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  • Aug 31 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: HOW SPECIAL

howspecial

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HOW SPECIAL
Rules applied to the masses and not them,
But their hubris eventually got them:
First fell Spitzer, then Weiner,
And now somebody meaner –
The Belle of Benghazi, Ms. Rodham.

From the archive

SENSE OF HUMA
“If your husband is horny like Bill,
You should pose as the good wife like Hill.
Do whatever you must
To regain public trust:
Once in office, then do what you will.”
(2013)

WEINER DOES SINATRA
I’ve got the world on a screen,
I’m tweeting with a co-ed,
Got a thing about my weiner –
What a word! Where’s my wife? I’m enlarged.

I’ve got a shot that I send,
It’ll make her brain blow,
Or, again, it might offend her –
Lusty me! Can’t you see? I’m enlarged.

Wife’s a wonderful thing
As long as I have my flings.
I’d be a really stupid schmo
If I should ever let her know.
(2011)

MISTWEETED
Little Anthony had to get meaner,
Being hung with a handle like Weiner,
Having always his surname
Being used as a slur name:
Could cognomens be any obscener?
(2011)

CRAFT PRODUCT
Oh, you ought to get an oscar, “Mayor” Weiner,
For the explanation of your tweet,
But I doubt you’ll get an oscar, “Mayor” Weiner,
Or even keep your legislative seat.
(2011)

AL GORGE
If a human is hungry for strudel,
He can get some by using his noodle,
But his quest for confection
May result in rejection
If he paws like a poor, crazed sex poodle.
(2010)

SPITZER
“New York State Attorney General” rang fine,
“New York Governor” sounded divine,
And yet even more eminent
Would have been “U.S. President”
– But, instead, he is now “Number 9.”
(2008)

INCOMMODE
See how swiftly the mighty do fall
And their bigness become very small:
Get a little too noisy
While you’re cruising for Boise
And you’ll find your career in a stall.
(2007)

BIRDS OF A FEATHER
In both Parties you’ll find creep and crank,
Even some who are thoroughly rank,
But Republicans wholly
Have disavowed Foley,
While the Democrats laud Barney Frank.
(2006)

MISS KOPECHNE REGRETS
“Though I’ll miss your grand tribute to Ted,
I’ll be with you in spirit instead
As you strive to deny
That grave night in July
When he swam off and left me for dead.”
(2004)

ZOMBIES
From justice they craftily fled
And avoided the sanctions they dread;
Now O.J. and Bill
Can linger at will
In the night of the fast-living dead.
(2001)

MR. PRECEDENT
What a vile conglomeration
Of every abomination:
In Clinton’s wake,
Only villains will make
A bid for the nomination.
(1999)

WEENIE ROAST
In Congress there’s many a crank,
And a few who belong in the tank,
But leading the race
As a public disgrace
Is the Honorable Barney Frank!
(1998)

AKA
Nelson, Luciano, Capone
All had nicknames uniquely their own.
In Bill Clinton’s case,
You can bet “Cigarface”
Is the moniker by which he’ll be known!
(1998)

SO THAT’S WHAT YOU CALL IT!
She was flattered he found her appealing,
But preferred that he be less revealing.
Bill tried to explain
He was feeling her pain,
But Paula knew what he was feeling!
(1998)

HILLARY’S CONVICTION
The First Lady’s a post-modern wife
In responding to marital strife:
She’ll stand by her man
As long as she can,
‘Cause it’s better than “20 to Life.”
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

WORST FIRSTS
All those firsts were considered quite foreign
‘Til the day we ostensibly swore in
The first Catholic, Jack,
The first black man, Barack,
The first Native American, Warren.

  • Aug 24 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: WORST FIRSTS

worstfirsts

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WORST FIRSTS
All those firsts were considered quite foreign
‘Til the day we ostensibly swore in
The first Catholic, Jack,
The first black man, Barack,
The first Native American, Warren.

From the archive

TRANSFORMER
It was destiny, she knew it
And was certain she could do it:
Be the one to set precedent
As the first woman president,
But Obama beat her to it.
(2014)

Last week’s limerick

CLINTONEMAIL.COMEDY
“You’ll hand over your emails, complete,
Without further delay or deceit.”
“Oh, please, don’t have a cow:
I’m compiling them now –
Oops! I’m sorry, I just hit ‘delete.’”

  • Aug 17 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: CLINTONEMAIL.COMEDY

clintonemail.comedy

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CLINTONEMAIL.COMEDY
“You’ll hand over your emails, complete,
Without further delay or deceit.”
“Oh, please, don’t have a cow:
I’m compiling them now –
Oops! I’m sorry, I just hit ‘delete.’”

From the archive

NOT DOT GOV
You’d expect a felonious female
Not to want to mail mail the way we mail,
Not to follow the rules
Like the rest of us fools,
And to have her own personal email.
(2015)

BELLE OF BENGHAZI
The worst candidates money can buy
Are the ones psychopathically sly,
So inherently truthless,
Self-absorbedly ruthless
They don’t care when their countrymen die
(2014)

HILLARITY
“Though she’s ugly, dishonest, and mean,
Just the wickedest witch ever seen,
She’s the best that we’ve got,
So let’s give her a shot
And elect her in Twenty-Sixteen.”
(2013)

HILL OF BEANS
“Oh, for goodness sake:
I made a little mistake!
So I lied and lied
And people died:
What difference does it make?”
(2013)

Last week’s limerick

TRUMP CARD
When a pol from a party’s defected
And a third-party bid is expected,
You can bet the turncoat
Will just split up the vote
And ensure the opposition’s elected.

  • Aug 10 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: TRUMP CARD

trumpcard

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TRUMP CARD
When a pol from a party’s defected
And a third-party bid is expected,
You can bet the turncoat
Will just split up the vote
And ensure the opposition’s elected.

From the archive

TOUCHED BY AN ANGLE
There is only one way it can go
When the Clintons are destined for woe
And they don’t have the base
For a two-person race:
Michael Bloomberg must play Ross Perot.
2007

PAGING ROSS PEROT
As the days drift toward 2008,
Hillary hopes for a fabulous fate:
All she needs is a goat
Who can split up the vote
As a third-party sham candidate.
2006

PEROTS & CONS
“Perhaps some of you are at a loss
Why I want to be President Ross.
It’s simple, you see:
It’s better for me
If I am the one who is boss!”
1991

Last week’s limerick

WHO TO BELIEVE?
. . . But Obama says they’re lies
And Planned Parenthood denies
The heinous acts
And felonious facts
That we’ve seen with our own eyes . . .

  • Aug 03 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: WHO TO BELIEVE?

whotobelieve

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WHO TO BELIEVE?
. . . But Obama says they’re lies
And Planned Parenthood denies
The heinous acts
And felonious facts
That we’ve seen with our own eyes . . .

From the archive

PEACOCK
“There’s no point in anyone tryin’
To find someone who’s better at lyin’,
‘Cause Barack is the best
And he does it with zest:
He’s the perfect replacement for Brian!”
(2015)

DETOX
Take the pledge and escape from its grip,
Nevermore from this moment a nip:
If you value your brain,
You must henceforth refrain
From the vile Mainstream Media drip.
(2014)

THE RULES
“We can tell filthy lies about you
And there’s nothing at all you can do,
But we’ll make such a fuss
If you criticize us –
Even if what you say is quite true.”
(2007)

BIRDS OF A FEATHER
The media rarely deride
A President on the same side:
For the faithful defender
Of their social agenda,
They’re willing to let some things slide.
(1998)

THE JOURNALIST
In the past, he was forced to “pay dues”
And develop “a nose for the news.”
Well, he still has a nose,
But, my, how it grows
When the facts must conform to his views!
(1996)

INSTANT ANALYSIS
Jennings, Rather, Brokaw
Seem determined to jabber and jaw.
They think we’re too dumb
To discern the outcome
Of the campaign debate we just saw.
(1991)

Last week’s limerick

PROSECUTION FOR THE WITNESS
Having witnessed a hideous crime,
He identified all of the prime
Individuals involved,
But the case is resolved
With the witness the one doing time.

  • Jul 27 / 2015
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YWP: PROSECUTION FOR THE WITNESS

prosecutionforthewitness

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

PROSECUTION FOR THE WITNESS
Having witnessed a hideous crime,
He identified all of the prime
Individuals involved,
But the case is resolved
With the witness the one doing time.

From the archive

CHILDHOOD MEMORY
“I once had a daughter or son.
To this day, I don’t know which one.
I later was wed.
Still, my first child is dead.
Please forgive me for what I have done.”
(2014)

MARCH
No, their numbers are never reported
(If they were, they’d be greatly distorted),
But this year in the throng,
Fifty million-plus strong,
Are the souls of the children aborted.
(2013)

POSTNATAL ABORTION
Oh, the wailing could hardly be shriller
For the fallen abortionist Tiller:
How those pro-choicers burn
With such tender concern
For an infamous serial killer!
(2009)

NO BIG DEAL
Why feel sorry for the slain
While you’re sucking out his brain,
Tearing off of him
Every little limb,
If he cannot feel real pain?
(2005)

DOA
“Shall I never see the morn?
Hear a rattle, bell, or horn?
Or taste the air?
Or touch your hair?
Must I die before I’m born?”
(2005)

MOTHER’S DAZE
“In confusion I resorted
To the ‘choice’ that was exhorted;
Now every day
I cry and pray
For the baby I aborted.”
(2003)

LOST ON EARTH
We’re so eager to find a trace
Of the least little life in space,
But here on Earth
We bar the birth
Of lives we could embrace.
(2001)

CHOICE POSITION
Don’t be fooled by the “pro-choice” ruse
That amoralists use to confuse,
For your choices could
Be bad or good
And it matters how you choose.
(2001)

LEGAL ISSUE
Five Justices’ wanton support
Preserves the grim “right” to abort:
To keep babies alive,
Replace one of those five
And establish a life-choosing Court.
(2000)

TERRIFIED TISSUE
“Oh, Mama, don’t let that thing get me!
Oh, Mama, you’ve not even met me!
Oh, Mama, please give
Me a lifetime to live!
Oh, Mama, you’d never regret me!”
(2000)

Last week’s limerick

THE REAL McCAIN
Donald Trump may say things to regret
And make prim politicians upset,
But it’s “hero” McCain
Who’s obliged to explain
How he’s treated the Vietnam vet.

  • Jul 20 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: THE REAL McCAIN

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THE REAL McCAIN
Donald Trump may say things to regret
And make prim politicians upset,
But it’s “hero” McCain
Who’s obliged to explain
How he’s treated the Vietnam vet.

From the archive

SWIFT BOATS IS A-COMIN’
Here’s a question for Mr. McCain:
Do you think you could deign to explain
Why you don’t seem to mind
That we left men behind
– Are you callous, corrupt, or insane?
(2008)

I SEE DUMB PEOPLE
I would like to hear someone explain
How a person possessed of a brain
– Aside from his mama –
Could support Red Obama
Or endorse the Manchurian McCain.
(2008)

RIGHT FLIGHT
With just Romney, Giuliani, McCain
And no candidates of their own strain
Who will give them a voice
And a genuine choice,
Are conservatives forced to abstain?.
(2007)

PHONY EXPRESS
It’s not all that hard to explain
Why the media fawn on McCain:
You know they would balk
At truly “straight talk,”
But they love a Republican bane.
(2003)

Last week’s limerick

SWING LOW
Sin, sin, sin, sin,
Everybody, start to sin:
No wrong,
God’s gone,
Now you’re sinning with a grin.

  • Jul 13 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: SWING LOW

swinglow

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SWING LOW
Sin, sin, sin, sin,
Everybody, start to sin:
No wrong,
God’s gone,
Now you’re sinning with a grin.

From the archive

DEAD END
Though the mob is completely insane, though
They cause everyone so much pain, though
They shout and shove
And call it “love,”
There is death at the end of the rainbow.
(2015)

THE ADVOCATE
No man’s perfect, nor ever has been:
We fall over and over again,
And, while some turn to prayer,
Many others despair
Or crusade on behalf of their sin.
(2015)

SINGLE PRAY-ER
“Let’s be careful, not ‘waken’ the sheep. It
Would be better if they stayed ‘asleep.’ It
Should be easy to quell them
If we constantly tell them,
‘If you like your own faith, you can keep it.’”
(2014)

CZARDOM & GOMORRAH
“We are in your schools now and polluting
All the innocent minds we’re rebooting:
There’ll be total immersion
In every perversion
And the schools will be safe for recruiting.”
(2011)

BAD SAMARITANS
When a brother has wandered astray,
Those who love him will show him the way;
Those who follow the fashion
Of corrupted compassion
Will assure him his sin is okay.
(2010)

LAWRENCE V. TEXAS
The evil with which men are ridden
In normal times hardly is hidden,
But no era’s more awful
Than when vice is made lawful
And propriety, then, is forbidden.
(2003)

NOVEL IDEA
In The Wanting Seed, Anthony Burgess
Prophesied the preposterous purges
He knew surely would come
When the righteous play dumb
And the vicious give vent to their urges.
(2003)

Last week’s limerick

7.4.15
We’re still standing, and standing unbowed,
We’re Americans, naturally proud,
And we make this forecast:
That this won’t be the last
July Fourth celebration allowed.

  • Jul 06 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: 7.4.15

7.4.15

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

7.4.15
We’re still standing, and standing unbowed,
We’re Americans, naturally proud,
And we make this forecast:
That this won’t be the last
July Fourth celebration allowed.

From the archive

DEPENDENCE DAY
“I remember how some of us tried:
How we fought, how we failed, how we cried,
How we few knew the worth
Of this last hope on earth.
I was there when America died.”
2012

REPUBLIC
Our Creator has blessed us a lot
Since the sound of that round-the-world shot,
But how long will we be
Still the land of the free
If the people don’t know what we’ve got?
2011

REVOLTING DEVELOPMENT
Revolution’s a natural desire
When we lack what our natures require,
But it loses its glow
When oppressed people go
From the frying pan into the fire.
2011

INDEPENDENCE DAY
All the fireworks exploding on high,
Celebrating the Fourth of July,
Symbolize how we fought
For that world-changing thought:
If we cannot live free, we shall die.
2008

WORLD FREEDOM
If freedom can come to Romanians,
Albanians, Lithuanians, Ukrainians,
Why must others abide
While their freedom’s denied:
Brother Syrians, Saudis, Iranians?
2006

REVOLUTION REVERIE
I attend every fireworks show
With the spirits of men you may know:
General Washington,
Thomas Jefferson,
Adams, Madison, and Monroe.
2006

ANTHEM FELLOW
With Bates, Berlin, and Key,
I salute this “land of the free,”
This “land that I love . . .
With the light from above,”
Stretched “from sea to shining sea.”
2002

FLAG POLL
As a gift for every descendant
In a Pledge of Allegiance amendment,
Would it be permissible
After “indivisible”
To add “sovereign and independent”?
2001

Last week’s limerick

DEAD END
Though the mob is completely insane, though
They cause everyone so much pain, though
They shout and shove
And call it “love,”
There is death at the end of the rainbow.

  • Jun 29 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: DEAD END

deadend

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

DEAD END
Though the mob is completely insane, though
They cause everyone so much pain, though
They shout and shove
And call it “love,”
There is death at the end of the rainbow.

From the archive

UNLOCKER ROOM
In the past when a pervert would peek,
He’d be met with a slap or a shriek:
Now he says he’s a woman,
Is entitled to come in,
Not be treated like some kind of freak.
(2015)

THE ADVOCATE
No man’s perfect, nor ever has been:
We fall over and over again,
And, while some turn to prayer,
Many others despair
Or crusade on behalf of their sin.
(2015)

AGITPROP
Maybe three in a hundred are bent,
And one tenth of that number intent
On pretending to wed
Same-sex partners instead:
All this turmoil for three-tenths percent?
(2012)

BULLIES
In the 50s our fathers knew best,
But back then they could scarcely have guessed
That a mere three percent
Who are sexually bent
Would intimidate all of the rest.
(2012)

CZARDOM & GOMORRAH
“We are in your schools now and polluting
All the innocent minds we’re rebooting:
There’ll be total immersion
In every perversion
And the schools will be safe for recruiting.”
(2011)

BAD SAMARITANS
When a brother has wandered astray,
Those who love him will show him the way;
Those who follow the fashion
Of corrupted compassion
Will assure him his sin is okay.
(2010)

SAFE AND UNSOUND
There’s “safe sex” and “safe schools” and “safe touch,”
“Safe this” and “safe that” and “safe such,”
But, if “safe” now means “queer”
And is said with a leer,
The word “safe” doesn’t comfort me much.
(2009)

IN TOLERANCE
Left-wing radicals running our schools
Do great harm with their inverted rules:
They oppose every norm,
Reject custom and form,
And show deference to freaks and to fools.
(2007)

LAWRENCE V. TEXAS
The evil with which men are ridden
In normal times hardly is hidden,
But no era’s more awful
Than when vice is made lawful
And propriety, then, is forbidden.
(2003)

NOVEL IDEA
In The Wanting Seed, Anthony Burgess
Prophesied the preposterous purges
He knew surely would come
When the righteous play dumb
And the vicious give vent to their urges.
(2003)

Last week’s limerick

NO FARTHER
“Father’s Day rolls around and (oh, brother!),
If it’s not one weird thing, it’s another.
Meet my current stepdad,
The third one that I’ve had:
He’s now trying to pass as my mother.”

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