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  • Dec 12 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: ROACH MOTEL

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

ROACH MOTEL
Our support for the Union was stout,
But we started to entertain doubt,
So we asked about Brexit
And were told there’s no exit:
You check in, but you never check out.

From the archive

IDENTITY CRISIS
You are British or French in the clutch,
Polish, Spanish, Czech, German, or Dutch,
Greek, Italian, Slovene,
But you’re not “European”:
Reaffirm who you are and be such.
(2016)

BLOC BUSTER
An alliance is subject to shift,
To eventual rupture and rift:
When this one special pact
Is irreparably cracked,
We will suffer from post-NATO drift.
(2014)

MID-LIFE CRISIS
Europeans have come to depend
On their western allies to defend.
What will they say, though,
When a peacekeeping NATO
Embarks on a war-making trend?
(1998)

RIDING THE TIGER
What’s holding up unified Europe?
State sovereigns won’t step in the stirrup.
Getting in’s not in doubt;
It’s how to get out
That’s a question as sticky as syrup.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

MISFIRE
How their “logic” persistently stuns,
These predictable, partisan ones:
Someone loses his life
To an ice pick or knife
And these geniuses say, “Let’s ban guns”!

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  • Dec 05 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: MISFIRE

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

MISFIRE
How their “logic” persistently stuns,
These predictable, partisan ones:
Someone loses his life
To an ice pick or knife
And these geniuses say, “Let’s ban guns”!

From the archive

ARMS & THE MANDATE
What the Second Amendment defends
Is a right on which all else depends:
To resist subjugation
Of ourselves and our nation
And live free as our Maker intends.
(2016)

PRO-CHOICE?
There are so many ways to take lives:
You can do it with bombs, bats, or knives.
A big rock or a fist’ll
Serve as well as a pistol:
It’s a wonder that mankind survives.
(2013)

PROTECTED CLASS
“When all private gun ownership’s barred,
I’m sure giving up mine won’t be hard:
I’ll be safe as before,
And perhaps even more –
’Cause I’ll have a well-armed bodyguard.”.
(2013)

CONTROLLING PERSONALITY
Though the news out of Newtown was grim,
Mayor Bloomberg’s reaction was dim.
Why we keep and bear arms?
To respond to alarms
And protect us from tyrants like him.
(2012)

ANNAPOLIS
Do those goons who reject common sense
And embrace Democratic pretense
Think arresting our sons
When they brandish toy guns
Will contribute to homeland defense?
(2003)

ZERO TOLERANCE
When the stewardess gave it a tug,
I complained that my seatbelt was “snug.”
She said I’d regret
That insidious threat:
“Backwards, ‘snug’ spells ‘guns,’ you lug!”
(2002)

FULL DISCLOSURE
A stripper deemed too independent
Was called into court as defendant;
She said of her charms:
“I’ve the right ‘to bare arms’;
It’s enshrined in the Second Amendment.”
(2002)

TOO SAFE
“Wake up, Dear, go downstairs, and look!
I heard a strange noise in the nook!”
“Where’s the key to the lock
On my .380 Glock?”
“Oh, I hung it somewhere on a hook!”
(1999)

WITNESS FOR THE DEFENSE
Anyone who cannot be persuaded
That our gun rights must not be degraded
Should inquire of the Swiss,
Who are armed and don’t miss,
Why it is that they’re never invaded.
(1998)

BETTER READY THAN DEAD
Here’s a survey that needs to be done
On the merits of having a gun:
Ask anyone harmed
By a thug who was armed
If he wishes he, too, had had one.
(1997)

TIME TO KILL
A man had a row with his mate
And decided to speed up her fate.
He thought that his wife
Might enjoy afterlife
And he knew that he couldn’t wait.

There were myriad ways he might bag her —
Bow and arrow, blunt object, or dagger,
Or poison or pills —
For there’s so much that kills
(The possibilities made him stagger).

There were hanging and gassing and worse —
The methods too great to rehearse —
And that’s just if he tried
To fake suicide,
For murders were much more diverse.

A compendium of deaths accidental
Holds drowning and falling essential,
Includes hit and run
And cleaning a gun,
And a long list of acts providential.

He thought he’d give toxins a try,
But the chemist had several to buy
And he couldn’t decide
Among cyanide
Arsenic, strychnine, and lye.

He considered a venomous snake,
As well as a time-triggered cake:
A bomb (tick, tick, tick)
Would sure do the trick,
But what kind of a cake should he bake?

A pillow case stuffed in her face
Could be counted to leave not a trace,
But a bat and a brick
And a sharpened ice pick
Are weapons that all have their place.

And, if shotguns had been all the rage,
He would have bogged down on the gauge.
Thus, before he could choose
The best weapon to use,
His poor partner had died of old age.
(1985)

Last week’s limerick

NUTS TO CASTRO
Though delusions are hard to dispel,
All it takes is the will to rebel,
But what kind of a chump
Fears the businessman Trump
And adores the dictator Fidel?

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  • Nov 28 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: NUTS TO CASTRO

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

NUTS TO CASTRO
Though delusions are hard to dispel,
All it takes is the will to rebel,
But what kind of a chump
Fears the businessman Trump
And adores the dictator Fidel?

From the archive

¿CUANDO?
With el Jefe confined to his bed,
Every Cuban is careful what’s said:
Out in public Fidel
Must be urged to get well,
While in private implored to drop dead.
(20o7)

ADIOS AMEBA!
Every Cuban who’s conscious and sane
Will applaud at the end of his reign:
When he heads off to hell,
There’ll be no more Fidel
To cause “Castro intestinal pain.”
(20o7)

FREE CUBA
Cuba’s future’s no longer in doubt.
Little brother Raul has no clout.
Listen close and you’ll hear
The unutterable cheer.
Fidel Castro is on his way out!
(20o6)

GOODBYE, BAD MEN
The future’s decidedly grim
For Fidel, for Saddam, and for Kim,
Because sooner or later
Each demonic dictator
Must get what is coming to him.
(2003)

CUBA LIBRE
Your days are now numbered, Fidel.
Pretty soon they’ll be tolling your bell.
When they shout, “Cuba free!”
Rum and cokes are on me,
And I’ll hand out Havanas as well.
(2000)

Last week’s limerick

YUGE MEAL
Trump has won, there’s no way to annul it:
Celebrate with a Thanksgiving pullet,
But, before you eat, nod
And be grateful to God
That our country has just dodged a bullet.

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  • Nov 21 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: YUGE MEAL

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

YUGE MEAL
Trump has won, there’s no way to annul it:
Celebrate with a Thanksgiving pullet,
But, before you eat, nod
And be grateful to God
That our country has just dodged a bullet.

From the archive

REMEMBERED
“Like so many, I usually feel
That Thanksgiving is not a big deal.
As it once more draws near,
I feel different this year:
I’m invited somewhere for a meal.”
(2015)

COLD TURKEY
Though our Thanksgiving customs are charming,
Experts say one such custom is harming
Our environment and planet
And they may have to ban it:
This man-made, oven-based gobbler warming.
(2014)

TURKEY SURPRISE
“Maw, I cain’t get the butcherin’ done.
You an’ Granny had both better run:
That big turkey’s a-fussin’
An’ comin’ for us’n –
With my hatchet and Paw’s 12-gauge gun!”
(2013)

THANK GOD!
This Thanksgiving, may families join ranks
And remember to fill in the blanks:
So expression of gratitude
May be more than a platitude,
Let’s acknowledge to Whom we give thanks.
(2012)

LEFTOVERS
Thursday’s carcass long after supplies
Turkey Sandwiches, Stews, and Pot Pies;
Turkey Omelets, Fettucini,
Casseroles, Tetrazzini;
Turkey Gumbo, à la King, and Surprise.
(2011)

DRESS CODE
We showed up in our holiday best,
With the exception of one honored guest,
So the dinner was late
And we all had to wait
Because “Tom” was not properly dressed.
(2010)

ASK AND RECEIVE
The poor Tinman is lacking a heart,
While the Scarecrow is not very smart;
And the King of the Forest,
Expected to roar best,
Is reluctant to play a brave part.
(2009)

OOH LA LA!
A fried turkey injected with spice,
Shrimp-stuffed mirlitons and dirty rice,
Pecan pie, oyster dressing –
How we rush through the blessing!
Yes, a Creole Thanksgiving is nice.
(2008)

GRATITUDE
If you’re thankful for your lot
And all the things you’ve got,
Then say a prayer
And give a care
For someone on the spot.
(2007)

FAVORITE DISH
How much better can Thanksgiving get?
In my bedroom a 60-inch set,
And in HD displayed
This year’s Macy’s Parade:
Waking up to a scrumptious Rockette!
(2007)

SATIETY
With the turkey and trimmings procured,
Our Thanksgiving repast is assured,
But it won’t be complete
‘Til we sit down to eat
And the family’s as stuffed as the bird.
(2006)

CIRCULAR SAUCE
If your husband’s a Thanksgiving fan
And a cranberry sauce kind of man,
You might make him a batch
Of the sauce all from scratch,
But he’ll miss that weird goop in the can!
(2005)

THANKSGIVING
Lord, we ask of you a boon:
To bless our guests this noon.
We’re so grateful they
Could come today –
And have to leave real soon!
(2004)

GOBBLER
Hold your horses; we’re not in a race.
Get that drumstick away from your face.
Now put your fork down
And stop making that frown.
You can eat when we finish the grace.
(2003)

Last week’s limerick

RANK
What acclaim does Obama deserve,
Who had nothing to offer but nerve?
Least experienced to start,
Least improved to depart,
The least qualified ever to serve.

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  • Nov 14 / 2016
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Your Weekly Politickle: RANK

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

RANK
What acclaim does Obama deserve,
Who had nothing to offer but nerve?
Least experienced to start,
Least improved to depart,
The least qualified ever to serve.

From the archive

TRANSFORMER
It was destiny, she knew it
And was certain she could do it:
Be the one to set precedent
As the first woman president,
But Obama beat her to it.
(2014)

Last week’s limerick

GHOSTBUSTERS
Trump supporters must flock to the polls,
Not believe all the negative trolls:
This might be our last chance
To arrest their advance
And outvote all the ghosts on the rolls.

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