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Posts Tagged / politickle

  • Apr 17 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: PASSING FAD

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PASSING FAD
“I’m embracing the latest sensation,
This new craze that is sweeping the nation:
I was white, now I’m black,
And I’m not going back,
I’m a pigment of my imagination.”

From the archive

E PLURIBUS
Our last names may be Hess, Hock, or Harrigan,
Federov, Feldstein, or Farrakhan,
MacDonald, Mandina,
Nguyen, Wong, Kim, or Pena,
But we’re one and we’re all all-American.
(2016)

MINSTREL PERIODS
What he’s done for his “brothers” ain’t much,
With his “roots” he appears out of touch,
But when under attack
Oh! Obama is black,
With a race card to play in the clutch.
(2016)

SEE YOU LATER, AGITATOR!
Our future would now seem quite bright
If Obama had sought to unite,
If he’d done what he could
To promote brotherhood:
Not the opposite, so to divide.
(2016)

FRIENDS AT LAST
We’ll go through a transitional stage
To get over a long-lasting rage,
And when Jennifer Aniston
And her very last fan is gone,
We will enter a post-Rachel age.
(2014)

DIVISION LEADER
Who has kept black Americans down
And spread hatred from town to town?
No, it’s no Anglo-Saxon
But the Reverend Jackson
Who’s the rabidest racist around!
(2001)

BLANK LIKE ME
Census takers who tally my head
Will not know if I’m black, white, or red:
Because, in the space
To designate race,
I’ll inscribe the word “human” instead.
(2000)

PREFIXATION
Adding Euro- and Afro- won’t do:
Ethnic conflict will only ensue.
No hyphen for me:
I’m happy to be
An American through and through.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

BURST OF IRE
Now their rage is at its peak
As we turn the other cheek:
Because of Christ
We are despised
All the more in Passion Week.

  • Apr 10 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: BURST OF IRE

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BURST OF IRE
Now their rage is at its peak
As we turn the other cheek:
Because of Christ
We are despised
All the more in Passion Week.

From the archive

OMG
On a phone or computer or pod,
These exclamatory letters are odd:
When you breathe your last breath
And can no longer text,
Will you log off and cry, “Oh, my God!”?
(2016)

PETRIFIED
At the Passion poor Peter did thrice
Deny Him ere the cock could crow twice:
When we too face the Terror,
Will we make the same error
And insist that we never knew Christ?
(2015)

YOU TURN
Do you feel you’ve been left in the lurch
And not found what you sought in your search?
Why continue to roam
When it’s time to come home?
Why not join us this Easter in church?
(2014)

SUFFRAGE
Now our enemies freely attack us –
Pillage, plunder, despoil, and ransack us –
But we once had a voice
And were offered a choice,
Whereupon we cried, “Give us Barackus!”
(2014)

FULLNESS
Though they say it’s a post-Christian time
And we follow a new paradigm,
There are martyrs galore,
More than ever before:
Christianity’s now at its prime.
(2014)

HE LIVES
Demons dread this day,
They hate to hear us say
Year after year
The phrase they fear:
¡Viva Cristo Rey!
(2013)

WITNESS FOR THE PERSECUTION
“Can I get a tattoo, Dad?” said she.
“It can be quite expensive,” said he.
“Why not wait and emboss
On your forearm a cross?
Let the government do it for free.”
(2012)

IN HOC SIGNO VINCES
Raise high the holy cross
And show them Who is boss:
Fight the merchants of death
With every breath
And never count the cost.
(2012)

GOOD FRIDAY
When tornadoes come whirling your way,
You get down on your knees and you pray:
You’re just glad you’re not dead,
Have a roof overhead –
Nothing else seems to matter that day.
(2011)

HOLY WEEK
So begins the passion play:
Evil triumphs for a day,
But Friday’s cross
Redeems our loss
And confirms us in the Way.
(2009)

NATIVITY
Tell me how can an innocent Child –
Holy Infant, so tender and mild –
Be the object of scorn
From the moment He’s born:
Rejected, resented, reviled?
(2005)

MEA CULPA
How fully prim piety fails
And scarcely scapegoating avails
When I add my own ration
To Christ’s frightful passion
And with my hands help drive in the nails.
(2004)

PASSION
Critics say it’s a judgmental story
With scenes that are overly gory,
But that’s what you’re liable
To read in the Bible
Of sacrifice leading to glory.
(2003)

P.C. (POST CHRISTIAN)
The other children teased her
For being a faithful feaster:
When the pagan takes
His seasonal breaks,
She celebrates Christmas and Easter.
(2002)

SCHADENFREUDE
Why do liberals like to besmirch
Institutions confirmed by research
As conducive to wealth,
Happiness, and health –
Such as marriage, the family, and church?
(1998)

BASKET CASE
My obesity just isn’t funny
And I’m suing for bundles of money:
When a basket of candy
Is too full and too handy,
Who’s to blame but the old Easter Bunny?
(2005)

POSITION STATEMENT
While walking with the abbot,
Which was his daily habit,
A monk who spied
Hares side by side
Said, “That’s the east-er rabbit!”
(2011)

Last week’s limerick

ANON.
There are times I’d like to boast
Or be honored by a toast
And have my name
Receive acclaim,
But I can’t ’cause I’m a ghost.

  • Apr 03 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: ANON.

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ANON.
There are times I’d like to boast
Or be honored by a toast
And have my name
Receive acclaim,
But I can’t ’cause I’m a ghost.

From the archive

BLOCK
For so long I have dreaded this day
When my muse might meander away!
Now my deadline has come
And I feel really dumb,
‘Cause I find I have nothing to say.
(2013)

LIME SCHEME
A perfectionist poet was picky
And found writing light verse rather tricky,
So he sought inspiration
From an apt distillation
In a perfectly punny lime rickey.
(2004)

THE LONG & SHORT OF IT
Let iambs and anapests meet,
Dactyls and trochees compete,
But give yourself time
To get to each rhyme
Or you’re bound to trip over your feet.
(2002)

INTELLIGENT DESIGN
Did this limerick just appear?
Was this limerick always here?
Surely you know it
Betokens a poet
Like Duplantier, Nash, or Lear.
(2001)

INCOMPLETE LIMERICK
You may think that I’m pulling a prank,
But I’m trying my best to be frank:
In my search for a rhyme
I have run out of time,
So you’ll just have to fill in the ___.
(2000)

Last week’s limerick

DNR
Extreme measures we should disavow,
The poor thing will not last anyhow,
It is sad but it’s true,
There’s no more we can do:
Let Obamacare die in peace now.

  • Mar 27 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: DNR

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DNR
Extreme measures we should disavow,
The poor thing will not last anyhow,
It is sad but it’s true,
There’s no more we can do:
Let Obamacare die in peace now.

From the archive

UNDELIVERABLE
Now you’re covered to end this “condition”
And can freely forestall all fruition;
Still, you think that just maybe
You might opt for a baby,
But Obamacare won’t grant permission.
(2013)

BAD MEDICINE
If Obamacare’s such a great deal,
Why the effort to con and conceal?
Why the granting of waivers
As personal favors?
Why the fervor for total repeal?
(2011)

CANDY MAN
What can make the pain grow, essential care deny,
Snuff out everyone and make the gurneys pile high?
Obamacare, Obamacare can.
Obamacare can ’cause it nixes right to life and makes the world less full.
(2010)

RECONCILIATION
“Form a line, single file, if you will;
Remain quiet, attentive, and still;
And spare us the drama
As Dr. Obama
Dispenses this large bitter pill.”
(2010)

OBAMACARE
“We would never overtly deny
Any care we’re prepared to supply;
If we do have to ration,
With a practiced compassion
We’ll decide who deserves most to die.”
(2009)

GOOD GRIEF
“Now, children, please don’t cry.
It’s time to say goodbye.
Today’s the day
We booked in May:
It’s Grandma’s turn to die.”
(2009)

IN THE DOGHOUSE
“My poor siblings and I are so sad:
He’s the best friend that we ever had,
With a heart of pure gold,
But he has gotten old,
And it’s time that we euthanize Dad.”
(2009)

Last week’s limerick

DC COMICS
The ones who are putting him down
Are the biggest buffoons in this town:
Who doesn’t know those
Who do this are bozos,
Those who say Donald Trump is a clown?

  • Mar 20 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: DC COMICS

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DC COMICS
The ones who are putting him down
Are the biggest buffoons in this town:
Who doesn’t know those
Who do this are bozos,
Those who say Donald Trump is a clown?

From the archive

RODEOBAMA
Did a single State Fairgoer frown
At the thought of a bull running down
Such a shuffling shirker
And smart-aleck smirker
As Obama the rodeo clown?
(2013)

Last week’s limerick

FALL START
From the clock that I keep on the wall
I acquired one more hour last Fall,
But I never did use it
And will now likely lose it:
Tell me what was the point of it all?

  • Mar 13 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: FALL START

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FALL START
From the clock that I keep on the wall
I acquired one more hour last Fall,
But I never did use it
And will now likely lose it:
Tell me what was the point of it all?

From the archive

ON THE BLINK
Saving daylight is wonderfully wise
And a cinch if a citizen tries.
It’s so simple to do,
I’ll explain it to you:
You save daylight by closing your eyes.
(2007)

OUR CONFUSION
Will we ever develop the knack
Of remembering how to keep track,
Overcoming the “block”
Of resetting our clock:
To “fall forward” or, rather, “fall back”?
(2005)

Last week’s limerick

BARACKSTABBER
Our new president has competition
And will soon have to make a decision:
Should his predecessor be
Allowed to roam free
Or arrested and tried for sedition?

  • Mar 06 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: BARACKSTABBER

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BARACKSTABBER
Our new president has competition
And will soon have to make a decision:
Should his predecessor be
Allowed to roam free
Or arrested and tried for sedition?

From the archive

BIG EARS
Does Obama read my email?
Does Obama tap my phone?
Does he peer into my bedroom
With a dragonfly-shaped drone?
Does he know my favorite color,
Movie, music, and cologne?
Does he know I like chai latte
With a croissant or a scone?
Does he know where I’ve donated,
Where I’ve driven to or flown?
Does he check my charge card charges
Just as if they were his own?
Does he recognize no boundaries
And respect no private zone?
Does Obama lack the decency
To leave us all alone?
(2013)

GOOD NOOSE
With more dirt every day to defend,
Even Hillary can now see the trend:
“It’s just not meant to be,
I’ll need some place to flee,
My great criminal career’s at an end.”
(2016)

WHY? WHY? WHY?
“Is it all the untrue things I’ve said?
Is it that I look more than half-dead?
That I’m guilty of treason,
Could that be the reason?
Is that why I am not way ahead?”
(2016)

A-NOT-HER
If for no other principled reason,
In this present electoral season
With two candidates who
Are repugnant to you,
Choose the one who’s not guilty of treason.
(2016)

APRES MOI
“After me the law traduced,
After me the sword and noose,
The border strains,
Disorder reigns,
After me all hell breaks loose.”
(2014)

ASYLUM
“In America, son, we will see
How the people enjoy liberty!”
“I’m glad papa is dead
And won’t feel what we fled
Taking root in the Land of the Free.”
(2014)

AMERICAN HERO
All the reds Joe McCarthy once named
Have turned out to be just what he claimed.
Is this patriot praised
For the warnings he raised?
No, McCarthy’s the one who is shamed!
(2013)

OATHBUSTER
When he swore, did Obama intend
To preserve and protect and defend?
Were his motives all wrong,
Did he plan all along
To presume and project and upend?
(2012)

FIFTH COLUMN
Our brave battle for self-preservation
Must address the domestic predation
Of those traitors and fools
— All those socialist tools —
Who are hoping to change our great nation.
(2011)

THE BURROWERS
“Just like Cronkite and Edward R. Murrow,
We’re committed, determined, and thorough:
In the media, the schools,
With our radical rules,
We’re the moles that unceasingly burrow.”
(2011)

CHINA PATTERN
“We will tar fossil fuels as ‘unclean,’
Promote other resources as ‘green.’
There’s a catch, which, of course, is
That those greener resources
Are controlled by our red war machine.”
(2011)

CZARDOM & GOMORRAH
“We are in your schools now and polluting
All the innocent minds we’re rebooting:
There’ll be total immersion
In every perversion
And the schools will be safe for recruiting.”
(2011)

HAPPENING
Our Republic he will rearrange
And the rights of the people estrange:
Yes, it can happen here
And it’s now all too clear
What Obama intended by “change.”
(2010)

HOPE AGAINST HOPE
By nefarious allies surrounded,
With socialist nostrums propounded,
Obama has won,
The change has begun,
And I hope that my fears are unfounded.
(2008)

USEFUL IDIOTS
There were businessmen, kids, and their mommies
Joining ministers, imams, and swamis –
There were people galore
Shouting no to the war,
Giving aid to Saddam and the commies.
(2003)

THEY’RE PLAYING OUR SONG
Our nation is destined for grief
If our leader has no fixed belief
And conclusions are drawn
As to whose side he’s on
When China plays “Hail to the Chief!”
(1998)

FAILING MARX
Socialism is dead!
Done in, the indomitable Red!
Or so it would seem,
But in academe
One had better check under one’s bed.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

BOEUF GRAS
Who’s that marching and what’s their big beef?
Not more malcontents flaunting faux grief?
No, it’s Mardi Gras Day
And it’s revelers at play:
Joie de vivre is the only motif.

  • Feb 27 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: BOEUF GRAS

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BOEUF GRAS
Who’s that marching and what’s their big beef?
Not more malcontents flaunting faux grief?
No, it’s Mardi Gras Day
And it’s revelers at play:
Joie de vivre is the only motif.

From the archive

DOING WITHOUT
To avoid any purchase or rent
Was my niggardly neighbor’s intent,
So I said with mock sorrow,
“I don’t have what you’d borrow:
It’s Ash Wednesday, it’s already Lent.”
(2015)

MARDI GRAS TIME
In New Orleans, where everyone knows
How to scramble for carnival throws,
It’s just one day of fun,
Then the madness is done —
But the madness in Madison grows.
(2011)

HAPPY MARDI GRAS!
When the spirit of carnival reigns,
Sober citizens unplug their brains;
Egotists in disguises
Are proffering prizes
To propel presidential campaigns.
(2008)

FAT TUESDAY
Every revel unravels at last
And evaporates into the past,
For today is soon spent
And tomorrow is Lent:
Forty days to repent and to fast.
(2007)

MAY WE?
It’s not a big “faux pas”
When we say, “Oh, la la!”
Or “laissez faire,”
Or “derriere,”
Or Happy “Mardi Gras!”
(2006)

HAPPY MEDI-GRASS!
Marijuana has helped me a lot!
It’s a marvel, this medical “pot”!
My condition’s the same,
But I’m pleased to proclaim
I’ve forgotten what illness I’ve got!
(2005)

Last week’s limerick

THIS IS CNN
“Hey! Hello! Over here! Can’t you see?
I’ve a question to ask! Call on me!
Are you totally blind?
Are you out of your mind?
I’m a big shot who’s seen on TV!”

  • Feb 20 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: THIS IS CNN

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THIS IS CNN
“Hey! Hello! Over here! Can’t you see?
I’ve a question to ask! Call on me!
Are you totally blind?
Are you out of your mind?
I’m a big shot who’s seen on TV!”

From the archive

PRESS PASS
“Yes, Obama’s dark past we denied,
His gargantuan gaffes we let slide,
But this Dr. Ben Carson
Comes across like a parson:
We just know he’s got something to hide!”
(2015)

HOIST
Quintanilla and Harwood and Quick
Thought they’d worked out a dynamite shtick:
“Since we’re on the left side,
Let’s be snarky and snide,
Playing dumb as we lay it on thick.”
(2015)

PEACOCK
“There’s no point in anyone tryin’
To find someone who’s better at lyin’,
‘Cause Barack is the best
And he does it with zest:
He’s the perfect replacement for Brian!”
(2015)

DETOX
Take the pledge and escape from its grip,
Nevermore from this moment a nip:
If you value your brain,
You must henceforth refrain
From the vile Mainstream Media drip.
(2014)

WATCHDOGS
“There’s just too much at stake,
We’ve got other muck to rake,
So, thanks, Sheriff Joe,
But we’d rather not know
If the birth certificate’s fake.”
(2012)

MISS CANDY TO THE RESCUE!
Miss Candy to the rescue!
Miss Candy to the rescue!
Go, Miss Candy!
Go, Miss Candy!

Miss Candy put her man on top,
Wouldn’t be just a traffic cop,
Saw Benghazi as a runaway horse,
Uh oh, time to change course.
Miss Candy to the rescue, ETC.

Miss Candy had a job to do
And she was the moderator, too.
Miss Candy saw her favorite guy
Looking like he’s about to cry.
Miss Candy to the rescue, ETC.
(2012)

CANDY CROWLEY REPORTS
“You would have to be totally blind
Or completely out of your mind
To begin to esteem
The Republican team:
They’re too decent, intelligent, kind.”
(2012)

FULL COVERAGE
“Save Santorum, Newt Gingrich, and Cain,
Male debaters wore blue ties and plain;
And, though Bachmann chose gray,
Darker suits won the day.
This is Chris Wallace from the campaign.”
(2011)

THE BURROWERS
“Just like Cronkite and Edward R. Murrow,
We’re committed, determined, and thorough:
In the media, the schools,
With our radical rules,
We’re the moles that unceasingly burrow.”
(2011)

BALANCE
“This Talk Radio’s going too far
And we soon will be raising the bar:
In the interest of fairness
And cultural awareness,
Every station will air NPR.”
(2009)

SORRY CHARLIE
How they made such a hullabaloo
Over one rather blah interview!
Sarah Palin’s got class,
Charlie Gibson’s an ass –
These are things that we already knew!
(2008)

SAD TIMES
Their respect for the truth may be scanty,
Their perspective outrageously slanty;
Still, despite all their lies,
The posh Pulitzer Prize
Is retained by the Times and Duranty.
(2003)

JENNINGS DOES BASEBALL
“Diehard fans are still cheering and grinning,
Convinced that their favourites are winning:
Yes, their team’s up by ten
And at bat once again,
But it’s taking them more than one inning!”
(2003)

BIRDS OF A FEATHER
The media rarely deride
A President on the same side:
For the faithful defender
Of their social agenda,
They’re willing to let some things slide.
(1998)

THE JOURNALIST
In the past, he was forced to “pay dues”
And develop “a nose for the news.”
Well, he still has a nose,
But, my, how it grows
When the facts must conform to his views!
(1996)

INSTANT ANALYSIS
Jennings, Rather, Brokaw
Seem determined to jabber and jaw.
They think we’re too dumb
To discern the outcome
Of the campaign debate we just saw.
(1991)

Last week’s limerick

FAMILY VALUES
“You’re a member of the Left to me –
A brother, uncle, nephew, see?
You can rape my wife
Or take my life:
It’s okay if you’re a ‘refugee.’”

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  • Feb 13 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: FAMILY VALUES

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FAMILY VALUES
“You’re a member of the Left to me –
A brother, uncle, nephew, see?
You can rape my wife
Or take my life:
It’s okay if you’re a ‘refugee.’”

From the archive

MENDING WALL
There’s no need to rattle sabers
Just because we’re checking papers:
We will build a wall
To screen them all
‘Cause good fences make good neighbors.
(2017)

VISITORS
If you’re in someone’s home as a guest,
Try to see that your host is impressed:
Don’t do anything wrong
And don’t stay overlong
Or in any way act like a pest.
(2014)

WELCOME TO AMERICA
“You illegally crossed our border?
You’re a drugs and weapons importer?
You’re a sociopath
Spewing venomous wrath?
Yes, everything seems in order.”
(2002)

TWO-WAY TRAFFIC
It came as an inspiration,
The solution to mass immigration:
For each incoming worker,
Deport one native shirker
To some socialist paradise nation.
(2001)

Last week’s limerick

SUPER BAWL
Seeing tirades and tantrums begin
Well before Donald Trump was sworn in,
Fake adults throwing fits
Like some overgrown kids,
Aren’t you glad these big brats didn’t win?

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