Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:
Maybe three in a hundred are bent,
And one tenth of that number intent
On pretending to wed
Same-sex partners instead:
All this turmoil for three-tenths percent?
From the archive:
In the 50s our fathers knew best,
But back then they could scarcely have guessed
That a mere three percent
Who are sexually bent
Would intimidate all of the rest.
“Here’s a great idea, what do you think:
The Trix Rabbit ‘comes out’ with a wink,
While Count Chocula warms
To the Leprechaun’s charms
And the Jolly Green Giant wears pink?”
As evolving positions now gel,
He pronounces this travesty swell,
But you might change your view
About “gay marriage,” too,
If you’d married a mate like Michelle.
“The fatigues we have now are so tacky!
Could we please go with something more wacky –
Something showing more flesh
In black leather or mesh,
With a boa of feathered pink khaki?”
CZARDOM & GOMORRAH
“We are in your schools now and polluting
All the innocent minds we’re rebooting:
There’ll be total immersion
In every perversion
And the schools will be safe for recruiting.”
When a brother has wandered astray,
Those who love him will show him the way;
Those who follow the fashion
Of corrupted compassion
Will assure him his sin is okay.
To my loved ones I had to say bye
With the knowledge I might have to die:
Does that mean that I oughta
Spend six months underwater
With a guy with a gleam in his eye?
C’EST LA QUEER
I survived at the front of the line,
But decided I had to resign:
From the front I came back
To confront an attack
From the cat in the cot next to mine.
Olson says a square is round,
Half an ounce is twice a pound,
Two o’clock is ten,
Men can marry men,
And the sky is underground.
As the lavender lobby engages
To subvert Christian culture in stages,
They accuse us of hate
If we dare validate
Common sense and the wisdom of ages.
BENT ON MARRIAGE
“We are undermining resistance
With our carefully plotted persistence:
Rather than disparage
The institution of marriage,
We’re defining it out of existence.”
It will be a stylish “marriage,”
They can afford a carriage,
They’ll book a suite
In a farcical rite for two.
“Mommy, why did you do something bad?
Mommy, why did you make me so sad?
Mommy, what will you say
When I ask you one day,
‘Mommy, why don’t I have my own Dad?’”
What began as an ill-advised craze
To authenticate “tolerant” ways
Has got way out of hand
And now needs to be banned:
The Republican courting of “gays.”
A narcissist went to extremes
To marry the one he esteems;
He walked with a smile
All alone down the aisle:
He, himself, was the one of his dreams.
STRAIGHT TALK FOR THE QUEER GUY
There’s no doubt that you’re deft at design,
Can select an appropriate wine,
And know just how to dress,
But your life is a mess
‘Cause you don’t idolize the divine.
“Though we suffer the simmering effects
Of syphillis, herpes simplex,
Gonorrhea, and AIDS
From our rash escapades,
We make certain to practice ‘safe sex.’”
LAWRENCE V. TEXAS
The evil with which men are ridden
In normal times hardly is hidden,
But no era’s more awful
Than when vice is made lawful
And propriety, then, is forbidden.
In The Wanting Seed, Anthony Burgess
Prophesied the preposterous purges
He knew surely would come
When the righteous play dumb
And the vicious give vent to their urges.
“Your report card’s created a fuss
With your father and me: Both of us
Are a little bit leery
Of this course called ‘Queer Theory’
– And the fact that you got an A-plus.”
“Comrades, have no fears;
It’s only a matter of years:
We’ll sneak some fairies
Through the seminaries;
Soon the Church will be full of queers!”
OUTLAW SCOUT LAW?
Should Scouts suppress their squareness
For fashionable fairyland “fairness”
And give badges of merit
To all who can parrot
Propaganda on “AIDS awareness”?
There’s nothing new under the sun:
Two women or men can’t be one
And only a jerk’ll
Try squaring a circle
‘Cause some things aren’t meant to be done.
Huey Long could not have foreseen
This perverse American dream,
But the vision today
In a land going gay
Is of every man a queen.
HEATHER HAS ALL THE LUCK
The kids in the class have to nod
When I say that my family’s odd:
I’ve only one mother,
Dad won’t have another
No matter how much I may prod.
Last week’s limerick:
This Thanksgiving, may families join ranks
And remember to fill in the blanks:
So expression of gratitude
May be more than a platitude,
Let’s acknowledge to Whom we give thanks.