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  • Dec 26 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: 2017

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

2017
With last month’s great electoral win,
A new president soon to come in,
And our eight-year-long slump
Sure to end (thanks to Trump),
I can’t wait for next year to begin!

From the archive

TIME!
At the outset our standards were high,
But they lowered as deadlines drew nigh:
With the end of the year
Now uncomfortably near,
We’ll do just what we must to get by.
(2015)

HAPPY YOU NEAR!
Celebrate with champagne and hoorays
All three hundred and sixty-five days:
Every eve is like New Year
When you have the right who there
And your hearts are two fireworks ablaze.
(2014)

WHITE LIE
As the years made them grayer and golder,
Every New Year’s he hugged her and told her
That he loved her and she
Was still young as could be –
Though their children had gotten much older.
(2014)

MAYOR MAY NOT
We can’t know what the future will bring,
What health hazards Fate at us will fling,
But there’s nothing to fear
In Manhattan this year:
Mayor Bloomers has banned everything.
(2012)

BARACK AGAIN
Suffered three years so far of Obama
And Michelle, our new substitute mama:
Cannot wait ’til he’s canned
And we won’t have to stand
Yet another full year of his drama.
(2011)

THAT’S A WRAP!
There were high points to Two-Thousand-Ten,
Forming memories recalled with a grin:
Yes, I had me some fun,
But I’m glad that it’s done –
And I wouldn’t go through it again.
(2010)

RESOLUTIONS
1. Reconnect with a special old friend
2. Earn a few dollars more than I spend
3. Try to concentrate solely
On becoming more holy
4. Make it all the way through to year’s end.
(2009)

YEAR MUFF
I sure hope that it isn’t a sign
Of accelerating mental decline
When I know it’s too late
To write 2008
But forget to write 2009.
(2008)

NEW YEAR
I’m a victim of non-circumstance,
Having gone through the year in a trance.
Maybe 2008
Didn’t turn out so great,
But I’ll soon have another new chance.
(2008)

SISYPHUS
For 12 months I had strived to get there,
And at last to the top I drew near;
When I reached the hill’s crown,
The stone rolled right back down,
So I’m starting all over this year.
(2007)

JANUARY 1
I resolve not to gain any weight,
I resolve not to ever be late,
I resolve not to get
Any further in debt –
On this single inceptional date!
(2007)

ANNUAL REPORT
I’m amazed when the year’s finally through
At the things that I’ve managed to do,
But I can’t understand
Why the things that I planned
Are the things that I never got to.
(2006)

OUT OF TIME
How I leapt into 2005
And pursued all my plans with such drive!
But it’s now crystal clear
That there’s not enough year
Before 2006 will arrive.
(2005)

RUN OF THE MILLENNIUM
Our thousand-year party was fun.
We’ll repeat it for 2001.
A millennial glow
Two years in a row
And a hangover second to none!
(2000)

DISCONTINUING RESOLUTIONS
Resolutions I’ve hastily made
Are infrequently kept, I’m afraid;
Still, I find I can live up
To a promise to give up
Resolutions I’ve hastily made.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

MARIAH CHRISTMAS!
When you’re down to me, you’re through,
No more shopping left to do.
There is only one gift
That will give me a lift:
All I want for Christmas is you.

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  • Dec 19 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: MARIAH CHRISTMAS!

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

MARIAH CHRISTMAS!
When you’re down to me, you’re through,
No more shopping left to do.
There is only one gift
That will give me a lift:
All I want for Christmas is you.

From the archive

EXEGESIS
Some in sorrow the very name eases,
Some in excess the same name displeases:
Why is one thus engaged
And the other enraged,
Why such different reactions to Jesus?
(2015)

YOU TURN
Do you feel you’ve been left in the lurch
And not found what you sought in your search?
Why continue to roam
When it’s time to come home?
Why not join us this Christmas in church?
(2014)

GLIMMER
Comes the end of the overlong night
And the dawn of the life-giving Light:
Pagans say Christians stole this,
But the old winter solstice
Foreshadowed a predestined rite.
(2013)

BLANK FRIDAY
I’m not certain it actually pays
To be part of the Black Friday craze.
Am I first in the store?
No, I’m at the wrong door
– After camping out 25 days.
(2013)

GOOD NEWS
Briefly now is theirs the throne,
Fame and fortune overblown,
And the ones oppressed
Ever after blessed
When the Savior claims His own.
(2012)

MISADVENTURE
If these weeks must be spent at the mall,
Baskets bulging with kitsch big and small;
Christmas prelude must be
A nonstop shopping spree,
Do we miss the true gist of it all?
(2012)

CRECHE COURSE
Once in time a virgin birth
Incarnated on the earth
God’s Son despised
And sacrificed
To redeem us by His worth.
(2011)

DEAR SANTA
“If you really would like to assist us,
Please bring everything on our list, plus
A candidate we
Can support heartily –
Because that’s what we want most for Christmas!”
(2011)

WISH LIST
This Christmas, I’m not being shy;
I want something no money can buy:
For our country to be
Always brave, always free,
Always true to our Father on high.
(2010)

FAST FORWARD
I remember with special delight
How each holiday had its own rite:
Now that commerce trumps living,
We skip over Thanksgiving
And start Christmas on Halloween night.
(2010)

BARRY CHRISTMAS?
Tis the season of change and of hope –
The kind that is real and not soap –
But, to meet your Messiah,
You will have to look higher
Than some fast-talking, power-mad dope.
(2009)

GIFT
There is nothing quite so pleasant
As an instant evanescent:
With the past behind
And no future defined,
We are given the perfect present.
(2009)

FRONT TEETH
Thanta, there’th a thpaith
I’d like you to replaith:
I’ll jump with glee
When all can thee
The thmile upon my faith.
(2008)

NAUGHTY
“I know just what I want for a gift,
And I’ll throw such a fit if I’m stiffed!
If you fail to come through,
Who knows what I might do?”
The pathetic executive sniffed.
(2008)

CHARGE!
At Thanksgiving we pull out the stopper
On commercialized Christmastime proper:
We’ll have six months to pay,
But stay out of the way
Of the stampeding psychotic shopper!
(2008)

EVER PRESENT
All the creches are empty, it’s true,
And I’m waiting for Jesus anew;
Harking back to the Book,
I know now where to look:
I must find the Lord Jesus in you.
(2007)

$MAS
There is less than a month left, you know,
Only 21 days in a row,
Barely 500 hours
To buy yours, mine, and ours,
30,000 mere minutes to go!
(2007)

MERI KURISUMASU
If you find “Frohliche Weihnachten” odd,
“Buon Natale” and “Feliz Navidad,”
Even “Joyeux Noel”
Unfamiliar as well,
“Merry Christmas” should then get the nod.
(2006)

NATIVITY
Tell me how can an innocent Child —
Holy Infant, so tender and mild —
Be the object of scorn
From the moment He’s born:
Rejected, resented, reviled?
(2005)

CLAUSTROPHOBIA
Is there somewhere I can go
That the Santas do not know,
A Santa-free zone
I can call my own
And not hear that “ho ho ho”?
(2005)

DECK THE GALS
“Merry Christmas!” she crowed, and then smiled,
Leaving less seasoned shoppers beguiled.
“Now get out of my way
‘Cause I don’t have all day
And I must have that toy for my child!”
(2005)

YULE GET OVER IT
So what if you feel disempowered
By someone who’s grimaced or glowered?
If you’re frightened to say
“Merry Christmas” today,
You’re simply a Noel coward!
(2004)

MERRY CHRISTMAS, BEDFORD FALLS!
He’s known plenty of struggle and strife,
But George Bailey is blessed with a wife
And family and friends
On whom he depends:
What he has is a wonderful life.
(2002)

KILLJOY
Who but a hardhearted heathen
For some nefarious reason
Would ignore the morn
When our Savior was born
And call Christmas the “holiday season”?
(2002)

Last week’s limerick

ROACH MOTEL
Our support for the Union was stout,
But we started to entertain doubt,
So we asked about Brexit
And were told there’s no exit:
You check in, but you never check out.

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  • Dec 12 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: ROACH MOTEL

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

ROACH MOTEL
Our support for the Union was stout,
But we started to entertain doubt,
So we asked about Brexit
And were told there’s no exit:
You check in, but you never check out.

From the archive

IDENTITY CRISIS
You are British or French in the clutch,
Polish, Spanish, Czech, German, or Dutch,
Greek, Italian, Slovene,
But you’re not “European”:
Reaffirm who you are and be such.
(2016)

BLOC BUSTER
An alliance is subject to shift,
To eventual rupture and rift:
When this one special pact
Is irreparably cracked,
We will suffer from post-NATO drift.
(2014)

MID-LIFE CRISIS
Europeans have come to depend
On their western allies to defend.
What will they say, though,
When a peacekeeping NATO
Embarks on a war-making trend?
(1998)

RIDING THE TIGER
What’s holding up unified Europe?
State sovereigns won’t step in the stirrup.
Getting in’s not in doubt;
It’s how to get out
That’s a question as sticky as syrup.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

MISFIRE
How their “logic” persistently stuns,
These predictable, partisan ones:
Someone loses his life
To an ice pick or knife
And these geniuses say, “Let’s ban guns”!

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  • Dec 05 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: MISFIRE

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

MISFIRE
How their “logic” persistently stuns,
These predictable, partisan ones:
Someone loses his life
To an ice pick or knife
And these geniuses say, “Let’s ban guns”!

From the archive

ARMS & THE MANDATE
What the Second Amendment defends
Is a right on which all else depends:
To resist subjugation
Of ourselves and our nation
And live free as our Maker intends.
(2016)

PRO-CHOICE?
There are so many ways to take lives:
You can do it with bombs, bats, or knives.
A big rock or a fist’ll
Serve as well as a pistol:
It’s a wonder that mankind survives.
(2013)

PROTECTED CLASS
“When all private gun ownership’s barred,
I’m sure giving up mine won’t be hard:
I’ll be safe as before,
And perhaps even more –
’Cause I’ll have a well-armed bodyguard.”.
(2013)

CONTROLLING PERSONALITY
Though the news out of Newtown was grim,
Mayor Bloomberg’s reaction was dim.
Why we keep and bear arms?
To respond to alarms
And protect us from tyrants like him.
(2012)

ANNAPOLIS
Do those goons who reject common sense
And embrace Democratic pretense
Think arresting our sons
When they brandish toy guns
Will contribute to homeland defense?
(2003)

ZERO TOLERANCE
When the stewardess gave it a tug,
I complained that my seatbelt was “snug.”
She said I’d regret
That insidious threat:
“Backwards, ‘snug’ spells ‘guns,’ you lug!”
(2002)

FULL DISCLOSURE
A stripper deemed too independent
Was called into court as defendant;
She said of her charms:
“I’ve the right ‘to bare arms’;
It’s enshrined in the Second Amendment.”
(2002)

TOO SAFE
“Wake up, Dear, go downstairs, and look!
I heard a strange noise in the nook!”
“Where’s the key to the lock
On my .380 Glock?”
“Oh, I hung it somewhere on a hook!”
(1999)

WITNESS FOR THE DEFENSE
Anyone who cannot be persuaded
That our gun rights must not be degraded
Should inquire of the Swiss,
Who are armed and don’t miss,
Why it is that they’re never invaded.
(1998)

BETTER READY THAN DEAD
Here’s a survey that needs to be done
On the merits of having a gun:
Ask anyone harmed
By a thug who was armed
If he wishes he, too, had had one.
(1997)

TIME TO KILL
A man had a row with his mate
And decided to speed up her fate.
He thought that his wife
Might enjoy afterlife
And he knew that he couldn’t wait.

There were myriad ways he might bag her —
Bow and arrow, blunt object, or dagger,
Or poison or pills —
For there’s so much that kills
(The possibilities made him stagger).

There were hanging and gassing and worse —
The methods too great to rehearse —
And that’s just if he tried
To fake suicide,
For murders were much more diverse.

A compendium of deaths accidental
Holds drowning and falling essential,
Includes hit and run
And cleaning a gun,
And a long list of acts providential.

He thought he’d give toxins a try,
But the chemist had several to buy
And he couldn’t decide
Among cyanide
Arsenic, strychnine, and lye.

He considered a venomous snake,
As well as a time-triggered cake:
A bomb (tick, tick, tick)
Would sure do the trick,
But what kind of a cake should he bake?

A pillow case stuffed in her face
Could be counted to leave not a trace,
But a bat and a brick
And a sharpened ice pick
Are weapons that all have their place.

And, if shotguns had been all the rage,
He would have bogged down on the gauge.
Thus, before he could choose
The best weapon to use,
His poor partner had died of old age.
(1985)

Last week’s limerick

NUTS TO CASTRO
Though delusions are hard to dispel,
All it takes is the will to rebel,
But what kind of a chump
Fears the businessman Trump
And adores the dictator Fidel?

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  • Nov 28 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: NUTS TO CASTRO

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

NUTS TO CASTRO
Though delusions are hard to dispel,
All it takes is the will to rebel,
But what kind of a chump
Fears the businessman Trump
And adores the dictator Fidel?

From the archive

¿CUANDO?
With el Jefe confined to his bed,
Every Cuban is careful what’s said:
Out in public Fidel
Must be urged to get well,
While in private implored to drop dead.
(20o7)

ADIOS AMEBA!
Every Cuban who’s conscious and sane
Will applaud at the end of his reign:
When he heads off to hell,
There’ll be no more Fidel
To cause “Castro intestinal pain.”
(20o7)

FREE CUBA
Cuba’s future’s no longer in doubt.
Little brother Raul has no clout.
Listen close and you’ll hear
The unutterable cheer.
Fidel Castro is on his way out!
(20o6)

GOODBYE, BAD MEN
The future’s decidedly grim
For Fidel, for Saddam, and for Kim,
Because sooner or later
Each demonic dictator
Must get what is coming to him.
(2003)

CUBA LIBRE
Your days are now numbered, Fidel.
Pretty soon they’ll be tolling your bell.
When they shout, “Cuba free!”
Rum and cokes are on me,
And I’ll hand out Havanas as well.
(2000)

Last week’s limerick

YUGE MEAL
Trump has won, there’s no way to annul it:
Celebrate with a Thanksgiving pullet,
But, before you eat, nod
And be grateful to God
That our country has just dodged a bullet.

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