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Posts Tagged / political limerick

  • Sep 17 / 2012
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Your Weekly Politickle: HERE WE GO AGAIN!

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

HERE WE GO AGAIN!
Jimmy Carter’s the president when
Some insane Arab protests begin
And is justly rewarded,
Being rightly regarded
As a laughingstock ever since then.

From the archive:

BOHICA
We survived Bill and Jimmy and Jack
– Every one an incompetent hack –
And it’s certain we will
Survive Mrs. Bill
Or her radical rival, Barack.
(2008)

BOOBY PRIZE
For years his rare record has stood
And it looked like forever it would,
But Bill Clinton’s the man
Who said, “Yes, yes I can:
I can make Jimmy Carter look good!”
(2001)

MR. PRECEDENT
What a vile conglomeration
Of every abomination:
In Clinton’s wake,
Only villains will make
A bid for the nomination.
(2000)

Last week’s limerick:

HOSANNA OBAMA!
This convention was more than just odd,
With the delegates given a prod
To embrace depraved gaiety,
Overthrow the true deity,
And install Lord Obama as god.

  • Sep 10 / 2012
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Your Weekly Politickle: HOSANNA OBAMA!

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

HOSANNA OBAMA!
This convention was more than just odd,
With the delegates given a prod
To embrace depraved gaiety,
Overthrow the true deity,
And install Lord Obama as god.

From the archive:

FAITH IN GORE
“All you skeptics who try to besmirch
Our beliefs will be left in the lurch
As we celebrate dearth
And increase our net worth
At St. Albert Gore’s Climate Change Church.”
(2011)

BARRY CHRISTMAS?
Tis the season of change and of hope –
The kind that is real and not soap –
But, to meet your Messiah,
You will have to look higher
Than some fast-talking, power-mad dope.
(2009)

OPUS TWO
Of the varied lay orders he scoured,
Opus Dei above others towered,
But the postulant was dopey
And espoused Deus Opie,
Unaware that they worshipped Ron Howard.
(2002)

SCHADENFREUDE
Why do liberals like to besmirch
Institutions confirmed by research
As conducive to wealth,
Happiness, and health –
Such as marriage, the family, and church?
(1998)

Last week’s limerick:

BIG FINISH
“Just imagine what waits in the wings,
All the wonders another term brings!
[pause for clapping & cheers]
Give me just four more years
And I swear you won’t recognize things!”

  • Sep 03 / 2012
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Your Weekly Politickle: BIG FINISH

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BIG FINISH
“Just imagine what waits in the wings,
All the wonders another term brings!
[PAUSE FOR CLAPPING & CHEERS]
Give me just four more years
And I swear you won’t recognize things!”

From the archive:

ALIENATION
“We misread what the candidate’s ‘change’ meant
And rejected the prior arrangement;
Having now had our fill
Of this radical’s swill,
We are feeling a growing estrangement.”
2009

REELECTION RECIPE
Take a crony-claimed “stimulus” stash
And an influx of overseas cash
(Use to cover expenses);
Add an ACORN-cooked census
For an edge in the 2012 clash.
2009

NEW BEGINNING
Having saddled the wrong pachyderm –
One too contrary, coy, and infirm –
We have four years to delve
To find someone in ‘12
To succeed to the donkey’s one term.
2009

O NO!
“Gee, I thought that Obama brought hope,
Not a trip down the slippery slope.
Now I see that his change
Is a kind that is strange,
And I feel like a big, stupid dope!”
2009

BARACK AROUND THE CLOCK
Get ready, Blogger Nation,
For the pettifog-oration:
Cue the abstractions
And the cultic reactions!
It’s Obama’s inauguration!
2009

HOPE AGAINST HOPE
By nefarious allies surrounded,
With socialist nostrums propounded,
Obama has won,
The change has begun,
And I hope that my fears are unfounded.
2008

CHANGE AGENT
“I’m a master at deceivin’,
At wigglin’, wafflin’, weavin’;
And when I create
A socialist state,
You’ll have change you can believe in.”
2008

Last week’s limerick:

PET PEEVE
“Master says that my weight is too low,
That he wants me to eat more and grow,
Be at least twice this size –
With a gleam in his eyes –
But I’m getting suspicious,” growled Bo.

  • Aug 27 / 2012
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Your Weekly Politickle: PET PEEVE

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

PET PEEVE
“Master says that my weight is too low,
That he wants me to eat more and grow,
Be at least twice this size,
But that gleam in his eyes
Looks a little suspicious,” growled Bo.

From the archive:

BEST OF SHOWS
Barry tunes in TV every night:
Rin Tin Tin, Scooby-Doo his delight.
Then there’s Benji and Lassie,
Augie Doggie and Daddy –
How they work up that man’s appetite!

CAVE CANEM
All the diplomats gathering, greeting,
And locating their specified seating.
In their midst, a big grinner,
The man hosting their dinner.
Only he really knows what they’re eating.

CHOW TIME
At the Kmart, the president got
A new 16-quart stainless steel pot;
He’d been getting much thinner,
So he had friends for dinner:
Rex, King, Rover, Spike, Fido and Spot.

Last week’s limerick:

BUILD-A-BARRY
Though I have ugly feelings about him
And consistently set out to flout him,
I still have to admit
He has sharpened my wit
And I can’t write this limerick without him.

  • Aug 20 / 2012
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Your Weekly Politickle: BUILD-A-BARRY

I had help building this.

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BUILD-A-BARRY
Though I have ugly feelings about him
And consistently set out to flout him,
I still have to admit
He has sharpened my wit
And I can’t write this limerick without him.

From the archive:

EVERYONE’S BUSINESS
Though our work be a labor of love,
Still, we have to have help from above:
Yes, we have to depend
On that one special friend
Whom we pray to at whitehouse.gov.
(2012)

‘S MOTHER
Oh, thank goodness the government’s there
To precaution and make me beware:
I’m now starving to death,
Blue from holding my breath,
‘Cause I’m frightened of food and of air.
(2011)

INTELLIGENT DESIGN
Did this limerick just appear?
Was this limerick always here?
Surely you know it
Betokens a poet
Like Duplantier, Nash, or Lear.
(2001)

Last week’s limerick:

CANDY CROWLEY REPORTS
“You would have to be totally blind
Or completely out of your mind
To begin to esteem
The Republican team:
They’re too decent, intelligent, kind.”

  • Jul 30 / 2012
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Your Weekly Politickle: BULLIES

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BULLIES
In the 50s our fathers knew best,
But back then they could scarcely have guessed
That a mere three percent
Who are sexually bent
Would intimidate all of the rest.

From the archive:

CEREALISM
“Here’s a great idea, what do you think:
The Trix Rabbit ‘comes out’ with a wink,
While Count Chocula warms
To the Leprechaun’s charms
And the Jolly Green Giant wears pink?”
(2012)

CZARDOM & GOMORRAH
“We are in your schools now and polluting
All the innocent minds we’re rebooting:
There’ll be total immersion
In every perversion
And the schools will be safe for recruiting.”
(2011)

TWISTED
As the lavender lobby engages
To subvert Christian culture in stages,
They accuse us of hate
If we dare validate
Common sense and the wisdom of ages.
(2010)

BENT ON MARRIAGE
“We are undermining resistance
With our carefully plotted persistence:
Rather than disparage
The institution of marriage,
We’re defining it out of existence.”
(2009)

LAWRENCE V. TEXAS
The evil with which men are ridden
In normal times hardly is hidden,
But no era’s more awful
Than when vice is made lawful
And propriety, then, is forbidden.
(2003)

NOVEL IDEA
In The Wanting Seed, Anthony Burgess
Prophesied the preposterous purges
He knew surely would come
When the righteous play dumb
And the vicious give vent to their urges.
(2003)

Last week’s limerick:

EVERYONE’S BUSINESS
Though our work be a labor of love,
Still, we have to have help from above:
Yes, we have to depend
On that one special friend
Whom we pray to at whitehouse.gov.

  • Jul 23 / 2012
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Your Weekly Politickle: EVERYONE’S BUSINESS

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

EVERYONE’S BUSINESS
Though our work be a labor of love,
Still, we have to have help from above:
Yes, we have to depend
On that one special friend
Whom we pray to at whitehouse.gov.

From the archive:

SOLARCENY
Barry’s Bandits have found a new way
To get rich without working a day:
They’ve no need for a gun,
‘Cause they just use the sun
To get ‘loans’ that they’ll never repay.
(2011)

EXPERIENCE
This economy sure is a sad one
And it looks like we’re in for a bad run,
‘Cause we can’t expect gobs
Of legitimate jobs
From a guy who has never once had one.
(2011)

BASIC ECONOMICS
You’ve got thousands in debt to repay,
But you can’t make that debt go away
If you keep on defending
Your gross overspending
Or you cut back just pennies a day.
(2011)

ARTIFICIAL FAMINE
There’s no benefit to coal
If you cannot dig a hole,
And the value is nil
Of oil you can’t drill.
Who would favor such control?
(2011)

THE WEALTH OF RATIONS
If you want to show that you care,
Then you have to learn how to share
And surrender to me
Half your property:
What could possibly be more fair?
(2010)

CRY FOWL!
If it looks like a duck, it’s a duck!
If it swims like a duck, it’s a duck!
Is the question instead,
Is Obama a Red?
If it quacks like a duck, it’s a duck!
(2010)

Last week’s limerick:

NOT SOON ENOUGH
“There is nothing to fret about, friend:
My one term will soon come to an end.
Don’t be down in the dumps:
I’ll be gone in six months.
How much harm can I do before then?”

  • Aug 06 / 2011
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Politickles’ 20th Anniversary!

Back in the summer of 1991, I began writing news articles for Phyllis Schlafly’s Education Reporter. As I learned more and more about the preposterous programs and policies to which public school students all across America were being subjected, I realized that the journalistic exposé was insufficient to capture their absurdity and that satire was what was called for. I’d written limericks for years, just for the fun of it, and decided to adapt this light-verse form to my purpose.

In my first “blackboard jingle,” I poked fun at the disingenuity of sex-ed instructors who pretend to offer “balance” by combining prophylactic and abstinence perspectives:

MIXED MESSAGE
When a boy and a girl have a date
And it looks like he’ll get to homeplate,
They must have protection
To ward off infection,
Though it’s better, of course, if they wait.

I devoted a second limerick to drug-education instructors who offer similarly ambiguous advice:

JUST SAY NO?
Today we discovered the thrills
Of powders, potations, and pills.
Our teacher gave plugs
For all sorts of drugs —
To test our assertiveness skills.

As it happened, 1991 was also the year when George Bush, Bill Clinton, Ross Perot, and miscellaneous unmemorable others were gearing up for the next presidential election. There was quite a lot of confusion as to why Perot was even in the race, so I took it upon myself to offer an explanation:

PEROTS & CONS
“Perhaps some of you are at a loss
Why I want to be President Ross.
It’s simple, you see:
It’s better for me
If I am the one who is boss!”

Another limerick was inspired by a longstanding pet peeve of mine, the boneheaded practice of television anchormen “explaining” to their viewers what they and the viewers have both just seen together:

INSTANT ANALYSIS
Jennings, Rather, Brokaw
Seem determined to jabber and jaw.
They think we’re too dumb
To discern the outcome
Of the campaign debate we just saw.

The problem with limericks is that they tend to become addictive. Once you start writing them, it’s hard to stop. Over the last 20 years I’ve churned out hundreds of these political limericks (politickles) and have distributed them on a weekly basis to email subscribers (subscribe [at] politickles.com). Politickles, Limericks Lampooning the Lunatic Left, published in 2000, contains only a small sample. The rest can be found in my online archives at politickles.com.

Politickles are the verbal equivalent of editorial cartoons. They make a point quickly, forcefully, humorously. Like editorial cartoons, they’re ideal for energizing allies or demoralizing opponents. So, please, take advantage of them. Feel free to publish, post, or pass on “Your Weekly Politickle,” and encourage your likeminded friends and relatives to subscribe.

  • Apr 29 / 2010
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Self-Promotion Week Continues

How it all began

Back in the summer of 1991, I began writing news articles for Phyllis Schlafly’s Education Reporter. As I learned more and more about the preposterous programs and policies to which public school students all across America were being subjected, I realized that the journalistic exposé was insufficient to capture their absurdity and that satire was what was called for. I’d written limericks for years, just for the fun of it, and decided to adapt this light-verse form to my purpose.

In my first “blackboard jingle,” I poked fun at the disingenuity of sex-ed instructors who pretend to offer “balance” by combining prophylactic and abstinence perspectives:

MIXED MESSAGE
When a boy and a girl have a date
And it looks like he’ll get to homeplate,
They must have protection
To ward off infection,
Though it’s better, of course, if they wait.

I devoted a second limerick to drug-education instructors who offer similarly ambiguous advice:

JUST SAY NO?
Today we discovered the thrills
Of powders, potations, and pills.
Our teacher gave plugs
For all sorts of drugs —
To test our assertiveness skills.

As it happened, 1991 was also the year when George Bush, Bill Clinton, Ross Perot, and miscellaneous unmemorable others were gearing up for the next presidential election. There was quite a lot of confusion as to why Perot was even in the race, so I took it upon myself to offer an explanation:

PEROTS & CONS
“Perhaps some of you are at a loss
Why I want to be President Ross.
It’s simple, you see:
It’s better for me
If I am the one who is boss!”

Another limerick was inspired by a longstanding pet peeve of mine, the boneheaded practice of television anchormen “explaining” to their viewers what they and the viewers have both just seen together:

INSTANT ANALYSIS
Jennings, Rather, Brokaw
Seem determined to jabber and jaw.
They think we’re too dumb
To discern the outcome
Of the campaign debate we just saw.

The problem with limericks is that they tend to become addictive. Once you start writing them, it’s hard to stop. Over the last 20 years I’ve churned out quite a few of these political limericks (politickles) and have distributed them on a weekly basis to email subscribers (subscribe at politickles dot com).

Politickles are the verbal equivalent of editorial cartoons. They make a point quickly, forcefully, humorously. Like editorial cartoons, they’re ideal for energizing allies or demoralizing opponents. So, please, take advantage of them. Feel free to publish, post, or pass on “Your Weekly Politickle,” and encourage your likeminded friends and relatives to subscribe.

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