum & cokes and cavort?
The Obamas and Clintons report
They’ll be spending “vacay”
In Guantanamo Bay
At a very exclusive resort.

  • Aug 27 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: CLUB GITMO

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CLUB GITMO
Will they swig rum & cokes and cavort?
The Obamas and Clintons report
They’ll be spending “vacay”
In Guantanamo Bay
At a very exclusive resort.

From the archive

VACANCY
With his second term set to expire,
A new residence he will require
In a tropical clime
That won’t cost him one dime!
Yes, Guantanamo’s where he’ll retire!
(2015)

THE REAL McCAIN
Donald Trump may say things to regret
And make prim politicians upset,
But it’s “hero” McCain
Who’s obliged to explain
How he’s treated the Vietnam vet.
(2015)

SWIFT BOATS IS A-COMIN’
Here’s a question for Mr. McCain:
Do you think you could deign to explain
Why you don’t seem to mind
That we left men behind
– Are you callous, corrupt, or insane?
(2008)

I SEE DUMB PEOPLE
I would like to hear someone explain
How a person possessed of a brain
– Aside from his mama –
Could support Red Obama
Or endorse the Manchurian McCain.
(2008)

PHONY EXPRESS
It’s not all that hard to explain
Why the media fawn on McCain:
You know they would balk
At truly “straight talk,”
But they love a Republican bane.
(2003)

Last week’s limerick

RIGHT ON Q
Though for months it has seemed like a dud,
The drip-dropping will soon be a flood,
And the things we will hear
As the midterms draw near:
Dirty Democrats covered in mud!

  • Aug 20 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: RIGHT ON Q

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RIGHT ON Q
Though for months it has seemed like a dud,
The drip-dropping will soon be a flood,
And the things we will hear
As the midterms draw near:
Dirty Democrats covered in mud!

From the archive

SLOW DEATH
As investigators make connections,
Dirty Democrats face rejections:
Their poll numbers will slip
As the facts drip, drip –
Right on up to the midterm elections.
(2018)

WELL, DUH!
I had never the slightest confusion
And came easily to this conclusion,
Needing no one to show me
It was Mueller and Comey
With the Clintons engaged in collusion.
(2017)

URANIUM ONE
To avoid an erroneous conclusion,
Let’s begin by dispelling confusion:
It was Hillary who took
Russian bribes like a crook,
It was Hillary engaged in collusion.
(2017)

ONE LAW
Equal justice is our paradigm
And applies to commission of crime.
That’s why Comey and Lynch
Should both feel the “pinch”
And Obama and Clinton do time.
(2017)

BALLAD OF HILL’RY CLINTON

[to the tune of Davy Crockett]

Married to the governor of Arkansas,
Saw herself and him as above the law.
How that First Lady would scratch and claw
To get some filthy lucre in her grubby paws!
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

At Madison Guaranty Savings & Loan,
The McDougals did their best to throw her a bone.
Everyone went to prison, ‘cept Bill and her alone.
“Whitewatergate” is how that scandal’s known.
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

When she got to the White House, there were scandals galore:
There were Travelgate and Fostergate and umpteen more,
Filegate and Chinagate (with help from Al Gore),
Pardongate and other -gates – who can even keep score?
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

In the Senate and at State, there was more of the same:
Trading favors for financing has always been her aim.
For disasters like Bengazi, she refused to take the blame,
Emailgate’s the latest and she acts like it’s a game.
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

She will speak in phony accents ’cause she likes to condescend,
She just uses everybody and has never had a friend,
She deserves to be in prison and that’s where her life should end,
How she expects to be the president is too hard to comprehend.
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!
(2016)

Last week’s limerick

TOO MUCH WINNIE
Xi Jinping likes to act like he’s tough,
But his bluster is nothing but bluff:
He’s a dictator who
Is frightened by Pooh!
Who’s afraid of a bear stuffed with fluff?

  • Aug 06 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: ENEMEDIA

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ENEMEDIA
When you’re constantly taking sides
With a narrative that divides,
When you won’t play it straight
As the Fourth Estate,
You’ve surrendered your bona fides.

From the archive

HOGGWASH
“Receive our wisdom, peasants,
And be grateful for our presence
As your benefactors,”
Say anchors and actors,
Athletes, and adolescents.
(2018)

DAINTY, AREN’T WE?
“Such a horror has never occurred,
Such a thing never spoken or heard:
We were shocked and dismayed,
Mortified and afraid
When the president said a bad word!”
(2018)

OUT OF BOUNDS
If you’re good on a stage or a court,
You’ll enjoy our unflagging support,
But don’t offer us clues
To your vacuous views:
Stick to acting or playing a sport.
(2017)

SUPER BAWL
Seeing tirades and tantrums begin
Well before Donald Trump was sworn in,
Fake adults throwing fits
Like some overgrown kids,
Aren’t you glad these big brats didn’t win?
(2017)

GATEKEEPERS
Academia’s vetting our views,
Mainstream media’s spinning our news,
But they seem to forget
That it’s all on the Net:
Their distortions are not what we choose.
(2017)

CAVEAT LECTOR
Boat I bought had great reviews,
Couldn’t wait to take a cruise,
Launched it and – kerplunk! –
Down it went and sunk,
So beware of fake canoes.
(2017)

NEWS SURREAL
Mainstream media’s known to suffuse
Its reports with particular views:
With this bias abundant,
It’s absurdly redundant
To call what it offers “fake news.”
(2017)

THIS IS CNN
“Hey! Hello! Over here! Can’t you see?
I’ve a question to ask! Call on me!
Are you totally blind?
Are you out of your mind?
I’m a big shot who’s seen on TV!”
(2017)

SELF-ANOINTED
“How can anyone belie us
Or suggest we bear a bias?
Our head-tilted-back poses
Let you see up our noses,
Proving we’re ever so pious.”
(2017)

PRESS PASS
“Yes, Obama’s dark past we denied,
His gargantuan gaffes we let slide,
But this Dr. Ben Carson
Comes across like a parson:
We just know he’s got something to hide!”
(2015)

HOIST
Quintanilla and Harwood and Quick
Thought they’d worked out a dynamite shtick:
“Since we’re on the left side,
Let’s be snarky and snide,
Playing dumb as we lay it on thick.”
(2015)

TWITS
It may be just the biggest lie ever,
Making saner sorts say, “Well, I never!”
But celebrities tweet it
And you have to repeat it
If you want to sound current and clever.
(2014)

PROJECTIONISTS
It’s a simple, effective deceit:
Those called “racist” are doomed to defeat,
Yet the ones with most gall,
The most racist of all,
Are the pandering liberal elite.
(2014)

DETOX
Take the pledge and escape from its grip,
Nevermore from this moment a nip:
If you value your brain,
You must henceforth refrain
From the vile Mainstream Media drip.
(2014)

WATCHDOGS
“There’s just too much at stake,
We’ve got other muck to rake,
So, thanks, Sheriff Joe,
But we’d rather not know
If the birth certificate’s fake.”
(2012)

MISS CANDY TO THE RESCUE!
Miss Candy to the rescue!
Miss Candy to the rescue!
Go, Miss Candy!
Go, Miss Candy!

Miss Candy put her man on top,
Wouldn’t be just a traffic cop,
Saw Benghazi as a runaway horse,
Uh oh, time to change course.
Miss Candy to the rescue, ETC.

Miss Candy had a job to do
And she was the moderator, too.
Miss Candy saw her favorite guy
Looking like he’s about to cry.
Miss Candy to the rescue, ETC.
(2012)

CANDY CROWLEY REPORTS
“You would have to be totally blind
Or completely out of your mind
To begin to esteem
The Republican team:
They’re too decent, intelligent, kind.”
(2012)

FULL COVERAGE
“Save Santorum, Newt Gingrich, and Cain,
Male debaters wore blue ties and plain;
And, though Bachmann chose gray,
Darker suits won the day.
This is Chris Wallace from the campaign.”
(2011)

FIFTH COLUMN
Our brave battle for self-preservation
Must address the domestic predation
Of those traitors and fools
– All those socialist tools –
Who are hoping to change our great nation.
(2011)

THE BURROWERS
“Just like Cronkite and Edward R. Murrow,
We’re committed, determined, and thorough:
In the media, the schools,
With our radical rules,
We’re the moles that unceasingly burrow.”
(2011)

BALANCE
“This Talk Radio’s going too far
And we soon will be raising the bar:
In the interest of fairness
And cultural awareness,
Every station will air NPR.”
(2009)

SORRY CHARLIE
How they made such a hullabaloo
Over one rather blah interview!
Sarah Palin’s got class,
Charlie Gibson’s an ass –
These are things that we already knew!
(2008)

THE RULES
“We can tell filthy lies about you
And there’s nothing at all you can do,
But we’ll make such a fuss
If you criticize us –
Even if what you say is quite true.”
(2007)

SAD TIMES
Their respect for the truth may be scanty,
Their perspective outrageously slanty;
Still, despite all their lies,
The posh Pulitzer Prize
Is retained by the Times and Duranty.
(2003)

JENNINGS DOES BASEBALL
“Diehard fans are still cheering and grinning,
Convinced that their favourites are winning:
Yes, their team’s up by ten
And at bat once again,
But it’s taking them more than one inning!”
(2003)

BIRDS OF A FEATHER
The media rarely deride
A President on the same side:
For the faithful defender
Of their social agenda,
They’re willing to let some things slide.
(1998)

THE JOURNALIST
In the past, he was forced to “pay dues”
And develop “a nose for the news.”
Well, he still has a nose,
But, my, how it grows
When the facts must conform to his views!
(1996)

INSTANT ANALYSIS
Jennings, Rather, Brokaw
Seem determined to jabber and jaw.
They think we’re too dumb
To discern the outcome
Of the campaign debate we just saw.
(1991)

Last week’s limerick

McCARRICK
Woe to shepherds who secretly mock
And mislead the poor sheep in their flock!
Woe to bishops betraying
And on innocents preying!
Woe to all undermining the Rock!

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