Politickles

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

GIFTED TONGUE
What he said was what everyone knows:
That the emperor’s wearing no clothes.
But we have to give credit
For the way Carson said it
And the surgical method he chose.

From the archive:

BAD MEDICINE
If Obamacare’s such a great deal,
Why the effort to con and conceal?
Why the granting of waivers
As personal favors?
Why the fervor for total repeal?
(2011)

CANDY MAN
What can make the pain grow, essential care deny,
Snuff out everyone and make the gurneys pile high?
ObamaCare, ObamaCare can.
ObamaCare can ’cause it nixes right to life and makes the world less full.
(2010)

RECONCILIATION
“Form a line, single file, if you will;
Remain quiet, attentive, and still;
And spare us the drama
As Dr. Obama
Dispenses this large bitter pill.”
(2010)

OBAMACARE
“We would never overtly deny
Any care we’re prepared to supply;
If we do have to ration,
With a practiced compassion
We’ll decide who deserves most to die.”
(2009)

Last week’s limerick:

HILL OF BEANS
“Oh, for goodness sake:
I made a little mistake!
So I lied and lied
And people died:
What difference does it make?”

Terrific talk! Watch Obama’s face and body language as you listen. He claps politely at the end, but not once during the 27-minute speech. Nor does he bother to stand and shake the man’s hand at the end.

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

FREELOADER
What began with such grand expectations
As a quest for the best destinations
Finds Michelle scaling back
When it’s up to Barack
To finance his own family’s vacations.

From the archive:

DEADBEAT
“Oh, Barack, this is fabulous – still,
Can we really afford such a thrill?”
“Stop your worrying, honey,
It isn’t our money:
Someone else will be footing the bill.”
(2011)

ME SHELL, CONT.
While the rest of us scrimp all the time,
She displays an indifference sublime:
Our First Lady, Michelle,
Does exceedingly well
As she travels the world on our dime.
(2010)

Last week’s limerick:

(DOING) THE OBAMA
Two steps forward and bow like Barack.
Arms akimbo, a single step back.
Now a shuffle in place
With a smile on your face.
Two steps forward and bow like Barack . . .

With all the attention being given to the deficit-reducing recommendations of the Grace Commission, the more imaginative suggestions of another advisory body have been completely ignored.

I’m speaking, of course, of the Gracie Commission, a group formed to apply to our unbalanced budget the non-sequiturial problem-solving abilities of George Burns’ late wife.  – F.R. Duplantier, 1985

The article linked above, first published in Investor’s Notebook in 1985, was inspired by the work of the Grace Commission, most of whose many excellent suggestions for cutting waste in government were never implemented. What a surprise! Here it is 26 years later and the problem is still being ignored.

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BINGE
“If you cut back on some of your snacks,
You’d have bellies as flat as Barack’s!”
“Well, a budget’s a diet:
Maybe Barry should try it
And resist the temptation to tax!”

From the archive:

BUTT OUT!
We Americans surely are prone
To big bodies with minimal tone:
If Michelle wants to witness
To physical fitness,
She should shed a few pounds of her own!
(2011)

LIGHTWEIGHT
Getting older, you may realize
That your waistline’s a much larger size,
But Obama’s stayed slim,
Having kept himself trim:
Let’s award him the No-Belly Prize!
(2009)

THE END
Though I’m no Clinton fan, I do find,
As support for his wife has declined,
That I’m actually beginning
To wish she were winning,
‘Cause I can’t stand to see her behind.
(2008)

BASKET CASE
My obesity just isn’t funny
And I’m suing for bundles of money:
When a basket of candy
Is too full and too handy,
Who’s to blame but the old Easter Bunny?
(2005)

McPIG
You’ve grown by leaps and bounds;
Your super size astounds;
The fact is that
You’re really fat:
Four-three, three hundred pounds!
(2003)

OLDER & WIDER
As a lad I was long and lean
And drank gallons of Ovaltine,
But I had to rethink
That rich chocolate drink
When I wound up an oval teen.
(2002)

Last week’s limerick:

DO TELL!
“The fatigues we have now are so tacky!
Could we please go with something more wacky –
Something showing more flesh
In black leather or mesh,
With a boa of feathered pink khaki?”

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Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

DEADBEAT
“Oh, Barack, this is fabulous – still,
Can we really afford such a thrill?”
“Stop your worrying, honey,
It isn’t our money:
Someone else will be footing the bill.”

From the archive:

BASIC ECONOMICS
You’ve got thousands in debt to repay,
But you can’t make that debt go away
If you keep on defending
Your gross overspending
Or you cut back just pennies a day.
2011

YOU AIN’T SEEN NOTHING YET
Yes, the current recession’s severe
And there seems to be little to cheer,
But one day you’ll look back,
See it wasn’t so black –
‘Cause it’s bound to be worse in a year!
2010

THE DODD COUPLE
They’re determined, dirty, deft,
And audacious on the Left:
First Dodd and Frank
Defraud a bank,
Then investigate the theft.
2009

ABARACKADABRA
Some magicians do mental spoon-bending
Or assistants in mid-air suspending,
But Barack has a trick
That is even more slick:
He can balance a budget by spending!
2009

OBAMANOMICS
They have money to disburse
That they’ve taken from our purse:
Those who made the big mess,
Turning more into less,
Will now solve it by making it worse.
2009

BROKE BARACK MOUNTAIN
From Obama, just what will we get?
In his first year: a mountain of debt,
Mounds of scandal and porn,
Mounds of babies unborn!
And we haven’t seen anything yet!
2009

$700,000,000,000
If the bailout’s astronomical bill
Is a bitter and hard-swallowed pill,
We know things will be fine
With the banks kept in line
By the spendthrifts on Capitol Hill.
2008

Last week’s limerick:

FOREIGN LANGUAGE
Practice patronizing pleas,
Urge adults to “eat their peas,”
Cultivate a flair
For pure hot air,
Now you speak Obamaese!

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BASIC ECONOMICS
You’ve got thousands in debt to repay,
But you can’t make that debt go away
If you keep on defending
Your gross overspending
Or you cut back just pennies a day.

From the archive:

ABARACKADABRA
Some magicians do mental spoon-bending
Or assistants in mid-air suspending,
But Barack has a trick
That is even more slick:
He can balance a budget by spending!
(2009)

BARACKUDAS
They have money to disburse
That they’ve taken from our purse:
Those who made the big mess,
Turning more into less,
Will now solve it by making it worse.
(2009)

BROKE BARACK MOUNTAIN
From Obama, just what will we get?
In his first year: a mountain of debt,
Mounds of scandal and porn,
Mounds of babies unborn!
And we haven’t seen anything yet!
(2009)

Last week’s verse:

CZARDOM & GOMORRAH
“We are in your schools now and polluting
All the innocent minds we’re rebooting:
There’ll be total immersion
In every perversion
And the schools will be safe for recruiting.”

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