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Posts Tagged / Paul Harvey

  • Nov 15 / 2011
  • 1
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The World-Famous Fruitcake Poem

Fruitcakes are a staple of the holiday season, but what if you don’t like them? You may just be stuck, says fruitcakeologist F.R. Duplantier, who warns that it’s nearly impossible to unload the “spice-baked albatross” once you’ve accepted delivery.

On Monday, December 12, 2004, I sent out a limerick about fruitcakes to my politickles subscriber list. Friday, my friend Charley told me he’d heard Paul Harvey reading it that morning on his radio program. Amazing! I also sent out the silly press release excerpted above and wound up being interviewed on morning drive-time radio programs in several major markets. What a wacky world!

FRUITCAKE

by F.R. Duplantier

A fruitcake came one day
And I sent it on its way.
The next day, then,
It was back again,
But here it cannot stay.

I sent it to one brother,
Who sent it to another.
Eventually
It came back to me,
In a package from my mother.

I sent it to a friend —
At least, he was ’til then.
He sent it back
With a caustic crack
And we never spoke again.

I sent it to my boss
And signed it “Santa Claus.”
My name he guessed
And readdressed
That spice-baked albatross.

I sent it to a client,
Who proved to be defiant:
It seems the space
In his office place
Is fruitcake noncompliant.

I picked someone at random
In hopes that he could stand ’em.
It was returned:
Somehow he’d learned
I was the Fruitcake Phantom.

If a fruitcake comes today,
I think I’ll let it stay.
It’s crystal clear
Its place is here —
And I must move away.

Join the Fruitcake (Haters) Fan Page on Facebook!

  • Feb 28 / 2009
  • 1
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The Rest of the Story

HURRAY FOR HARVEY!
Each day brings a new allegory
Of goodness and grace and glory:
Paul Harvey’s sly tease
Makes listeners cry, “Please,
Please tell us ‘the rest of the story.'”

It looks like we’ve heard “the rest of the story” for the last time. It’s hard to imagine a world without Paul Harvey. For anyone under 60, he was always there. I’d been listening to him, off and on, for more than 20 years when a friend emailed me early in 2004 to let me know that Harvey had just read a politickle at the end of his radio program. Later that year, he honored me again by reciting another. Paul Harvey read “Damage Control” in February, following Janet Jackson’s “wardrobe malfunction” at the Superbowl halftime show, and “Fruitcake” at Christmastime. For what it’s worth, today’s quote worth requoting is by F.R. Duplantier: “Thanks for the stories, Paul — and the plugs!”

  • Nov 18 / 2008
  • 2
Uncategorized

Oh No, Here They Come!

Fruitcakes are a staple of the holiday season, but what if you don’t like them? You may just be stuck, says fruitcakeologist F.R. Duplantier, who warns that it’s nearly impossible to unload the “spice-baked albatross” once you’ve accepted delivery.

On Monday, December 12, 2004, I sent out a limerick about fruitcakes to my politickles subscriber list. Friday, my friend Charley told me he’d heard Paul Harvey reading it that morning on his radio program. Amazing! I also sent out the silly press release excerpted above and wound up being interviewed on morning drive-time radio programs in several major markets. What a wacky world!

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