Politickles

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

PEER REVIEW
“Kermit Gosnell has gotten us riled,
By his actions we’ve all been defiled,
But he does not belong
With the rest of our throng:
We have standards for killing a child!”

From the archive:

MARCH
No, their numbers are never reported
(If they were, they’d be greatly distorted),
But this year in the throng,
Fifty million-plus strong,
Are the souls of the children aborted.
(2013)

POSTNATAL ABORTION
Oh, the wailing could hardly be shriller
For the fallen abortionist Tiller:
How those pro-choicers burn
With such tender concern
For an infamous serial killer!
(2009)

NO BIG DEAL
Why feel sorry for the slain
While you’re sucking out his brain,
Tearing off of him
Every little limb,
If he cannot feel real pain?
(2005)

DOA
“Shall I never see the morn?
Hear a rattle, bell, or horn?
Or taste the air?
Or touch your hair?
Must I die before I’m born?”
(2005)

MOTHER’S DAZE
“In confusion I resorted
To the ‘choice’ that was exhorted;
Now every day
I cry and pray
For the baby I aborted.”
(2003)

LOST ON EARTH
We’re so eager to find a trace
Of the least little life in space,
But here on Earth
We bar the birth
Of lives we could embrace.
(2001)

CHOICE POSITION
Don’t be fooled by the “pro-choice” ruse
That amoralists use to confuse,
For your choices could
Be bad or good
And it matters how you choose.
(2001)

LEGAL ISSUE
Five Justices’ wanton support
Preserves the grim “right” to abort:
To keep babies alive,
Replace one of those five
And establish a life-choosing Court.
(2000)

TERRIFIED TISSUE
“Oh, Mama, don’t let that thing get me!
Oh, Mama, you’ve not even met me!
Oh, Mama, please give
Me a lifetime to live!
Oh, Mama, you’d never regret me!”
(2000)

Last week’s limerick:

HILLARITY
“Though she’s ugly, dishonest, and mean,
Just the wickedest witch ever seen,
She’s the best that we’ve got,
So let’s give her a shot
And elect her in Twenty-Sixteen.”

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

HILLARITY
“Though she’s ugly, dishonest, and mean,
Just the wickedest witch ever seen,
She’s the best that we’ve got,
So let’s give her a shot
And elect her in Twenty-Sixteen.”

From the archive:

HILL OF BEANS
“Oh, for goodness sake:
I made a little mistake!
So I lied and lied
And people died:
What difference does it make?”
(2013)

MATE
Mrs. Clinton considers her play:
“Why, just look what befell JFK!
Look at Garfield and Lincoln,
McKinley — I’m thinkin’
Vice president might be okay.”
(2008)

RUN FOR THE ROSE GARDEN
In her desperate bid for the crown,
She has found herself trailing Big Brown;
At the end of the race
Looms a lame second place
And the prospect of being put down.
(2008)

THE END
Though I’m no Clinton fan, I do find,
As support for his wife has declined,
That I’m actually beginning
To wish she were winning,
‘Cause I can’t stand to see her behind.
(2008)

THE POLITICS OF
PERSONAL CONSTRUCTION
“I brought Belfast the peace they desire
And in Bosnia dodged sniper fire!
I’m impossibly grand
And cannot understand
Why I’m called an incorrigible liar!”
(2008)

H STANDS FOR HATE
Hillary’s known for intolerant views:
She hates blacks, she hates Christians and Jews,
She hates soldiers and cops
And all men who aren’t fops –
She’s the candidate haters will choose.
(2008)

RERUN FOR PRESIDENT
“Now at last is my destiny reached!”
Mrs. Megalomaniac screeched,
And follow she will
In the footsteps of Bill
When a Clinton again is impeached.
(2008)

TAILSPIN
She knew that she would win,
But she took it on the chin;
Now she’s lost the crown
And she’s spiraling down,
Still believing in her own spin.
(2008)

INCREDIBLE SHRINKING WOMAN
On a fantasy Hillary fed
‘Til reality reared its huge head:
As her poll numbers drop,
She will have to close shop
And admit that her life’s dream is dead.
(2007)

THREE AMEBAS
Barack, John, and Hill are not reticent:
In the White House they mean to be resident.
Seems they learned how to rule
Back in nursery school
And are fully prepared to be president.
(2007)

PILING ON
Resentment tends to linger
When roguish rivals zing her:
As Hilly pouts,
Her hubby spouts
And wags his index finger.
(2007)

MADAM PRESIDENT
She has shown she knows how to succeed,
And the public no longer pays heed
To the old rumor mill
And her problems with Bill:
Yes, Lewinski is destined to lead!
(2007)

PETTY DETAILS
Mrs. Clinton, you certainly are
The most loving pet owner by far!
(We’ll ignore the twin shocks
Of abandoning Socks,
Letting Buddy get hit by a car.)
(2007)

COMING 2 TERMS
Despite limits to presidents’ terms,
As a certain Amendment affirms,
Mrs. Old Two-for-One
Won’t admit that she’s done,
Having already shared her two terms.
(2007)

HILL’RY REDNECK CLINTON
“Hoosiers, hillbillies, dis is yer year!
Rednecks, crackers, doan be afeard!
Shucks! Gosh! an’ Dang!
Doanchu jes love mah twang?
Git yer fust lady prezdent rat cheer!”
(2007)

HILLARY TAKES A STAND
“Being asked for my views on morality,
I must say I believe in equality:
I agree with your view
And the opposite, too
– It depends on the date and locality.”
(2007)

MEGALOMANIA
Hillary’s coy “conversation” is shrill
And her friends all agree she’s a pill;
The poor woman’s insane
If she thinks she will reign
As the distaff edition of Bill!
(2007)

CONVENTIONAL SPOUSE
“It’s a bitter-to-swallow pill
(And you know that I’ve had my fill),
But, if that’s all I get,
Then I’ll have to accept
Introducing my husband, Bill.”
(2004)

HILLARY’S DILEMMA
“If I run against Bush, I might lose.
If I balk and the voters should choose
Some Democrat elf,
I’ll be stuck on the shelf
For another eight years paying dues.”
(2004)

BLONDE AMBITION
“If I take second place to some worm
And prepare him a berth on the berm,
Then, when he’s gone
And it’s time to move on,
I’ll be able to serve out his term.”
(2004)

HILLAREEN
What compares to the horrible fright
That will haunt us on Halloween night?
Consider the fear,
As elections draw near,
Ghoulish candidates soon will excite!
(2003)

LYING HISTORY
A librarian with conviction,
Finding too much contradiction
In a certain book
By a noted crook,
Had it classified as “fiction.”
(2003)

BUBBA BATH
Eight years of the Clintons in power
Leave a taste in the mouth that is sour
And an overall sense
That we need a good rinse
And should spend extra time in the shower.
(2000)

WILL THEY EVER LEAVE?
The mood of the people is clear
As November’s election draws near:
We’ve had more than our fill
Of Al, Hill, and Bill
And we wish they would all disappear.
(2000)

HILLARY’S CONVICTION
The First Lady’s a post-modern wife
In responding to marital strife:
She’ll stand by her man
As long as she can,
‘Cause it’s better than “20 to Life.”
(1998)

Last week’s limerick:

POST GRAD
“Only oldsters like me will still know
What those cities were called long ago
– Hallowed names they once had,
Those now ending in –grad:
San Francisco, St. Louis, St. Joe.”

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

REVERSE RIDE
Listen, my children, and you shall hear
Of the Boylston St. bombers’ brief career:
How demagogues avidly used the alarm
To bully their betters and make them disarm
And a people once free succumbed to their fear.

From the archive:

MAKING AN OMELET
It’s not optimal spilling the beans,
And far safer to hide behind screens,
Using cute comrade code
Such as “bumps in the road”
When an end’s deemed to justify means.
(2012)

HERE WE GO AGAIN!
Jimmy Carter’s the president when
Some insane Arab protests begin
And is justly rewarded,
Being rightly regarded
As a laughingstock ever since then.
(2012)

THIS JUST IN!
More attacks from al Qaeda ahead!
Rising prices for milk, eggs, and bread!
Higher government spending!
Higher taxes impending!
And Osama bin Laden’s still dead!
(2011)

OBAMA DOCTRINE
There’s no need for a war on terror.
Just say no to the c’est-la-guerrer.
Everything will be ducky
As long as we’re lucky
And the terrorist makes an error.
(2010)

CORDOBA
Like a swaggering conquering hero,
Rauf is building a mosque at Ground Zero
– Where some 3000 bodies
Were interred by jihadis –
And Obama just fiddles like Nero.
(2010)

SUBMISSION
These new guidelines are certainly odd:
“We must never denounce the jihad;
We must never demean
The mujahideen,
As they force us to worship their god.”
(2008)

SEPTEMBER 11th
Kissed my loved one at the door.
No idea what lay in store.
In the tower
Not an hour.
Now my loved one is no more.
(2001)

Last week’s limerick:

IRON LADY
There was no one in England could match her,
Not one woman or man of her stature.
She was destined to be
In that Triumphant Three:
John Paul II, Ronald Reagan, Dame Thatcher.

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

IRON LADY
There was no one in England could match her,
Not one woman or man of her stature.
She was destined to be
In that Triumphant Three:
John Paul II, Ronald Reagan, Dame Thatcher.

From the archive:

VIVA IL PAPA!
I remember the blear Berlin Wall
And the day that it started to fall,
And the part that was played
By a man unafraid –
The inspired and inspiring John Paul.
(2005)

FAREWELL, MR. PRESIDENT
How that constant, comic quipper
With his humor kept us chipper!
He’s no longer here,
So let’s go out there
And win one for the gipper!
(2004)

Last week’s limerick:

SWISH!
“It was best not to tell it or ask it,
But it’s out now, so why try to mask it?
Yes, Obama enjoys
Pick-up games with the boys,
But he pouts when he can’t get a basket.”

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

SWISH!
“It was best not to tell it or ask it,
But it’s out now, so why try to mask it?
Yes, Obama enjoys
Pick-up games with the boys,
But he pouts when he can’t get a basket.”

From the archive:

OUT
His own poll shows a massive defection
And he cannot succeed sans injection:
All his intimates know
That Obama, down low,
Now has trouble achieving election.
(2012)

Last week’s limerick:

HE LIVES
Demons dread this day,
They hate to hear us say
Year after year
The phrase they fear:
¡Viva Cristo Rey!

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

HE LIVES
Demons dread this day,
They hate to hear us say
Year after year
The phrase they fear:
¡Viva Cristo Rey!

From the archive:

GOOD FRIDAY
When tornadoes come whirling your way,
You get down on your knees and you pray:
You’re just glad you’re not dead,
Have a roof overhead –
Nothing else seems to matter that day.
(2011)

POSITION STATEMENT
While walking with the abbot,
Which was his daily habit,
A monk who spied
Hares side by side
Said, “That’s the east-er rabbit!”
(2011)

HOLY WEEK
So begins the passion play:
Evil triumphs for a day,
But Friday’s cross
Redeems our loss
And confirms us in the Way.
(2009)

NATIVITY
Tell me how can an innocent Child –
Holy Infant, so tender and mild –
Be the object of scorn
From the moment He’s born:
Rejected, resented, reviled?
(2005)

MEA CULPA
How fully prim piety fails
And scarcely scapegoating avails
When I add my own ration
To Christ’s frightful passion
And with my hands help drive in the nails.
(2004)

PASSION
Critics say it’s a judgmental story
With scenes that are overly gory,
But that’s what you’re liable
To read in the Bible
Of sacrifice leading to glory.
(2003)

P.C. (POST CHRISTIAN)
The other children teased her
For being a faithful feaster:
When the pagan takes
His seasonal breaks,
She celebrates Christmas and Easter.
(2002)

BASKET CASE
My obesity just isn’t funny
And I’m suing for bundles of money:
When a basket of candy
Is too full and too handy,
Who’s to blame but the old Easter Bunny?
(2005)

Last week’s limerick:

OAF FOR OFA*
“I will post on a popular site
That appeals to the rubes on the right,
I’ll pretend to engage them,
Then I’ll quickly enrage them,
Leaving heat where there might have been light.”

*Organizing for Action

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

POPE QUIZ
“I’m-a not-a so sure, I’m perplex:
How we s’pose-a to choose pontifex?”
“It’s a cinch,” Guido say,
“They just got-a two way:
It’s-a called the conclave and convlex.”

From the archive:

IRISH STEWED
“Tis the grandest green beer that I’ve seen!
Just as grand as the lads I’m between!”
“Stop your staggerin’, McMillan,
Or my beer you’ll be spillin’
And we both’ll be wearin’ the green!”
(2004)

Last week’s limerick:

ADIOS, AMEBA!
It was only a matter of when:
Hugo Chavez, the meanest of men,
A life thankfully brief,
Full of vices, the chief
Being friendship with actor Sean Penn.

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

ADIOS, AMEBA!
It was only a matter of when:
Hugo Chavez, the meanest of men,
A life thankfully brief,
Full of vices, the chief
Being friendship with actor Sean Penn.

From the archive:

GOODBYE, BAD MEN
The future’s decidedly grim
For Fidel, for Saddam, and for Kim,
Because sooner or later
Each demonic dictator
Must get what is coming to him.
(2003)

Last week’s limerick:

SEDE VACANTE
When uncertainty hangs in the air,
It behooves us to gather in prayer
With the hope that God will
Sends us someone to fill
The unoccupied president’s chair.

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

SEDE VACANTE
When uncertainty hangs in the air,
It behooves us to gather in prayer
With the hope that God will
Send us someone to fill
The unoccupied president’s chair.*

*Hat tip to Clint Eastwood

From the archive:

VOTE THE ROCK
If Obama is offering false hope,
Miss “Experience” really can’t cope,
And it’s hard to explain
What we get with McCain,
Then I think I will vote for the pope.
(2008)

VIVA IL PAPA!
I remember the blear Berlin Wall
And the day that it started to fall,
And the part that was played
By a man unafraid –
The inspired and inspiring John Paul.
(2005)

Last week’s limerick:

AMERICAN HERO
All the reds Joe McCarthy once named
Have turned out to be just what he claimed.
Is this patriot praised
For the warnings he raised?
No, McCarthy’s the one who is shamed!

(Like Joe McCarthy on Facebook!)

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

AMERICAN HERO
All the reds Joe McCarthy once named
Have turned out to be just what he claimed.
Is this patriot praised
For the warnings he raised?
No, McCarthy’s the one who is shamed!

(Like Joe McCarthy on Facebook!)

From the archive:

THE BURROWERS
“Just like Cronkite and Edward R. Murrow,
We’re committed, determined, and thorough:
In the media, the schools,
With our radical rules,
We’re the moles that unceasingly burrow.”
(2011)

CHINA PATTERN
“We will tar fossil fuels as ‘unclean,’
Promote other resources as ‘green.’
There’s a catch, which, of course, is
That those greener resources
Are controlled by our red war machine.”
(2011)

CZARDOM & GOMORRAH
“We are in your schools now and polluting
All the innocent minds we’re rebooting:
There’ll be total immersion
In every perversion
And the schools will be safe for recruiting.”
(2011)

USEFUL IDIOTS
There were businessmen, kids, and their mommies
Joining ministers, imams, and swamis –
There were people galore
Shouting no to the war,
Giving aid to Saddam and the commies.
(2003)

ECCE HOMO
“Comrades, have no fears;
It’s only a matter of years:
We’ll sneak some fairies
Through the seminaries;
Soon the Church will be full of queers!”
(2002)

THEY’RE PLAYING OUR SONG
Our nation is destined for grief
If our leader has no fixed belief
And conclusions are drawn
As to whose side he’s on
When China plays “Hail to the Chief!”
(1998)

FAILING MARX
Socialism is dead!
Done in, the indomitable Red!
Or so it would seem,
But in academe
One had better check under one’s bed.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick:

SIGN?
When another grand stratagem fails
And not one of my efforts avails,
I look up and I spy
A white cross in the sky
Made by planes leaving vaporous trails.