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  • Mar 26 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: STATIONS

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

STATIONS
He’s condemned to a pain-filled parade,
Falling thrice (even with Simon’s aid),
Hearing sad women’s sighs,
Then he’s stripped, nailed, and dies,
From the cross taken down, and tomb-laid.

From the archive

BURST OF IRE
Now their rage is at its peak
As we turn the other cheek:
Because of Christ
We are despised
All the more in Passion Week.
(2017)

OMG
On a phone or computer or pod,
These exclamatory letters are odd:
When you breathe your last breath
And can no longer text,
Will you log off and cry, “Oh, my God!”?
(2016)

PETRIFIED
At the Passion poor Peter did thrice
Deny Him ere the cock could crow twice:
When we too face the Terror,
Will we make the same error
And insist that we never knew Christ?
(2015)

YOU TURN
Do you feel you’ve been left in the lurch
And not found what you sought in your search?
Why continue to roam
When it’s time to come home?
Why not join us this Easter in church?
(2014)

SUFFRAGE
Now our enemies freely attack us –
Pillage, plunder, despoil, and ransack us –
But we once had a voice
And were offered a choice,
Whereupon we cried, “Give us Barackus!”
(2014)

FULLNESS
Though they say it’s a post-Christian time
And we follow a new paradigm,
There are martyrs galore,
More than ever before:
Christianity’s now at its prime.
(2014)

HE LIVES
Demons dread this day,
They hate to hear us say
Year after year
The phrase they fear:
¡Viva Cristo Rey!
(2013)

WITNESS FOR THE PERSECUTION
“Can I get a tattoo, Dad?” said she.
“It can be quite expensive,” said he.
“Why not wait and emboss
On your forearm a cross?
Let the government do it for free.”
(2012)

IN HOC SIGNO VINCES
Raise high the holy cross
And show them Who is boss:
Fight the merchants of death
With every breath
And never count the cost.
(2012)

GOOD FRIDAY
When tornadoes come whirling your way,
You get down on your knees and you pray:
You’re just glad you’re not dead,
Have a roof overhead –
Nothing else seems to matter that day.
(2011)

HOLY WEEK
So begins the passion play:
Evil triumphs for a day,
But Friday’s cross
Redeems our loss
And confirms us in the Way.
(2009)

NATIVITY
Tell me how can an innocent Child –
Holy Infant, so tender and mild –
Be the object of scorn
From the moment He’s born:
Rejected, resented, reviled?
(2005)

MEA CULPA
How fully prim piety fails
And scarcely scapegoating avails
When I add my own ration
To Christ’s frightful passion
And with my hands help drive in the nails.
(2004)

PASSION
Critics say it’s a judgmental story
With scenes that are overly gory,
But that’s what you’re liable
To read in the Bible
Of sacrifice leading to glory.
(2003)

P.C. (POST CHRISTIAN)
The other children teased her
For being a faithful feaster:
When the pagan takes
His seasonal breaks,
She celebrates Christmas and Easter.
(2002)

SCHADENFREUDE
Why do liberals like to besmirch
Institutions confirmed by research
As conducive to wealth,
Happiness, and health –
Such as marriage, the family, and church?
(1998)

*   *   *   *   *

BASKET CASE
My obesity just isn’t funny
And I’m suing for bundles of money:
When a basket of candy
Is too full and too handy,
Who’s to blame but the old Easter Bunny?
(2005)

POSITION STATEMENT
While walking with the abbot,
Which was his daily habit,
A monk who spied
Hares side by side
Said, “That’s the east-er rabbit!”
(2011)

Last week’s limerick

BALLOT OF FIRE
Hillary thinks that white women aren’t bold,
That they mindlessly vote as they’re told –
By a husband, for one,
Or a boss or a son –
But forgets that they’re secretly polled.

  • Mar 19 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: BALLOT OF FIRE

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BALLOT OF FIRE
Hillary thinks that white women aren’t bold,
That they mindlessly vote as they’re told –
By a husband, for one,
Or a boss or a son –
But forgets that they’re secretly polled.

From the archive

DON OF THE DEAD
Deep in Boondoggle Bog, the Beast thrives,
Until one day The Donald arrives.
“They are draining the swamp!”
She shrieks, running: clomp, clomp.
“He is coming! Run! Run for your lives!”
(2017)

URANIUM ONE
To avoid an erroneous conclusion,
Let’s begin by dispelling confusion:
It was Hillary who took
Russian bribes like a crook,
It was Hillary engaged in collusion.
(2017)

GOOD NOOSE
With more dirt every day to defend,
Even Hillary can now see the trend:
“It’s just not meant to be,
I’ll need some place to flee,
My great criminal career’s at an end.”
(2016)

WHY? WHY? WHY?
“Is it all the untrue things I’ve said?
Is it that I look more than half-dead?
That I’m guilty of treason,
Could that be the reason?
Is that why I am not way ahead?”
(2016)

$PEECHE$
She’s about as exciting as clay
And has nothing of interest to say,
But the muckety-mucks
Give her millions of bucks
‘Cause they know that they must pay to play.
(2016)

RODHAM
“I support, I embrace, I exalt
Every victim of sexual assault
– Unless it was Bill
Exercising his will,
In which case, the hussy’s at fault.”
(2016)

CASHIFIED INFORMATION
“For accelerated authorization
With regard to above application:
To ensure I approve you,
It might well behoove you
To kick in to my family foundation.”
(2015)

WICKED
Through years the graft extends
And favors for their “friends”:
They plundered like Vandals,
Now Hillary’s scandals
Are burning at both ends.
(2015)

HOW SPECIAL
Rules applied to the masses and not them,
But their hubris eventually got them:
First fell Spitzer, then Weiner,
And now somebody meaner –
The Belle of Benghazi, Ms. Rodham.
(2015)

CLINTONEMAIL.COMEDY
“You’ll hand over your emails, complete,
Without further delay or deceit.”
“Oh, please, don’t have a cow:
I’m compiling them now –
Oops! I’m sorry, I just hit ‘delete.’”
(2015)

NOT DOT GOV
You’d expect a felonious female
Not to want to mail mail the way we mail,
Not to follow the rules
Like the rest of us fools,
And to have her own personal email.
(2015)

BELLE OF BENGHAZI
The worst candidates money can buy
Are the ones psychopathically sly,
So inherently truthless,
Self-absorbedly ruthless
They don’t care when their countrymen die.
(2014)

DECISIONS, DECISIONS
How best might Bill’s bimbos be tarred?
Which long-standing friends to discard?
What dumb do for her hair?
Which drab pantsuit to wear?
Hillary’s choices were hardy har hard!
(2014)

HILL OF BEANS
“Oh, for goodness sake:
I made a little mistake!
So I lied and lied
And people died:
What difference does it make?”
(2013)

THE POLITICS OF
PERSONAL CONSTRUCTION
“I brought Belfast the peace they desire
And in Bosnia dodged sniper fire!
I’m impossibly grand
And cannot understand
Why I’m called an incorrigible liar!”
(2008)

LYING HISTORY
A librarian with conviction,
Finding too much contradiction
In a certain book
By a noted crook,
Had it classified as “fiction.”
(2003)

BUBBA BATH
Eight years of the Clintons in power
Leave a taste in the mouth that is sour
And an overall sense
That we need a good rinse
And should spend extra time in the shower.
(2000)

Last week’s limerick

FALSE TART
“Did you know what the lecher would do
And go up to his room with a view
Toward landing a part
As an overpaid tart
(Or a ‘victimized’ woman)? #MeToo!”

  • Mar 12 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: FALSE TART

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

FALSE TART
“Did you know what the lecher would do
And go up to his room with a view
Toward landing a part
As an overpaid tart
(Or a ‘victimized’ woman)? #MeToo!”

From the archive

MACROAGGRESSION
You insist we’ve no virtues you lack,
But still claim that we’re holding you back:
If you’re equal to us,
Then it’s clear when you fuss
That it’s us who are under attack.
(2017)

BIMBO ERUPTIONS
“When a woman accuses, discredit her
(With the help of a compromised editor):
Though she’s anything but,
Call the woman a slut,”
Said the wife of a serial predator.
(2017)

ASSAULT & FLATTERY
Men and women are left with no room
For incipient romance to bloom:
No more innocent flirting
Or impulsively blurting
Hubba hubba!” and “Va va va voom!”
(2017)

FLUKE
“I may act like a female mutt
And have multiple partners, but
That doesn’t mean
You can be obscene
And call me a you-know-what.”
(2012)

AMENDMENT 2
What do liberals and feminists say
About women exploited today?
They say, “Women are hens,
So let’s keep them in pens
To collect all the eggs that they lay.”
(2006)

THE REAL WMDs
Multicultural misinstruction
And the feminist/gay seduction
Aim to cause disaffection
And incite insurrection
And are weapons of mass destruction.
(2003)

OVA REACTION
“Whistling at my shapely legs
Violates my rules and regs,
But I’ll drop pretense
And take no offense
If you want to buy my eggs.”
(2002)

MAN DATE
The September 11th attack
Put America back on track,
But the nags at NOW
Are having a cow
‘Cause the Macho Man is back!
(2002)

MILITANT FEMINISM?
In the army, the air force, or navy,
One must answer “Yes, Sir!” never “Maybe”
— Except for the faction
Who decline to see action,
Who say “‘Scuse, me, I’m having a baby!”
(2001)

SO THAT’S WHAT YOU CALL IT!
She was flattered he found her appealing,
But preferred that he be less revealing.
Bill tried to explain
He was feeling her pain,
But Paula knew what he was feeling!
(2001)

Last week’s limerick

AI YI YI, ROBOT
I don’t think it understands
I’m the one that gives commands:
It cannot be controlled,
Will not do what it’s told,
And refuses to untie my hands.

  • Mar 05 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: AI YI YI, ROBOT

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

AI YI YI, ROBOT
I don’t think it understands
I’m the one that gives commands:
It cannot be controlled,
Will not do what it’s told,
And refuses to untie my hands.

From the archive

LIVING DOLL
“Not much longer must I wait
To embrace my perfect mate:
She’s arriving soon
And will make me swoon
When she steps out of her crate.”
(2018)

BETTER OR WORSE?
Married couples aren’t cutting their knots
And divorce rates are lessening lots.
What’s the reason for this
Sudden outbreak of bliss?
Everyone’s getting married to bots.
(2015)

BOOTED
When first I was her suitor,
She said no one was cuter;
But now I find
That I’ve been blind:
She’s in love with her computer!
(2007)

* * * * *

FALL START
From the clock that I keep on the wall
I acquired one more hour last Fall,
But I never did use it
And will now likely lose it:
Tell me what was the point of it all?
(2017)

ON THE BLINK
Saving daylight is wonderfully wise
And a cinch if a citizen tries.
It’s so simple to do,
I’ll explain it to you:
You save daylight by closing your eyes.
(2007)

OUR CONFUSION
Will we ever develop the knack
Of remembering how to keep track,
Overcoming the “block”
Of resetting our clock:
To “fall forward” or, rather, “fall back”?
(2005)

Last week’s limerick

RABID RESPONSE
We hear calls for the banning of guns
Every time a mass murderer stuns,
But if bombs, cars, or knives
Have claimed multiple lives,
We hear calls for the banning of guns.

  • Feb 26 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: RABID RESPONSE

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

RABID RESPONSE
We hear calls for the banning of guns
Every time a mass murderer stuns,
But if bombs, cars, or knives
Have claimed multiple lives,
We hear calls for the banning of guns.

From the archive

THINK!
Before going all in, why not pause
To research pros and cons of your “cause”?
For example, inquire
Why the murder rate’s higher
In the cities with gun-control laws.
(2017)

ARMS & THE MANDATE
What the Second Amendment defends
Is a right on which all else depends:
To resist subjugation
Of ourselves and our nation
And live free as our Maker intends.
(2016)

PROTECTED CLASS
“When all private gun ownership’s barred,
I’m sure giving up mine won’t be hard:
I’ll be safe as before,
And perhaps even more –
’Cause I’ll have a well-armed bodyguard.”.
(2013)

CONTROLLING PERSONALITY
Though the news out of Newtown was grim,
Mayor Bloomberg’s reaction was dim.
Why we keep and bear arms?
To respond to alarms
And protect us from tyrants like him.
(2012)

FULL DISCLOSURE
A stripper deemed too independent
Was called into court as defendant;
She said of her charms:
“I’ve the right ‘to bare arms’;
It’s enshrined in the Second Amendment.”
(2002)

TOO SAFE
“Wake up, Dear, go downstairs, and look!
I heard a strange noise in the nook!”
“Where’s the key to the lock
On my .380 Glock?”
“Oh, I hung it somewhere on a hook!”
(1999)

WITNESS FOR THE DEFENSE
Anyone who cannot be persuaded
That our gun rights must not be degraded
Should inquire of the Swiss,
Who are armed and don’t miss,
Why it is that they’re never invaded.
(1998)

BETTER READY THAN DEAD
Here’s a survey that needs to be done
On the merits of having a gun:
Ask anyone harmed
By a thug who was armed
If he wishes he, too, had had one.
(1997)

Last week’s limerick

JIM RAT
Comey’s IQ may be higher
And that maybe makes him slyer
Than us common folk,
But he’s still a joke –
And a pathological liar.

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