Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:
HILLARITY
“Though she’s ugly, dishonest, and mean,
Just the wickedest witch ever seen,
She’s the best that we’ve got,
So let’s give her a shot
And elect her in Twenty-Sixteen.”
From the archive:
HILL OF BEANS
“Oh, for goodness sake:
I made a little mistake!
So I lied and lied
And people died:
What difference does it make?”
(2013)
MATE
Mrs. Clinton considers her play:
“Why, just look what befell JFK!
Look at Garfield and Lincoln,
McKinley — I’m thinkin’
Vice president might be okay.”
(2008)
RUN FOR THE ROSE GARDEN
In her desperate bid for the crown,
She has found herself trailing Big Brown;
At the end of the race
Looms a lame second place
And the prospect of being put down.
(2008)
THE END
Though I’m no Clinton fan, I do find,
As support for his wife has declined,
That I’m actually beginning
To wish she were winning,
‘Cause I can’t stand to see her behind.
(2008)
THE POLITICS OF
PERSONAL CONSTRUCTION
“I brought Belfast the peace they desire
And in Bosnia dodged sniper fire!
I’m impossibly grand
And cannot understand
Why I’m called an incorrigible liar!”
(2008)
H STANDS FOR HATE
Hillary’s known for intolerant views:
She hates blacks, she hates Christians and Jews,
She hates soldiers and cops
And all men who aren’t fops –
She’s the candidate haters will choose.
(2008)
RERUN FOR PRESIDENT
“Now at last is my destiny reached!”
Mrs. Megalomaniac screeched,
And follow she will
In the footsteps of Bill
When a Clinton again is impeached.
(2008)
TAILSPIN
She knew that she would win,
But she took it on the chin;
Now she’s lost the crown
And she’s spiraling down,
Still believing in her own spin.
(2008)
INCREDIBLE SHRINKING WOMAN
On a fantasy Hillary fed
‘Til reality reared its huge head:
As her poll numbers drop,
She will have to close shop
And admit that her life’s dream is dead.
(2007)
THREE AMEBAS
Barack, John, and Hill are not reticent:
In the White House they mean to be resident.
Seems they learned how to rule
Back in nursery school
And are fully prepared to be president.
(2007)
PILING ON
Resentment tends to linger
When roguish rivals zing her:
As Hilly pouts,
Her hubby spouts
And wags his index finger.
(2007)
MADAM PRESIDENT
She has shown she knows how to succeed,
And the public no longer pays heed
To the old rumor mill
And her problems with Bill:
Yes, Lewinski is destined to lead!
(2007)
PETTY DETAILS
Mrs. Clinton, you certainly are
The most loving pet owner by far!
(We’ll ignore the twin shocks
Of abandoning Socks,
Letting Buddy get hit by a car.)
(2007)
COMING 2 TERMS
Despite limits to presidents’ terms,
As a certain Amendment affirms,
Mrs. Old Two-for-One
Won’t admit that she’s done,
Having already shared her two terms.
(2007)
HILL’RY REDNECK CLINTON
“Hoosiers, hillbillies, dis is yer year!
Rednecks, crackers, doan be afeard!
Shucks! Gosh! an’ Dang!
Doanchu jes love mah twang?
Git yer fust lady prezdent rat cheer!”
(2007)
HILLARY TAKES A STAND
“Being asked for my views on morality,
I must say I believe in equality:
I agree with your view
And the opposite, too
– It depends on the date and locality.”
(2007)
MEGALOMANIA
Hillary’s coy “conversation” is shrill
And her friends all agree she’s a pill;
The poor woman’s insane
If she thinks she will reign
As the distaff edition of Bill!
(2007)
CONVENTIONAL SPOUSE
“It’s a bitter-to-swallow pill
(And you know that I’ve had my fill),
But, if that’s all I get,
Then I’ll have to accept
Introducing my husband, Bill.”
(2004)
HILLARY’S DILEMMA
“If I run against Bush, I might lose.
If I balk and the voters should choose
Some Democrat elf,
I’ll be stuck on the shelf
For another eight years paying dues.”
(2004)
BLONDE AMBITION
“If I take second place to some worm
And prepare him a berth on the berm,
Then, when he’s gone
And it’s time to move on,
I’ll be able to serve out his term.”
(2004)
HILLAREEN
What compares to the horrible fright
That will haunt us on Halloween night?
Consider the fear,
As elections draw near,
Ghoulish candidates soon will excite!
(2003)
LYING HISTORY
A librarian with conviction,
Finding too much contradiction
In a certain book
By a noted crook,
Had it classified as “fiction.”
(2003)
BUBBA BATH
Eight years of the Clintons in power
Leave a taste in the mouth that is sour
And an overall sense
That we need a good rinse
And should spend extra time in the shower.
(2000)
WILL THEY EVER LEAVE?
The mood of the people is clear
As November’s election draws near:
We’ve had more than our fill
Of Al, Hill, and Bill
And we wish they would all disappear.
(2000)
HILLARY’S CONVICTION
The First Lady’s a post-modern wife
In responding to marital strife:
She’ll stand by her man
As long as she can,
‘Cause it’s better than “20 to Life.”
(1998)
Last week’s limerick:
POST GRAD
“Only oldsters like me will still know
What those cities were called long ago
– Hallowed names they once had,
Those now ending in –grad:
San Francisco, St. Louis, St. Joe.”
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