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Posts Tagged / politickle

  • Nov 28 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: NUTS TO CASTRO

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

NUTS TO CASTRO
Though delusions are hard to dispel,
All it takes is the will to rebel,
But what kind of a chump
Fears the businessman Trump
And adores the dictator Fidel?

From the archive

¿CUANDO?
With el Jefe confined to his bed,
Every Cuban is careful what’s said:
Out in public Fidel
Must be urged to get well,
While in private implored to drop dead.
(20o7)

ADIOS AMEBA!
Every Cuban who’s conscious and sane
Will applaud at the end of his reign:
When he heads off to hell,
There’ll be no more Fidel
To cause “Castro intestinal pain.”
(20o7)

FREE CUBA
Cuba’s future’s no longer in doubt.
Little brother Raul has no clout.
Listen close and you’ll hear
The unutterable cheer.
Fidel Castro is on his way out!
(20o6)

GOODBYE, BAD MEN
The future’s decidedly grim
For Fidel, for Saddam, and for Kim,
Because sooner or later
Each demonic dictator
Must get what is coming to him.
(2003)

CUBA LIBRE
Your days are now numbered, Fidel.
Pretty soon they’ll be tolling your bell.
When they shout, “Cuba free!”
Rum and cokes are on me,
And I’ll hand out Havanas as well.
(2000)

Last week’s limerick

YUGE MEAL
Trump has won, there’s no way to annul it:
Celebrate with a Thanksgiving pullet,
But, before you eat, nod
And be grateful to God
That our country has just dodged a bullet.

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  • Nov 21 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: YUGE MEAL

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

YUGE MEAL
Trump has won, there’s no way to annul it:
Celebrate with a Thanksgiving pullet,
But, before you eat, nod
And be grateful to God
That our country has just dodged a bullet.

From the archive

REMEMBERED
“Like so many, I usually feel
That Thanksgiving is not a big deal.
As it once more draws near,
I feel different this year:
I’m invited somewhere for a meal.”
(2015)

COLD TURKEY
Though our Thanksgiving customs are charming,
Experts say one such custom is harming
Our environment and planet
And they may have to ban it:
This man-made, oven-based gobbler warming.
(2014)

TURKEY SURPRISE
“Maw, I cain’t get the butcherin’ done.
You an’ Granny had both better run:
That big turkey’s a-fussin’
An’ comin’ for us’n –
With my hatchet and Paw’s 12-gauge gun!”
(2013)

THANK GOD!
This Thanksgiving, may families join ranks
And remember to fill in the blanks:
So expression of gratitude
May be more than a platitude,
Let’s acknowledge to Whom we give thanks.
(2012)

LEFTOVERS
Thursday’s carcass long after supplies
Turkey Sandwiches, Stews, and Pot Pies;
Turkey Omelets, Fettucini,
Casseroles, Tetrazzini;
Turkey Gumbo, à la King, and Surprise.
(2011)

DRESS CODE
We showed up in our holiday best,
With the exception of one honored guest,
So the dinner was late
And we all had to wait
Because “Tom” was not properly dressed.
(2010)

ASK AND RECEIVE
The poor Tinman is lacking a heart,
While the Scarecrow is not very smart;
And the King of the Forest,
Expected to roar best,
Is reluctant to play a brave part.
(2009)

OOH LA LA!
A fried turkey injected with spice,
Shrimp-stuffed mirlitons and dirty rice,
Pecan pie, oyster dressing –
How we rush through the blessing!
Yes, a Creole Thanksgiving is nice.
(2008)

GRATITUDE
If you’re thankful for your lot
And all the things you’ve got,
Then say a prayer
And give a care
For someone on the spot.
(2007)

FAVORITE DISH
How much better can Thanksgiving get?
In my bedroom a 60-inch set,
And in HD displayed
This year’s Macy’s Parade:
Waking up to a scrumptious Rockette!
(2007)

SATIETY
With the turkey and trimmings procured,
Our Thanksgiving repast is assured,
But it won’t be complete
‘Til we sit down to eat
And the family’s as stuffed as the bird.
(2006)

CIRCULAR SAUCE
If your husband’s a Thanksgiving fan
And a cranberry sauce kind of man,
You might make him a batch
Of the sauce all from scratch,
But he’ll miss that weird goop in the can!
(2005)

THANKSGIVING
Lord, we ask of you a boon:
To bless our guests this noon.
We’re so grateful they
Could come today –
And have to leave real soon!
(2004)

GOBBLER
Hold your horses; we’re not in a race.
Get that drumstick away from your face.
Now put your fork down
And stop making that frown.
You can eat when we finish the grace.
(2003)

Last week’s limerick

RANK
What acclaim does Obama deserve,
Who had nothing to offer but nerve?
Least experienced to start,
Least improved to depart,
The least qualified ever to serve.

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  • Nov 14 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: RANK

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

RANK
What acclaim does Obama deserve,
Who had nothing to offer but nerve?
Least experienced to start,
Least improved to depart,
The least qualified ever to serve.

From the archive

TRANSFORMER
It was destiny, she knew it
And was certain she could do it:
Be the one to set precedent
As the first woman president,
But Obama beat her to it.
(2014)

Last week’s limerick

GHOSTBUSTERS
Trump supporters must flock to the polls,
Not believe all the negative trolls:
This might be our last chance
To arrest their advance
And outvote all the ghosts on the rolls.

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  • Nov 07 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: GHOSTBUSTERS

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

GHOSTBUSTERS
Trump supporters must flock to the polls,
Not believe all the negative trolls:
This might be our last chance
To arrest their advance
And outvote all the ghosts on the rolls.

From the archive

PERFECT!
Aren’t elitist Republicans quaint?
They’re offended by his unrestraint?
The alternative’s worse,
But to him they’re averse?
Choose a devil ’cause Trump’s not a saint?
(2016)

MANIA
“That corrupt and incompetent frump
Or that slovenly socialist grump?
Either one would be better
Than a genuine go-getter:
We must do what we can to stop Trump!”
(2016)

DIS ESTABLISHMENT
Bush and Dole and Bush again?
Romney after John McCain?
Reagan and Trump,
You tried to dump?
Grand Old Party, please explain.
(2016)

HOPELESS
They elected a black Forrest Gump,
Whom world leaders dismissed as a chump,
By this churl they were charmed,
Now they say they’re alarmed
At the prospect of President Trump!
(2016)

Last week’s limerick

GOOD NOOSE
With more dirt every day to defend,
Even Hillary can now see the trend:
“It’s just not meant to be,
I’ll need some place to flee,
My great criminal career’s at an end.”

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  • Oct 31 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: GOOD NOOSE

goodnoose

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

GOOD NOOSE
With more dirt every day to defend,
Even Hillary can now see the trend:
“It’s just not meant to be,
I’ll need some place to flee,
My great criminal career’s at an end.”

From the archive

HOLLOW WEENIE
“I may act like Elmer Fudd
And appear to be a dud,
But I’m truly spectacular,
The awesome Count Barackula,
And I want to suck your blood.”
(2011)

HOUSE OF HORRORS
By the demons we all have been taunted
As unnatural powers were flaunted,
But the townsfolk will rout
And then drive the fiends out
Of the House on the Hill that is haunted.
(2009)

GETTING WHAT WE ASK FOR
Halloween we all shout “Trick or Treat!”
As we hit every house on the street.
The next morning we wake
With a bad stomach ache,
‘Cause we had too much candy to eat.
(2009)

NANCYLVANIA
With the change in the House status quo, see
The new Madame Speaker Pelosi
Enduring the glare
With the crazed, glassy stare
Of a transgendered Bela Lugosi.
(2007)

NIGHT OF THE VOTING DEAD
“We’ll be summoned from slumberous state
To endorse the quadrennial slate;
Then it’s back to the grave,
Where we’ll try to behave
‘Til another electoral date!”
(2004)

THE GREAT BUMPKIN
Linus scans the nightscape scary
For a form imaginary:
There, looming tall
Like an orange ball,
Glows a pumpkin-colored Kerry!
(2004)

HILLAREEN
What compares to the horrible fright
That will haunt us on Halloween night?
Consider the fear,
As elections draw near,
Ghoulish candidates soon will excite!
(2003)

INAUGURAL NIGHT
Bush had plenty of sleep before,
Knowing now he will get no more,
With the clanking chain
And the cries of pain
From the ghost of a grieving Gore.
(2000)

RECOUNT DRACULA
There once was a man named Vlad
Who was known for a habit he had:
With such pride in his nailing,
When he took to impaling
No one ever would challenge his chad.
(2000)

MR. PRECEDENT
What a vile conglomeration
Of every abomination:
In Clinton’s wake,
Only villains will make
A bid for the nomination.
(1999)

WHAT IS IT, E-GORE?
The mad doctor was testing a drug
When he felt on his labcoat a tug:
“Master, oh Master,
We’ve got to work faster
To destroy the Millennium Bug!”
(1999)

ZOMBIES
From justice they craftily fled
And avoided the sanctions they dread;
Now O.J. and Bill
Can linger at will
In the night of the fast-living dead.
(1999)

Last week’s limerick

WHY? WHY? WHY?
“Is it all the untrue things I’ve said?
Is it that I look more than half-dead?
That I’m guilty of treason,
Could that be the reason?
Is that why I am not way ahead?”

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  • Oct 17 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: PERFECT!

perfect

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

PERFECT!
Aren’t elitist Republicans quaint?
They’re offended by his unrestraint?
The alternative’s worse,
But to him they’re averse?
Choose a devil ’cause Trump’s not a saint?

From the archive

MANIA
“That corrupt and incompetent frump
Or that slovenly socialist grump?
Either one would be better
Than a genuine go-getter:
We must do what we can to stop Trump!”
(2016)

DIS ESTABLISHMENT
Bush and Dole and Bush again?
Romney after John McCain?
Reagan and Trump,
You tried to dump?
Grand Old Party, please explain.
(2016)

HOPELESS
They elected a black Forrest Gump,
Whom world leaders dismissed as a chump,
By this churl they were charmed,
Now they say they’re alarmed
At the prospect of President Trump!
(2016)

RINOPLASTY
“If you don’t want your votes cast in vain,
Then wash Newt, Rick, and Ron down the drain;
Accept candidate Romney
As the mandated nominee:
Be consoled with a clone of McCain!”
(2012)

TEATOTALERS
Having taken it on the chin,
All the RINOs are packing it in:
They’d rather abstain
Than actively deign
To help Tea Party candidates win.
(2010)

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST
Having rendered himself indistinct,
A Republican candidate finked,
And we now can take Crist
Off the endangered list,
‘Cause this RINO’s already extinct.
(2010)

Last week’s limerick

A-NOT-HER
If for no other principled reason,
In this present electoral season
With two candidates who
Are repugnant to you,
Choose the one who’s not guilty of treason.

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  • Oct 10 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: A-NOT-HER

a-not-her

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

A-NOT-HER
If for no other principled reason,
In this present electoral season
With two candidates who
Are repugnant to you,
Choose the one who’s not guilty of treason.

Lagniappe

BALLAD OF HILL’RY CLINTON*

Married to the governor of Arkansas,
Saw herself and him as above the law.
How that First Lady would scratch and claw
To get some filthy lucre in her grubby paws!
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

At Madison Guaranty Savings & Loan,
The McDougals did their best to throw her a bone.
Everyone went to prison, ‘cept Bill and her alone.
“Whitewatergate” is how that scandal’s known.
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

When she got to the White House, there were scandals galore:
There were Travelgate and Fostergate and umpteen more,
Filegate and Chinagate (with help from Al Gore),
Pardongate and other -gates – who can even keep score?
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

In the Senate and at State, there was more of the same:
Trading favors for financing has always been her aim.
For disasters like Bengazi, she refused to take the blame,
Emailgate’s the latest and she acts like it’s a game.
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

She will speak in phony accents ’cause she likes to condescend,
She just uses everybody and has never had a friend,
She deserves to be in prison and that’s where her life should end,
How she expects to be the president is too hard to comprehend.
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

*to the tune of “Davy Crockett”

Last week’s limerick

ORGANIZED FOR ACTION
Want some protesters at the mall?
Need to rig an election this fall?
Whatever the job,
The Obamaphone Mob
Is now waiting to take your call.

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  • Oct 03 / 2016
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YWP: ORGANIZED FOR ACTION

organized

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

ORGANIZED FOR ACTION
Want some protesters at the mall?
Need to rig an election this fall?
Whatever the job,
The Obamaphone Mob
Is now waiting to take your call.

From the archive

OAF FOR OFA*
“I will post on a popular site
That appeals to the rubes on the right,
I’ll pretend to engage them,
Then I’ll quickly enrage them,
Leaving heat where there might have been light.”
(2013)
*Organizing for Action

THE BURROWERS
“Just like Cronkite and Edward R. Murrow,
We’re committed, determined, and thorough:
In the media, the schools,
With our radical rules,
We’re the moles that unceasingly burrow.”
(2011)

Last week’s limerick

INNER VOICE
“I’m sorry, I can’t hear.
Say, ‘I’m sick, dishonest, queer’?
Wait a minute! Hey!
What did I just say?
Someone’s hacked into my ear!”

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  • Sep 26 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: INNER VOICE

innervoice

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

INNER VOICE
“I’m sorry, I can’t hear.
Say, ‘I’m sick, dishonest, queer’?
Wait a minute! Hey!
What did I just say?
Someone’s hacked into my ear!”

From the archive

RUSSIAN INTO BATTLE
On the day of the duel, he was glad
That he’d chosen the weapon he had:
Teleprompter for Barry.
And his poor adversary?
Just a shoulder-fired missile for Vlad.
(2014)

NEXT TIME
“By October 16th, that’s the date
That I want you to have this all straight:
Teleprompter is on,
Romney’s microphone’s gone.
Then we’ll see who will win the debate!”
(2012)

PINOCCHIOBAMA
While we hang on his every last word,
Mesmerized by the mishmash we’ve heard,
Teleprompters relay
What the dummy should say
And our president’s Mortimer Snerd.
(2009)

Last week’s limerick

AHEM
“This whole issue’s asinine [COUGH]
And there isn’t any sign [COUGH]
Of anything wrong,
So let’s move along:
My physician says I’m fine [COUGH].”

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  • Sep 19 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: AHEM

ahem

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

AHEM
“This whole issue’s asinine [COUGH]
And there isn’t any sign [COUGH]
Of anything wrong,
So let’s move along:
My physician says I’m fine [COUGH].”

From the archive

OBAMACARE
“We would never overtly deny
Any care we’re prepared to supply;
If we do have to ration,
With a practiced compassion
We’ll decide who deserves most to die.”
(2009)

GOOD GRIEF
“Now, children, please don’t cry.
It’s time to say goodbye.
Today’s the day
We booked in May:
It’s Grandma’s turn to die.”
(2009)

IN THE DOGHOUSE
“My poor siblings and I are so sad:
He’s the best friend that we ever had,
With a heart of pure gold,
But he has gotten old,
And it’s time that we euthanize Dad.”
(2009)

Last week’s limerick

JOHNSON
Gary knows what is a depot,
Gary knows what is a Zeppo,
But it’s plain to show
Gary doesn’t know
What the hell on earth’s a leppo.

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