Politickles

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

HAPPY WHATEVER’S DAY!
“Is your father a man? I’m so glad.
That’s the kind that I wish that I had –
One that’s not a pretender,
One that is the right gender –
But my mother’s butch lover’s my ‘dad.’”

From the archive:

POP PSYCHOLOGY
What a fashion sense he had,
Mixing stripes and checks with plaid!
And the jokes that he told,
All so corny and old!
How I miss my dear old dad!
(2011)

THE INVISIBLE MAN
Someone opened a devilish door
Without caring what might lie in store:
Disconnected from “donors,”
Single mothers are loners
And their kids don’t have dads anymore.
(2010)

FATHER TIME
Twenty years ago I lost my dad
And the loss to this day makes me sad,
But I’m glad he was there
In my formative years
And can cherish the time that we had.
(2009)

POOR DAD
“I’ve been poor since the day of my birth
And may die with a negative worth;
Though I live on the skids,
With my wonderful kids,
I’m the wealthiest man on the earth!”
(2007)

LONE CHENEY
“Mommy, why did you do something bad?
Mommy, why did you make me so sad?
Mommy, what will you say
When I ask you one day,
‘Mommy, why don’t I have my own Dad?’”
(2007)

FATHERS STAY
The third Sunday in June will be gray
For the sons and the daughters who may
Not remember the dad
That they never quite had
’Cause he left them and went far away.
(2006)

Last week’s limerick:

BIG EARS
Does Obama read my email?
Does Obama tap my phone?
Does he peer into my bedroom
With a dragonfly-shaped drone?

Does he know my favorite color,
Movie, music, and cologne?
Does he know I like chai latte
With a croissant or a scone?

Does he know where I’ve donated,
Where I’ve driven to or flown?
Does he check my charge card charges
Just as if they were his own?

Does he recognize no boundaries
And respect no private zone?
Does Obama lack the decency
To leave us all alone?

Je suis de ceux qui pensent que l’être humain ne se construit pas sans structure, sans ordre, sans statut, sans règle. Que l’affirmation de la liberté n’implique pas la négation des limites. Que l’affrmation de l’égalité n’implique pas le nivellement des différences. Que la puissance de la technique et de l’imagination exige de ne jamais oublier que l’être est don, que la vie nous précède toujours et qu’elle a ses lois.

J’ai envie d’une société où la modernité prendrait toute sa place, sans que, pour autant, soient niés les principes élémentaires de l’écologie humaine et familiale.

D’une société où la diversité des manières d’être, de vivre et de désirer soit acceptée comme une chance, sans que, pour autant, cette diversité soit diluée dans la réduction à un plus petit dénominateur qui efface toute différenciation.

D’une société où, malgré le déploiement du virtuel et de l’intelligence critique, les mots les plus simples – père, mère, époux, parents – gardent leur signification, à la fois symbolique et incarnée.

D’une société où les enfants sont accueillis et trouvent leur place, toute leur place, sans pour autant devenir objet de possession à tout prix ou enjeu de pouvoir.

J’ai envie d’une société où ce qui se joue d’extraordinaire dans la rencontre de l’homme et de la femme continue à être institué, sous un nom spécifique. – Gilles Bernheim, Grand Rabbin de France

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

AGITPROP
Maybe three in a hundred are bent,
And one tenth of that number intent
On pretending to wed
Same-sex partners instead:
All this turmoil for three-tenths percent?

From the archive:

BULLIES
In the 50s our fathers knew best,
But back then they could scarcely have guessed
That a mere three percent
Who are sexually bent
Would intimidate all of the rest.
(2012)

CEREALISM
“Here’s a great idea, what do you think:
The Trix Rabbit ‘comes out’ with a wink,
While Count Chocula warms
To the Leprechaun’s charms
And the Jolly Green Giant wears pink?”
(2012)

WIFE SENTENCE
As evolving positions now gel,
He pronounces this travesty swell,
But you might change your view
About “gay marriage,” too,
If you’d married a mate like Michelle.
(2012)

DO TELL!
“The fatigues we have now are so tacky!
Could we please go with something more wacky –
Something showing more flesh
In black leather or mesh,
With a boa of feathered pink khaki?”
(2011)

CZARDOM & GOMORRAH
“We are in your schools now and polluting
All the innocent minds we’re rebooting:
There’ll be total immersion
In every perversion
And the schools will be safe for recruiting.”
(2011)

BAD SAMARITANS
When a brother has wandered astray,
Those who love him will show him the way;
Those who follow the fashion
Of corrupted compassion
Will assure him his sin is okay.
(2010)

SUB CULTURE
To my loved ones I had to say bye
With the knowledge I might have to die:
Does that mean that I oughta
Spend six months underwater
With a guy with a gleam in his eye?
(2010)

C’EST LA QUEER
I survived at the front of the line,
But decided I had to resign:
From the front I came back
To confront an attack
From the cat in the cot next to mine.
(2010)

INVERT TED
Olson says a square is round,
Half an ounce is twice a pound,
Two o’clock is ten,
Men can marry men,
And the sky is underground.
(2010)

TWISTED
As the lavender lobby engages
To subvert Christian culture in stages,
They accuse us of hate
If we dare validate
Common sense and the wisdom of ages.
(2010)

BENT ON MARRIAGE
“We are undermining resistance
With our carefully plotted persistence:
Rather than disparage
The institution of marriage,
We’re defining it out of existence.”
(2009)

PANSY
It will be a stylish “marriage,”
They can afford a carriage,
They’ll book a suite
Upon deceit
In a farcical rite for two.
(2008)

LONE CHENEY
“Mommy, why did you do something bad?
Mommy, why did you make me so sad?
Mommy, what will you say
When I ask you one day,
‘Mommy, why don’t I have my own Dad?’”
(2007)

CONSERVATIVE BENT
What began as an ill-advised craze
To authenticate “tolerant” ways
Has got way out of hand
And now needs to be banned:
The Republican courting of “gays.”
(2006)

PERFECT MATCH
A narcissist went to extremes
To marry the one he esteems;
He walked with a smile
All alone down the aisle:
He, himself, was the one of his dreams.
(2005)

STRAIGHT TALK FOR THE QUEER GUY
There’s no doubt that you’re deft at design,
Can select an appropriate wine,
And know just how to dress,
But your life is a mess
‘Cause you don’t idolize the divine.
(2004)

POX AMERICANA
“Though we suffer the simmering effects
Of syphillis, herpes simplex,
Gonorrhea, and AIDS
From our rash escapades,
We make certain to practice ‘safe sex.’”
(2003)

LAWRENCE V. TEXAS
The evil with which men are ridden
In normal times hardly is hidden,
But no era’s more awful
Than when vice is made lawful
And propriety, then, is forbidden.
(2003)

NOVEL IDEA
In The Wanting Seed, Anthony Burgess
Prophesied the preposterous purges
He knew surely would come
When the righteous play dumb
And the vicious give vent to their urges.
(2003)

QUEENS COLLEGE
“Your report card’s created a fuss
With your father and me: Both of us
Are a little bit leery
Of this course called ‘Queer Theory’
– And the fact that you got an A-plus.”
(2002)

ECCE HOMO
“Comrades, have no fears;
It’s only a matter of years:
We’ll sneak some fairies
Through the seminaries;
Soon the Church will be full of queers!”
(2002)

OUTLAW SCOUT LAW?
Should Scouts suppress their squareness
For fashionable fairyland “fairness”
And give badges of merit
To all who can parrot
Propaganda on “AIDS awareness”?
(2001)

SAME-SEX MARRIAGE?
There’s nothing new under the sun:
Two women or men can’t be one
And only a jerk’ll
Try squaring a circle
‘Cause some things aren’t meant to be done.
(2001)

KINGFISHY
Huey Long could not have foreseen
This perverse American dream,
But the vision today
In a land going gay
Is of every man a queen.
(1999)

HEATHER HAS ALL THE LUCK
The kids in the class have to nod
When I say that my family’s odd:
I’ve only one mother,
Dad won’t have another
No matter how much I may prod.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick:

THANK GOD!
This Thanksgiving, may families join ranks
And remember to fill in the blanks:
So expression of gratitude
May be more than a platitude,
Let’s acknowledge to Whom we give thanks.

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BULLIES
In the 50s our fathers knew best,
But back then they could scarcely have guessed
That a mere three percent
Who are sexually bent
Would intimidate all of the rest.

From the archive:

CEREALISM
“Here’s a great idea, what do you think:
The Trix Rabbit ‘comes out’ with a wink,
While Count Chocula warms
To the Leprechaun’s charms
And the Jolly Green Giant wears pink?”
(2012)

CZARDOM & GOMORRAH
“We are in your schools now and polluting
All the innocent minds we’re rebooting:
There’ll be total immersion
In every perversion
And the schools will be safe for recruiting.”
(2011)

TWISTED
As the lavender lobby engages
To subvert Christian culture in stages,
They accuse us of hate
If we dare validate
Common sense and the wisdom of ages.
(2010)

BENT ON MARRIAGE
“We are undermining resistance
With our carefully plotted persistence:
Rather than disparage
The institution of marriage,
We’re defining it out of existence.”
(2009)

LAWRENCE V. TEXAS
The evil with which men are ridden
In normal times hardly is hidden,
But no era’s more awful
Than when vice is made lawful
And propriety, then, is forbidden.
(2003)

NOVEL IDEA
In The Wanting Seed, Anthony Burgess
Prophesied the preposterous purges
He knew surely would come
When the righteous play dumb
And the vicious give vent to their urges.
(2003)

Last week’s limerick:

EVERYONE’S BUSINESS
Though our work be a labor of love,
Still, we have to have help from above:
Yes, we have to depend
On that one special friend
Whom we pray to at whitehouse.gov.

When we consider the traditional Christian view of homosexual behavior — a view that, up until very recently, was largely reflected in society at-large — we must necessarily be surprised, not only at the degree, but at the rapidity, with which this deviant behavior has come to be accepted as both normal and natural. For the view that homosexual behavior is unnatural and immoral has been constant in Christian history. . . . – Kenneth Whitehead

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

CEREALISM
“Here’s a great idea, what do you think:
The Trix Rabbit ‘comes out’ with a wink,
While Count Chocula warms
To the Leprechaun’s charms
And the Jolly Green Giant wears pink?”

From the archive:

WIFE SENTENCE
As evolving positions now gel,
He pronounces this travesty swell,
But you might change your view
About “gay marriage,” too,
If you’d married a mate like Michelle.
(2012)

DO TELL!
“The fatigues we have now are so tacky!
Could we please go with something more wacky –
Something showing more flesh
In black leather or mesh,
With a boa of feathered pink khaki?”
(2011)

CZARDOM & GOMORRAH
“We are in your schools now and polluting
All the innocent minds we’re rebooting:
There’ll be total immersion
In every perversion
And the schools will be safe for recruiting.”
(2011)

BAD SAMARITANS
When a brother has wandered astray,
Those who love him will show him the way;
Those who follow the fashion
Of corrupted compassion
Will assure him his sin is okay.
(2010)

SUB CULTURE
To my loved ones I had to say bye
With the knowledge I might have to die:
Does that mean that I oughta
Spend six months underwater
With a guy with a gleam in his eye?
(2010)

C’EST LA QUEER
I survived at the front of the line,
But decided I had to resign:
From the front I came back
To confront an attack
From the cat in the cot next to mine.
(2010)

INVERT TED
Olson says a square is round,
Half an ounce is twice a pound,
Two o’clock is ten,
Men can marry men,
And the sky is underground.
(2010)

TWISTED
As the lavender lobby engages
To subvert Christian culture in stages,
They accuse us of hate
If we dare validate
Common sense and the wisdom of ages.
(2010)

BENT ON MARRIAGE
“We are undermining resistance
With our carefully plotted persistence:
Rather than disparage
The institution of marriage,
We’re defining it out of existence.”
(2009)

PANSY
It will be a stylish “marriage,”
They can afford a carriage,
They’ll book a suite
Upon deceit
In a farcical rite for two.
(2008)

LONE CHENEY
“Mommy, why did you do something bad?
Mommy, why did you make me so sad?
Mommy, what will you say
When I ask you one day,
‘Mommy, why don’t I have my own Dad?’”
(2007)

CONSERVATIVE BENT
What began as an ill-advised craze
To authenticate “tolerant” ways
Has got way out of hand
And now needs to be banned:
The Republican courting of “gays.”
(2006)

PERFECT MATCH
A narcissist went to extremes
To marry the one he esteems;
He walked with a smile
All alone down the aisle:
He, himself, was the one of his dreams.
(2005)

STRAIGHT TALK FOR THE QUEER GUY
There’s no doubt that you’re deft at design,
Can select an appropriate wine,
And know just how to dress,
But your life is a mess
‘Cause you don’t idolize the divine.
(2004)

POX AMERICANA
“Though we suffer the simmering effects
Of syphillis, herpes simplex,
Gonorrhea, and AIDS
From our rash escapades,
We make certain to practice ‘safe sex.’”
(2003)

LAWRENCE V. TEXAS
The evil with which men are ridden
In normal times hardly is hidden,
But no era’s more awful
Than when vice is made lawful
And propriety, then, is forbidden.
(2003)

NOVEL IDEA
In The Wanting Seed, Anthony Burgess
Prophesied the preposterous purges
He knew surely would come
When the righteous play dumb
And the vicious give vent to their urges.
(2003)

QUEENS COLLEGE
“Your report card’s created a fuss
With your father and me: Both of us
Are a little bit leery
Of this course called ‘Queer Theory’
– And the fact that you got an A-plus.”
(2002)

ECCE HOMO
“Comrades, have no fears;
It’s only a matter of years:
We’ll sneak some fairies
Through the seminaries;
Soon the Church will be full of queers!”
(2002)

OUTLAW SCOUT LAW?
Should Scouts suppress their squareness
For fashionable fairyland “fairness”
And give badges of merit
To all who can parrot
Propaganda on “AIDS awareness”?
(2001)

SAME-SEX MARRIAGE?
There’s nothing new under the sun:
Two women or men can’t be one
And only a jerk’ll
Try squaring a circle
‘Cause some things aren’t meant to be done.
(2001)

KINGFISHY
Huey Long could not have foreseen
This perverse American dream,
But the vision today
In a land going gay
Is of every man a queen.
(1999)

HEATHER HAS ALL THE LUCK
The kids in the class have to nod
When I say that my family’s odd:
I’ve only one mother,
Dad won’t have another
No matter how much I may prod.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick:

FREAK OUT!
If a spectacle’s what you are seeking,
And to see a pretentious prig freaking,
A glib gabber tight-lipped
As he’s thrown off his script:
Interrupt when Obama is speaking.

Population control enthusiasts have long promoted homosexuality precisely because they understand its inherent sterility. This is why Frederick S. Jaffe, for example, in his October 1970 article in Perspectives, suggested that one way to reduce the American birth rate would be to encourage homosexual behavior. Jaffe understood that gay and lesbian sex was barren. – Steven Mosher

WHY GENERATION
For magnolia, for moss, and for myrtle,
For tarpon, for toad, and for turtle,
For the bird and the beast,
And for mankind not least,
The future belongs to the fertile.

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

WIFE SENTENCE
As evolving positions now gel,
He pronounces this travesty swell,
But you might change your view
About “gay marriage,” too,
If you’d married a mate like Michelle.

From the archive:

MARRIAGE CONTRACT
The biggest mistake of my life
Was plotting to murder my wife,
But a contract assassin
To see to her passin’
Seemed the only way out of my strife.

The killer was ugly and mean,
But would profit from venting his spleen.
Illegal or wrong,
He’d do it so long
As the money I paid him was green.

I showed him the lay of the house
And a photograph made of my spouse.
He collected his fee,
Then came after me
With a razor-sharp dagger — the louse!

I cried, “Put away that big knife
And spare me my miserable life.
The wounds you’re inflictin’
Are in the wrong victim:
I paid you to knock off my wife!”

“I know what you paid me to do,”
He said as he slashed out anew,
“And I fully intend
To do your wife in –
After honoring her contract on you!”

* * *

I survived that two-timer’s knife,
And so did my murderous wife.
We’re both doing well,
Though we’re sharing a cell:
We’ll be cellmates for 20 to Life!
(1985)

TIME TO KILL
A man had a row with his mate
And decided to speed up her fate.
He thought that his wife
Might enjoy afterlife
And he knew that he couldn’t wait.

There were myriad ways he might bag her –
Bow and arrow, blunt object, or dagger,
Or poison or pills –
For there’s so much that kills
(The possibilities made him stagger).

There were hanging and gassing and worse –
The methods too great to rehearse –
And that’s just if he tried
To fake suicide,
For murders were much more diverse.

A compendium of deaths accidental
Holds drowning and falling essential,
Includes hit and run
And cleaning a gun,
And a long list of acts providential.

He thought he’d give toxins a try,
But the chemist had several to buy
And he couldn’t decide
Among cyanide
Arsenic, strychnine, and lye.

He considered a venomous snake,
As well as a time-triggered cake:
A bomb (tick, tick, tick)
Would sure do the trick,
But what kind of a cake should he bake?

A pillow case stuffed in her face
Could be counted to leave not a trace,
But a bat and a brick
And a sharpened ice pick
Are weapons that all have their place.

And, if shotguns had been all the rage,
He would have bogged down on the gauge.
Thus, before he could choose
The best weapon to use,
His poor partner had died of old age.
(1985)

POSTAGE DUE
A man stuffed his mate in a crate
And mailed her away second rate.
She came back the next day:
There was postage to pay –
For the mate had misstated her weight.
(1985)

Last week’s limerick:

DREAMS FROM MY FEATHERBRAIN
“Like a Ninja, I crept ’til I’d gotten
To a spot I could get a good shot in,
Zeroed in on my game,
And then took a dead aim,
Singlehandedly killing bin Laden.”

The promotion and protection of marriage — the union of one man and one woman as husband and wife — is a matter of the common good and serves the well-being of the couple, of children, of civil society, and all people. The meaning and value of marriage precede and transcend any particular society, government, or religious community. It is a universal good and the foundational institution of all societies. It is bound up with the nature of the human person as male and female, and with the essential task of bearing and nurturing children. – U.S. Religious Leaders

From the beginning, the targets of the sexual revolution were the Family and the Church. Once these two institutions are perverted and destroyed, there will be nothing to shield the individual from the State.