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  • Feb 18 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: SANDY

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SANDY
She may sound like she’s been on a bender,
But this babbling, bug-eyed bartender
Has great knowledge and skill:
If you ask her, she will
Make a pitcher of drinks in a blender.

From the archive

CINO*
“If my actions make no sense,
I’ll say this in my defense:
I’m a psychopathic
Roman Catholic
Whose faith is mere pretense.”
(2003)
*Catholic in Name Only

Last week’s limerick

AOC
“OMG! Can it possibly be
No one’s had this idea before me?
To recoup what we spent,
Tax one hundred percent
And make everything everywhere free!”

  • Feb 11 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: AOC

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AOC
“OMG! Can it possibly be
No one’s had this idea before me?
To recoup what we spent,
Tax one hundred percent
And make everything everywhere free!”

From the archive

PRESIDENT EVIL
Open borders and mass immigration,
Homosexual indoctrination,
Racial riots and war:
That’s what he has in store,
That’s Obama’s macabre “transformation.”
(2014)

CONTAGION
It’s not spread by mosquitoes or fleas,
Nor dispersed by a cough or a sneeze,
It’s communicated by
The half-witted and sly:
The political kind of disease.
(2014)

BIG FINISH
“Just imagine what waits in the wings,
All the wonders another term brings!
[Pause for Clapping & Cheers]
Give me just four more years
And I swear you won’t recognize things!”
(2012)

DEPENDENCE DAY
“I remember how some of us tried:
How we fought, how we failed, how we cried,
How we few knew the worth
Of this last hope on earth.
I was there when America died.”.
(2012)

HOPE AGAINST HOPE
By nefarious allies surrounded,
With socialist nostrums propounded,
Obama has won,
The change has begun,
And I hope that my fears are unfounded.
(2008)

CHANGE AGENT
“I’m a master at deceivin’,
At wigglin’, waffllin’, weavin’;
And when I create
A socialist state,
You’ll have change you can believe in.”
(2008)

FAILING MARX
Socialism is dead!
Done in, the indomitable Red!
Or so it would seem,
But in academe
One had better check under one’s bed.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

ADDRESS
All the fussbudgets waiting to see
Where “The State of the Union” will be!
I don’t care if it’s here
Or instead over there:
Its location means nothing to me.

  • Feb 04 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: ADDRESS

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ADDRESS
All the fussbudgets waiting to see
Where “The State of the Union” will be!
I don’t care if it’s here
Or instead over there:
Its location means nothing to me.

From the archive

STARTERS
Trump has done what he said that he would,
He has done it as fast as he could,
Plus, Obama is out,
Hillary’s lost all her clout,
And the state of the union is good.
(2018)

TOO MUCH WINNING
If you liked this year much more
Than the eight that went before,
Just wait and see
What another three
Or seven have in store.
(2017)

2017
With last month’s great electoral win,
A new president soon to come in,
And our eight-year-long slump
Sure to end (thanks to Trump),
I can’t wait for next year to begin!
(2016)

SOT-U
Here’s a drinking game you’ll want to try
If your goal is to get really high:
Watch Obama’s address
And then drink (to excess)
Every time he says I, me, or my.
(2015)

STATE OF THE UNION
This past year has gone by in a blur
And Obama has lost his allure,
But he’s yet to be thwarted
And is just getting started:
Three more years of this glib saboteur!
(2010)

BARACK AROUND THE CLOCK
Get ready, Blogger Nation,
For the pettifog-oration:
Cue the abstractions
And the cultic reactions!
It’s Obama’s inauguration!
(2009)

Last week’s limerick

ELDER ABUSE
When the March for Life ended, a crowd
Of hate-spewing racists got loud
And those Covington kids
With their red MAGA lids
Were accosted by lying “Red Cloud.”

  • Jan 28 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: ELDER ABUSE

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ELDER ABUSE
When the March for Life ended, a crowd
Of hate-spewing racists got loud
And those Covington kids
With their red MAGA lids
Were accosted by lying “Red Cloud.”

From the archive

CRYING GAME
When he wants to, Obama can cry,
But you won’t see a drop in his eye –
No, he won’t shed a tear –
For the million each year
Of babies aborted who die.
(2016)

PROSECUTION FOR THE WITNESS
Having witnessed a hideous crime,
He identified all of the prime
Individuals involved,
But the case is resolved
With the witness the one doing time.
(2015)

CHILDHOOD MEMORY
“I once had a daughter or son.
To this day, I don’t know which one.
I later was wed.
Still, my first child is dead.
Please forgive me for what I have done.”
(2014)

MARCH
No, their numbers are never reported
(If they were, they’d be greatly distorted),
But this year in the throng,
Fifty million-plus strong,
Are the souls of the children aborted.
(2013)

POSTNATAL ABORTION
Oh, the wailing could hardly be shriller
For the fallen abortionist Tiller:
How those pro-choicers burn
With such tender concern
For an infamous serial killer!
(2009)

NO BIG DEAL
Why feel sorry for the slain
While you’re sucking out his brain,
Tearing off of him
Every little limb,
If he cannot feel real pain?
(2005)

DOA
“Shall I never see the morn?
Hear a rattle, bell, or horn?
Or taste the air?
Or touch your hair?
Must I die before I’m born?”
(2005)

MOTHER’S DAZE
“In confusion I resorted
To the ‘choice’ that was exhorted;
Now every day
I cry and pray
For the baby I aborted.”
(2003)

LOST ON EARTH
We’re so eager to find a trace
Of the least little life in space,
But here on Earth
We bar the birth
Of lives we could embrace.
(2001)

CHOICE POSITION
Don’t be fooled by the “pro-choice” ruse
That amoralists use to confuse,
For your choices could
Be bad or good
And it matters how you choose.
(2001)

LEGAL ISSUE
Five Justices’ wanton support
Preserves the grim “right” to abort:
To keep babies alive,
Replace one of those five
And establish a life-choosing Court.
(2000)

TERRIFIED TISSUE
“Oh, Mama, don’t let that thing get me!
Oh, Mama, you’ve not even met me!
Oh, Mama, please give
Me a lifetime to live!
Oh, Mama, you’d never regret me!”
(2000)

Last week’s limerick

PRESS INTO SERVICE
Just what kind of a wall should we pick?
We don’t need one of steel or of brick:
Give Acosta the order
To stand on the border.
Who could penetrate someone that thick?

  • Jan 21 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: PRESS INTO SERVICE

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PRESS INTO SERVICE
Just what kind of a wall should we pick?
We don’t need one of steel or of brick:
Give Acosta the order
To stand on the border.
Who could penetrate someone that thick?

From the archive

BASKET OF DEPORTABLES
“If you come to our home the right way,
Friendly strangers, you’re welcome to stay;
If you try to sneak in,
You’ll be sent back again:
‘Bon voyage!’ and ‘Have an ICE day!’”
(2018)

FAMILY VALUES
“You’re a member of the Left to me –
A brother, uncle, nephew, see?
You can rape my wife
Or take my life:
It’s okay if you’re a ‘refugee.’”
(2017)

MENDING WALL
There’s no need to rattle sabers
Just because we’re checking papers:
We will build a wall
To screen them all
‘Cause good fences make good neighbors.
(2017)

E PLURIBUS
Our last names may be Hess, Hock, or Harrigan,
Federov, Feldstein, or Farrakhan,
MacDonald, Mandina,
Nguyen, Wong, Kim, or Pena,
But we’re one and we’re all all-American.
(2016)

DREAMERS FROM MY FATHERLAND
“People say I pursue my goals sneakily
Or, exceeding my powers, act regally,
But I’ve done what I’ve done
‘Cause I feel myself one
With the folks who have come here illegally.”
(2015)

PRESIDENT EVIL
Open borders and mass immigration,
Homosexual indoctrination,
Racial riots and war:
That’s what he has in store,
That’s Obama’s macabre “transformation.”
(2014)

VISITORS
If you’re in someone’s home as a guest,
Try to see that your host is impressed:
Don’t do anything wrong
And don’t stay overlong
Or in any way act like a pest.
(2014)

WELCOME TO AMERICA
“You illegally crossed our border?
You’re a drugs and weapons importer?
You’re a sociopath
Spewing venomous wrath?
Yes, everything seems in order.”
(2002)

TWO-WAY TRAFFIC
It came as an inspiration,
The solution to mass immigration:
For each incoming worker,
Deport one native shirker
To some socialist paradise nation.
(2001)

BLANK LIKE ME
Census takers who tally my head
Will not know if I’m black, white, or red:
Because, in the space
To designate race,
I’ll inscribe the word “human” instead.
(2000)

PREFIXATION
Adding Euro- and Afro- won’t do:
Ethnic conflict will only ensue.
No hyphen for me:
I’m happy to be
An American through and through.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

REWARD & PUNISHMENT
Those sweet carrots on a string
And hard sticks you sometimes swing –
When too often denied
Or too often applied –
Lose their sapor and their sting.

  • Jan 14 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: REWARD & PUNISHMENT

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REWARD & PUNISHMENT
Those sweet carrots on a string
And hard sticks you sometimes swing –
When too often denied
Or too often applied –
Lose their sapor and their sting.

From the archive

TOXIC
Modern mother, what harm you have done:
You’ve admonished your fatherless son
Not to shout, not to run,
Not to shoot a toy gun,
Not to ever have any real fun!
(2018)

BOYS WILL BE BOYS
“If we must give up guns, sticks, and balls
And like girls be content just with dolls,
Then we’ll rip off their heads
And tear them to shreds
And bounce all the bits off the walls.”
(2001)

Last week’s limerick

OH, MITT!
Let us give you some advice:
You’ve already rolled the dice,
You had your turn,
And it’s time you learn
That we won’t nominate you twice.

  • Jan 07 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: OH, MITT!

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OH, MITT!
Let us give you some advice:
You’ve already rolled the dice,
You had your turn,
And it’s time you learn
That we won’t nominate you twice.

From the archive

WHIGGING OUT
Do the Democrats represent you?
Are Republicans renegade, too?
Would you like to see Trump shun
Their colossal presumption
And our two-party system renew?
(2017)

DIS ESTABLISHMENT
Bush and Dole and Bush again?
Romney after John McCain?
Reagan and Trump,
You tried to dump?
Grand Old Party, please explain.
(2016)

RINOPLASTY
“If you don’t want your votes cast in vain,
Then wash Newt, Rick, and Ron down the drain;
Accept candidate Romney
As the mandated nominee:
Be consoled with a clone of McCain!”
(2012)

TEATOTALERS
Having taken it on the chin,
All the RINOs are packing it in:
They’d rather abstain
Than actively deign
To help Tea Party candidates win.
(2010)

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST
Having rendered himself indistinct,
A Republican candidate finked,
And we now can take Crist
Off the endangered list,
‘Cause this RINO’s already extinct.
(2010)

Last week’s limerick

NAILED IT!
At the start of each year: aspirations.
At the end of each year: celebrations.
Every year turns out good
When you knew that it would
‘Cause you had very low expectations.

  • Dec 31 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: NAILED IT!

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NAILED IT!
At the start of each year: aspirations.
At the end of each year: celebrations.
Every year turns out good
When you knew that it would
‘Cause you had very low expectations.

From the archive

TOO MUCH WINNING
If you liked this year much more
Than the eight that went before,
Just wait and see
What another three
Or seven have in store.
(2017)

2017
With last month’s great electoral win,
A new president soon to come in,
And our eight-year-long slump
Sure to end (thanks to Trump),
I can’t wait for next year to begin!
(2016)

TIME!
At the outset our standards were high,
But they lowered as deadlines drew nigh:
With the end of the year
Now uncomfortably near,
We’ll do just what we must to get by.
(2015)

HAPPY YOU NEAR!
Celebrate with champagne and hoorays
All three hundred and sixty-five days:
Every eve is like New Year
When you have the right who there
And your hearts are two fireworks ablaze.
(2014)

WHITE LIE
As the years made them grayer and golder,
Every New Year’s he hugged her and told her
That he loved her and she
Was still young as could be –
Though their children had gotten much older.
(2014)

MAYOR MAY NOT
We can’t know what the future will bring,
What health hazards Fate at us will fling,
But there’s nothing to fear
In Manhattan this year:
Mayor Bloomers has banned everything.
(2012)

BARACK AGAIN
Suffered three years so far of Obama
And Michelle, our new substitute mama:
Cannot wait ’til he’s canned
And we won’t have to stand
Yet another full year of his drama.
(2011)

THAT’S A WRAP!
There were high points to Two-Thousand-Ten,
Forming memories recalled with a grin:
Yes, I had me some fun,
But I’m glad that it’s done –
And I wouldn’t go through it again.
(2010)

RESOLUTIONS
1. Reconnect with a special old friend
2. Earn a few dollars more than I spend
3. Try to concentrate solely
On becoming more holy
4. Make it all the way through to year’s end.
(2009)

YEAR MUFF
I sure hope that it isn’t a sign
Of accelerating mental decline
When I know it’s too late
To write 2008
But forget to write 2009.
(2008)

NEW YEAR
I’m a victim of non-circumstance,
Having gone through the year in a trance.
Maybe 2008
Didn’t turn out so great,
But I’ll soon have another new chance.
(2008)

SISYPHUS
For 12 months I had strived to get there,
And at last to the top I drew near;
When I reached the hill’s crown,
The stone rolled right back down,
So I’m starting all over this year.
(2007)

JANUARY 1
I resolve not to gain any weight,
I resolve not to ever be late,
I resolve not to get
Any further in debt –
On this single inceptional date!
(2007)

ANNUAL REPORT
I’m amazed when the year’s finally through
At the things that I’ve managed to do,
But I can’t understand
Why the things that I planned
Are the things that I never got to.
(2006)

OUT OF TIME
How I leapt into 2005
And pursued all my plans with such drive!
But it’s now crystal clear
That there’s not enough year
Before 2006 will arrive.
(2005)

RUN OF THE MILLENNIUM
Our thousand-year party was fun.
We’ll repeat it for 2001.
A millennial glow
Two years in a row
And a hangover second to none!
(2000)

DISCONTINUING RESOLUTIONS
Resolutions I’ve hastily made
Are infrequently kept, I’m afraid;
Still, I find I can live up
To a promise to give up
Resolutions I’ve hastily made.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

RE GIFT
When I say this, I’m being sincere:
I don’t dislike fruitcake, my dear.
It’s just I’m bewildered
’Cause it looks so familiar –
Like the one that I gave you last year.

  • Dec 24 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: RE GIFT

Help put Christ back in Christmas by sharing

“A VISIT FROM THE CHRIST CHILD.”

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RE GIFT
When I say this, I’m being sincere:
I don’t dislike fruitcake, my dear.
It’s just I’m bewildered
’Cause it looks so familiar –
Like the one that I gave you last year.

From the archive

FRUITCAKE
A fruitcake came one day
And I sent it on its way.
The next day, then,
It was back again,
But here it cannot stay.
I sent it to one brother,
Who sent it to another.
It eventually
Came back to me,
In a package from my mother.
I sent it to a friend —
At least, he was ’til then.
He sent it back
With a caustic crack
And we never spoke again.
I sent it to my boss
And signed it “Santa Claus.”
My name he guessed
And readdressed
That spice-baked albatross.
I sent it to a client,
Who proved to be defiant:
It seems the space
In his office place
Is fruitcake noncompliant.
I picked someone at random
In hopes that he could stand ’em.
It was returned:
Somehow he’d learned
I was the Fruitcake Phantom.
If a fruitcake comes today,
I think I’ll let it stay.
It’s crystal clear
Its place is here —
And I must move away.
FOOD CHAIN
Some people will complain
Or think that you’re insane
When you send out ten
To foe and friend
And start a fruitcake chain.
But those ten people then
Will send out ten again:
Not one will deign
To break the chain
And risk a tragic end.
One caution you should heed
Before you do proceed:
What you send out may
Come back one day
In numbers you don’t need.

Last week’s limerick

MESSY CHRISTMAS
All the kids make a merry mad dash
And they open their gifts in a flash,
But they leave all the wrapping
On the floor while they’re napping
And the gifts get thrown out with the trash.

  • Dec 17 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: MESSY CHRISTMAS

Help put Christ back in Christmas by circulating this verse* widely.

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

MESSY CHRISTMAS
All the kids make a merry mad dash
And they open their gifts in a flash,
But they leave all the wrapping
On the floor while they’re napping
And the gifts get thrown out with the trash.

From the archive

*A VISIT FROM THE CHRIST CHILD

THE WORLD-FAMOUS FRUITCAKE POEM

NEW CHRISTMAS CLASSICS

Last week’s limerick

TRANSPARENCY
Prosecutors have compacted
All the laws he has infracted,
But it’s hard to see
Criminality
When the facts are all redacted.

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