Politickles

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

AGITPROP
Maybe three in a hundred are bent,
And one tenth of that number intent
On pretending to wed
Same-sex partners instead:
All this turmoil for three-tenths percent?

From the archive:

BULLIES
In the 50s our fathers knew best,
But back then they could scarcely have guessed
That a mere three percent
Who are sexually bent
Would intimidate all of the rest.
(2012)

CEREALISM
“Here’s a great idea, what do you think:
The Trix Rabbit ‘comes out’ with a wink,
While Count Chocula warms
To the Leprechaun’s charms
And the Jolly Green Giant wears pink?”
(2012)

WIFE SENTENCE
As evolving positions now gel,
He pronounces this travesty swell,
But you might change your view
About “gay marriage,” too,
If you’d married a mate like Michelle.
(2012)

DO TELL!
“The fatigues we have now are so tacky!
Could we please go with something more wacky –
Something showing more flesh
In black leather or mesh,
With a boa of feathered pink khaki?”
(2011)

CZARDOM & GOMORRAH
“We are in your schools now and polluting
All the innocent minds we’re rebooting:
There’ll be total immersion
In every perversion
And the schools will be safe for recruiting.”
(2011)

BAD SAMARITANS
When a brother has wandered astray,
Those who love him will show him the way;
Those who follow the fashion
Of corrupted compassion
Will assure him his sin is okay.
(2010)

SUB CULTURE
To my loved ones I had to say bye
With the knowledge I might have to die:
Does that mean that I oughta
Spend six months underwater
With a guy with a gleam in his eye?
(2010)

C’EST LA QUEER
I survived at the front of the line,
But decided I had to resign:
From the front I came back
To confront an attack
From the cat in the cot next to mine.
(2010)

INVERT TED
Olson says a square is round,
Half an ounce is twice a pound,
Two o’clock is ten,
Men can marry men,
And the sky is underground.
(2010)

TWISTED
As the lavender lobby engages
To subvert Christian culture in stages,
They accuse us of hate
If we dare validate
Common sense and the wisdom of ages.
(2010)

BENT ON MARRIAGE
“We are undermining resistance
With our carefully plotted persistence:
Rather than disparage
The institution of marriage,
We’re defining it out of existence.”
(2009)

PANSY
It will be a stylish “marriage,”
They can afford a carriage,
They’ll book a suite
Upon deceit
In a farcical rite for two.
(2008)

LONE CHENEY
“Mommy, why did you do something bad?
Mommy, why did you make me so sad?
Mommy, what will you say
When I ask you one day,
‘Mommy, why don’t I have my own Dad?’”
(2007)

CONSERVATIVE BENT
What began as an ill-advised craze
To authenticate “tolerant” ways
Has got way out of hand
And now needs to be banned:
The Republican courting of “gays.”
(2006)

PERFECT MATCH
A narcissist went to extremes
To marry the one he esteems;
He walked with a smile
All alone down the aisle:
He, himself, was the one of his dreams.
(2005)

STRAIGHT TALK FOR THE QUEER GUY
There’s no doubt that you’re deft at design,
Can select an appropriate wine,
And know just how to dress,
But your life is a mess
‘Cause you don’t idolize the divine.
(2004)

POX AMERICANA
“Though we suffer the simmering effects
Of syphillis, herpes simplex,
Gonorrhea, and AIDS
From our rash escapades,
We make certain to practice ‘safe sex.’”
(2003)

LAWRENCE V. TEXAS
The evil with which men are ridden
In normal times hardly is hidden,
But no era’s more awful
Than when vice is made lawful
And propriety, then, is forbidden.
(2003)

NOVEL IDEA
In The Wanting Seed, Anthony Burgess
Prophesied the preposterous purges
He knew surely would come
When the righteous play dumb
And the vicious give vent to their urges.
(2003)

QUEENS COLLEGE
“Your report card’s created a fuss
With your father and me: Both of us
Are a little bit leery
Of this course called ‘Queer Theory’
– And the fact that you got an A-plus.”
(2002)

ECCE HOMO
“Comrades, have no fears;
It’s only a matter of years:
We’ll sneak some fairies
Through the seminaries;
Soon the Church will be full of queers!”
(2002)

OUTLAW SCOUT LAW?
Should Scouts suppress their squareness
For fashionable fairyland “fairness”
And give badges of merit
To all who can parrot
Propaganda on “AIDS awareness”?
(2001)

SAME-SEX MARRIAGE?
There’s nothing new under the sun:
Two women or men can’t be one
And only a jerk’ll
Try squaring a circle
‘Cause some things aren’t meant to be done.
(2001)

KINGFISHY
Huey Long could not have foreseen
This perverse American dream,
But the vision today
In a land going gay
Is of every man a queen.
(1999)

HEATHER HAS ALL THE LUCK
The kids in the class have to nod
When I say that my family’s odd:
I’ve only one mother,
Dad won’t have another
No matter how much I may prod.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick:

THANK GOD!
This Thanksgiving, may families join ranks
And remember to fill in the blanks:
So expression of gratitude
May be more than a platitude,
Let’s acknowledge to Whom we give thanks.

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BULLIES
In the 50s our fathers knew best,
But back then they could scarcely have guessed
That a mere three percent
Who are sexually bent
Would intimidate all of the rest.

From the archive:

CEREALISM
“Here’s a great idea, what do you think:
The Trix Rabbit ‘comes out’ with a wink,
While Count Chocula warms
To the Leprechaun’s charms
And the Jolly Green Giant wears pink?”
(2012)

CZARDOM & GOMORRAH
“We are in your schools now and polluting
All the innocent minds we’re rebooting:
There’ll be total immersion
In every perversion
And the schools will be safe for recruiting.”
(2011)

TWISTED
As the lavender lobby engages
To subvert Christian culture in stages,
They accuse us of hate
If we dare validate
Common sense and the wisdom of ages.
(2010)

BENT ON MARRIAGE
“We are undermining resistance
With our carefully plotted persistence:
Rather than disparage
The institution of marriage,
We’re defining it out of existence.”
(2009)

LAWRENCE V. TEXAS
The evil with which men are ridden
In normal times hardly is hidden,
But no era’s more awful
Than when vice is made lawful
And propriety, then, is forbidden.
(2003)

NOVEL IDEA
In The Wanting Seed, Anthony Burgess
Prophesied the preposterous purges
He knew surely would come
When the righteous play dumb
And the vicious give vent to their urges.
(2003)

Last week’s limerick:

EVERYONE’S BUSINESS
Though our work be a labor of love,
Still, we have to have help from above:
Yes, we have to depend
On that one special friend
Whom we pray to at whitehouse.gov.

When we consider the traditional Christian view of homosexual behavior — a view that, up until very recently, was largely reflected in society at-large — we must necessarily be surprised, not only at the degree, but at the rapidity, with which this deviant behavior has come to be accepted as both normal and natural. For the view that homosexual behavior is unnatural and immoral has been constant in Christian history. . . . – Kenneth Whitehead

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

CEREALISM
“Here’s a great idea, what do you think:
The Trix Rabbit ‘comes out’ with a wink,
While Count Chocula warms
To the Leprechaun’s charms
And the Jolly Green Giant wears pink?”

From the archive:

WIFE SENTENCE
As evolving positions now gel,
He pronounces this travesty swell,
But you might change your view
About “gay marriage,” too,
If you’d married a mate like Michelle.
(2012)

DO TELL!
“The fatigues we have now are so tacky!
Could we please go with something more wacky –
Something showing more flesh
In black leather or mesh,
With a boa of feathered pink khaki?”
(2011)

CZARDOM & GOMORRAH
“We are in your schools now and polluting
All the innocent minds we’re rebooting:
There’ll be total immersion
In every perversion
And the schools will be safe for recruiting.”
(2011)

BAD SAMARITANS
When a brother has wandered astray,
Those who love him will show him the way;
Those who follow the fashion
Of corrupted compassion
Will assure him his sin is okay.
(2010)

SUB CULTURE
To my loved ones I had to say bye
With the knowledge I might have to die:
Does that mean that I oughta
Spend six months underwater
With a guy with a gleam in his eye?
(2010)

C’EST LA QUEER
I survived at the front of the line,
But decided I had to resign:
From the front I came back
To confront an attack
From the cat in the cot next to mine.
(2010)

INVERT TED
Olson says a square is round,
Half an ounce is twice a pound,
Two o’clock is ten,
Men can marry men,
And the sky is underground.
(2010)

TWISTED
As the lavender lobby engages
To subvert Christian culture in stages,
They accuse us of hate
If we dare validate
Common sense and the wisdom of ages.
(2010)

BENT ON MARRIAGE
“We are undermining resistance
With our carefully plotted persistence:
Rather than disparage
The institution of marriage,
We’re defining it out of existence.”
(2009)

PANSY
It will be a stylish “marriage,”
They can afford a carriage,
They’ll book a suite
Upon deceit
In a farcical rite for two.
(2008)

LONE CHENEY
“Mommy, why did you do something bad?
Mommy, why did you make me so sad?
Mommy, what will you say
When I ask you one day,
‘Mommy, why don’t I have my own Dad?’”
(2007)

CONSERVATIVE BENT
What began as an ill-advised craze
To authenticate “tolerant” ways
Has got way out of hand
And now needs to be banned:
The Republican courting of “gays.”
(2006)

PERFECT MATCH
A narcissist went to extremes
To marry the one he esteems;
He walked with a smile
All alone down the aisle:
He, himself, was the one of his dreams.
(2005)

STRAIGHT TALK FOR THE QUEER GUY
There’s no doubt that you’re deft at design,
Can select an appropriate wine,
And know just how to dress,
But your life is a mess
‘Cause you don’t idolize the divine.
(2004)

POX AMERICANA
“Though we suffer the simmering effects
Of syphillis, herpes simplex,
Gonorrhea, and AIDS
From our rash escapades,
We make certain to practice ‘safe sex.’”
(2003)

LAWRENCE V. TEXAS
The evil with which men are ridden
In normal times hardly is hidden,
But no era’s more awful
Than when vice is made lawful
And propriety, then, is forbidden.
(2003)

NOVEL IDEA
In The Wanting Seed, Anthony Burgess
Prophesied the preposterous purges
He knew surely would come
When the righteous play dumb
And the vicious give vent to their urges.
(2003)

QUEENS COLLEGE
“Your report card’s created a fuss
With your father and me: Both of us
Are a little bit leery
Of this course called ‘Queer Theory’
– And the fact that you got an A-plus.”
(2002)

ECCE HOMO
“Comrades, have no fears;
It’s only a matter of years:
We’ll sneak some fairies
Through the seminaries;
Soon the Church will be full of queers!”
(2002)

OUTLAW SCOUT LAW?
Should Scouts suppress their squareness
For fashionable fairyland “fairness”
And give badges of merit
To all who can parrot
Propaganda on “AIDS awareness”?
(2001)

SAME-SEX MARRIAGE?
There’s nothing new under the sun:
Two women or men can’t be one
And only a jerk’ll
Try squaring a circle
‘Cause some things aren’t meant to be done.
(2001)

KINGFISHY
Huey Long could not have foreseen
This perverse American dream,
But the vision today
In a land going gay
Is of every man a queen.
(1999)

HEATHER HAS ALL THE LUCK
The kids in the class have to nod
When I say that my family’s odd:
I’ve only one mother,
Dad won’t have another
No matter how much I may prod.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick:

FREAK OUT!
If a spectacle’s what you are seeking,
And to see a pretentious prig freaking,
A glib gabber tight-lipped
As he’s thrown off his script:
Interrupt when Obama is speaking.

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

DO TELL!
“The fatigues we have now are so tacky!
Could we please go with something more wacky –
Something showing more flesh
In black leather or mesh,
With a boa of feathered pink khaki?”

From the archive:

SUB CULTURE
To my loved ones I had to say bye
With the knowledge I might have to die:
Does that mean that I oughta
Spend six months underwater
With a guy with a gleam in his eye?
2010

C’EST LA QUEER
I survived at the front of the line,
But decided I had to resign:
From the front I came back
To confront an attack
From the cat in the cot next to mine.
2010

Last week’s limerick:

DEADBEAT
“Oh, Barack, this is fabulous – still,
Can we really afford such a thrill?”
“Stop your worrying, honey,
It isn’t our money:
Someone else will be footing the bill.”

Unless traditionalists and Christians step up their efforts, they will soon find themselves out of jobs, and some will even land in jail. It is that serious. The gay rights movement is the greatest threat today to religious freedom, free speech, and freedom of association. – Robert Knight

Decriminalization, destigmatization, tolerance, acceptance, endorsement, repression of normalcy, total inversion — that’s the progression, folks, and we’re in the second-to-last stage now.

The myth that homosexual relationships in general are qualitatively the same as heterosexual relationship—a myth that is crucial to the current push for legalization of same-sex “marriage”—is simply not borne out by the evidence. – Family Research Council

Let’s at least be honest.

There is a giant and worsening problem in the world today. The notorious Ted Bundy said he discovered pornography in a dumpster and it launched his sex abuse career. Today’s media companies have put Ted Bundy’s dumpster in living rooms and laptops across America. – Tom Hoopes

You Are What You See

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

SUB CULTURE
To my loved ones I had to say bye
With the knowledge I might have to die:
Does that mean that I oughta
Spend six months underwater
With a guy with a gleam in his eye?

Lagniappe:

C’EST LA QUEER
I survived at the front of the line,
But decided I had to resign:
From the front I came back
To confront an attack
From the cat in the cot next to mine.

Last week’s limerick:

SHELL SHOCK
Dining out and plan to grab
Lots of oysters, shrimp, and crab?
Remember the Spill
Has raised the bill:
Let your partner pay the tab.

President Obama’s effort to repeal . . . “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” . . . has foisted upon his allies on Capitol Hill yet another, potentially crushing political liability. Already-skittish Democrats who want to continue to represent districts that respect the military, and what it does for all of us, simply can no longer afford to follow Mr. Obama’s lead. Hence, the stage is set for the President to be repudiated. . . . – Frank Gaffney, March 1

The debate over gays in the military has driven an extraordinary public wedge between the nation’s highest-ranking military officer and the four service chiefs who collectively make up the Joint Chiefs of Staff. – Washington Times, June 1