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Posts Tagged / political limerick

  • Sep 10 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: 0BAMA

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0BAMA
If his predecessor was to blame
For each failure attached to his name,
As a form of redress
His successor’s success
He should now be permitted to claim.

From the archive

U.S. OPEN
How Obama will stutter and sputter
And act like his spine’s made of butter!
Nine-Eleven draws near,
But there’s nothing to fear
With our leader’s firm grip on his putter.
(2014)

OBAMA DOCTRINE
There’s no need for a war on terror.
Just say no to the c’est-la-guerrer.
Everything will be ducky
As long as we’re lucky
And the terrorist makes an error.
(2010)

CORDOBA
Like a swaggering conquering hero,
Rauf is building a mosque at Ground Zero
— Where some 3000 bodies
Were interred by jihadis —
And Obama just fiddles like Nero.
(2010)

SUBMISSION
These new guidelines are certainly odd:
“We must never denounce the jihad;
We must never demean
The mujahideen,
As they force us to worship their god.”
(2008)

9-11, THE MOVIE
“We’ve done all we could possibly do
To incorporate your point of view!”
“Oh, I know,” said blythe Bill,
“But I’m wondering still,
Could you please make your movie less true?”
(2006)

SEPTEMBER 11TH
Kissed my loved one at the door.
No idea what lay in store.
In the tower
Not an hour.
Now my loved one is no more.
(2001)

Last week’s limerick

IN THE PUNCH BOWL
Do you wonder why Francis demurred,
Also wonder if he was deterred
By his own share of blame,
And because of his shame
Papa Caca would not say a word?

  • Sep 03 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: IN THE PUNCH BOWL

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IN THE PUNCH BOWL
Do you wonder why Francis demurred,
Also wonder if he was deterred
By his own share of blame,
And because of his shame
Papa Caca would not say a word?

From the archive

McCARRICK
Woe to shepherds who secretly mock
And mislead the poor sheep in their flock!
Woe to bishops betraying
And on innocents preying!
Woe to all undermining the Rock!
(2018)

IMBROGLIO
Like Obama, he promises hope
And a yep to replace every nope:
“Forget about sins
And let’s just be friends,”
Says all affably dear Auntie Pope.
(2017)

BAD SAMARITANS
When a brother has wandered astray,
Those who love him will show him the way;
Those who follow the fashion
Of corrupted compassion
Will assure him his sin is okay.
(2010)

ECCE HOMO
“Comrades, have no fears;
It’s only a matter of years:
We’ll sneak some fairies
Through the seminaries;
Soon the Church will be full of queers!”
(2002)

Last week’s limerick

CLUB GITMO
Will they swig rum & cokes and cavort?
The Obamas and Clintons report
They’ll be spending “vacay”
In Guantanamo Bay
At a very exclusive resort.

  • Aug 27 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: CLUB GITMO

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CLUB GITMO
Will they swig rum & cokes and cavort?
The Obamas and Clintons report
They’ll be spending “vacay”
In Guantanamo Bay
At a very exclusive resort.

From the archive

VACANCY
With his second term set to expire,
A new residence he will require
In a tropical clime
That won’t cost him one dime!
Yes, Guantanamo’s where he’ll retire!
(2015)

THE REAL McCAIN
Donald Trump may say things to regret
And make prim politicians upset,
But it’s “hero” McCain
Who’s obliged to explain
How he’s treated the Vietnam vet.
(2015)

SWIFT BOATS IS A-COMIN’
Here’s a question for Mr. McCain:
Do you think you could deign to explain
Why you don’t seem to mind
That we left men behind
– Are you callous, corrupt, or insane?
(2008)

I SEE DUMB PEOPLE
I would like to hear someone explain
How a person possessed of a brain
– Aside from his mama –
Could support Red Obama
Or endorse the Manchurian McCain.
(2008)

PHONY EXPRESS
It’s not all that hard to explain
Why the media fawn on McCain:
You know they would balk
At truly “straight talk,”
But they love a Republican bane.
(2003)

Last week’s limerick

RIGHT ON Q
Though for months it has seemed like a dud,
The drip-dropping will soon be a flood,
And the things we will hear
As the midterms draw near:
Dirty Democrats covered in mud!

  • Aug 20 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: RIGHT ON Q

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RIGHT ON Q
Though for months it has seemed like a dud,
The drip-dropping will soon be a flood,
And the things we will hear
As the midterms draw near:
Dirty Democrats covered in mud!

From the archive

SLOW DEATH
As investigators make connections,
Dirty Democrats face rejections:
Their poll numbers will slip
As the facts drip, drip –
Right on up to the midterm elections.
(2018)

WELL, DUH!
I had never the slightest confusion
And came easily to this conclusion,
Needing no one to show me
It was Mueller and Comey
With the Clintons engaged in collusion.
(2017)

URANIUM ONE
To avoid an erroneous conclusion,
Let’s begin by dispelling confusion:
It was Hillary who took
Russian bribes like a crook,
It was Hillary engaged in collusion.
(2017)

ONE LAW
Equal justice is our paradigm
And applies to commission of crime.
That’s why Comey and Lynch
Should both feel the “pinch”
And Obama and Clinton do time.
(2017)

BALLAD OF HILL’RY CLINTON

[to the tune of Davy Crockett]

Married to the governor of Arkansas,
Saw herself and him as above the law.
How that First Lady would scratch and claw
To get some filthy lucre in her grubby paws!
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

At Madison Guaranty Savings & Loan,
The McDougals did their best to throw her a bone.
Everyone went to prison, ‘cept Bill and her alone.
“Whitewatergate” is how that scandal’s known.
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

When she got to the White House, there were scandals galore:
There were Travelgate and Fostergate and umpteen more,
Filegate and Chinagate (with help from Al Gore),
Pardongate and other -gates – who can even keep score?
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

In the Senate and at State, there was more of the same:
Trading favors for financing has always been her aim.
For disasters like Bengazi, she refused to take the blame,
Emailgate’s the latest and she acts like it’s a game.
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

She will speak in phony accents ’cause she likes to condescend,
She just uses everybody and has never had a friend,
She deserves to be in prison and that’s where her life should end,
How she expects to be the president is too hard to comprehend.
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!
(2016)

Last week’s limerick

TOO MUCH WINNIE
Xi Jinping likes to act like he’s tough,
But his bluster is nothing but bluff:
He’s a dictator who
Is frightened by Pooh!
Who’s afraid of a bear stuffed with fluff?

  • Aug 06 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: ENEMEDIA

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ENEMEDIA
When you’re constantly taking sides
With a narrative that divides,
When you won’t play it straight
As the Fourth Estate,
You’ve surrendered your bona fides.

From the archive

HOGGWASH
“Receive our wisdom, peasants,
And be grateful for our presence
As your benefactors,”
Say anchors and actors,
Athletes, and adolescents.
(2018)

DAINTY, AREN’T WE?
“Such a horror has never occurred,
Such a thing never spoken or heard:
We were shocked and dismayed,
Mortified and afraid
When the president said a bad word!”
(2018)

OUT OF BOUNDS
If you’re good on a stage or a court,
You’ll enjoy our unflagging support,
But don’t offer us clues
To your vacuous views:
Stick to acting or playing a sport.
(2017)

SUPER BAWL
Seeing tirades and tantrums begin
Well before Donald Trump was sworn in,
Fake adults throwing fits
Like some overgrown kids,
Aren’t you glad these big brats didn’t win?
(2017)

GATEKEEPERS
Academia’s vetting our views,
Mainstream media’s spinning our news,
But they seem to forget
That it’s all on the Net:
Their distortions are not what we choose.
(2017)

CAVEAT LECTOR
Boat I bought had great reviews,
Couldn’t wait to take a cruise,
Launched it and – kerplunk! –
Down it went and sunk,
So beware of fake canoes.
(2017)

NEWS SURREAL
Mainstream media’s known to suffuse
Its reports with particular views:
With this bias abundant,
It’s absurdly redundant
To call what it offers “fake news.”
(2017)

THIS IS CNN
“Hey! Hello! Over here! Can’t you see?
I’ve a question to ask! Call on me!
Are you totally blind?
Are you out of your mind?
I’m a big shot who’s seen on TV!”
(2017)

SELF-ANOINTED
“How can anyone belie us
Or suggest we bear a bias?
Our head-tilted-back poses
Let you see up our noses,
Proving we’re ever so pious.”
(2017)

PRESS PASS
“Yes, Obama’s dark past we denied,
His gargantuan gaffes we let slide,
But this Dr. Ben Carson
Comes across like a parson:
We just know he’s got something to hide!”
(2015)

HOIST
Quintanilla and Harwood and Quick
Thought they’d worked out a dynamite shtick:
“Since we’re on the left side,
Let’s be snarky and snide,
Playing dumb as we lay it on thick.”
(2015)

TWITS
It may be just the biggest lie ever,
Making saner sorts say, “Well, I never!”
But celebrities tweet it
And you have to repeat it
If you want to sound current and clever.
(2014)

PROJECTIONISTS
It’s a simple, effective deceit:
Those called “racist” are doomed to defeat,
Yet the ones with most gall,
The most racist of all,
Are the pandering liberal elite.
(2014)

DETOX
Take the pledge and escape from its grip,
Nevermore from this moment a nip:
If you value your brain,
You must henceforth refrain
From the vile Mainstream Media drip.
(2014)

WATCHDOGS
“There’s just too much at stake,
We’ve got other muck to rake,
So, thanks, Sheriff Joe,
But we’d rather not know
If the birth certificate’s fake.”
(2012)

MISS CANDY TO THE RESCUE!
Miss Candy to the rescue!
Miss Candy to the rescue!
Go, Miss Candy!
Go, Miss Candy!

Miss Candy put her man on top,
Wouldn’t be just a traffic cop,
Saw Benghazi as a runaway horse,
Uh oh, time to change course.
Miss Candy to the rescue, ETC.

Miss Candy had a job to do
And she was the moderator, too.
Miss Candy saw her favorite guy
Looking like he’s about to cry.
Miss Candy to the rescue, ETC.
(2012)

CANDY CROWLEY REPORTS
“You would have to be totally blind
Or completely out of your mind
To begin to esteem
The Republican team:
They’re too decent, intelligent, kind.”
(2012)

FULL COVERAGE
“Save Santorum, Newt Gingrich, and Cain,
Male debaters wore blue ties and plain;
And, though Bachmann chose gray,
Darker suits won the day.
This is Chris Wallace from the campaign.”
(2011)

FIFTH COLUMN
Our brave battle for self-preservation
Must address the domestic predation
Of those traitors and fools
– All those socialist tools –
Who are hoping to change our great nation.
(2011)

THE BURROWERS
“Just like Cronkite and Edward R. Murrow,
We’re committed, determined, and thorough:
In the media, the schools,
With our radical rules,
We’re the moles that unceasingly burrow.”
(2011)

BALANCE
“This Talk Radio’s going too far
And we soon will be raising the bar:
In the interest of fairness
And cultural awareness,
Every station will air NPR.”
(2009)

SORRY CHARLIE
How they made such a hullabaloo
Over one rather blah interview!
Sarah Palin’s got class,
Charlie Gibson’s an ass –
These are things that we already knew!
(2008)

THE RULES
“We can tell filthy lies about you
And there’s nothing at all you can do,
But we’ll make such a fuss
If you criticize us –
Even if what you say is quite true.”
(2007)

SAD TIMES
Their respect for the truth may be scanty,
Their perspective outrageously slanty;
Still, despite all their lies,
The posh Pulitzer Prize
Is retained by the Times and Duranty.
(2003)

JENNINGS DOES BASEBALL
“Diehard fans are still cheering and grinning,
Convinced that their favourites are winning:
Yes, their team’s up by ten
And at bat once again,
But it’s taking them more than one inning!”
(2003)

BIRDS OF A FEATHER
The media rarely deride
A President on the same side:
For the faithful defender
Of their social agenda,
They’re willing to let some things slide.
(1998)

THE JOURNALIST
In the past, he was forced to “pay dues”
And develop “a nose for the news.”
Well, he still has a nose,
But, my, how it grows
When the facts must conform to his views!
(1996)

INSTANT ANALYSIS
Jennings, Rather, Brokaw
Seem determined to jabber and jaw.
They think we’re too dumb
To discern the outcome
Of the campaign debate we just saw.
(1991)

Last week’s limerick

McCARRICK
Woe to shepherds who secretly mock
And mislead the poor sheep in their flock!
Woe to bishops betraying
And on innocents preying!
Woe to all undermining the Rock!

  • Jul 23 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: NOODNIKS

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NOODNIKS*
Lots of left-wing associations,
Lots of biased investigations,
Insane persons employed
Are what finally destroyed
Their self-satisfied reputations.
*each line contains intel acronym

From the archive

NAME THE PRESIDENT!
Pick one word you might say with a frown,
Use a five-letter word that’s a noun,
Spell it out upper case,
Safely hide it some place:
You alone will see what’s written down.
(2016)

MIGHTY HOAX
Assigning bailout blame
Can be a cryptic game,
One must be deft,
Read on the left:
Now you know the name.
(2008)

LEACHES**
If I really had my druthers,
I would surely choose another;
Maybe I oughta
Vote for her daughter:
She’s as qualified as her mother.
(2008)
**rearrange letters for daughter’s name

Last week’s limerick

STRZOK OUT
What’s impossible now to deny is
That it’s perfectly clear when a guy is
Kissing Hillary’s rump
As he tries to frame Trump
That he’s guilty of obvious bias.

  • Jul 16 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: STRZOK OUT

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STRZOK OUT
What’s impossible now to deny is
That it’s perfectly clear when a guy is
Kissing Hillary’s rump
As he tries to frame Trump
That he’s guilty of obvious bias.

From the archive

IF IT PROSPER
All the sins of the Clintons are bared,
Yet you’d think not a single soul cared,
But we know what’s the reason
None dare call it treason:
They’re complicit, complacent, or scared.
(2018)

DEEP STATE
They assure us they’re loyal and true
And were not instigating a coup
By creating the illusion
Of Russian collusion.
Well, that’s that. I’m convinced. How about you?
(2018)

URANIUM ONE
To avoid an erroneous conclusion,
Let’s begin by dispelling confusion:
It was Hillary who took
Russian bribes like a crook,
It was Hillary engaged in collusion.
(2017)

WELL, DUH!
I had never the slightest confusion
And came easily to this conclusion,
Needing no one to show me
It was Mueller and Comey
With the Clintons engaged in collusion.
(2017)

DITTO MACHINE
It’s now time to suspend the discussions
And consider the grim repercussions:
It’s true Trump had an ace
In the Limbaugh fan base
And engaged in collusion with Rush-ians.
(2017)

Last week’s limerick

TDS*
Are these symptoms familiar to you:
Bulging eyes and pinched lips turning blue,
Heart a-pounding (thump thump)
At the mention of Trump,
Raw emotions and lowered IQ?
*Trump Derangement Syndrome

  • Jul 09 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: TDS

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TDS*
Are these symptoms familiar to you:
Bulging eyes and pinched lips turning blue,
Heart a-pounding (thump thump)
At the mention of Trump,
Raw emotions and lowered IQ?
*Trump Derangement Syndrome

Lagniappe

FOOL WATERS
All day that face
Spews toxic waste,
Who could embrace
Miss Waters,
Maxine Waters?

That nut’s a tool,
An utter fool,
There’s no one who’ll
Miss Waters,
Maxine Waters.
*To the tune of “Cool Water”

#WALKAWAY, RENEE
And when you see the signs that seem to say
The Left just uses you to get their way,
Just walk away, Renee:
The Democrat Party’s not your home,
Their empty promises of hope and change are lame,
You’re not to blame.
*To the tune of “Walk Away, Renee”

Last week’s limerick

YOUR PENUMBRA’S UP
We will have a conservative Court,
One that won’t legislate or distort
The plain meaning of laws
To advance a bad cause,
One that won’t invent “rights” to abort.

  • Jun 25 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: LYNCH PARTY

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LYNCH PARTY
At the gallows are gathered the gang,
In their consciences feeling no pang.
As the nooses draw taut,
Still surprised they got caught,
Haughty Hillary’s hooligans hang.

From the archive

ONE LAW
Equal justice is our paradigm
And applies to commission of crime.
That’s why Comey and Lynch
Should both feel the “pinch”
And Obama and Clinton do time.
(2017)

GOOD NOOSE
With more dirt every day to defend,
Even Hillary can now see the trend:
“It’s just not meant to be,
I’ll need some place to flee,
My great criminal career’s at an end.”
(2016)

LYNCHPIN
“Don’t worry,” said Bill, “it’s a cinch.
We just need to hang tough and not flinch.
How can acts be illicit
When the boss is complicit
And our friend will come through in a pinch?”
(2016)

Last week’s limerick

EYE BEAM
“Some opinions just make me irate,
They’re not worthy of public debate,
And the bigots who say them –
I just want to slay them:
How I hate all those people who hate!”

  • Jun 18 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: EYE BEAM

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EYE BEAM
“Some opinions just make me irate,
They’re not worthy of public debate,
And the bigots who say them –
I just want to slay them:
How I hate all those people who hate!”

From the archive

AD HOMINEM
“My rhetorical skills are third-rate,
But I never have lost a debate:
Facts and logic I lack,
So I launch an attack
And accuse my opponent of hate!”
(2017)

E PLURIBUS
Our last names may be Hess, Hock, or Harrigan,
Federov, Feldstein, or Farrakhan,
MacDonald, Mandina,
Nguyen, Wong, Kim, or Pena,
But we’re one and we’re all all-American.
(2016)

HILLARY WHO HATES*
I’m Hillary who hates all men,
Hillary who hates all men, all men.
I hate men in the diplomatic corps,
I hate men going off to war.

And every one is an enemy,
I couldn’ t stand a manly kind of man.
I’m a hate-filled hag, I’m Hillary,
Hillary who hates all men.
*to the tune of “Henry the 8th”
(2015)

PROJECTIONISTS
It’s a simple, effective deceit:
Those called “racist” are doomed to defeat,
Yet the ones with most gall,
The most racist of all,
Are the pandering liberal elite.
(2014)

H STANDS FOR HATE
Hillary’s known for intolerant views:
She hates blacks, she hates Christians and Jews,
She hates soldiers and cops
And all men who aren’t fops –
She’s the candidate haters will choose.
(2008)

THE RULES
“We can tell filthy lies about you
And there’s nothing at all you can do,
But we’ll make such a fuss
If you criticize us –
Even if what you say is quite true.”
(2007)

IN TOLERANCE
Left-wing radicals running our schools
Do great harm with their inverted rules:
They oppose every norm,
Reject custom and form,
And show deference to freaks and to fools.
(2007)

THE LIBERAL
“You may think I’ve got rocks in my head
Or that maybe I’m even brain-dead,
But you needn’t complain
‘Cause I don’t use my brain:
I rely on emotions instead.”
(2004)

DIVISION LEADER
Who has kept black Americans down
And spread hatred from town to town?
No, it’s no Anglo-Saxon
But the Reverend Jackson
Who’s the rabidest racist around!
(2001)

BLANK LIKE ME
Census takers who tally my head
Will not know if I’m black, white, or red:
Because, in the space
To designate race,
I’ll inscribe the word “human” instead.
(2000)

PREFIXATION
Adding Euro- and Afro- won’t do:
Ethnic conflict will only ensue.
No hyphen for me:
I’m happy to be
An American through and through.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

IF IT PROSPER
All the sins of the Clintons are bared,
Yet you’d think not a single soul cared,
But we know what’s the reason
None dare call it treason:
They’re complicit, complacent, or scared.

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