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  • Oct 27 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: ALL OBAMA

allobama

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

ALL OBAMA
“Whether Grimes, Tennant, Landrieu, or Nunn,
Durbin, Pryor, or Braley’s the one,
Whether Kagan or Franken,
You can just fill the blank in:
You choose me when it’s all said and done.”

From the archive

HOLLOW WEENIE
“I may act like Elmer Fudd
And appear to be a dud,
But I’m truly spectacular,
The awesome Count Barackula,
And I want to suck your blood.”
(2011)

HOUSE OF HORRORS
By the demons we all have been taunted
As unnatural powers were flaunted,
But the townsfolk will rout
And then drive the fiends out
Of the House on the Hill that is haunted.
(2009)

GETTING WHAT WE ASK FOR
Halloween we all shout “Trick or Treat!”
As we hit every house on the street.
The next morning we wake
With a bad stomach ache,
‘Cause we had too much candy to eat.
(2009)

NANCYLVANIA
With the change in the House status quo, see
The new Madame Speaker Pelosi
Enduring the glare
With the crazed, glassy stare
Of a transgendered Bela Lugosi.
(2007)

NIGHT OF THE VOTING DEAD
“We’ll be summoned from slumberous state
To endorse the quadrennial slate;
Then it’s back to the grave,
Where we’ll try to behave
‘Til another electoral date!”
(2004)

THE GREAT BUMPKIN
Linus scans the nightscape scary
For a form imaginary:
There, looming tall
Like an orange ball,
Glows a pumpkin-colored Kerry!
(2004)

HILLAREEN
What compares to the horrible fright
That will haunt us on Halloween night?
Consider the fear,
As elections draw near,
Ghoulish candidates soon will excite!
(2003)

INAUGURAL NIGHT
Bush had plenty of sleep before,
Knowing now he will get no more,
With the clanking chain
And the cries of pain
From the ghost of a grieving Gore.
(2000)

RECOUNT DRACULA
There once was a man named Vlad
Who was known for a habit he had:
With such pride in his nailing,
When he took to impaling
No one ever would challenge his chad.
(2000)

WHAT IS IT, E-GORE?
The mad doctor was testing a drug
When he felt on his labcoat a tug:
“Master, oh Master,
We’ve got to work faster
To destroy the Millennium Bug!”
(1999)

ZOMBIES
From justice they craftily fled
And avoided the sanctions they dread;
Now O.J. and Bill
Can linger at will
In the night of the fast-living dead.
(1999)

Last week’s limerick

MILK OF AMNESIA
With the president under attack,
Every desperate Democrat hack
Drawing near to November
Finds it hard to remember
Anyone by the name of Barack.

  • Oct 19 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: MILK OF AMNESIA

amnesia

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

MILK OF AMNESIA
With the president under attack,
Every desperate Democrat hack
Drawing near to November
Finds it hard to remember
Anyone by the name of Barack.

Lagniappe

HOPELESS
Some admit that they backed the wrong horse
And were overly quick to endorse,
But Kentuckian Grimes
Voted Barry both times,
Only now feeling buyer’s remorse.

Last week’s limerick

FRANCHISE OPPORTUNITY
When a voter votes multiple times
And is “punished” for multiple crimes
With a sentence commuted,
Are not others recruited
Likewise to vote multiple times?

  • Oct 13 / 2014
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YWP: FRANCHISE OPPORTUNITY

franchiseop

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

FRANCHISE OPPORTUNITY
When a voter votes multiple times
And is “punished” for multiple crimes
With a sentence commuted,
Are not others recruited
Likewise to vote multiple times?

From the archive

GRAVE RESPONSIBILITY
Though his body will surely decay,
A dead Democrat’s ballot may stay:
He moves in with the moles,
But remains on the rolls
And continues to vote anyway.
(2012)

NIGHT OF THE VOTING DEAD
“We’ll be summoned from slumberous state
To endorse the quadrennial slate;
Then it’s back to the grave,
Where we’ll try to behave
‘Til another electoral date!”
(2004)

REGISTERED VOTERS
The polls open and who comes in?
Mary Poppins and Mickey Finn,
Then Betty Boop
And Alley Oop,
Sherlock Holmes and Gunga Din!
(2004)

TWO-DAY ELECTION?
To ensure that the balloting may
Proceed in an orderly way:
On Tuesday, please note,
All Republicans vote –
And all Democrats on the next day.
(2002)

WINNING BY A WHISKER
“Our Party is poised to prevail
With this new registration by mail:
All corpses and cats
Are staunch Democrats,
So our candidates simply can’t fail!”
(1998)

ROCK THE VOTE (TO SLEEP)
If free markets are something you dread,
Our Constitution is over your head,
And American history
To you is a mystery,
On election day, please, stay in bed!
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

CONTAGION
It’s not spread by mosquitoes or fleas,
Nor dispersed by a cough or a sneeze,
It’s communicated by
The half-witted and sly:
The political kind of disease.

  • Oct 06 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: CONTAGION

Contagion

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

CONTAGION
It’s not spread by mosquitoes or fleas,
Nor dispersed by a cough or a sneeze,
It’s communicated by
The half-witted and sly:
The political kind of disease.

From the archive

EAGLE FORMULA
There’s a cure for the liberal bacillus
That’s invaded our system to kill us:
Overcome ERA
(In pill form or spray!)
With the powerful antigen “Phyllis.”
(2000)

Last week’s limerick

PROJECTIONISTS
It’s a simple, effective deceit:
Those called “racist” are doomed to defeat,
Yet the ones with most gall,
The most racist of all,
Are the pandering liberal elite.

  • Sep 29 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: PROJECTIONISTS

projectionistS

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

PROJECTIONISTS
It’s a simple, effective deceit:
Those called “racist” are doomed to defeat,
Yet the ones with most gall,
The most racist of all,
Are the pandering liberal elite.

From the archive

ORDURE IN THE COURT
Choosing sides and then nursing a grudge
With a wink and a nod and a nudge,
One who knew the imperative
Of maintaining a narrative:
Debra Nelson the partisan judge..
(2013)

PROJECTION
Whatever the woe they’re bewailin’,
It’s not long ’fore the Left starts assailin’
The “climate of hate”
That right-wingers create –
And their favorite bête noire, Sarah Palin.
(2011)

BALANCE
“This Talk Radio’s going too far
And we soon will be raising the bar:
In the interest of fairness
And cultural awareness,
Every station will air NPR.”
(2009)

H STANDS FOR HATE
Hillary’s known for intolerant views:
She hates blacks, she hates Christians and Jews,
She hates soldiers and cops
And all men who aren’t fops –
She’s the candidate haters will choose.
(2008)

IN TOLERANCE
Left-wing radicals running our schools
Do great harm with their inverted rules:
They oppose every norm,
Reject custom and form,
And show deference to freaks and to fools.
(2007)

THE RULES
“We can tell filthy lies about you
And there’s nothing at all you can do,
But we’ll make such a fuss
If you criticize us –
Even if what you say is quite true.”
(2007)

DIVISION LEADER
Who has kept black Americans down
And spread hatred from town to town?
No, it’s no Anglo-Saxon
But the Reverend Jackson
Who’s the rabidest racist around!
(2001)

THE JOURNALIST
In the past, he was forced to “pay dues”
And develop “a nose for the news.”
Well, he still has a nose,
But, my, how it grows
When the facts must conform to his views!
(1996)

Last week’s limerick

BLOC BUSTER
An alliance is subject to shift,
To eventual rupture and rift:
When this one special pact
Is irreparably cracked,
We will suffer from post-NATO drift.

  • Sep 22 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: BLOC BUSTER

blocbuster

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BLOC BUSTER
An alliance is subject to shift,
To eventual rupture and rift:
When this one special pact
Is irreparably cracked,
We will suffer from post-NATO drift.

From the archive

MID-LIFE CRISIS
Europeans have come to depend
On their western allies to defend.
What will they say, though,
When a peacekeeping NATO
Embarks on a war-making trend?
(1998)

RIDING THE TIGER
What’s holding up unified Europe?
State sovereigns won’t step in the stirrup.
Getting in’s not in doubt;
It’s how to get out
That’s a question as sticky as syrup.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

NUTSHELL
Hillary, dillary, dork,
A senator from New York,
Secretary of State,
Bill Clinton’s mate,
Female variant of an orc.

  • Sep 15 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: NUTSHELL

nutshell

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

NUTSHELL
Hillary, dillary, dork,
A senator from New York,
Secretary of State,
Bill Clinton’s mate,
Female variant of an orc.

From the archive

NANCYLVANIA
With the change in the House status quo, see
The new Madame Speaker Pelosi
Enduring the glare
With the crazed, glassy stare
Of a transgendered Bela Lugosi.
(2007)

NIGHT OF THE VOTING DEAD
“We’ll be summoned from slumberous state
To endorse the quadrennial slate;
Then it’s back to the grave,
Where we’ll try to behave
‘Til another electoral date!”
(2004)

HILLAREEN
What compares to the horrible fright
That will haunt us on Halloween night?
Consider the fear,
As elections draw near,
Ghoulish candidates soon will excite!
(2003)

INAUGURAL NIGHT
Bush had plenty of sleep before,
Knowing now he will get no more,
With the clanking chain
And the cries of pain
From the ghost of a grieving Gore.
(2000)

RECOUNT DRACULA
There once was a man named Vlad
Who was known for a habit he had:
With such pride in his nailing,
When he took to impaling
No one ever would challenge his chad.
(2000)

MR. PRECEDENT
What a vile conglomeration
Of every abomination:
In Clinton’s wake,
Only villains will make
A bid for the nomination.
(1999)

Last week’s limericks

MISS CALCULATION
“Math made sense to me before,
Way back when I knew the score,
And it all added up
In my measuring cup.
Now I’m lost with Common Core.”

PARADIGMS LOST
“There’s no future in it, see,
For what was can never be,
It’s a thing of the past,
And the die is cast,
So why study History?”

  • Sep 08 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: MISS CALCULATION

misscalculation

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

MISS CALCULATION
“Math made sense to me before,
Way back when I knew the score,
And it all added up
In my measuring cup.
Now I’m lost with Common Core.”

lagniappe

PARADIGMS LOST
“There’s no future in it, see,
For what was can never be,
It’s a thing of the past,
And the die is cast,
So why study History?”

From the archive

FOUNDERING FATHER
“Though his name sounds familiar to me,
I’m still wondering who he could be:
In the index I look
Of my history book,
But George Washington’s name I don’t see.”
(2002)

ROCK THE VOTE (TO SLEEP)
If free markets are something you dread,
Our Constitution is over your head,
And American history
To you is a mystery,
On election day, please, stay in bed!
(2000)

Last week’s limerick

U.S. OPEN
How Obama will stutter and sputter
And act like his spine’s made of butter!
Nine-Eleven draws near,
But there’s nothing to fear
With our leader’s firm grip on his putter.

  • Sep 01 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: U.S. OPEN

ObamaGolf

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

U.S. OPEN
How Obama will stutter and sputter
And act like his spine’s made of butter!
Nine-Eleven draws near,
But there’s nothing to fear
With our leader’s firm grip on his putter.

From the archive

HANDICAP
He’s again at the club, is he nuts?
He’s no athlete, the man is a klutz.
All this time on the green,
It’s becoming obscene:
He should mind something else than his putts.
(2014)

SWING FEVER
Most unwelcome at the tees:
Caddies who have allergies.
It’s a certain thing
When you start to swing
That they’ll break out with a sneeze!
(2006)

GOLF COARSE
I tried to please my daddy,
Who said, “Watch your language, laddie.”
But my speech grew worse
When I learned to curse
Working summers as a caddy.
(2006)

HAZARD
Every hole a golfer’s downed,
Lying knocked out on the ground.
I won’t ignore
To yell out “Fore!”
Next time I go around.
(2005)

Last week’s limericks

BS
Here is something we need to abolish:
The idea we must all go to college,
Squander four years or more,
Pile up debt at our door,
And gain little or negative knowledge.

GRADUATED TAX
How they worry us and make us fret:
These degrees that we just have to get!
I’ve now earned my diploma,
But what’s that aroma?
It’s the smell of a smoldering debt.

  • Aug 25 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: BS

BS

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BS
Here is something we need to abolish:
The idea we must all go to college,
Squander four years or more,
Pile up debt at our door,
And gain little or negative knowledge.

Lagniappe:

GRADUATED TAX
How they worry us and make us fret:
These degrees that we just have to get!
I’ve now earned my diploma,
But what’s that aroma?
It’s the smell of a smoldering debt.

From the archive:

GRADUATION DAZE
There once was a student named Bob
Who stood out from the mortarboard mob;
Now he’s got his diploma,
But he’s caught in a coma
‘Cause he can’t find a well-paying job.
(2009)

RE: ORIENTATION
Fully formed are your heart, soul, and mind
With the facts of a faith well defined.
Now we send you to college,
Where a secular “knowledge”
Will ensure that belief’s undermined.
(2005)

GRAD SONG
The student goes to college
And an education forges,
But I fed too much
On knowledge and such,
And now my brain disgorges:
Within the dark and dismal class,
You’ll no longer spot my features.
My notes I burned,
And since I’ve learned
What I never could from teachers.
(2004)

QUEENS COLLEGE
“Your report card’s created a fuss
With your father and me: Both of us
Are a little bit leery
Of this course called ‘Queer Theory’
– And the fact that you got an A-plus.”
(2002)

GRADUATION DEITY
No religious beliefs were expressed
In his valedictorian address,
But he feigned an “achoo!”
And his classmates on cue
In unison shouted “God bless!”
(2002)

FRESHMAN ORIENTATION
Students headed for college each fall
Have to keep their opinions in thrall:
It’s essential to be
Perceived as “PC,”
So they try not to speak up at all.
(1999)

FAILING MARX
Socialism is dead!
Done in, the indomitable Red!
Or so it would seem,
But in academe
One had better check under one’s bed.
(1998)

Last week’s limericks

BIG KID
“When the cop got to the scene,
He started acting mean.
Sure, I’m eight-foot-one
And a quarter ton,
But I’m just an unarmed teen!”

“GENTLE GIANT”
What they show on our media screens
Is distorted and not what it seems,
And despite their insistence
We all know from existence
There is reason to fear “unarmed teens.”

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