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Posts Tagged / Hillary Clinton

  • Jul 29 / 2013
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Your Weekly Politickle: SENSE OF HUMA

Huma Hill

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

SENSE OF HUMA
“If your husband is horny like Bill,
You should pose as the good wife like Hill.
Do whatever you must
To regain public trust:
Once in office, then do what you will.”

From the archive:

WEINER DOES SINATRA
I’ve got the world on a screen,
I’m tweeting with a co-ed,
Got a thing about my weiner –
What a word! Where’s my wife? I’m enlarged.

I’ve got a shot that I send,
It’ll make her brain blow,
Or, again, it might offend her –
Lusty me! Can’t you see? I’m enlarged.

Wife’s a wonderful thing
As long as I have my flings.
I’d be a really stupid schmo
If I should ever let her know.
(2011)

MISTWEETED
Little Anthony had to get meaner,
Being hung with a handle like Weiner,
Having always his surname
Being used as a slur name:
Could cognomens be any obscener?
(2011)

CRAFT PRODUCT
Oh, you ought to get an oscar, “Mayor” Weiner,
For the explanation of your tweet,
But I doubt you’ll get an oscar, “Mayor” Weiner,
Or even keep your legislative seat.
(2011)

MR. PRECEDENT
What a vile conglomeration
Of every abomination:
In Clinton’s wake,
Only villains will make
A bid for the nomination.
(1999)

HILLARY’S CONVICTION
The First Lady’s a post-modern wife
In responding to marital strife:
She’ll stand by her man
As long as she can,
‘Cause it’s better than “20 to Life.”
(1998)

Last week’s limerick:

MARYLAND HEIST
He’s supposed to protect and defend,
But in Maryland Heights it’s pretend:
When you come to a stop,
You get robbed by a cop
Whose department wants money to spend.

  • Feb 04 / 2013
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Your Weekly Politickle: HILL OF BEANS

Hillary

Using a three-ring binder? What a dinosaur!

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

HILL OF BEANS
“Oh, for goodness sake:
I made a little mistake!
So I lied and lied
And people died:
What difference does it make?”

From the archive:

MATE
Mrs. Clinton considers her play:
“Why, just look what befell JFK!
Look at Garfield and Lincoln,
McKinley — I’m thinkin’
Vice president might be okay.”
(2008)

RUN FOR THE ROSE GARDEN
In her desperate bid for the crown,
She has found herself trailing Big Brown;
At the end of the race
Looms a lame second place
And the prospect of being put down.
(2008)

THE END
Though I’m no Clinton fan, I do find,
As support for his wife has declined,
That I’m actually beginning
To wish she were winning,
‘Cause I can’t stand to see her behind.
(2008)

THE POLITICS OF
PERSONAL CONSTRUCTION
“I brought Belfast the peace they desire
And in Bosnia dodged sniper fire!
I’m impossibly grand
And cannot understand
Why I’m called an incorrigible liar!”
(2008)

H STANDS FOR HATE
Hillary’s known for intolerant views:
She hates blacks, she hates Christians and Jews,
She hates soldiers and cops
And all men who aren’t fops –
She’s the candidate haters will choose.
(2008)

RERUN FOR PRESIDENT
“Now at last is my destiny reached!”
Mrs. Megalomaniac screeched,
And follow she will
In the footsteps of Bill
When a Clinton again is impeached.
(2008)

TAILSPIN
She knew that she would win,
But she took it on the chin;
Now she’s lost the crown
And she’s spiraling down,
Still believing in her own spin.
(2008)

INCREDIBLE SHRINKING WOMAN
On a fantasy Hillary fed
‘Til reality reared its huge head:
As her poll numbers drop,
She will have to close shop
And admit that her life’s dream is dead.
(2007)

THREE AMEBAS
Barack, John, and Hill are not reticent:
In the White House they mean to be resident.
Seems they learned how to rule
Back in nursery school
And are fully prepared to be president.
(2007)

PILING ON
Resentment tends to linger
When roguish rivals zing her:
As Hilly pouts,
Her hubby spouts
And wags his index finger.
(2007)

MADAM PRESIDENT
She has shown she knows how to succeed,
And the public no longer pays heed
To the old rumor mill
And her problems with Bill:
Yes, Lewinski is destined to lead!
(2007)

PETTY DETAILS
Mrs. Clinton, you certainly are
The most loving pet owner by far!
(We’ll ignore the twin shocks
Of abandoning Socks,
Letting Buddy get hit by a car.)
(2007)

COMING 2 TERMS
Despite limits to presidents’ terms,
As a certain Amendment affirms,
Mrs. Old Two-for-One
Won’t admit that she’s done,
Having already shared her two terms.
(2007)

HILL’RY REDNECK CLINTON
“Hoosiers, hillbillies, dis is yer year!
Rednecks, crackers, doan be afeard!
Shucks! Gosh! an’ Dang!
Doanchu jes love mah twang?
Git yer fust lady prezdent rat cheer!”
(2007)

HILLARY TAKES A STAND
“Being asked for my views on morality,
I must say I believe in equality:
I agree with your view
And the opposite, too
– It depends on the date and locality.”
(2007)

MEGALOMANIA
Hillary’s coy “conversation” is shrill
And her friends all agree she’s a pill;
The poor woman’s insane
If she thinks she will reign
As the distaff edition of Bill!
(2007)

CONVENTIONAL SPOUSE
“It’s a bitter-to-swallow pill
(And you know that I’ve had my fill),
But, if that’s all I get,
Then I’ll have to accept
Introducing my husband, Bill.”
(2004)

HILLARY’S DILEMMA
“If I run against Bush, I might lose.
If I balk and the voters should choose
Some Democrat elf,
I’ll be stuck on the shelf
For another eight years paying dues.”
(2004)

BLONDE AMBITION
“If I take second place to some worm
And prepare him a berth on the berm,
Then, when he’s gone
And it’s time to move on,
I’ll be able to serve out his term.”
(2004)

HILLAREEN
What compares to the horrible fright
That will haunt us on Halloween night?
Consider the fear,
As elections draw near,
Ghoulish candidates soon will excite!
(2003)

LYING HISTORY
A librarian with conviction,
Finding too much contradiction
In a certain book
By a noted crook,
Had it classified as “fiction.”
(2003)

BUBBA BATH
Eight years of the Clintons in power
Leave a taste in the mouth that is sour
And an overall sense
That we need a good rinse
And should spend extra time in the shower.
(2000)

WILL THEY EVER LEAVE?
The mood of the people is clear
As November’s election draws near:
We’ve had more than our fill
Of Al, Hill, and Bill
And we wish they would all disappear.
(2000)

HILLARY’S CONVICTION
The First Lady’s a post-modern wife
In responding to marital strife:
She’ll stand by her man
As long as she can,
‘Cause it’s better than “20 to Life.”
(1998)

Last week’s limerick:

PRO-CHOICE?
There are so many ways to take lives:
You can do it with bombs, bats, or knives.
A big rock or a fist’ll
Serve as well as a pistol:
It’s a wonder that mankind survives.

  • Jan 24 / 2013
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What a Crass, Dishonest, Stupid Woman!

Americans of all political persuasions are coming to the sad realization that our First Lady — a woman of undoubted talents who was a role model for many in her generation — is a congenital liar. – William Safire, January 8, 1996

I’d have said “incorrigible” rather than “congenital,” but William Safire’s 17-year-old description of our outgoing Secretary of State still resonates. “What does it matter?” she asks. Incredible!

  • Jan 10 / 2013
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The Most Corrupt Politicians in Washington

Judicial Watch lists the following distinguished persons as the most corrupt politicians in our nation’s capital:

  • Rep. Vern Buchanan (R-FL)
  • Secretary of Energy Steven Chu
  • Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and UN Ambassador Susan Rice
  • Attorney General Eric Holder
  • Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr. (D-IL)
  • Sen. Robert Menendez (D-NJ)
  • President Barack Obama
  • Sen. Harry Reid (D-NV)
  • Rep. David Rivera (R-FL)
  • Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius

HillaryMaking this Top 10 list is not easy. There’s stiff competition. These people are the worst of the worst. Hillary Clinton, a perennial perp, has the added distinction of allegedly being the most admired woman in America.

  • Apr 03 / 2009
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Clinton, Feinstein, Holder — Liars

New revelations today from Fox News showed that several high ranking U.S. officials were lying about the number of guns going into Mexico from the United States. For several weeks, Americans have been told that 90 percent of the guns used by drug cartels in Mexico have come from this country. — Gun Owners of America

  • Feb 21 / 2009
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Watch Your Language!

The Lying Ways of Politicians

Now, it is clear that the decline of a language must ultimately have political and economic causes: it is not due simply to the bad influence of this or that individual writer. But an effect can become a cause, reinforcing the original cause and producing the same effect in an intensified form, and so on indefinitely. A man may take to drink because he feels himself to be a failure, and then fail all the more completely because he drinks. It is rather the same thing that is happening to the English language. It becomes ugly and inaccurate because our thoughts are foolish, but the slovenliness of our language makes it easier for us to have foolish thoughts. The point is that the process is reversible. Modern English, especially written English, is full of bad habits which spread by imitation and which can be avoided if one is willing to take the necessary trouble. If one gets rid of these habits one can think more clearly, and to think clearly is a necessary first step toward political regeneration: so that the fight against bad English is not frivolous and is not the exclusive concern of professional writers. . . . — George Orwell, “Politics and the English Language”

George Orwell’s “Politics and the English Language” is one of my favorite essays on writing. I reread it regularly, and always try to keep in mind the handy list of no-nos at the end. Orwell’s appendix to 1984, excerpted below,  is a good companion piece:

The purpose of Newspeak was not only to provide a medium of expression for the world-view and mental habits proper to the devotees of Ingsoc, but to make all other modes of thought impossible. It was intended that when Newspeak had been adopted once and for all and Oldspeak forgotten, a heretical thought — that is, a thought diverging from the principles of Ingsoc — should be literally unthinkable, at least so far as thought is dependent on words. Its vocabulary was so constructed as to give exact and often very subtle expression to every meaning that a Party member could properly wish to express, while excluding all other meanings and also the possibility of arriving at them by indirect methods. This was done partly by the invention of new words, but chiefly by eliminating undesirable words and by stripping such words as remained of unorthodox meanings, and so far as possible of all secondary meanings whatever. To give a single example. The word free still existed in Newspeak, but it could only be used in such statements as ‘This dog is free from lice’ or ‘This field is free from weeds’. It could not be used in its old sense of ‘politically free’ or ‘intellectually free’ since political and intellectual freedom no longer existed even as concepts, and were therefore of necessity nameless. Quite apart from the suppression of definitely heretical words, reduction of vocabulary was regarded as an end in itself, and no word that could be dispensed with was allowed to survive. Newspeak was designed not to extend but to diminish the range of thought, and this purpose was indirectly assisted by cutting the choice of words down to a minimum. — George Orwell, “The Principles of Newspeak”

Orwell’s warnings about the abuse of language by politicians are as applicable today as they were six decades ago. The language of Bill and Hillary Clinton is especially Orwellian, as I pointed out in two Behind The Headlines commentaries ten years ago: “Beware Politics of Meaninglessness” and “President Clinton’s Admission of Guilt.” Their protege, Barack Obama, seems determined to surpass his mentors in the sinister art of obfuscation.

CHANGE AGENT
“I’m a master at deceivin’,
At wigglin’, waffllin’, weavin’;
And when I create
A socialist state,
You’ll have change you can believe in.”

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