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  • Oct 29 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: CARAVANGUARD

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

CARAVANGUARD
What’s the difference between immigration
And an enemy-driven invasion?
The answer’s been given
By Cloward and Piven:
It’s the numbers that topple a nation.

From the archive

DON OF THE DEAD
Deep in Boondoggle Bog, the Beast thrives,
Until one day The Donald arrives.
“They are draining the swamp!”
She shrieks, running: clomp, clomp.
“He is coming! Run! Run for your lives!”
(2017)

FORWARD, MARSH!
“We’re surrounded by partisan haters,
Resisters, subversives, and traitors:
We have struggled and strained
To get the swamp drained,
But we’re up to our asses in gators.”
(2017)

GOOD NOOSE
With more dirt every day to defend,
Even Hillary can now see the trend:
“It’s just not meant to be,
I’ll need some place to flee,
My great criminal career’s at an end.”
(2016)

HOLLOW WEENIE
“I may act like Elmer Fudd
And appear to be a dud,
But I’m truly spectacular,
The awesome Count Barackula,
And I want to suck your blood.”
(2011)

HOUSE OF HORRORS
By the demons we all have been taunted
As unnatural powers were flaunted,
But the townsfolk will rout
And then drive the fiends out
Of the House on the Hill that is haunted.
(2009)

GETTING WHAT WE ASK FOR
Halloween we all shout “Trick or Treat!”
As we hit every house on the street.
The next morning we wake
With a bad stomach ache,
‘Cause we had too much candy to eat.
(2009)

NANCYLVANIA
With the change in the House status quo, see
The new Madame Speaker Pelosi
Enduring the glare
With the crazed, glassy stare
Of a transgendered Bela Lugosi.
(2007)

NIGHT OF THE VOTING DEAD
“We’ll be summoned from slumberous state
To endorse the biennial slate;
Then it’s back to the grave,
Where we’ll try to behave
‘Til another electoral date!”
(2004)

THE GREAT BUMPKIN
Linus scans the nightscape scary
For a form imaginary:
There, looming tall
Like an orange ball,
Glows a pumpkin-colored Kerry!
(2004)

HILLAREEN
What compares to the horrible fright
That will haunt us on Halloween night?
Consider the fear,
As elections draw near,
Ghoulish candidates soon will excite!
(2003)

INAUGURAL NIGHT
Bush had plenty of sleep before,
Knowing now he will get no more,
With the clanking chain
And the cries of pain
From the ghost of a grieving Gore.
(2000)

RECOUNT DRACULA
There once was a man named Vlad
Who was known for a habit he had:
With such pride in his nailing,
When he took to impaling
No one ever would challenge his chad.
(2000)

MR. PRECEDENT
What a vile conglomeration
Of every abomination:
In Clinton’s wake,
Only villains will make
A bid for the nomination.
(1999)

WHAT IS IT, E-GORE?
The mad doctor was testing a drug
When he felt on his labcoat a tug:
“Master, oh Master,
We’ve got to work faster
To destroy the Millennium Bug!”
(1999)

ZOMBIES
From justice they craftily fled
And avoided the sanctions they dread;
Now O.J. and Bill
Can linger at will
In the night of the fast-living dead.
(1999)

Last week’s limerick

MOB TRAINING
“That’s not right! That’s not it! No, no, no!
You’re supposed to be rhyming with ‘go.’
Please remember the rhyme.
Get it right this time.
Once again: ‘Hey, hey! Ho, ho!’”

  • Oct 22 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: MOB TRAINING

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

MOB TRAINING
“That’s not right! That’s not it! No, no, no!
You’re supposed to be rhyming with ‘go.’
Please remember the rhyme.
Get it right this time.
Once again: ‘Hey, hey! Ho, ho!’”

From the archive

POLICE, COME BACK!
“When the ‘protesting’ finally stops
And the fires have died down in the shops,
We’ll be too scared to roam
In what’s left of our home
And we’ll wish we could bring back the cops.”
(2015)

PRESIDENT EVIL
Open borders and mass immigration,
Homosexual indoctrination,
Racial riots and war:
That’s what he has in store,
That’s Obama’s macabre “transformation.”
(2014)

BARRYCADE
Many ugly and arrogant faces
Overrun and defile public places;
While Obama and spouse
Violate the White House,
We’ll ignore other occupied spaces.
(2011)

UP WITH POULPE
Organizing a movement’s no small feat,
Nor securing a venue where all meet:
See the cephalopods,
Queued in querulous squads,
Launch a protest called Octopi Wall Street.
(2011)

IN USE
At Zuccotti Park we tried,
But the line was long outside.
Can someone please show
Us a good place to go
That’s not currently occupied?
(2011)

THE PRICE IS RIOT
A new cell phone or VCR?
CD player to put in your car?
Don’t bother to buy it,
Just set off a riot,
Get it free at the bandits’ bazaar.
(2001)

POLICE, THANK YOU!
Promise next time you see one you’ll stop,
When out for a stroll or to shop,
And give him a hand
For taking a stand:
It’s the least you can do for a cop.
(2001)

Last week’s limerick

I REMEMBER IT WELL
Certain memories are retellable
And potentially resellable –
They affect us, they stamp us,
They depress us or amp us –
But some memories are plain smellable.

  • Oct 15 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: I REMEMBER IT WELL

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

I REMEMBER IT WELL
Certain memories are retellable
And potentially resellable –
They affect us, they stamp us,
They depress us or amp us –
But some memories are plain smellable.

From the archive

BLASÉ
An accuser cites her fear of flying
To justify not testifying,
But she’s been everywhere
And has traveled by air,
So it’s clear she has no fear of lying.
(2018)

K SERA
“Justice of the Supreme Court I will be
When I’m grown up, you wait and you’ll see –
Unless somebody nosy
Conspires to expose me
For tantrums I threw at age three.”
(2018)

Last week’s limerick

BELLA
There once was a woman named Dodd
Who rejected His scepter and rod,
In His Church sowing seeds
Of the wickedest weeds,
But repented and came back to God.

  • Oct 08 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: BELLA

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BELLA
There once was a woman named Dodd
Who rejected His scepter and rod,
In His Church sowing seeds
Of the wickedest weeds,
But repented and came back to God.

From the archive

IN THE PUNCH BOWL
Do you wonder why Francis demurred,
Also wonder if he was deterred
By his own share of blame,
And because of his shame
Papa Caca would not say a word?
(2018)

McCARRICK
Woe to shepherds who secretly mock
And mislead the poor sheep in their flock!
Woe to bishops betraying
And on innocents preying!
Woe to all undermining the Rock!
(2018)

IMBROGLIO
Like Obama, he promises hope
And a yep to replace every nope:
“Forget about sins
And let’s just be friends,”
Says all affably dear Auntie Pope.
(2017)

BAD SAMARITANS
When a brother has wandered astray,
Those who love him will show him the way;
Those who follow the fashion
Of corrupted compassion
Will assure him his sin is okay.
(2010)

CARPE DEUM
We’ve had “free” love and all of the rest;
Other options were put to the test.
Now we see in the light
Benedict has it right
When he says “Deus caritas est.”
(2006)

VIVA IL PAPA!
I remember the blear Berlin Wall
And the day that it started to fall,
And the part that was played
By a man unafraid –
The inspired and inspiring John Paul.
(2005)

ECCE HOMO
“Comrades, have no fears;
It’s only a matter of years:
We’ll sneak some fairies
Through the seminaries;
Soon the Church will be full of queers!”
(2002)

Last week’s limerick

BLASÉ
An accuser cites her fear of flying
To justify not testifying,
But she’s been everywhere
And has traveled by air,
So it’s clear she has no fear of lying.

  • Oct 01 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: BLASÉ

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BLASÉ
An accuser cites her fear of flying
To justify not testifying,
But she’s been everywhere
And has traveled by air,
So it’s clear she has no fear of lying.

From the archive

SCHNEIDERMAN
Schneiderman, Schneiderman
Has that Weiner and Spitzer gland:
S&M is his style,
Choking chicks makes him smile.
Look out! Here comes weird Schneiderman!
(2018)

“BIMBO ERUPTIONS”
“When a woman accuses, discredit her
(With the help of a compromised editor):
Though she’s anything but,
Call the woman a slut,”
Said the wife of a serial predator.
(2017)

RODHAM
“I support, I embrace, I exalt
Every victim of sexual assault
– Unless it was Bill
Exercising his will,
In which case, the hussy’s at fault.”
(2016)

CHILLARY
“Though I handled Bill’s bimbo outbreaks,
Doing damage control on ‘mistakes,’
It meant nothing to me
And I really don’t see,
At this point, what difference it makes.”
(2016)

SENSE OF HUMA
“If your husband is horny like Bill,
You should pose as the good wife like Hill.
Do whatever you must
To regain public trust:
Once in office, then do what you will.”
(2013)

CRAFT PRODUCT
Oh, you ought to get an oscar, “Mayor” Weiner,
For the explanation of your tweet,
But I doubt you’ll get an oscar, “Mayor” Weiner,
Or even keep your legislative seat.
(2011)

AL GORGE
If a human is hungry for strudel,
He can get some by using his noodle,
But his quest for confection
May result in rejection
If he paws like a poor, crazed sex poodle.
(2010)

SPITZER
“New York State Attorney General” rang fine,
“New York Governor” sounded divine,
And yet even more eminent
Would have been “U.S. President”
– But, instead, he is now “Number 9.”
(2008)

MISS KOPECHNE REGRETS
“Though I’ll miss your grand tribute to Ted,
I’ll be with you in spirit instead
As you strive to deny
That grave night in July
When he swam off and left me for dead.”
(2004)

SO THAT’S WHAT YOU CALL IT!
She was flattered he found her appealing,
But preferred that he be less revealing.
Bill tried to explain
He was feeling her pain,
But Paula knew what he was feeling!
(1998)

AKA
Nelson, Luciano, Capone
All had nicknames uniquely their own.
In Bill Clinton’s case,
You can bet “Cigarface”
Is the moniker by which he’ll be known!
(1998)

INITIAL REACTION
The intern arrived optimistic,
But her outlook proved unrealistic.
Now she’s anxious to flee,
Having learned that D.C.
Means “Distinguishing Characteristic.”
(1998)

PUTTING THE LEG IN LEGACY
A filtering V-chip’s desired
‘Til our Masher-in-Chief is retired:
His obsession with sex
Makes our news triple-X
And parental discretion required.
(1998)

ZOMBIES
From justice they craftily fled
And avoided the sanctions they dread;
Now O.J. and Bill
Can linger at will
In the night of the fast-living dead.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

K SERA
“Justice of the Supreme Court I will be
When I’m grown up, you wait and you’ll see –
Unless somebody nosy
Conspires to expose me
For tantrums I threw at age three.”

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