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Posts Tagged / Michelle Obama

  • May 05 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: TASTES LIKE HEALTH

health

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

TASTES LIKE HEALTH
“Oh, you children are just gonna drool:
Today’s entrée’s a gray whole-grain gruel.
It’s an extra-large glop
Of the savorless slop.
Don’t you love eating lunches at school?”

From the archive

PASSIVE REGRESSIVE
There’ll be someone to see that we share
And make sure that we always play fair,
That we want to behave
From the cradle to grave:
I can’t wait for ObamaDayCare.
(2013)

MAYOR MAY NOT
We can’t know what the future will bring,
What health hazards Fate at us will fling,
But there’s nothing to fear
In Manhattan this year:
Mayor Bloomers has banned everything.
(2012)

’S MOTHER
Oh, thank goodness the government’s there
To precaution and make me beware:
I’m now starving to death,
Blue from holding my breath,
’Cause I’m frightened of food and of air.
(2011)

BINGE
“If you cut back on some of your snacks,
You’d have bellies as flat as Barack’s!”
“Well, a budget’s a diet:
Maybe Barry should try it
And resist the temptation to tax!”
(2011)

BUTT OUT!
We Americans surely are prone
To big bodies with minimal tone:
If Michelle wants to witness
To physical fitness,
She should shed a few pounds of her own!
(2011)

LIGHTWEIGHT
Getting older, you may realize
That your waistline’s a much larger size,
But Obama’s stayed slim,
Having kept himself trim:
Let’s award him the No-Belly Prize!
(2009)

IT’S THE LAW!
Seatbelt on your easy chair,
Life vest in the tub to wear,
Steel-toed bedroom slippers,
Velcro trouser zippers,
Flame-retardant underwear.
(2009)

CLICK IT OR TICKET
“I’m afraid I must take you downtown,”
The policeman announced with a frown.
Such a fate I was dealt
For not wearing a belt –
Which was why my new trousers fell down.
(2009)

BASKET CASE
My obesity just isn’t funny
And I’m suing for bundles of money:
When a basket of candy
Is too full and too handy,
Who’s to blame but the old Easter Bunny?
(2005)

McPIG
You’ve grown by leaps and bounds;
Your super size astounds;
The fact is that
You’re really fat:
Four-three, three hundred pounds!
(2003)

OLDER & WIDER
As a lad I was long and lean
And drank gallons of Ovaltine,
But I had to rethink
That rich chocolate drink
When I wound up an oval teen.
(2002)

ZERO RISK?
I anticipate danger ahead
And foresee myself injured or dead
– From falling, perchance,
While putting on pants,
So I’d better not get out bed.
(1999)

BUSYBODIES
They’ll first find tobacco at fault,
Then coffee, wine, spirits, and malt.
Then they’ll next demonize
Colas, burgers, and fries,
Then all snacks made with sugar and salt!
(1998)

NO CURE FOR THE COMMON SCOLD
They insist we directly disown
Every pleasure and pastime that’s known.
Those “natural” nags
And health-conscious hags –
Oh, why can’t they leave us alone?
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

RUSSIAN INTO BATTLE
On the day of the duel, he was glad
That he’d chosen the weapon he had:
Teleprompter for Barry.
And his poor adversary?
Just a shoulder-fired missile for Vlad.

  • Mar 24 / 2014
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Your Weekly Politickle: MICHELLE ENTIRE

michelleentire

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

MICHELLE ENTIRE
You have covered some miles, we can tell,
And have left some impressions as well,
Your ego’s inflated,
And you’re way overrated:
You’re entirely unbalanced, Michelle.

From the archive:

VACAY
“Going places together’s a drag
As Michelle and I’d rather go stag:
Either way, we both will
Rashly run up the bill
And leave taxpayers holding the bag.”
(2013)

FREELOADER
What began with such grand expectations
As a quest for the best destinations
Finds Michelle scaling back
When it’s up to Barack
To finance his own family’s vacations.
(2012)

DEADBEAT
“Oh, Barack, this is fabulous – still,
Can we really afford such a thrill?”
“Stop your worrying, honey,
It isn’t our money:
Someone else will be footing the bill.”
(2011)

ME SHELL
While the rest of us scrimp all the time,
She displays an indifference sublime:
Our First Lady, Michelle,
Does exceedingly well
As she travels the world on our dime.
(2010)

Last week’s limerick:

CYCLEPATH
Biker Barry’s passed inspection,
With horns, bells and light-reflection,
Neon helmet and scads
Of streamers and pads,
But he’s going the wrong direction.

  • Aug 19 / 2013
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Your Weekly Politickle: VACAY

freeloader

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

VACAY
“Going places together’s a drag
As Michelle and I’d rather go stag:
Either way, we both will
Rashly run up the bill
And leave taxpayers holding the bag.”

From the archive:

FREELOADER
What began with such grand expectations
As a quest for the best destinations
Finds Michelle scaling back
When it’s up to Barack
To finance his own family’s vacations.
(2012)

DEADBEAT
“Oh, Barack, this is fabulous – still,
Can we really afford such a thrill?”
“Stop your worrying, honey,
It isn’t our money:
Someone else will be footing the bill.”
(2011)

ME SHELL, CONT.
While the rest of us scrimp all the time,
She displays an indifference sublime:
Our First Lady, Michelle,
Does exceedingly well
As she travels the world on our dime.
(2010)

Last week’s limerick:

RODEOBAMA
Did a single State Fairgoer frown
At the thought of a bull running down
Such a shuffling shirker
And smart-aleck smirker
As Obama the rodeo clown?

  • Jan 09 / 2013
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Michelle Obama is all about Altruism!

HI MichelleFour years ago, during his first inauguration, Barack and I were thrilled when thousands of Americans from every corner of the country took part in the National Day of Service honoring Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

We were so excited because we knew that the celebrations weren’t just about a new president, but about everything that we can accomplish together. And that starts with service.

So this year, as we prepare for another celebration, we’re hoping to renew that spirit of service and citizenship — we’re calling on all Americans, including you, to volunteer in your community on Saturday, January 19th, for this year’s Day of Service.

Please join us, and commit to serve on January 19th.

Throughout our lives, Barack and I have seen that building a full life isn’t about what you can get for yourself  — but what you can give to those around you. It’s a value that’s been central to our lives together. And as parents, it’s something we’re trying every day to pass down to our girls.

This inauguration is only possible because of you and all your hard work. Barack and I are so grateful for you, and for everything you’ve done for us and for our country.

Pledge to join us for the Day of Service at an event near you:

Thanks,

Michelle

P.S. — When you commit to serve, you’ll be automatically entered for the chance to come out to Washington, D.C. for Barack’s inauguration — flight and hotel covered.

[emphasis added]

This is the text of an email dispatched from obama.com and allegedly written by, and expressing the sentiments of, Michelle Obama. Priceless, isn’t it? The two biggest mooches that ever occupied the White House (more grasping even than the Clintons) are not concerned about what they can get for themselves, but what they can give to others. Do they really expect anyone to believe this claptrap, so contrary to the obvious truth? How can they? Is it the audacity of hope? The hope of audacity? The audacity of audacity? Toujours l’audace!

  • May 14 / 2012
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Your Weekly Politickle: WIFE SENTENCE

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

WIFE SENTENCE
As evolving positions now gel,
He pronounces this travesty swell,
But you might change your view
About “gay marriage,” too,
If you’d married a mate like Michelle.

From the archive:

MARRIAGE CONTRACT
The biggest mistake of my life
Was plotting to murder my wife,
But a contract assassin
To see to her passin’
Seemed the only way out of my strife.

The killer was ugly and mean,
But would profit from venting his spleen.
Illegal or wrong,
He’d do it so long
As the money I paid him was green.

I showed him the lay of the house
And a photograph made of my spouse.
He collected his fee,
Then came after me
With a razor-sharp dagger — the louse!

I cried, “Put away that big knife
And spare me my miserable life.
The wounds you’re inflictin’
Are in the wrong victim:
I paid you to knock off my wife!”

“I know what you paid me to do,”
He said as he slashed out anew,
“And I fully intend
To do your wife in –
After honoring her contract on you!”

* * *

I survived that two-timer’s knife,
And so did my murderous wife.
We’re both doing well,
Though we’re sharing a cell:
We’ll be cellmates for 20 to Life!
(1985)

TIME TO KILL
A man had a row with his mate
And decided to speed up her fate.
He thought that his wife
Might enjoy afterlife
And he knew that he couldn’t wait.

There were myriad ways he might bag her –
Bow and arrow, blunt object, or dagger,
Or poison or pills –
For there’s so much that kills
(The possibilities made him stagger).

There were hanging and gassing and worse –
The methods too great to rehearse –
And that’s just if he tried
To fake suicide,
For murders were much more diverse.

A compendium of deaths accidental
Holds drowning and falling essential,
Includes hit and run
And cleaning a gun,
And a long list of acts providential.

He thought he’d give toxins a try,
But the chemist had several to buy
And he couldn’t decide
Among cyanide
Arsenic, strychnine, and lye.

He considered a venomous snake,
As well as a time-triggered cake:
A bomb (tick, tick, tick)
Would sure do the trick,
But what kind of a cake should he bake?

A pillow case stuffed in her face
Could be counted to leave not a trace,
But a bat and a brick
And a sharpened ice pick
Are weapons that all have their place.

And, if shotguns had been all the rage,
He would have bogged down on the gauge.
Thus, before he could choose
The best weapon to use,
His poor partner had died of old age.
(1985)

POSTAGE DUE
A man stuffed his mate in a crate
And mailed her away second rate.
She came back the next day:
There was postage to pay –
For the mate had misstated her weight.
(1985)

Last week’s limerick:

DREAMS FROM MY FEATHERBRAIN
“Like a Ninja, I crept ’til I’d gotten
To a spot I could get a good shot in,
Zeroed in on my game,
And then took a dead aim,
Singlehandedly killing bin Laden.”

  • Apr 19 / 2012
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The Ultimate Oxymoron: “Michelle Style”

Slideshow/sideshow? Click pic.

The words “Michelle Obama” and “style” don’t really go together, do they? When politics and fashion meet, however, the rule of thumb seems to be that Democratic First Ladies are reported to have “style” no matter how clueless and classless they are. I stopped after 6-10 slides of the “Michelle Obama Style Guide,” but couldn’t resist sharing. (“Ooh, this is so gross! Come see!”)

  • Feb 20 / 2012
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Your Weekly Politickle: FREELOADER

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

FREELOADER
What began with such grand expectations
As a quest for the best destinations
Finds Michelle scaling back
When it’s up to Barack
To finance his own family’s vacations.

From the archive:

DEADBEAT
“Oh, Barack, this is fabulous – still,
Can we really afford such a thrill?”
“Stop your worrying, honey,
It isn’t our money:
Someone else will be footing the bill.”
(2011)

ME SHELL, CONT.
While the rest of us scrimp all the time,
She displays an indifference sublime:
Our First Lady, Michelle,
Does exceedingly well
As she travels the world on our dime.
(2010)

Last week’s limerick:

(DOING) THE OBAMA
Two steps forward and bow like Barack.
Arms akimbo, a single step back.
Now a shuffle in place
With a smile on your face.
Two steps forward and bow like Barack . . .

  • Oct 03 / 2011
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Your Weekly Politickle: TARGETING

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

TARGETING
“Stop the presses! Big story in play!
It’s a Pulitzer Prize-winning day!
Michelle’s gone to the market
And she’s shopping at Target!
Get a camera crew there right away!”

From the archive:

ME SHELL, CONT.
While the rest of us scrimp all the time,
She displays an indifference sublime:
Our First Lady, Michelle,
Does exceedingly well
As she travels the world on our dime.
(2010)

ME SHELL
An American naturally jeers
When appalled by a comment he hears:
“The first time in my life
I am proud,” said a wife
Who has slept through the last 40 years.
(2008)

Last week’s limerick:

EXPERIENCE
This economy sure is a sad one
And it looks like we’re in for a bad run,
‘Cause we can’t expect gobs
Of legititmate jobs
From a guy who has never once had one.

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