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  • May 18 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: UNLOCKER ROOM

unlockerroom

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UNLOCKER ROOM
In the past when a pervert would peek,
He’d be met with a slap or a shriek:
Now he says he’s a woman,
Is entitled to come in,
Not be treated like some kind of freak.

From the archive

CZARDOM & GOMORRAH
“We are in your schools now and polluting
All the innocent minds we’re rebooting:
There’ll be total immersion
In every perversion
And the schools will be safe for recruiting.”
(2011)

SAFETY FIRST
A student in junior high classes
Spotted several suspicious young lasses,
But the principal said
He was out of his head
And forbade him to wear x-ray glasses.
(2010)

IN TOLERANCE
Left-wing radicals running our schools
Do great harm with their inverted rules:
They oppose every norm,
Reject custom and form,
And show deference to freaks and to fools.
(2007)

Last week’s limerick

CASHIFIED INFORMATION
“For accelerated authorization
With regard to above application:
To ensure I approve you,
It might well behoove you
To kick in to my family foundation.”

  • May 11 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: CASHIFIED INFORMATION

cashified

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CASHIFIED INFORMATION
“For accelerated authorization
With regard to above application:
To ensure I approve you,
It might well behoove you
To kick in to my family foundation.”

From the archive

WICKED
Through years the graft extends
And favors for their “friends”:
They plundered like Vandals,
Now Hillary’s scandals
Are burning at both ends.
(2015)

From the Clinton archive (1996-2000)

BILL IN A CHINA SHOP
Campaign prospects are more sunny
When the coffer’s full of money.
Leave it to Bill
To fill the till
With money that is funny!

BILL PAYING
Pardon him, pardon her, pardon you.
Pardon everyone Bill ever knew.
There’s no need to be frugal:
Pardon Hubbell, McDougall,
Pardon Gore, pardon Hillary too!

CLINTONIAN DIPLOMACY
“We’ll supply whatsoever you need
To ensure your armed forces succeed,
And we won’t make a fuss
If you use them on us,
‘Cause our sole motivation is greed.

RIADY OR NOT, HERE WE COME!
“Though funds that the DNC spent
Did arise in the Orient,
Our designs are disputable,
Lippo’s motives inscrutable –
Can you prove that we’re not innocent?”

Last week’s limerick

CLUELESS
Says she’s just like y’all and youse,
Says she shares your stupid views:
Either Hillary’s tight
Or not very bright,
‘Cause the Empress has no clues.

  • May 04 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: CLUELESS

clueless

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CLUELESS
Says she’s just like y’all and youse,
Says she shares your stupid views:
Either Hillary’s tight
Or not very bright,
‘Cause the Empress has no clues.

From the archive

JOKE
Hillary’s running again, have you heard?
Nomination is hers, that’s the word.
We could get in a pother,
But why even bother?
The woman’s completely absurd.
(2014)

RUN FOR THE ROSE GARDEN
In her desperate bid for the crown,
She has found herself trailing Big Brown;
At the end of the race
Looms a lame second place
And the prospect of being put down.
(2008)

THE END
Though I’m no Clinton fan, I do find,
As support for his wife has declined,
That I’m actually beginning
To wish she were winning,
‘Cause I can’t stand to see her behind.
(2008)

RERUN FOR PRESIDENT
“Now at last is my destiny reached!”
Mrs. Megalomaniac screeched,
And follow she will
In the footsteps of Bill
When a Clinton again is impeached.
(2008)

TAILSPIN
She knew that she would win,
But she took it on the chin;
Now she’s lost the crown
And she’s spiraling down,
Still believing in her own spin.
(2008)

INCREDIBLE SHRINKING WOMAN
On a fantasy Hillary fed
‘Til reality reared its huge head:
As her poll numbers drop,
She will have to close shop
And admit that her life’s dream is dead.
(2007)

HILL’RY REDNECK CLINTON
“Hoosiers, hillbillies, dis is yer year!
Rednecks, crackers, doan be afeard!
Shucks! Gosh! an’ Dang!
Doanchu jes love mah twang?
Git yer fust lady prezdent rat cheer!”
(2007)

Last week’s limerick

WICKED
Through years the graft extends
And favors for their “friends”:
They plundered like Vandals,
Now Hillary’s scandals
Are burning at both ends.

  • Apr 27 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: WICKED

wicked

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

WICKED
Through years the graft extends
And favors for their “friends”:
They plundered like Vandals,
Now Hillary’s scandals
Are burning at both ends.

From the Clinton archive (1996-2000)

BILL IN A CHINA SHOP
Campaign prospects are more sunny
When the coffer’s full of money.
Leave it to Bill
To fill the till
With money that is funny!

BILL PAYING
Pardon him, pardon her, pardon you.
Pardon everyone Bill ever knew.
There’s no need to be frugal:
Pardon Hubbell, McDougall,
Pardon Gore, pardon Hillary too!

BILLY THE KID
“I’m a master at keeping the lid
On the illegal things that I did,
So there’s no way to show
Any quid for a quo
Just call me the ‘Cover-Up Kid.’”

BUBBA BATH
Eight years of the Clintons in power
Leave a taste in the mouth that is sour
And an overall sense
That we need a good rinse
And should spend extra time in the shower.

CLINTONIAN DIPLOMACY
“We’ll supply whatsoever you need
To ensure your armed forces succeed,
And we won’t make a fuss
If you use them on us,
‘Cause our sole motivation is greed.

RIADY OR NOT, HERE WE COME!
“Though funds that the DNC spent
Did arise in the Orient,
Our designs are disputable,
Lippo’s motives inscrutable –
Can you prove that we’re not innocent?”

TV OR NOT TV?
The Clintons perfected a ruse
Which the networks all use to excuse
Their failure to handle
The penultimate scandal
And televise “yesterday’s news.”

Last week’s limerick

FAITH IN THE CROWD
“I’m a Christian, I certainly am,
My belief is sincere, not a sham:
I believe in the Bible,
Except when it’s liable
To put me in a bit of a jam.”

  • Apr 13 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: LITTLE ANGELS

littleangels

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LITTLE ANGELS
They seemed monsters, the worst in creation,
Their whole lives predisposed to predation,
But it’s obvious now:
Hitler, Stalin, and Mao
Were just victims of discrimination.

From the archive

STUDENT TEACHER
“If only we’d known before now
What a crafty excuse will allow:
When your villainies vex,
Say it’s just about sex,”
Chuckled Hitler and Stalin and Mao.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

ICING
They will raise a devilish din
And do anything to win,
‘Cause when you bake
Their wedding cake
You’re complicit in their sin.

  • Apr 06 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: ICING

icing

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

ICING
They will raise a devilish din
And do anything to win,
‘Cause when you bake
Their wedding cake
You’re complicit in their sin.

From the archive

THE ADVOCATE
No man’s perfect, nor ever has been:
We fall over and over again,
And, while some turn to prayer,
Many others despair
Or crusade on behalf of their sin.
(2015)

WIFE SENTENCE
As evolving positions now gel,
He pronounces this travesty swell,
But you might change your view
About “gay marriage,” too,
If you’d married a mate like Michelle.
(2012)

AGITPROP
Maybe three in a hundred are bent,
And one tenth of that number intent
On pretending to wed
Same-sex partners instead:
All this turmoil for three-tenths percent?
(2012)

BAD SAMARITANS
When a brother has wandered astray,
Those who love him will show him the way;
Those who follow the fashion
Of corrupted compassion
Will assure him his sin is okay.
(2010)

BENT ON MARRIAGE
“We are undermining resistance
With our carefully plotted persistence:
Rather than disparage
The institution of marriage,
We’re defining it out of existence.”
(2009)

PANSY
It will be a stylish “marriage,”
They can afford a carriage,
They’ll book a suite
Upon deceit
In a farcical rite for two.
(2008)

PERFECT MATCH
A narcissist went to extremes
To marry the one he esteems;
He walked with a smile
All alone down the aisle:
He, himself, was the man of his dreams.
(2005)

ANIMAL RITES
There once was a man who would marry,
But not in the way ordinary,
So he married a dog,
A ferret and frog,
A kinkajou, cat, and canary.
(2003)

SAME-SEX MARRIAGE?
There’s nothing new under the sun:
Two women or men can’t be one
And only a jerk’ll
Try squaring a circle
‘Cause some things aren’t meant to be done.
(2001)

SCHADENFREUDE
Why do liberals like to besmirch
Institutions confirmed by research
As conducive to wealth,
Happiness, and health –
Such as marriage, the family, and church?
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

PETRIFIED
At the Passion poor Peter did thrice
Deny Him ere the cock could crow twice:
When we too face the Terror,
Will we make the same error
And insist that we never knew Christ?

  • Mar 30 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: PETRIFIED

petrified

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

PETRIFIED
At the Passion poor Peter did thrice
Deny Him ere the cock could crow twice:
When we too face the Terror,
Will we make the same error
And insist that we never knew Christ?

From the archive

YOU TURN
Do you feel you’ve been left in the lurch
And not found what you sought in your search?
Why continue to roam
When it’s time to come home?
Why not join us this Easter in church?
(2014)

SUFFRAGE
Now our enemies freely attack us –
Pillage, plunder, despoil, and ransack us –
But we once had a voice
And were offered a choice,
Whereupon we cried, “Give us Barackus!”
(2014)

FULLNESS
Though they say it’s a post-Christian time
And we follow a new paradigm,
There are martyrs galore,
More than ever before:
Christianity’s now at its prime.
(2014)

HE LIVES
Demons dread this day,
They hate to hear us say
Year after year
The phrase they fear:
¡Viva Cristo Rey!
(2013)

WITNESS FOR THE PERSECUTION
“Can I get a tattoo, Dad?” said she.
“It can be quite expensive,” said he.
“Why not wait and emboss
On your forearm a cross?
Let the government do it for free.”
(2012)

IN HOC SIGNO VINCES
Raise high the holy cross
And show them Who is boss:
Fight the merchants of death
With every breath
And never count the cost.
(2012)

GOOD FRIDAY
When tornadoes come whirling your way,
You get down on your knees and you pray:
You’re just glad you’re not dead,
Have a roof overhead –
Nothing else seems to matter that day.
(2011)

HOLY WEEK
So begins the passion play:
Evil triumphs for a day,
But Friday’s cross
Redeems our loss
And confirms us in the Way.
(2009)

NATIVITY
Tell me how can an innocent Child –
Holy Infant, so tender and mild –
Be the object of scorn
From the moment He’s born:
Rejected, resented, reviled?
(2005)

MEA CULPA
How fully prim piety fails
And scarcely scapegoating avails
When I add my own ration
To Christ’s frightful passion
And with my hands help drive in the nails.
(2004)

PASSION
Critics say it’s a judgmental story
With scenes that are overly gory,
But that’s what you’re liable
To read in the Bible
Of sacrifice leading to glory.
(2003)

P.C. (POST CHRISTIAN)
The other children teased her
For being a faithful feaster:
When the pagan takes
His seasonal breaks,
She celebrates Christmas and Easter.
(2002)

SCHADENFREUDE
Why do liberals like to besmirch
Institutions confirmed by research
As conducive to wealth,
Happiness, and health –
Such as marriage, the family, and church?
(1998)

BASKET CASE
My obesity just isn’t funny
And I’m suing for bundles of money:
When a basket of candy
Is too full and too handy,
Who’s to blame but the old Easter Bunny?
(2005)

POSITION STATEMENT
While walking with the abbot,
Which was his daily habit,
A monk who spied
Hares side by side
Said, “That’s the east-er rabbit!”
(2011)

Last week’s limerick

THE LAST TO KNOW
“I’m appalled by these clandestine capers,
So much so that I’m feeling the vapors:
I hadn’t a clue
I was running a zoo
‘Til I read of these things in the papers.”

  • Mar 23 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: THE LAST TO KNOW

lasttoknow

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THE LAST TO KNOW
“I’m appalled by these clandestine capers,
So much so that I’m feeling the vapors:
I hadn’t a clue
I was running a zoo
‘Til I read of these things in the papers.”

From the archive

(DOING) THE OBAMA
Two steps forward and bow like Barack.
Arms akimbo, a single step back.
Now a shuffle in place
With a smile on your face.
Two steps forward and bow like Barack . . .
(2012)

CHANGE AGENT
“I’m a master at deceivin’,
At wigglin’, waffllin’, weavin’;
And when I create
A socialist state,
You’ll have change you can believe in.”
(2008)

Last week’s limerick

CHEATER
The way she plays this game is unique,
When it’s her turn to count she will peek,
When you find where she’s hidden
She insists that you didn’t:
That’s how Hillary plays Hide & Seek.

  • Mar 16 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: CHEATER

cheater

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

CHEATER
The way she plays this game is unique,
When it’s her turn to count she will peek,
When you find where she’s hidden
She insists that you didn’t:
That’s how Hillary plays Hide & Seek.

From the archive

THE POLITICS OF
PERSONAL CONSTRUCTION
“I brought Belfast the peace they desire
And in Bosnia dodged sniper fire!
I’m impossibly grand
And cannot understand
Why I’m called an incorrigible liar!”
(2008)

THE RULES
“We can tell filthy lies about you
And there’s nothing at all you can do,
But we’ll make such a fuss
If you criticize us –
Even if what you say is quite true.”
(2007)

NO EXCEPTIONS
The rule of law, don’t you see,
Is the essence of liberty
And freedom will end
When leaders pretend
“The rules don’t apply to me.”
(2000)

Last week’s limerick

NOT DOT GOV
You’d expect a felonious female
Not to want to mail mail the way we mail,
Not to follow the rules
Like the rest of us fools,
And to have her own personal email.

  • Mar 09 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: NOT DOT GOV

notdotgov

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

NOT DOT GOV
You’d expect a felonious female
Not to want to mail mail the way we mail,
Not to follow the rules
Like the rest of us fools,
And to have her own personal email.

From the archive

BELLE OF BENGHAZI
The worst candidates money can buy
Are the ones psychopathically sly,
So inherently truthless,
Self-absorbedly ruthless
They don’t care when their countrymen die
(2014)

HILLARITY
“Though she’s ugly, dishonest, and mean,
Just the wickedest witch ever seen,
She’s the best that we’ve got,
So let’s give her a shot
And elect her in Twenty-Sixteen.”
(2013)

HILL OF BEANS
“Oh, for goodness sake:
I made a little mistake!
So I lied and lied
And people died:
What difference does it make?”
(2013)

Last week’s limerick

ALIENATED
Are you from here or some other spot?
Is there something that you haven’t got?
Do you feel no emotion?
Do you lack all devotion?
Do you love this great nation or not?

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