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Posts Tagged / Hillary Clinton

  • Oct 30 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: DON OF THE DEAD

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

DON OF THE DEAD
Deep in Boondoggle Bog, the Beast thrives,
Until one day The Donald arrives.
“They are draining the swamp!”
She shrieks, running: clomp, clomp.
“He is coming! Run! Run for your lives!”

From the archive

FORWARD, MARSH!
“We’re surrounded by partisan haters,
Resisters, subversives, and traitors:
We have struggled and strained
To get the swamp drained,
But we’re up to our asses in gators.”
(2017)

GOOD NOOSE
With more dirt every day to defend,
Even Hillary can now see the trend:
“It’s just not meant to be,
I’ll need some place to flee,
My great criminal career’s at an end.”
(2016)

HOLLOW WEENIE
“I may act like Elmer Fudd
And appear to be a dud,
But I’m truly spectacular,
The awesome Count Barackula,
And I want to suck your blood.”
(2011)

FAST FORWARD
I remember with special delight
How each holiday had its own rite:
Now that commerce trumps living,
We skip over Thanksgiving
And start Christmas on Halloween night.
(2010)

HOUSE OF HORRORS
By the demons we all have been taunted
As unnatural powers were flaunted,
But the townsfolk will rout
And then drive the fiends out
Of the House on the Hill that is haunted.
(2009)

GETTING WHAT WE ASK FOR
Halloween we all shout “Trick or Treat!”
As we hit every house on the street.
The next morning we wake
With a bad stomach ache,
‘Cause we had too much candy to eat.
(2009)

NANCYLVANIA
With the change in the House status quo, see
The new Madame Speaker Pelosi
Enduring the glare
With the crazed, glassy stare
Of a transgendered Bela Lugosi.
(2007)

NIGHT OF THE VOTING DEAD
“We’ll be summoned from slumberous state
To endorse the quadrennial slate;
Then it’s back to the grave,
Where we’ll try to behave
‘Til another electoral date!”
(2004)

THE GREAT BUMPKIN
Linus scans the nightscape scary
For a form imaginary:
There, looming tall
Like an orange ball,
Glows a pumpkin-colored Kerry!
(2004)

HILLAREEN
What compares to the horrible fright
That will haunt us on Halloween night?
Consider the fear,
As elections draw near,
Ghoulish candidates soon will excite!
(2003)

INAUGURAL NIGHT
Bush had plenty of sleep before,
Knowing now he will get no more,
With the clanking chain
And the cries of pain
From the ghost of a grieving Gore.
(2000)

RECOUNT DRACULA
There once was a man named Vlad
Who was known for a habit he had:
With such pride in his nailing,
When he took to impaling
No one ever would challenge his chad.
(2000)

MR. PRECEDENT
What a vile conglomeration
Of every abomination:
In Clinton’s wake,
Only villains will make
A bid for the nomination.
(1999)

WHAT IS IT, E-GORE?
The mad doctor was testing a drug
When he felt on his labcoat a tug:
“Master, oh Master,
We’ve got to work faster
To destroy the Millennium Bug!”
(1999)

ZOMBIES
From justice they craftily fled
And avoided the sanctions they dread;
Now O.J. and Bill
Can linger at will
In the night of the fast-living dead.
(1999)

Last week’s limerick

URANIUM ONE
To avoid an erroneous conclusion,
Let’s begin by dispelling confusion:
It was Hillary who took
Russian bribes like a crook,
It was Hillary engaged in collusion.

  • Oct 23 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: URANIUM ONE

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URANIUM ONE
To avoid an erroneous conclusion,
Let’s begin by dispelling confusion:
It was Hillary who took
Russian bribes like a crook,
It was Hillary engaged in collusion.

From the archive

ONE LAW
Equal justice is our paradigm
And applies to commission of crime.
That’s why Comey and Lynch
Should both feel the “pinch”
And Obama and Clinton do time.
(2017)

SHOW
“As of yet, we have failed to outflank him,
Having turned up no evidence, dang him!
But ours is a court
Of a different sort:
We will have a ‘fair’ trial and then hang him.”
(2017)

BALLAD OF HILL’RY CLINTON

[to the tune of Davy Crockett]

Married to the governor of Arkansas,
Saw herself and him as above the law.
How that First Lady would scratch and claw
To get some filthy lucre in her grubby paws!
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

At Madison Guaranty Savings & Loan,
The McDougals did their best to throw her a bone.
Everyone went to prison, ‘cept Bill and her alone.
“Whitewatergate” is how that scandal’s known.
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

When she got to the White House, there were scandals galore:
There were Travelgate and Fostergate and umpteen more,
Filegate and Chinagate (with help from Al Gore),
Pardongate and other -gates – who can even keep score?
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

In the Senate and at State, there was more of the same:
Trading favors for financing has always been her aim.
For disasters like Bengazi, she refused to take the blame,
Emailgate’s the latest and she acts like it’s a game.
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

She will speak in phony accents ’cause she likes to condescend,
She just uses everybody and has never had a friend,
She deserves to be in prison and that’s where her life should end,
How she expects to be the president is too hard to comprehend.
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!
(2016)

CLINTONEMAIL.COMEDY
“You’ll hand over your emails, complete,
Without further delay or deceit.”
“Oh, please, don’t have a cow:
I’m compiling them now –
Oops! I’m sorry, I just hit ‘delete.’”
(2015)

NOT DOT GOV
You’d expect a felonious female
Not to want to mail mail the way we mail,
Not to follow the rules
Like the rest of us fools,
And to have her own personal email.
(2015)

BELLE OF BENGHAZI
The worst candidates money can buy
Are the ones psychopathically sly,
So inherently truthless,
Self-absorbedly ruthless
They don’t care when their countrymen die
(2014)

HILL OF BEANS
“Oh, for goodness sake:
I made a little mistake!
So I lied and lied
And people died:
What difference does it make?”
(2013)

Last week’s limerick

GATEKEEPERS
Academia’s vetting our views,
Mainstream media’s spinning our news,
But they seem to forget
That it’s all on the Net:
Their distortions are not what we choose.

  • Oct 24 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: WHY? WHY? WHY?

why_why_why_

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

WHY? WHY? WHY?
“Is it all the untrue things I’ve said?
Is it that I look more than half-dead?
That I’m guilty of treason,
Could that be the reason?
Is that why I am not way ahead?”

From the archive

BALLAD OF HILL’RY CLINTON

[to the tune of Davy Crockett]

Married to the governor of Arkansas,
Saw herself and him as above the law.
How that First Lady would scratch and claw
To get some filthy lucre in her grubby paws!
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

At Madison Guaranty Savings & Loan,
The McDougals did their best to throw her a bone.
Everyone went to prison, ‘cept Bill and her alone.
“Whitewatergate” is how that scandal’s known.
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

When she got to the White House, there were scandals galore:
There were Travelgate and Fostergate and umpteen more,
Filegate and Chinagate (with help from Al Gore),
Pardongate and other -gates – who can even keep score?
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

In the Senate and at State, there was more of the same:
Trading favors for financing has always been her aim.
For disasters like Bengazi, she refused to take the blame,
Emailgate’s the latest and she acts like it’s a game.
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

She will speak in phony accents ’cause she likes to condescend,
She just uses everybody and has never had a friend,
She deserves to be in prison and that’s where her life should end,
How she expects to be the president is too hard to comprehend.
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!
(2016)

Last week’s limerick

PERFECT!
Aren’t elitist Republicans quaint?
They’re offended by his unrestraint?
The alternative’s worse,
But to him they’re averse?
Choose a devil ’cause Trump’s not a saint?

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  • Oct 17 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: PERFECT!

perfect

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

PERFECT!
Aren’t elitist Republicans quaint?
They’re offended by his unrestraint?
The alternative’s worse,
But to him they’re averse?
Choose a devil ’cause Trump’s not a saint?

From the archive

MANIA
“That corrupt and incompetent frump
Or that slovenly socialist grump?
Either one would be better
Than a genuine go-getter:
We must do what we can to stop Trump!”
(2016)

DIS ESTABLISHMENT
Bush and Dole and Bush again?
Romney after John McCain?
Reagan and Trump,
You tried to dump?
Grand Old Party, please explain.
(2016)

HOPELESS
They elected a black Forrest Gump,
Whom world leaders dismissed as a chump,
By this churl they were charmed,
Now they say they’re alarmed
At the prospect of President Trump!
(2016)

RINOPLASTY
“If you don’t want your votes cast in vain,
Then wash Newt, Rick, and Ron down the drain;
Accept candidate Romney
As the mandated nominee:
Be consoled with a clone of McCain!”
(2012)

TEATOTALERS
Having taken it on the chin,
All the RINOs are packing it in:
They’d rather abstain
Than actively deign
To help Tea Party candidates win.
(2010)

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST
Having rendered himself indistinct,
A Republican candidate finked,
And we now can take Crist
Off the endangered list,
‘Cause this RINO’s already extinct.
(2010)

Last week’s limerick

A-NOT-HER
If for no other principled reason,
In this present electoral season
With two candidates who
Are repugnant to you,
Choose the one who’s not guilty of treason.

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  • Oct 10 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: A-NOT-HER

a-not-her

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

A-NOT-HER
If for no other principled reason,
In this present electoral season
With two candidates who
Are repugnant to you,
Choose the one who’s not guilty of treason.

Lagniappe

BALLAD OF HILL’RY CLINTON*

Married to the governor of Arkansas,
Saw herself and him as above the law.
How that First Lady would scratch and claw
To get some filthy lucre in her grubby paws!
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

At Madison Guaranty Savings & Loan,
The McDougals did their best to throw her a bone.
Everyone went to prison, ‘cept Bill and her alone.
“Whitewatergate” is how that scandal’s known.
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

When she got to the White House, there were scandals galore:
There were Travelgate and Fostergate and umpteen more,
Filegate and Chinagate (with help from Al Gore),
Pardongate and other -gates – who can even keep score?
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

In the Senate and at State, there was more of the same:
Trading favors for financing has always been her aim.
For disasters like Bengazi, she refused to take the blame,
Emailgate’s the latest and she acts like it’s a game.
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

She will speak in phony accents ’cause she likes to condescend,
She just uses everybody and has never had a friend,
She deserves to be in prison and that’s where her life should end,
How she expects to be the president is too hard to comprehend.
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

*to the tune of “Davy Crockett”

Last week’s limerick

ORGANIZED FOR ACTION
Want some protesters at the mall?
Need to rig an election this fall?
Whatever the job,
The Obamaphone Mob
Is now waiting to take your call.

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  • Jul 25 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: RESET

reset

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

RESET
Out of date is the slogan some blithering
Adman proposed to a dithering,
Truth-noncompliant
Dolt of a client:
“I’m With Her” should be changed to “I’m Withering.”

From the archive

CLUELESS
Says she’s just like y’all and youse,
Says she shares your stupid views:
Either Hillary’s tight
Or not very bright,
‘Cause the Empress has no clues.
(2015)

JOKE
Hillary’s running again, have you heard?
Nomination is hers, that’s the word.
We could get in a pother,
But why even bother?
The woman’s completely absurd.
(2014)

RUN FOR THE ROSE GARDEN
In her desperate bid for the crown,
She has found herself trailing Big Brown;
At the end of the race
Looms a lame second place
And the prospect of being put down.
(2008)

THE END
Though I’m no Clinton fan, I do find,
As support for his wife has declined,
That I’m actually beginning
To wish she were winning,
‘Cause I can’t stand to see her behind.
(2008)

RERUN FOR PRESIDENT
“Now at last is my destiny reached!”
Mrs. Megalomaniac screeched,
And follow she will
In the footsteps of Bill
When a Clinton again is impeached.
(2008)

TAILSPIN
She knew that she would win,
But she took it on the chin;
Now she’s lost the crown
And she’s spiraling down,
Still believing in her own spin.
(2008)

INCREDIBLE SHRINKING WOMAN
On a fantasy Hillary fed
‘Til reality reared its huge head:
As her poll numbers drop,
She will have to close shop
And admit that her life’s dream is dead.
(2007)

HILL’RY REDNECK CLINTON
“Hoosiers, hillbillies, dis is yer year!
Rednecks, crackers, doan be afeard!
Shucks! Gosh! an’ Dang!
Doanchu jes love mah twang?
Git yer fust lady prezdent rat cheer!”
(2007)

Last week’s limerick

ARMS & THE MANDATE
What the Second Amendment defends
Is a right on which all else depends:
To resist subjugation
Of ourselves and our nation
And live free as our Maker intends.

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  • Jun 20 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: $PEECHE$

$peeche$

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

$PEECHE$
She’s about as exciting as clay
And has nothing of interest to say,
But the muckety-mucks
Give her millions of bucks
‘Cause they know that they must pay to play.

Lagniappe

POP QUIZ
“It’s the second time now that you’ve had
To miss school for the death of your dad.
Did he die more than once?
Do you think I’m a dunce?”
“Losing two fathers, so far, is so sad.”

Last week’s limerick

PRESIDENTIAL ADDRESS
If she happens to win, what then?
Where will Hillary be sworn in?
Will she be inaugurated
Where she’s incarcerated:
In her cell in a federal pen?

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  • Feb 22 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: BOOB

boob

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BOOB
Knowledge of basic facts she neglects,
Truth and logic she simply rejects:
She went to the Academy
Of the Female Anatomy
And will vote on the basis of sex.

From the archive

TRANSFORMER
It was destiny, she knew it
And was certain she could do it:
Be the one to set precedent
As the first woman president,
But Obama beat her to it.
(2014)

Last week’s limerick

BERN, BABY, BERN!
If you’re fired up by someone who panders
To ignorant, idle demanders,
Then place your hope
In a misanthrope:
The self-avowed socialist Sanders.

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  • Feb 01 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: SAP

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

sap

SAP
Special Access Programs compromised?
Covert agents exposed, jeopardized?
One so reckless and dumb
Would be sure to become
A commander-in-chief neutralized.

From the archive

SET UP
What did Stevens really know?
What dark dealings could he show?
Was he starting to balk?
Was he threatening to talk?
Why did Stevens have to go?!
(2015)

CLINTONEMAIL.COMEDY
“You’ll hand over your emails, complete,
Without further delay or deceit.”
“Oh, please, don’t have a cow:
I’m compiling them now –
Oops! I’m sorry, I just hit ‘delete.’”
(2015)

NOT DOT GOV
You’d expect a felonious female
Not to want to mail mail the way we mail,
Not to follow the rules
Like the rest of us fools,
And to have her own personal email.
(2015)

BELLE OF BENGHAZI
The worst candidates money can buy
Are the ones psychopathically sly,
So inherently truthless,
Self-absorbedly ruthless
They don’t care when their countrymen die
(2014)

“DID I DO THAT?”
When the blood of Seals is spilled,
U.S. border agents killed,
And our boys in Benghazi
Become kamikaze,
We must ask by whom it’s willed.
(2013)

HILL OF BEANS
“Oh, for goodness sake:
I made a little mistake!
So I lied and lied
And people died:
What difference does it make?”
(2013)

Last week’s limerick

PARSED LIPS
When he’s asked to define what the crisis is,
This man who is known for his vices is
Compelled to resort
To a proven retort:
“It depends what the meaning of ISIS is.”

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  • Jan 25 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: PARSED LIPS

parsedlips

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

PARSED LIPS
When he’s asked to define what the crisis is,
This man who is known for his vices is
Compelled to resort
To a proven retort:
“It depends what the meaning of ISIS is.”

From the archive

LIVING HYSTERIA
Since no one’s been able to spot him,
It’s safe to assume that we got him;
Though we’ve cooked Laden’s goose,
There’s a nut on the loose:
Hillary “Osama bin” Rodham!
(2003)

Last week’s limerick

CRYING GAME
When he wants to, Obama can cry,
But you won’t see a drop in his eye –
No, he won’t shed a tear –
For the million each year
Of babies aborted who die.

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