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  • Dec 18 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: OH OH OH

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

OH OH OH
“Christmas makes mom happy, yet
Only makes our dad upset;
By Eastertime,
His mood is fine,
When he’s paid off all the debt.”

From the archive

MARIAH CHRISTMAS!
When you’re down to me, you’re through,
No more shopping left to do.
There is only one gift
That will give me a lift:
All I want for Christmas is you.
(2016)

EXEGESIS
Some in sorrow the very name eases,
Some in excess the same name displeases:
Why is one thus engaged
And the other enraged,
Why such different reactions to Jesus?
(2015)

YOU TURN
Do you feel you’ve been left in the lurch
And not found what you sought in your search?
Why continue to roam
When it’s time to come home?
Why not join us this Christmas in church?
(2014)

GLIMMER
Comes the end of the overlong night
And the dawn of the life-giving Light:
Pagans say Christians stole this,
But the old winter solstice
Foreshadowed a predestined rite.
(2013)

BLANK FRIDAY
I’m not certain it actually pays
To be part of the Black Friday craze.
Am I first in the store?
No, I’m at the wrong door
– After camping out 25 days.
(2013)

GOOD NEWS
Briefly now is theirs the throne,
Fame and fortune overblown,
And the ones oppressed
Ever after blessed
When the Savior claims His own.
(2012)

MISADVENTURE
If these weeks must be spent at the mall,
Baskets bulging with kitsch big and small;
Christmas prelude must be
A nonstop shopping spree,
Do we miss the true gist of it all?
(2012)

CRECHE COURSE
Once in time a virgin birth
Incarnated on the earth
God’s Son despised
And sacrificed
To redeem us by His worth.
(2011)

DEAR SANTA
“If you really would like to assist us,
Please bring everything on our list, plus
A candidate we
Can support heartily –
Because that’s what we want most for Christmas!”
(2011)

WISH LIST
This Christmas, I’m not being shy;
I want something no money can buy:
For our country to be
Always brave, always free,
Always true to our Father on high.
(2010)

FAST FORWARD
I remember with special delight
How each holiday had its own rite:
Now that commerce trumps living,
We skip over Thanksgiving
And start Christmas on Halloween night.
(2010)

BARRY CHRISTMAS?
Tis the season of change and of hope –
The kind that is real and not soap –
But, to meet your Messiah,
You will have to look higher
Than some fast-talking, power-mad dope.
(2009)

GIFT
There is nothing quite so pleasant
As an instant evanescent:
With the past behind
And no future defined,
We are given the perfect present.
(2009)

FRONT TEETH
Thanta, there’th a thpaith
I’d like you to replaith:
I’ll jump with glee
When all can thee
The thmile upon my faith.
(2008)

NAUGHTY
“I know just what I want for a gift,
And I’ll throw such a fit if I’m stiffed!
If you fail to come through,
Who knows what I might do?”
The pathetic executive sniffed.
(2008)

CHARGE!
At Thanksgiving we pull out the stopper
On commercialized Christmastime proper:
We’ll have six months to pay,
But stay out of the way
Of the stampeding psychotic shopper!
(2008)

EVER PRESENT
All the creches are empty, it’s true,
And I’m waiting for Jesus anew;
Harking back to the Book,
I know now where to look:
I must find the Lord Jesus in you.
(2007)

$MAS
There is less than a month left, you know,
Only 21 days in a row,
Barely 500 hours
To buy yours, mine, and ours,
30,000 mere minutes to go!
(2007)

MERI KURISUMASU
If you find “Frohliche Weihnachten” odd,
“Buon Natale” and “Feliz Navidad,”
Even “Joyeux Noel”
Unfamiliar as well,
“Merry Christmas” should then get the nod.
(2006)

NATIVITY
Tell me how can an innocent Child —
Holy Infant, so tender and mild —
Be the object of scorn
From the moment He’s born:
Rejected, resented, reviled?
(2005)

CLAUSTROPHOBIA
Is there somewhere I can go
That the Santas do not know,
A Santa-free zone
I can call my own
And not hear that “ho ho ho”?
(2005)

DECK THE GALS
“Merry Christmas!” she crowed, and then smiled,
Leaving less seasoned shoppers beguiled.
“Now get out of my way
‘Cause I don’t have all day
And I must have that toy for my child!”
(2005)

YULE GET OVER IT
So what if you feel disempowered
By someone who’s grimaced or glowered?
If you’re frightened to say
“Merry Christmas” today,
You’re simply a Noel coward!
(2004)

MERRY CHRISTMAS, BEDFORD FALLS!
He’s known plenty of struggle and strife,
But George Bailey is blessed with a wife
And family and friends
On whom he depends:
What he has is a wonderful life.
(2002)

KILLJOY
Who but a hardhearted heathen
For some nefarious reason
Would ignore the morn
When our Savior was born
And call Christmas the “holiday season”?
(2002)

Last week’s limerick

DITTO MACHINE
“It’s now time to suspend the discussions
And consider the grim repercussions:
It’s true Trump had an ace
In the Limbaugh fan base
And engaged in collusion with Rush-ians.”

  • Dec 11 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: DITTO MACHINE

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

DITTO MACHINE
“It’s now time to suspend the discussions
And consider the grim repercussions:
It’s true Trump had an ace
In the Limbaugh fan base
And engaged in collusion with Rush-ians.”

From the archive

URANIUM ONE
To avoid an erroneous conclusion,
Let’s begin by dispelling confusion:
It was Hillary who took
Russian bribes like a crook,
It was Hillary engaged in collusion.
(2017)

RUSH HOUR
When combative conservatives hush
And the brazenest liberals blush,
We know that the fun
Has already begun
And the nation is listening to Rush!
(2000)

Last week’s limerick

WELL, DUH!
I had never the slightest confusion
And came easily to this conclusion,
Needing no one to show me
It was Mueller and Comey
With the Clintons engaged in collusion.

  • Dec 04 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: WELL, DUH!

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

WELL, DUH!
I had never the slightest confusion
And came easily to this conclusion,
Needing no one to show me
It was Mueller and Comey
With the Clintons engaged in collusion.

From the archive

URANIUM ONE
To avoid an erroneous conclusion,
Let’s begin by dispelling confusion:
It was Hillary who took
Russian bribes like a crook,
It was Hillary engaged in collusion.
(2017)

ONE LAW
Equal justice is our paradigm
And applies to commission of crime.
That’s why Comey and Lynch
Should both feel the “pinch”
And Obama and Clinton do time.
(2017)

SHOW
“As of yet, we have failed to outflank him,
Having turned up no evidence, dang him!
But ours is a court
Of a different sort:
We will have a ‘fair’ trial and then hang him.”
(2017)

CLINTONEMAIL.COMEDY
“You’ll hand over your emails, complete,
Without further delay or deceit.”
“Oh, please, don’t have a cow:
I’m compiling them now –
Oops! I’m sorry, I just hit ‘delete.’”
(2015)

NOT DOT GOV
You’d expect a felonious female
Not to want to mail mail the way we mail,
Not to follow the rules
Like the rest of us fools,
And to have her own personal email.
(2015)

BELLE OF BENGHAZI
The worst candidates money can buy
Are the ones psychopathically sly,
So inherently truthless,
Self-absorbedly ruthless
They don’t care when their countrymen die
(2014)

HILL OF BEANS
“Oh, for goodness sake:
I made a little mistake!
So I lied and lied
And people died:
What difference does it make?”
(2013)

INSIDE JOB
Having failed in a decades-long try,
An appreciative communist spy
Pays a due compliment
To our own President
For destroying the FBI.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

“BIMBO ERUPTIONS”
“When a woman accuses, discredit her
(With the help of a compromised editor):
Though she’s anything but,
Call the woman a slut,”
Said the wife of a serial predator.

  • Nov 27 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: “BIMBO ERUPTIONS”

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

“BIMBO ERUPTIONS”
“When a woman accuses, discredit her
(With the help of a compromised editor):
Though she’s anything but,
Call the woman a slut,”
Said the wife of a serial predator.

From the archive

RODHAM
“I support, I embrace, I exalt
Every victim of sexual assault
– Unless it was Bill
Exercising his will,
In which case, the hussy’s at fault.”
(2016)

CHILLARY
“Though I handled Bill’s bimbo outbreaks,
Doing damage control on ‘mistakes,’
It meant nothing to me
And I really don’t see,
At this point, what difference it makes.”
(2016)

HOW SPECIAL
Rules applied to the masses and not them,
But their hubris eventually got them:
First fell Spitzer, then Weiner,
And now somebody meaner –
The Belle of Benghazi, Ms. Rodham.
(2015)

SENSE OF HUMA
“If your husband is horny like Bill,
You should pose as the good wife like Hill.
Do whatever you must
To regain public trust:
Once in office, then do what you will.”
(2013)

WEINER DOES SINATRA
I’ve got the world on a screen,
I’m tweeting with a co-ed,
Got a thing about my weiner –
What a word! Where’s my wife? I’m enlarged.

I’ve got a shot that I send,
It’ll make her brain blow,
Or, again, it might offend her –
Lusty me! Can’t you see? I’m enlarged.

Wife’s a wonderful thing
As long as I have my flings.
I’d be a really stupid schmo
If I should ever let her know.
(2011)

MISTWEETED
Little Anthony had to get meaner,
Being hung with a handle like Weiner,
Having always his surname
Being used as a slur name:
Could cognomens be any obscener?
(2011)

CRAFT PRODUCT
Oh, you ought to get an oscar, “Mayor” Weiner,
For the explanation of your tweet,
But I doubt you’ll get an oscar, “Mayor” Weiner,
Or even keep your legislative seat.
(2011)

AL GORGE
If a human is hungry for strudel,
He can get some by using his noodle,
But his quest for confection
May result in rejection
If he paws like a poor, crazed sex poodle.
(2010)

SPITZER
“New York State Attorney General” rang fine,
“New York Governor” sounded divine,
And yet even more eminent
Would have been “U.S. President”
– But, instead, he is now “Number 9.”
(2008)

INCOMMODE
See how swiftly the mighty do fall
And their bigness become very small:
Get a little too noisy
While you’re cruising for Boise
And you’ll find your career in a stall.
(2007)

BIRDS OF A FEATHER
In both Parties you’ll find creep and crank,
Even some who are thoroughly rank,
But Republicans wholly
Have disavowed Foley,
While the Democrats laud Barney Frank.
(2006)

MISS KOPECHNE REGRETS
“Though I’ll miss your grand tribute to Ted,
I’ll be with you in spirit instead
As you strive to deny
That grave night in July
When he swam off and left me for dead.”
(2004)

From the Clinton Archive

AKA
Nelson, Luciano, Capone
All had nicknames uniquely their own.
In Bill Clinton’s case,
You can bet “Cigarface”
Is the moniker by which he’ll be known!

BUBBA BATH
Eight years of the Clintons in power
Leave a taste in the mouth that is sour
And an overall sense
That we need a good rinse
And should spend extra time in the shower.

INITIAL REACTION
The intern arrived optimistic,
But her outlook proved unrealistic.
Now she’s anxious to flee,
Having learned that D.C.
Means “Distinguishing Characteristic.”

MR. PRECEDENT
What a vile conglomeration
Of every abomination:
In Clinton’s wake,
Only villains will make
A bid for the nomination.

PUTTING THE LEG IN LEGACY
A filtering V-chip’s desired
‘Til our Masher-in-Chief is retired:
His obsession with sex
Makes our news triple-X
And parental discretion required.

SAFE SAX
“The voter has no head for facts.
They stop him right dead in his tracks.
The public,” said Bill,
“Just wants a cheap thrill.
Now, Hillary, hand me my sax.”

SO THAT’S WHAT YOU CALL IT!
She was flattered he found her appealing,
But preferred that he be less revealing.
Bill tried to explain
He was feeling her pain,
But Paula knew what he was feeling!

STANDARD BARER
We’ll overlook Bill’s obfuscations,
And his sexual aberrations,
And perhaps, within reason,
We’ll tolerate treason
’Cause he’s meeting our low expectations.

STUDENT TEACHER
“If only we’d known before now
What a crafty excuse will allow:
When your villainies vex,
Say it’s just about sex,”
Chuckled Hitler and Stalin and Mao.

SURLY REALISM
A President shouldn’t tell lies
Or do things that are really unwise,
But who cares about “should”
When the economy’s good
And the stock market’s on the rise?

WHO PAYS?
Not so sweet his taste of swill.
Not so cheap his latest thrill.
How high the price
That’s paid for vice!
How right the name of “Bill.”

ZOMBIES
From justice they craftily fled
And avoided the sanctions they dread;
Now O.J. and Bill
Can linger at will
In the night of the fast-living dead.

Last week’s limerick

TODA!
“Thanks for everything!” should be our motto:
If we’re grateful, then how can we not crow
“Thank you! Thank you so much!”
“Merci!” “Danke!” and such,
“Xie xie!” “Grazie!” “Shukran!” “Arrigato!”?

  • Nov 20 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: TODA!

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

TODA!
“Thanks for everything!” should be our motto:
If we’re grateful, then how can we not crow
“Thank you! Thank you so much!”
“Merci!” “Danke!” and such,
“Xie xie!” “Grazie!” “Shukran!” “Arrigato!”?

From the archive

YUGE MEAL
Trump has won, there’s no way to annul it:
Celebrate with a Thanksgiving pullet,
But, before you eat, nod
And be grateful to God
That our country has just dodged a bullet.
(2016)

REMEMBERED
“Like so many, I usually feel
That Thanksgiving is not a big deal.
As it once more draws near,
I feel different this year:
I’m invited somewhere for a meal.”
(2015)

COLD TURKEY
Though our Thanksgiving customs are charming,
Experts say one such custom is harming
Our environment and planet
And they may have to ban it:
This man-made, oven-based gobbler warming.
(2014)

TURKEY SURPRISE
“Maw, I cain’t get the butcherin’ done.
You an’ Granny had both better run:
That big turkey’s a-fussin’
An’ comin’ for us’n –
With my hatchet and Paw’s 12-gauge gun!”
(2013)

THANK GOD!
This Thanksgiving, may families join ranks
And remember to fill in the blanks:
So expression of gratitude
May be more than a platitude,
Let’s acknowledge to Whom we give thanks.
(2012)

LEFTOVERS
Thursday’s carcass long after supplies
Turkey Sandwiches, Stews, and Pot Pies;
Turkey Omelets, Fettucini,
Casseroles, Tetrazzini;
Turkey Gumbo, à la King, and Surprise.
(2011)

DRESS CODE
We showed up in our holiday best,
With the exception of one honored guest,
So the dinner was late
And we all had to wait
Because “Tom” was not properly dressed.
(2010)

ASK AND RECEIVE
The poor Tinman is lacking a heart,
While the Scarecrow is not very smart;
And the King of the Forest,
Expected to roar best,
Is reluctant to play a brave part.
(2009)

OOH LA LA!
A fried turkey injected with spice,
Shrimp-stuffed mirlitons and dirty rice,
Pecan pie, oyster dressing –
How we rush through the blessing!
Yes, a Creole Thanksgiving is nice.
(2008)

GRATITUDE
If you’re thankful for your lot
And all the things you’ve got,
Then say a prayer
And give a care
For someone on the spot.
(2007)

FAVORITE DISH
How much better can Thanksgiving get?
In my bedroom a 60-inch set,
And in HD displayed
This year’s Macy’s Parade:
Waking up to a scrumptious Rockette!
(2007)

SATIETY
With the turkey and trimmings procured,
Our Thanksgiving repast is assured,
But it won’t be complete
‘Til we sit down to eat
And the family’s as stuffed as the bird.
(2006)

CIRCULAR SAUCE
If your husband’s a Thanksgiving fan
And a cranberry sauce kind of man,
You might make him a batch
Of the sauce all from scratch,
But he’ll miss that weird goop in the can!
(2005)

THANKSGIVING
Lord, we ask of you a boon:
To bless our guests this noon.
We’re so grateful they
Could come today –
And have to leave real soon!
(2004)

GOBBLER
Hold your horses; we’re not in a race.
Get that drumstick away from your face.
Now put your fork down
And stop making that frown.
You can eat when we finish the grace.
(2003)

Last week’s limerick

THINK!
Before going all in, why not pause
To research pros and cons of your “cause”?
For example, inquire
Why the murder rate’s higher
In the cities with gun-control laws.

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