Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:
How their “logic” persistently stuns,
These predictable, partisan ones:
Someone loses his life
To an ice pick or knife
And these geniuses say, “Let’s ban guns”!
From the archive
ARMS & THE MANDATE
What the Second Amendment defends
Is a right on which all else depends:
To resist subjugation
Of ourselves and our nation
And live free as our Maker intends.
There are so many ways to take lives:
You can do it with bombs, bats, or knives.
A big rock or a fist’ll
Serve as well as a pistol:
It’s a wonder that mankind survives.
“When all private gun ownership’s barred,
I’m sure giving up mine won’t be hard:
I’ll be safe as before,
And perhaps even more –
’Cause I’ll have a well-armed bodyguard.”.
Though the news out of Newtown was grim,
Mayor Bloomberg’s reaction was dim.
Why we keep and bear arms?
To respond to alarms
And protect us from tyrants like him.
Do those goons who reject common sense
And embrace Democratic pretense
Think arresting our sons
When they brandish toy guns
Will contribute to homeland defense?
When the stewardess gave it a tug,
I complained that my seatbelt was “snug.”
She said I’d regret
That insidious threat:
“Backwards, ‘snug’ spells ‘guns,’ you lug!”
A stripper deemed too independent
Was called into court as defendant;
She said of her charms:
“I’ve the right ‘to bare arms’;
It’s enshrined in the Second Amendment.”
“Wake up, Dear, go downstairs, and look!
I heard a strange noise in the nook!”
“Where’s the key to the lock
On my .380 Glock?”
“Oh, I hung it somewhere on a hook!”
WITNESS FOR THE DEFENSE
Anyone who cannot be persuaded
That our gun rights must not be degraded
Should inquire of the Swiss,
Who are armed and don’t miss,
Why it is that they’re never invaded.
BETTER READY THAN DEAD
Here’s a survey that needs to be done
On the merits of having a gun:
Ask anyone harmed
By a thug who was armed
If he wishes he, too, had had one.
TIME TO KILL
A man had a row with his mate
And decided to speed up her fate.
He thought that his wife
Might enjoy afterlife
And he knew that he couldn’t wait.
There were myriad ways he might bag her —
Bow and arrow, blunt object, or dagger,
Or poison or pills —
For there’s so much that kills
(The possibilities made him stagger).
There were hanging and gassing and worse —
The methods too great to rehearse —
And that’s just if he tried
To fake suicide,
For murders were much more diverse.
A compendium of deaths accidental
Holds drowning and falling essential,
Includes hit and run
And cleaning a gun,
And a long list of acts providential.
He thought he’d give toxins a try,
But the chemist had several to buy
And he couldn’t decide
Arsenic, strychnine, and lye.
He considered a venomous snake,
As well as a time-triggered cake:
A bomb (tick, tick, tick)
Would sure do the trick,
But what kind of a cake should he bake?
A pillow case stuffed in her face
Could be counted to leave not a trace,
But a bat and a brick
And a sharpened ice pick
Are weapons that all have their place.
And, if shotguns had been all the rage,
He would have bogged down on the gauge.
Thus, before he could choose
The best weapon to use,
His poor partner had died of old age.
Last week’s limerick
NUTS TO CASTRO
Though delusions are hard to dispel,
All it takes is the will to rebel,
But what kind of a chump
Fears the businessman Trump
And adores the dictator Fidel?
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