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  • Apr 21 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: IXNAY

ixnay

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IXNAY
Every year when they celebrate Earth,
The green socialists generate mirth,
Trying not to betray
The true aim of “Earth Day,”
Which from Pig Latin translates as “dearth.”

Lagniappe

SUFFRAGE
Now our enemies freely attack us –
Pillage, plunder, despoil, and ransack us –
But we once had a voice
And were offered a choice,
Whereupon we cried, “Give us Barackus!”

From the archive

SOLARCENY
Barry’s Bandits have found a new way
To get rich without working a day:
They’ve no need for a gun,
‘Cause they just use the sun
To get ‘loans’ that they’ll never repay.
(2011)

FAITH IN GORE
“All you skeptics who try to besmirch
Our beliefs will be left in the lurch
As we celebrate dearth
And increase our net worth
At St. Albert Gore’s Climate Change Church.”
(2011)

ARTIFICIAL FAMINE
There’s no benefit to coal
If you cannot dig a hole,
And the value is nil
Of oil you can’t drill.
Who would favor such control?
(2011)

CAP’N TRADE
“Here I come to save the day!
Everyone will have to pay!
I will pull a switch
That will make me rich
As my stock goes up and away!”
(2009)

WELL, WELL, WELL
Well, I’m not exactly thrilled
When I get my gas tank filled,
But it makes my blood boil
To know that there’s oil
In reserves of our own to be drilled.
(2008)

ABATED BREATH
Whether sickly or healthy and hale,
We object when the air gets too stale,
But what shall we do
When they ban CO2
And deny us the right to exhale?
(2001)

DIRTY BUSINESS
“When we measured no parts per million,
We raised standards to parts per billion.
We’re the new EPA
And we’ll have it our way,
Finding parts per trillion and zillion!”
(2000)

TREE AMIGOS
You can have all your hullabaloo
And ‘arbor illusions too,
You can care about trees
As much as you please,
But the trees still won’t care about you!
(2000)

GRASS CONSCIOUSNESS
My neighbor’s a tree-hugging pain,
But he’s unsympathetic to grain:
If I chance not to mow
And my grass starts to grow,
He’s the first on the block to complain!
(2000)

ECO-MANIACS
Their abiding misanthropy shows
What’s behind the Earth Firster’s pose,
For these mopes without mirth
Have no love for the earth
And are nothing but Mean Green Joes.
(2000)

CHICKEN LITTLE
Doomsday deadlines bear recalling
When they’ve passed and we’re not sprawling:
If dreaded fate
Is running late,
Then perhaps the sky’s not falling.
(2000)

MATERNITY CASE
Once more, for what it’s worth:
Your mother is not the Earth!
And that’s because
Your mother was
The woman who gave you birth.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick:

FULLNESS
Though they say it’s a post-Christian time
And we follow a new paradigm,
There are martyrs galore,
More than ever before:
Christianity’s now at its prime.

  • Apr 14 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: FULLNESS

fullness

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FULLNESS
Though they say it’s a post-Christian time
And we follow a new paradigm,
There are martyrs galore,
More than ever before:
Christianity’s now at its prime.

From the archive:

HE LIVES
Demons dread this day,
They hate to hear us say
Year after year
The phrase they fear:
¡Viva Cristo Rey!
(2013)

WITNESS FOR THE PERSECUTION
“Can I get a tattoo, Dad?” said she.
“It can be quite expensive,” said he.
“Why not wait and emboss
On your forearm a cross?
Let the government do it for free.”
(2012)

IN HOC SIGNO VINCES
Raise high the holy cross
And show them Who is boss:
Fight the merchants of death
With every breath
And never count the cost.
(2012)

GOOD FRIDAY
When tornadoes come whirling your way,
You get down on your knees and you pray:
You’re just glad you’re not dead,
Have a roof overhead –
Nothing else seems to matter that day.
(2011)

HOLY WEEK
So begins the passion play:
Evil triumphs for a day,
But Friday’s cross
Redeems our loss
And confirms us in the Way.
(2009)

NATIVITY
Tell me how can an innocent Child –
Holy Infant, so tender and mild –
Be the object of scorn
From the moment He’s born:
Rejected, resented, reviled?
(2005)

MEA CULPA
How fully prim piety fails
And scarcely scapegoating avails
When I add my own ration
To Christ’s frightful passion
And with my hands help drive in the nails.
(2004)

PASSION
Critics say it’s a judgmental story
With scenes that are overly gory,
But that’s what you’re liable
To read in the Bible
Of sacrifice leading to glory.
(2003)

P.C. (POST CHRISTIAN)
The other children teased her
For being a faithful feaster:
When the pagan takes
His seasonal breaks,
She celebrates Christmas and Easter.
(2002)

SCHADENFREUDE
Why do liberals like to besmirch
Institutions confirmed by research
As conducive to wealth,
Happiness, and health –
Such as marriage, the family, and church?
(1998)

BASKET CASE
My obesity just isn’t funny
And I’m suing for bundles of money:
When a basket of candy
Is too full and too handy,
Who’s to blame but the old Easter Bunny?
(2005)

POSITION STATEMENT
While walking with the abbot,
Which was his daily habit,
A monk who spied
Hares side by side
Said, “That’s the east-er rabbit!”
(2011)

Last week’s limerick:

PINK SLIP
If you’d like to hang onto your job,
Not be branded a “bigot” or “snob,”
Then remember the truth
Is considered uncouth
And enrages the lavender mob.

  • Apr 07 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: PINK SLIP

pinkslip

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PINK SLIP
If you’d like to hang onto your job,
Not be branded a “bigot” or “snob,”
Then remember the truth
Is considered uncouth
And enrages the lavender mob.

From the archive:

TMI
“Look at me, everybody, I’m gay!
There, I’ve said it! Now, what do you say?
Are you shocked or offended?
Is your whole world upended?”
“How exciting. Now, please, go away.”
(2014)

AGITPROP
Maybe three in a hundred are bent,
And one tenth of that number intent
On pretending to wed
Same-sex partners instead:
All this turmoil for three-tenths percent?
(2012)

BULLIES
In the 50s our fathers knew best,
But back then they could scarcely have guessed
That a mere three percent
Who are sexually bent
Would intimidate all of the rest.
(2012)

DO TELL!
“The fatigues we have now are so tacky!
Could we please go with something more wacky –
Something showing more flesh
In black leather or mesh,
With a boa of feathered pink khaki?”
(2011)

CZARDOM & GOMORRAH
“We are in your schools now and polluting
All the innocent minds we’re rebooting:
There’ll be total immersion
In every perversion
And the schools will be safe for recruiting.”
(2011)

SUB CULTURE
To my loved ones I had to say bye
With the knowledge I might have to die:
Does that mean that I oughta
Spend six months underwater
With a guy with a gleam in his eye?
(2010)

C’EST LA QUEER
I survived at the front of the line,
But decided I had to resign:
From the front I came back
To confront an attack
From the cat in the cot next to mine.
(2010)

INVERT TED
Olson says a square is round,
Half an ounce is twice a pound,
Two o’clock is ten,
Men can marry men,
And the sky is underground.
(2010)

TWISTED
As the lavender lobby engages
To subvert Christian culture in stages,
They accuse us of hate
If we dare validate
Common sense and the wisdom of ages.
(2010)

SAFE AND UNSOUND
There’s “safe sex” and “safe schools” and “safe touch,”
“Safe this” and “safe that” and “safe such,”
But, if “safe” now means “queer”
And is said with a leer,
The word “safe” doesn’t comfort me much.
(2009)

BENT ON MARRIAGE
“We are undermining resistance
With our carefully plotted persistence:
Rather than disparage
The institution of marriage,
We’re defining it out of existence.”
(2009)

CONSERVATIVE BENT
What began as an ill-advised craze
To authenticate “tolerant” ways
Has got way out of hand
And now needs to be banned:
The Republican courting of “gays.”
(2006)

LAWRENCE V. TEXAS
The evil with which men are ridden
In normal times hardly is hidden,
But no era’s more awful
Than when vice is made lawful
And propriety, then, is forbidden.
(2003)

NOVEL IDEA
In The Wanting Seed, Anthony Burgess
Prophesied the preposterous purges
He knew surely would come
When the righteous play dumb
And the vicious give vent to their urges.
(2003)

PRESERVE THE UNION
Gay advocates harry and vex,
Making simple things seem so complex,
But the truth’s never varied:
They’ve the right to get married –
To a member of the opposite sex!
(2003)

QUEENS COLLEGE
“Your report card’s created a fuss
With your father and me: Both of us
Are a little bit leery
Of this course called ‘Queer Theory’
– And the fact that you got an A-plus.”
(2002)

ECCE HOMO
“Comrades, have no fears;
It’s only a matter of years:
We’ll sneak some fairies
Through the seminaries;
Soon the Church will be full of queers!”
(2002)

OUTLAW SCOUT LAW?
Should Scouts suppress their squareness
For fashionable fairyland “fairness”
And give badges of merit
To all who can parrot
Propaganda on “AIDS awareness”?
(2001)

SAME-SEX MARRIAGE?
There’s nothing new under the sun:
Two women or men can’t be one
And only a jerk’ll
Try squaring a circle
‘Cause some things aren’t meant to be done.
(2001)

KINGFISHY
Huey Long could not have foreseen
This perverse American dream,
But the vision today
In a land going gay
Is of every man a queen.
(1999)

HEATHER HAS ALL THE LUCK
The kids in the class have to nod
When I say that my family’s odd:
I’ve only one mother,
Dad won’t have another
No matter how much I may prod.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick:

OBAMA IN THE HIGHEST
“With the pope, I made such an impression
That he asked me to hear his confession.
I replied, with a nod,
‘I’m related to God
And would gladly provide intercession.’”

  • Mar 31 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: OBAMA IN THE HIGHEST

ObamaRoma

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

OBAMA IN THE HIGHEST
“With the pope, I made such an impression
That he asked me to hear his confession.
I replied, with a nod,
‘I’m related to God
And would gladly provide intercession.’”

From the archive:

POPE QUIZ
“I’m-a not-a so sure, I’m perplex:
How we s’pose-a to choose pontifex?”
“It’s a cinch,” Guido say,
“They just got-a two way:
It’s-a called the conclave and convlex.”
(2013)

SEDE VACANTE
When uncertainty hangs in the air,
It behooves us to gather in prayer
With the hope that God will
Send us someone to fill
The unoccupied president’s chair.
(2013)

Last week’s limerick:

MICHELLE ENTIRE
You have covered some miles, we can tell,
And have left some impressions as well,
Your ego’s inflated,
And you’re way overrated:
You’re entirely unbalanced, Michelle.

  • Mar 24 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: MICHELLE ENTIRE

michelleentire

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MICHELLE ENTIRE
You have covered some miles, we can tell,
And have left some impressions as well,
Your ego’s inflated,
And you’re way overrated:
You’re entirely unbalanced, Michelle.

From the archive:

VACAY
“Going places together’s a drag
As Michelle and I’d rather go stag:
Either way, we both will
Rashly run up the bill
And leave taxpayers holding the bag.”
(2013)

FREELOADER
What began with such grand expectations
As a quest for the best destinations
Finds Michelle scaling back
When it’s up to Barack
To finance his own family’s vacations.
(2012)

DEADBEAT
“Oh, Barack, this is fabulous – still,
Can we really afford such a thrill?”
“Stop your worrying, honey,
It isn’t our money:
Someone else will be footing the bill.”
(2011)

ME SHELL
While the rest of us scrimp all the time,
She displays an indifference sublime:
Our First Lady, Michelle,
Does exceedingly well
As she travels the world on our dime.
(2010)

Last week’s limerick:

CYCLEPATH
Biker Barry’s passed inspection,
With horns, bells and light-reflection,
Neon helmet and scads
Of streamers and pads,
But he’s going the wrong direction.

  • Mar 17 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: CYCLEPATH

cyclepath

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CYCLEPATH
Biker Barry’s passed inspection,
With horns, bells and light-reflection,
Neon helmet and scads
Of streamers and pads,
But he’s going the wrong direction.

From the archive:

SWISH!
“It was best not to tell it or ask it,
But it’s out now, so why try to mask it?
Yes, Obama enjoys
Pick-up games with the boys,
But he pouts when he can’t get a basket.”
(2013)

IRISH STEWED
“Tis the grandest green beer that I’ve seen!
Just as grand as the lads I’m between!”
“Stop your staggerin’, McMillan,
Or my beer you’ll be spillin’
And we both’ll be wearin’ the green!”
(2004)

Last week’s limerick:

VISITORS
If you’re in someone’s home as a guest,
Try to see that your host is impressed:
Don’t do anything wrong
And don’t stay overlong
Or in anyway act like a pest.

  • Mar 10 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: VISITORS

visitors

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VISITORS
If you’re in someone’s home as a guest,
Try to see that your host is impressed:
Don’t do anything wrong
And don’t stay overlong
Or in any way act like a pest.

From the archive:

TWO-WAY TRAFFIC
It came as an inspiration,
The solution to mass immigration:
For each incoming worker,
Deport one native shirker
To some socialist paradise nation.
(2001)

Last week’s limerick:

RAZED
All the teenagers think it’s so great
That the minimum wage will inflate:
Pretty soon we will see
Just how happy they’ll be
Unemployed at a much higher rate.

  • Mar 03 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: RAZED

razed

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RAZED
All the teenagers think it’s so great
That the minimum wage will inflate:
Pretty soon we will see
Just how happy they’ll be
Unemployed at a much higher rate.

From the archive:

WAGE WAR
A burger the price of a steak?
A $10 chocolate shake?
$10 fries
And hot apple pies?
Who remembers “deserving a break”?
(2013)

NEW WAGE MOVEMENT
In the past a young worker aspired
To do what advancement required.
But, with the new rage
To raise minimum wage,
He’ll be lucky to even get hired.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick:

ASYLUM
“In America, son, we will see
How the people enjoy liberty!”
“I’m glad papa is dead
And won’t feel what we fled
Taking root in the Land of the Free.”

  • Feb 24 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: ASYLUM

asylum

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ASYLUM
“In America, son, we will see
How the people enjoy liberty!”
“I’m glad papa is dead
And won’t feel what we fled
Taking root in the Land of the Free.”

From the archive:

AMERICAN HERO
All the reds Joe McCarthy once named
Have turned out to be just what he claimed.
Is this patriot praised
For the warnings he raised?
No, McCarthy’s the one who is shamed!
(2013)

THE BURROWERS
“Just like Cronkite and Edward R. Murrow,
We’re committed, determined, and thorough:
In the media, the schools,
With our radical rules,
We’re the moles that unceasingly burrow.”
(2011)

CHINA PATTERN
“We will tar fossil fuels as ‘unclean,’
Promote other resources as ‘green.’
There’s a catch, which, of course, is
That those greener resources
Are controlled by our red war machine.”
(2011)

CZARDOM & GOMORRAH
“We are in your schools now and polluting
All the innocent minds we’re rebooting:
There’ll be total immersion
In every perversion
And the schools will be safe for recruiting.”
(2011)

HAPPENING
Our Republic he will rearrange
And the rights of the people estrange:
Yes, it can happen here
And it’s now all too clear
What Obama intended by “change.”
(2010)

HOPE AGAINST HOPE
By nefarious allies surrounded,
With socialist nostrums propounded,
Obama has won,
The change has begun,
And I hope that my fears are unfounded.
(2008)

USEFUL IDIOTS
There were businessmen, kids, and their mommies
Joining ministers, imams, and swamis –
There were people galore
Shouting no to the war,
Giving aid to Saddam and the commies.
(2003)

GOODBYE, BAD MEN
The future’s decidedly grim
For Fidel, for Saddam, and for Kim,
Because sooner or later
Each demonic dictator
Must get what is coming to him.
(2003)

ECCE HOMO
“Comrades, have no fears;
It’s only a matter of years:
We’ll sneak some fairies
Through the seminaries;
Soon the Church will be full of queers!”
(2002)

THEY’RE PLAYING OUR SONG
Our nation is destined for grief
If our leader has no fixed belief
And conclusions are drawn
As to whose side he’s on
When China plays “Hail to the Chief!”
(1998)

FAILING MARX
Socialism is dead!
Done in, the indomitable Red!
Or so it would seem,
But in academe
One had better check under one’s bed.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick:

DETOX
Take the pledge and escape from its grip,
Nevermore from this moment a nip:
If you value your brain,
You must henceforth refrain
From the vile Mainstream Media drip.

  • Feb 17 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: DETOX

detox

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

DETOX
Take the pledge and escape from its grip,
Nevermore from this moment a nip:
If you value your brain,
You must henceforth refrain
From the vile Mainstream Media drip.

From the archive:

WATCHDOGS
“There’s just too much at stake,
We’ve got other muck to rake,
So, thanks, Sheriff Joe,
But we’d rather not know
If the birth certificate’s fake.”
(2012)

MISS CANDY TO THE RESCUE!
Miss Candy to the rescue!
Miss Candy to the rescue!
Go, Miss Candy!
Go, Miss Candy!

Miss Candy put her man on top,
Wouldn’t be just a traffic cop,
Saw Benghazi as a runaway horse,
Uh oh, time to change course.
Miss Candy to the rescue, ETC.

Miss Candy had a job to do
And she was the moderator, too.
Miss Candy saw her favorite guy
Looking like he’s about to cry.
Miss Candy to the rescue, ETC.
(2012)

LAST TIME
“Mr. President, please, tell me why
In your first debate you didn’t try.”
“Well, that question’s a dandy,
And the answer is, Candy,
I tried hard — not to make Romney cry.”
(2012)

CANDY CROWLEY REPORTS
“You would have to be totally blind
Or completely out of your mind
To begin to esteem
The Republican team:
They’re too decent, intelligent, kind.”
(2012)

FULL COVERAGE
“Save Santorum, Newt Gingrich, and Cain,
Male debaters wore blue ties and plain;
And, though Bachmann chose gray,
Darker suits won the day.
This is Chris Wallace from the campaign.”
(2011)

THE BURROWERS
“Just like Cronkite and Edward R. Murrow,
We’re committed, determined, and thorough:
In the media, the schools,
With our radical rules,
We’re the moles that unceasingly burrow.”
(2011)

SORRY CHARLIE
How they made such a hullabaloo
Over one rather blah interview!
Sarah Palin’s got class,
Charlie Gibson’s an ass –
These are things that we already knew!
(2008)

SAD TIMES
Their respect for the truth may be scanty,
Their perspective outrageously slanty;
Still, despite all their lies,
The posh Pulitzer Prize
Is retained by the Times and Duranty.
(2003)

JENNINGS DOES BASEBALL
“Diehard fans are still cheering and grinning,
Convinced that their favourites are winning:
Yes, their team’s up by ten
And at bat once again,
But it’s taking them more than one inning!”
(2003)

BIRDS OF A FEATHER
The media rarely deride
A President on the same side:
For the faithful defender
Of their social agenda,
They’re willing to let some things slide.
(1998)

THE JOURNALIST
In the past, he was forced to “pay dues”
And develop “a nose for the news.”
Well, he still has a nose,
But, my, how it grows
When the facts must conform to his views!
(1996)

INSTANT ANALYSIS
Jennings, Rather, Brokaw
Seem determined to jabber and jaw.
They think we’re too dumb
To discern the outcome
Of the campaign debate we just saw.
(1991)

Last week’s limerick:

TMI
“Look at me, everybody, I’m gay!
There, I’ve said it! Now, what do you say?
Are you shocked or offended?
Is your whole world upended?”
“How exciting. Now, please, go away.”

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