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Posts Tagged / politickle

  • Feb 08 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: TOTAL RECALL

totalrecall

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TOTAL RECALL
Did you hear that there’s been a recall
Of that cute little toy at the mall?
Every pull on his string,
He repeats the same thing:
It’s defective, the Rubio doll.

From the archive

RINOPLASTY
“If you don’t want your votes cast in vain,
Then wash Newt, Rick, and Ron down the drain;
Accept candidate Romney
As the mandated nominee:
Be consoled with a clone of McCain!”
(2012)

TEATOTALERS
Having taken it on the chin,
All the RINOs are packing it in:
They’d rather abstain
Than actively deign
To help Tea Party candidates win.
(2010)

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST
Having rendered himself indistinct,
A Republican candidate finked,
And we now can take Crist
Off the endangered list,
‘Cause this RINO’s already extinct.
(2010)

CONSERVATIVE BENT
What began as an ill-advised craze
To authenticate “tolerant” ways
Has got way out of hand
And now needs to be banned:
The Republican courting of “gays.”
(2006)

BIG TENT
Though we don’t want to alienate our core,
We are anxious to add even more;
So, to make greater strides,
We’ll appeal to both sides
And oppose all the things that we’re for.
(2003)

Last week’s limerick

SAP
Special Access Programs compromised?
Covert agents exposed, jeopardized?
One so reckless and dumb
Would be sure to become
A commander-in-chief neutralized.

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  • Feb 01 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: SAP

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sap

SAP
Special Access Programs compromised?
Covert agents exposed, jeopardized?
One so reckless and dumb
Would be sure to become
A commander-in-chief neutralized.

From the archive

SET UP
What did Stevens really know?
What dark dealings could he show?
Was he starting to balk?
Was he threatening to talk?
Why did Stevens have to go?!
(2015)

CLINTONEMAIL.COMEDY
“You’ll hand over your emails, complete,
Without further delay or deceit.”
“Oh, please, don’t have a cow:
I’m compiling them now –
Oops! I’m sorry, I just hit ‘delete.’”
(2015)

NOT DOT GOV
You’d expect a felonious female
Not to want to mail mail the way we mail,
Not to follow the rules
Like the rest of us fools,
And to have her own personal email.
(2015)

BELLE OF BENGHAZI
The worst candidates money can buy
Are the ones psychopathically sly,
So inherently truthless,
Self-absorbedly ruthless
They don’t care when their countrymen die
(2014)

“DID I DO THAT?”
When the blood of Seals is spilled,
U.S. border agents killed,
And our boys in Benghazi
Become kamikaze,
We must ask by whom it’s willed.
(2013)

HILL OF BEANS
“Oh, for goodness sake:
I made a little mistake!
So I lied and lied
And people died:
What difference does it make?”
(2013)

Last week’s limerick

PARSED LIPS
When he’s asked to define what the crisis is,
This man who is known for his vices is
Compelled to resort
To a proven retort:
“It depends what the meaning of ISIS is.”

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  • Jan 25 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: PARSED LIPS

parsedlips

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PARSED LIPS
When he’s asked to define what the crisis is,
This man who is known for his vices is
Compelled to resort
To a proven retort:
“It depends what the meaning of ISIS is.”

From the archive

LIVING HYSTERIA
Since no one’s been able to spot him,
It’s safe to assume that we got him;
Though we’ve cooked Laden’s goose,
There’s a nut on the loose:
Hillary “Osama bin” Rodham!
(2003)

Last week’s limerick

CRYING GAME
When he wants to, Obama can cry,
But you won’t see a drop in his eye –
No, he won’t shed a tear –
For the million each year
Of babies aborted who die.

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  • Jan 18 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: CRYING GAME

cryinggame
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CRYING GAME
When he wants to, Obama can cry,
But you won’t see a drop in his eye –
No, he won’t shed a tear –
For the million each year
Of babies aborted who die.

From the archive

PROSECUTION FOR THE WITNESS
Having witnessed a hideous crime,
He identified all of the prime
Individuals involved,
But the case is resolved
With the witness the one doing time.

(2015)

CHILDHOOD MEMORY
“I once had a daughter or son.
To this day, I don’t know which one.
I later was wed.
Still, my first child is dead.
Please forgive me for what I have done.”
(2014)

MARCH
No, their numbers are never reported
(If they were, they’d be greatly distorted),
But this year in the throng,
Fifty million-plus strong,
Are the souls of the children aborted.
(2013)

POSTNATAL ABORTION
Oh, the wailing could hardly be shriller
For the fallen abortionist Tiller:
How those pro-choicers burn
With such tender concern
For an infamous serial killer!
(2009)

NO BIG DEAL
Why feel sorry for the slain
While you’re sucking out his brain,
Tearing off of him
Every little limb,
If he cannot feel real pain?
(2005)

DOA
“Shall I never see the morn?
Hear a rattle, bell, or horn?
Or taste the air?
Or touch your hair?
Must I die before I’m born?”
(2005)

MOTHER’S DAZE
“In confusion I resorted
To the ‘choice’ that was exhorted;
Now every day
I cry and pray
For the baby I aborted.”
(2003)

LOST ON EARTH
We’re so eager to find a trace
Of the least little life in space,
But here on Earth
We bar the birth
Of lives we could embrace.
(2001)

CHOICE POSITION
Don’t be fooled by the “pro-choice” ruse
That amoralists use to confuse,
For your choices could
Be bad or good
And it matters how you choose.
(2001)

LEGAL ISSUE
Five Justices’ wanton support
Preserves the grim “right” to abort:
To keep babies alive,
Replace one of those five
And establish a life-choosing Court.
(2000)

TERRIFIED TISSUE
“Oh, Mama, don’t let that thing get me!
Oh, Mama, you’ve not even met me!
Oh, Mama, please give
Me a lifetime to live!
Oh, Mama, you’d never regret me!”
(2000)

Last week’s limerick

CHILLARY
“Though I handled Bill’s bimbo outbreaks,
Doing damage control on ‘mistakes,’
It meant nothing to me
And I really don’t see,
At this point, what difference it makes.”

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  • Jan 11 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: CHILLARY

chillary
Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:
CHILLARY
“Though I handled Bill’s bimbo outbreaks,
Doing damage control on ‘mistakes,’
It meant nothing to me
And I really don’t see,
At this point, what difference it makes.”

From the Clinton Archive

HOW SPECIAL
Rules applied to the masses and not them,
But their hubris eventually got them:
First fell Spitzer, then Weiner,
And now somebody meaner –
The Belle of Benghazi, Ms. Rodham.
(2015)

SENSE OF HUMA
“If your husband is horny like Bill,
You should pose as the good wife like Hill.
Do whatever you must
To regain public trust:
Once in office, then do what you will.”
(2013)

WEINER DOES SINATRA
I’ve got the world on a screen,
I’m tweeting with a co-ed,
Got a thing about my weiner –
What a word! Where’s my wife? I’m enlarged.

I’ve got a shot that I send,
It’ll make her brain blow,
Or, again, it might offend her –
Lusty me! Can’t you see? I’m enlarged.

Wife’s a wonderful thing
As long as I have my flings.
I’d be a really stupid schmo
If I should ever let her know.
(2011)

MISTWEETED
Little Anthony had to get meaner,
Being hung with a handle like Weiner,
Having always his surname
Being used as a slur name:
Could cognomens be any obscener?
(2011)

CRAFT PRODUCT
Oh, you ought to get an oscar, “Mayor” Weiner,
For the explanation of your tweet,
But I doubt you’ll get an oscar, “Mayor” Weiner,
Or even keep your legislative seat.
(2011)

AL GORGE
If a human is hungry for strudel,
He can get some by using his noodle,
But his quest for confection
May result in rejection
If he paws like a poor, crazed sex poodle.
(2010)

SPITZER
“New York State Attorney General” rang fine,
“New York Governor” sounded divine,
And yet even more eminent
Would have been “U.S. President”
– But, instead, he is now “Number 9.”
(2008)

INCOMMODE
See how swiftly the mighty do fall
And their bigness become very small:
Get a little too noisy
While you’re cruising for Boise
And you’ll find your career in a stall.
(2007)

BIRDS OF A FEATHER
In both Parties you’ll find creep and crank,
Even some who are thoroughly rank,
But Republicans wholly
Have disavowed Foley,
While the Democrats laud Barney Frank.
(2006)

MISS KOPECHNE REGRETS
“Though I’ll miss your grand tribute to Ted,
I’ll be with you in spirit instead
As you strive to deny
That grave night in July
When he swam off and left me for dead.”
(2004)

Last week’s limerick

RODHAM
“I support, I embrace, I exalt
Every victim of sexual assault
– Unless it was Bill
Exercising his will,
In which case, the hussy’s at fault.”

 

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  • Dec 28 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: TIME!

time

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

TIME!
At the outset our standards were high,
But they lowered as deadlines drew nigh:
With the end of the year
Now uncomfortably near,
We’ll do just what we must to get by.

From the archive

HAPPY YOU NEAR!
Celebrate with champagne and hoorays
All three hundred and sixty-five days:
Every eve is like New Year
When you have the right who there
And your hearts are two fireworks ablaze.
(2014)

WHITE LIE
As the years made them grayer and golder,
Every New Year’s he hugged her and told her
That he loved her and she
Was still young as could be –
Though their children had gotten much older.
(2014)

MAYOR MAY NOT
We can’t know what the future will bring,
What health hazards Fate at us will fling,
But there’s nothing to fear
In Manhattan this year:
Mayor Bloomers has banned everything.
(2012)

BARACK AGAIN
Suffered three years so far of Obama
And Michelle, our new substitute mama:
Cannot wait ’til he’s canned
And we won’t have to stand
Yet another full year of his drama.
(2011)

THAT’S A WRAP!
There were high points to Two-Thousand-Ten,
Forming memories recalled with a grin:
Yes, I had me some fun,
But I’m glad that it’s done –
And I wouldn’t go through it again.
(2010)

RESOLUTIONS
1. Reconnect with a special old friend
2. Earn a few dollars more than I spend
3. Try to concentrate solely
On becoming more holy
4. Make it all the way through to year’s end.
(2009)

YEAR MUFF
I sure hope that it isn’t a sign
Of accelerating mental decline
When I know it’s too late
To write 2008
But forget to write 2009.
(2008)

NEW YEAR
I’m a victim of non-circumstance,
Having gone through the year in a trance.
Maybe 2008
Didn’t turn out so great,
But I’ll soon have another new chance.
(2008)

SISYPHUS
For 12 months I had strived to get there,
And at last to the top I drew near;
When I reached the hill’s crown,
The stone rolled right back down,
So I’m starting all over this year.
(2007)

JANUARY 1
I resolve not to gain any weight,
I resolve not to ever be late,
I resolve not to get
Any further in debt –
On this single inceptional date!
(2007)

ANNUAL REPORT
I’m amazed when the year’s finally through
At the things that I’ve managed to do,
But I can’t understand
Why the things that I planned
Are the things that I never got to.
(2006)

OUT OF TIME
How I leapt into 2005
And pursued all my plans with such drive!
But it’s now crystal clear
That there’s not enough year
Before 2006 will arrive.
(2005)

RUN OF THE MILLENNIUM
Our thousand-year party was fun.
We’ll repeat it for 2001.
A millennial glow
Two years in a row
And a hangover second to none!
(2000)

DISCONTINUING RESOLUTIONS
Resolutions I’ve hastily made
Are infrequently kept, I’m afraid;
Still, I find I can live up
To a promise to give up
Resolutions I’ve hastily made.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

EXEGESIS
Some in sorrow the very name eases,
Some in excess the same name displeases:
Why is one thus engaged
And the other enraged,
Why such different reactions to Jesus?

 

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  • Dec 21 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: EXEGESIS

exegesis

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

EXEGESIS
Some in sorrow the very name eases,
Some in excess the same name displeases:
Why is one thus engaged
And the other enraged,
Why such different reactions to Jesus?

From the archive

YOU TURN
Do you feel you’ve been left in the lurch
And not found what you sought in your search?
Why continue to roam
When it’s time to come home?
Why not join us this Christmas in church?
(2014)

GLIMMER
Comes the end of the overlong night
And the dawn of the life-giving Light:
Pagans say Christians stole this,
But the old winter solstice
Foreshadowed a predestined rite.
(2013)

BLANK FRIDAY
I’m not certain it actually pays
To be part of the Black Friday craze.
Am I first in the store?
No, I’m at the wrong door
– After camping out 25 days.
(2013)

GOOD NEWS
Briefly now is theirs the throne,
Fame and fortune overblown,
And the ones oppressed
Ever after blessed
When the Savior claims His own.
(2012)

MISADVENTURE
If these weeks must be spent at the mall,
Baskets bulging with kitsch big and small;
Christmas prelude must be
A nonstop shopping spree,
Do we miss the true gist of it all?
(2012)

CRECHE COURSE
Once in time a virgin birth
Incarnated on the earth
God’s Son despised
And sacrificed
To redeem us by His worth.
(2011)

DEAR SANTA
“If you really would like to assist us,
Please bring everything on our list, plus
A candidate we
Can support heartily –
Because that’s what we want most for Christmas!”
(2011)

WISH LIST
This Christmas, I’m not being shy;
I want something no money can buy:
For our country to be
Always brave, always free,
Always true to our Father on high.
(2010)

FAST FORWARD
I remember with special delight
How each holiday had its own rite:
Now that commerce trumps living,
We skip over Thanksgiving
And start Christmas on Halloween night.
(2010)

BARRY CHRISTMAS?
Tis the season of change and of hope –
The kind that is real and not soap –
But, to meet your Messiah,
You will have to look higher
Than some fast-talking, power-mad dope.
(2009)

GIFT
There is nothing quite so pleasant
As an instant evanescent:
With the past behind
And no future defined,
We are given the perfect present.
(2009)

FRONT TEETH
Thanta, there’th a thpaith
I’d like you to replaith:
I’ll jump with glee
When all can thee
The thmile upon my faith.
(2008)

NAUGHTY
“I know just what I want for a gift,
And I’ll throw such a fit if I’m stiffed!
If you fail to come through,
Who knows what I might do?”
The pathetic executive sniffed.
(2008)

CHARGE!
At Thanksgiving we pull out the stopper
On commercialized Christmastime proper:
We’ll have six months to pay,
But stay out of the way
Of the stampeding psychotic shopper!
(2008)

EVER PRESENT
All the creches are empty, it’s true,
And I’m waiting for Jesus anew;
Harking back to the Book,
I know now where to look:
I must find the Lord Jesus in you.
(2007)

$MAS
There is less than a month left, you know,
Only 21 days in a row,
Barely 500 hours
To buy yours, mine, and ours,
30,000 mere minutes to go!
(2007)

MERI KURISUMASU
If you find “Frohliche Weihnachten” odd,
“Buon Natale” and “Feliz Navidad,”
Even “Joyeux Noel”
Unfamiliar as well,
“Merry Christmas” should then get the nod.
(2006)

NATIVITY
Tell me how can an innocent Child —
Holy Infant, so tender and mild —
Be the object of scorn
From the moment He’s born:
Rejected, resented, reviled?
(2005)

CLAUSTROPHOBIA
Is there somewhere I can go
That the Santas do not know,
A Santa-free zone
I can call my own
And not hear that “ho ho ho”?
(2005)

DECK THE GALS
“Merry Christmas!” she crowed, and then smiled,
Leaving less seasoned shoppers beguiled.
“Now get out of my way
‘Cause I don’t have all day
And I must have that toy for my child!”
(2005)

YULE GET OVER IT
So what if you feel disempowered
By someone who’s grimaced or glowered?
If you’re frightened to say
“Merry Christmas” today,
You’re simply a Noel coward!
(2004)

MERRY CHRISTMAS, BEDFORD FALLS!
He’s known plenty of struggle and strife,
But George Bailey is blessed with a wife
And family and friends
On whom he depends:
What he has is a wonderful life.
(2002)

KILLJOY
Who but a hardhearted heathen
For some nefarious reason
Would ignore the morn
When our Savior was born
And call Christmas the “holiday season”?
(2002)

Last week’s limericks

VACANCY
With his second term set to expire,
A new residence he will require
In a tropical clime
That won’t cost him one dime!
Yes, Guantanamo’s where he’ll retire!

BEAU
“There’ll be no seduction drama,
Leaving me a single momma:
I must be wed
Before we bed
And you play with my obama.”

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  • Dec 14 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: VACANCY

vacancy

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VACANCY
With his second term set to expire,
A new residence he will require
In a tropical clime
That won’t cost him one dime!
Yes, Guantanamo’s where he’ll retire!

Lagniappe

BEAU
“There’ll be no seduction drama,
Leaving me a single momma:
I must be wed
Before we bed
And you play with my obama.”

From the archive

VACAY
“Going places together’s a drag
As Michelle and I’d rather go stag:
Either way, we both will
Rashly run up the bill
And leave taxpayers holding the bag.”
(2013)

FREELOADER
What began with such grand expectations
As a quest for the best destinations
Finds Michelle scaling back
When it’s up to Barack
To finance his own family’s vacations.
(2012)

DEADBEAT
“Oh, Barack, this is fabulous – still,
Can we really afford such a thrill?”
“Stop your worrying, honey,
It isn’t our money:
Someone else will be footing the bill.”
(2011)

ME SHELL
While the rest of us scrimp all the time,
She displays an indifference sublime:
Our First Lady, Michelle,
Does exceedingly well
As she travels the world on our dime.
(2010)

Last week’s limerick

SAN BERNADINO
What will happen when wood is the driest,
When the hatred of heathens is highest,
When the demons demand
That our blessings be banned
And the remnant renounce the true Christ?

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  • Dec 07 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: SAN BERNADINO

sanbernadino

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

SAN BERNADINO
What will happen when wood is the driest,
When the hatred of heathens is highest,
When the demons demand
That our blessings be banned
And the remnant renounce the true Christ?

From the archive

EVIL
Why ask where should the answers be sought?
We all know by Whose death we were bought:
By a heavenly plan
Was God’s will shown to Man,
His Commandments and Beatitudes taught.
(2015)

FAITH IN THE CROWD
“I’m a Christian, I certainly am,
My belief is sincere, not a sham:
I believe in the Bible,
Except when it’s liable
To put me in a bit of a jam.”
(2015)

WHO CARES?
“Why offer them resistance
When they’re way off in the distance?
Why risk our hides
By taking sides
If they’re only killing Christians?”
(2014)

FULLNESS
Though they say it’s a post-Christian time
And we follow a new paradigm,
There are martyrs galore,
More than ever before:
Christianity’s now at its prime.
(2014)

WITNESS FOR THE PERSECUTION
“Can I get a tattoo, Dad?” said she.
“It can be quite expensive,” said he.
“Why not wait and emboss
On your forearm a cross?
Let the government do it for free.”
(2012)

IN HOC SIGNO VINCES
Raise high the holy cross
And show them Who is boss:
Fight the merchants of death
With every breath
And never count the cost.
(2012)

CINO* EVIL
With a logic at best acrobatic
And morality most problematic,
You help peddlers of porn,
You help kill the unborn,
All you Christians who vote Democratic.
(2012)

CINO*
“If my actions make no sense,
I’ll say this in my defense:
I’m a psychopathic
Roman Catholic
Whose faith is mere pretense.”
(2003)

SCHADENFREUDE
Why do liberals like to besmirch
Institutions confirmed by research
As conducive to wealth,
Happiness, and health –
Such as marriage, the family, and church?
(1998)

*Christian in Name Only

Last week’s limerick

BETTER OR WORSE?
Married couples aren’t cutting their knots
And divorce rates are lessening lots.
What’s the reason for this
Sudden outbreak of bliss?
Everyone’s getting married to bots.

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  • Nov 30 / 2015
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Your Weekly Politickle: BETTER OR WORSE?

betterorworse

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BETTER OR WORSE?
Married couples aren’t cutting their knots
And divorce rates are lessening lots.
What’s the reason for this
Sudden outbreak of bliss?
Everyone’s getting married to bots.

From the archive

BOOTED
When first I was her suitor,
She said no one was cuter;
But now I find
That I’ve been blind:
She’s in love with her computer!
(2007)

Last week’s limerick

REMEMBERED
“Like so many, I usually feel
That Thanksgiving is not a big deal.
As it once more draws near,
I feel different this year:
I’m invited somewhere for a meal.”

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