Politickles

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

DREAM JOB
“How things change from day to day,
What’s taboo becomes okay:
Though once arrested
For having molested,
I now work for TSA!”

From the archive:

JANET’S LAW IS COMING TO TOWN
You’d rather opt out?
You’d better get scanned,
Cause if you opt out
You’ll get a cold hand:
Janet’s Law is coming to town.

She’s lining you up
And checking you twice,
Couldn’t care less who’s naughty or nice:
Janet’s Law is coming to town.

She sees you when you’re naked,
She knows what’s in your slacks,
She knows that you and grandma could
Launch some terrorist attacks!

O! You’d rather opt out?
You’d better get scanned,
Cause if you opt out
You’ll get a cold hand:
Janet’s Law is coming to town,
Janet’s Law is coming to town.
(2010)

SAFETY FIRST
A student in junior high classes
Spotted several suspicious young lasses,
But the principal said
He was out of his head
And forbade him to wear x-ray glasses.
(2010)

NEW DEPARTS
When I travel by air now and then,
The security staff wave me in:
I don’t have to be scoped
Or publicly groped,
I just hand them a lewd 8×10.
(2010)

TAKEOFF
“With security lapses reviewed
On Flight 253, we conclude:
Due to differing beliefs
About bombs in one’s briefs,
Every passenger now must fly nude.”
(2010)

WELCOME TO AMERICA
“You illegally crossed our border?
You’re a drugs and weapons importer?
You’re a sociopath
Spewing venomous wrath?
Yes, everything seems in order.”
(2002)

ZERO TOLERANCE
When the stewardess gave it a tug,
I complained that my seatbelt was “snug.”
She said I’d regret
That insidious threat:
“Backwards, ‘snug’ spells ‘guns,’ you lug!”
(2002)

PROFILES IN CARNAGE
Multiculturalism assails
Common sense until it fails:
Screeners x-ray granny
And pat down the nanny,
But ignore young Arab males.
(2002)

Last week’s limerick:

POP PSYCHOLOGY
What a fashion sense he had,
Mixing stripes and checks with plaid!
And the jokes that he told,
All so corny and old!
How I miss my dear old dad!

Janet’s Law Is Coming
to Town!

by F.R. Duplantier

You’d rather opt out?
You’d better get scanned,
Cause if you opt out
You’ll get a cold hand:
Janet’s Law is coming to town.

She’s lining you up
And checking you twice,
Couldn’t care less who’s naughty or nice:
Janet’s Law is coming to town.

She sees you when you’re naked,
She knows what’s in your slacks,
She knows that you and grandma could
Launch some terrorist attacks!

O! You’d rather opt out?
You’d better get scanned,
Cause if you opt out
You’ll get a cold hand:
Janet’s Law is coming to town,
Janet’s Law is coming to town.

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

SAFETY FIRST
A student in junior high classes
Spotted several suspicious young lasses,
But the principal said
He was out of his head
And forbade him to wear x-ray glasses.

From the archive:

NEW DEPARTS
When I travel by air now and then,
The security staff wave me in:
I don’t have to be scoped
Or publicly groped,
I just hand them a lewd 8×10.
(2010)

TAKEOFF
“With security lapses reviewed
On Flight 253, we conclude:
Due to differing beliefs
About bombs in one’s briefs,
Every passenger now must fly nude.”
(2010)

Last week’s limerick:

FAST FORWARD
I remember with special delight
How each holiday had its own rite:
Now that commerce trumps living,
We skip over Thanksgiving
And start Christmas on Halloween night.

In the past few days, Transportation Security Administration (TSA) policies have been probed almost as thoroughly as the elderly men and teenage girls subjected to one of the agency’s indecent “enhanced” pat-downs. They’ve come up short. TSA’s top man, John S. Pistole, testified Wednesday that he had no choice but to implement the security measures based on the intelligence he has on potential threats. Not that he is willing to share this information. It’s all classified, of course. – Washington Times

The abuse will continue, and worsen, as long as we tolerate it.

When I was a kid, all the comic books had ads for x-ray glasses. Intrigued, I ordered a pair. You see, there were several girls in my grammar school class that I suspected of being terrorists and I couldn’t wait to confirm my suspicions.

The first pair I got were clearly defective, so I sent them back.

When the second pair performed no better, my respect for American craftsmanship was greatly diminished.

Unfortunately, in the interim, the mother superior ascertained the purpose of my high-tech specs and confiscated the second pair before I could return them for a full refund.

They didn’t work for her either, however, and she eventually reverted to her mirrored shades.

I was called back to her office a few days later.

There had been complaints about the patdowns.

I was only in 6th grade, mind you, and my cohorts and I had not yet taken civics; but the girls had somehow managed, in some mysterious way, to acquire a keen understanding of their constitutional rights.

So ended my career as a security agent.

As it turned out, there were never any terrorist incidents at my school, at least none perpetrated by the students. Nevertheless, to this day, “better safe than sorry” remains my motto.

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

NEW DEPARTS
When I travel by air now and then,
The security staff wave me in:
I don’t have to be scoped
Or publicly groped,
I just hand them a lewd 8×10.

From the archive:

TAKEOFF
“With security lapses reviewed
On Flight 253, we conclude:
Due to differing beliefs
About bombs in one’s briefs,
Every passenger now must fly nude.”
(2010)

WELCOME TO AMERICA
“You illegally crossed our border?
You’re a drugs and weapons importer?
You’re a sociopath
Spewing venomous wrath?
Yes, everything seems in order.”
(2002)

ZERO TOLERANCE
When the stewardess gave it a tug,
I complained that my seatbelt was “snug.”
She said I’d regret
That insidious threat:
“Backwards, ‘snug’ spells ‘guns,’ you lug!”
(2002)

PROFILES IN CARNAGE
Multiculturalism assails
Common sense until it fails:
Screeners x-ray granny
And pat down the nanny,
But ignore young Arab males.
(2002)

Last week’s limerick:

POSTMORTEM
“The election was pure devastation
And necessitates recalculation:
All my programs got panned
‘Cause folks don’t understand
How I’m trying to transform the nation.”

There is no bigger threat to America’s aviation industry than the Transportation Security Administration (TSA). In less than a decade, the bureaucratic agency has heightened the hassle involved in taking to the skies. One can only imagine how much longer it will be before the majority of Americans decide they’d be better off hitting the highways. – Washington Times

“You can’t talk on the one hand about creating jobs in this country and getting this economy back on track and on the other hand discourage millions of Americans from flying, which is the gateway to commerce.” – Reuters

Destroying our economy is the whole idea. That’s the underlying objective of everything Obama does.