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  • Jan 08 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: LIVING DOLL

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

LIVING DOLL
“Not much longer must I wait
To embrace my perfect mate:
She’s arriving soon
And will make me swoon
When she steps out of her crate.”

From the archive

BETTER OR WORSE?
Married couples aren’t cutting their knots
And divorce rates are lessening lots.
What’s the reason for this
Sudden outbreak of bliss?
Everyone’s getting married to bots.
(2015)

BOOTED
When first I was her suitor,
She said no one was cuter;
But now I find
That I’ve been blind:
She’s in love with her computer!
(2007)

 

Last week’s limerick

SETTLED CONTENTS
It’s much safer now for me
When I go to the grocery:
I’m advised that nuts
“May contain nuts”
And that rice is “gluten-free.”

  • Jan 01 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: SETTLED CONTENTS

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

SETTLED CONTENTS
It’s much safer now for me
When I go to the grocery:
I’m advised that nuts
“May contain nuts”
And that rice is “gluten-free.”

From the archive

TASTES LIKE HEALTH
“Oh, you children are just gonna drool:
Today’s entrée’s a gray whole-grain gruel.
It’s an extra-large glop
Of the savorless slop.
Don’t you love eating lunches at school?”
(2014)

PASSIVE REGRESSIVE
There’ll be someone to see that we share
And make sure that we always play fair,
That we want to behave
From the cradle to grave:
I can’t wait for ObamaDayCare.
(2013)

MAYOR MAY NOT
We can’t know what the future will bring,
What health hazards Fate at us will fling,
But there’s nothing to fear
In Manhattan this year:
Mayor Bloomers has banned everything.
(2012)

’S MOTHER
Oh, thank goodness the government’s there
To precaution and make me beware:
I’m now starving to death,
Blue from holding my breath,
’Cause I’m frightened of food and of air.
(2011)

BINGE
“If you cut back on some of your snacks,
You’d have bellies as flat as Barack’s!”
“Well, a budget’s a diet:
Maybe Barry should try it
And resist the temptation to tax!”
(2011)

BUTT OUT!
We Americans surely are prone
To big bodies with minimal tone:
If Michelle wants to witness
To physical fitness,
She should shed a few pounds of her own!
(2011)

LIGHTWEIGHT
Getting older, you may realize
That your waistline’s a much larger size,
But Obama’s stayed slim,
Having kept himself trim:
Let’s award him the No-Belly Prize!
(2009)

IT’S THE LAW!
Seatbelt on your easy chair,
Life vest in the tub to wear,
Steel-toed bedroom slippers,
Velcro trouser zippers,
Flame-retardant underwear.
(2009)

CLICK IT OR TICKET
“I’m afraid I must take you downtown,”
The policeman announced with a frown.
Such a fate I was dealt
For not wearing a belt –
Which was why my new trousers fell down.
(2009)

BASKET CASE
My obesity just isn’t funny
And I’m suing for bundles of money:
When a basket of candy
Is too full and too handy,
Who’s to blame but the old Easter Bunny?
(2005)

McPIG
You’ve grown by leaps and bounds;
Your super size astounds;
The fact is that
You’re really fat:
Four-three, three hundred pounds!
(2003)

OLDER & WIDER
As a lad I was long and lean
And drank gallons of Ovaltine,
But I had to rethink
That rich chocolate drink
When I wound up an oval teen.
(2002)

ZERO RISK?
I anticipate danger ahead
And foresee myself injured or dead
– From falling, perchance,
While putting on pants,
So I’d better not get out bed.
(1999)

BUSYBODIES
They’ll first find tobacco at fault,
Then coffee, wine, spirits, and malt.
Then they’ll next demonize
Colas, burgers, and fries,
Then all snacks made with sugar and salt!
(1998)

NO CURE FOR THE COMMON SCOLD
They insist we directly disown
Every pleasure and pastime that’s known.
Those “natural” nags
And health-conscious hags –
Oh, why can’t they leave us alone?
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

TOO MUCH WINNING
If you liked this year much more
Than the eight that went before,
Just wait and see
What another three
Or seven have in store.

  • Dec 25 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: TOO MUCH WINNING

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

TOO MUCH WINNING
If you liked this year much more
Than the eight that went before,
Just wait and see
What another three
Or seven have in store.

From the archive

2017
With last month’s great electoral win,
A new president soon to come in,
And our eight-year-long slump
Sure to end (thanks to Trump),
I can’t wait for next year to begin!
(2016)

TIME!
At the outset our standards were high,
But they lowered as deadlines drew nigh:
With the end of the year
Now uncomfortably near,
We’ll do just what we must to get by.
(2015)

HAPPY YOU NEAR!
Celebrate with champagne and hoorays
All three hundred and sixty-five days:
Every eve is like New Year
When you have the right who there
And your hearts are two fireworks ablaze.
(2014)

WHITE LIE
As the years made them grayer and golder,
Every New Year’s he hugged her and told her
That he loved her and she
Was still young as could be –
Though their children had gotten much older.
(2014)

MAYOR MAY NOT
We can’t know what the future will bring,
What health hazards Fate at us will fling,
But there’s nothing to fear
In Manhattan this year:
Mayor Bloomers has banned everything.
(2012)

BARACK AGAIN
Suffered three years so far of Obama
And Michelle, our new substitute mama:
Cannot wait ’til he’s canned
And we won’t have to stand
Yet another full year of his drama.
(2011)

THAT’S A WRAP!
There were high points to Two-Thousand-Ten,
Forming memories recalled with a grin:
Yes, I had me some fun,
But I’m glad that it’s done –
And I wouldn’t go through it again.
(2010)

RESOLUTIONS
1. Reconnect with a special old friend
2. Earn a few dollars more than I spend
3. Try to concentrate solely
On becoming more holy
4. Make it all the way through to year’s end.
(2009)

YEAR MUFF
I sure hope that it isn’t a sign
Of accelerating mental decline
When I know it’s too late
To write 2008
But forget to write 2009.
(2008)

NEW YEAR
I’m a victim of non-circumstance,
Having gone through the year in a trance.
Maybe 2008
Didn’t turn out so great,
But I’ll soon have another new chance.
(2008)

SISYPHUS
For 12 months I had strived to get there,
And at last to the top I drew near;
When I reached the hill’s crown,
The stone rolled right back down,
So I’m starting all over this year.
(2007)

JANUARY 1
I resolve not to gain any weight,
I resolve not to ever be late,
I resolve not to get
Any further in debt –
On this single inceptional date!
(2007)

ANNUAL REPORT
I’m amazed when the year’s finally through
At the things that I’ve managed to do,
But I can’t understand
Why the things that I planned
Are the things that I never got to.
(2006)

OUT OF TIME
How I leapt into 2005
And pursued all my plans with such drive!
But it’s now crystal clear
That there’s not enough year
Before 2006 will arrive.
(2005)

RUN OF THE MILLENNIUM
Our thousand-year party was fun.
We’ll repeat it for 2001.
A millennial glow
Two years in a row
And a hangover second to none!
(2000)

DISCONTINUING RESOLUTIONS
Resolutions I’ve hastily made
Are infrequently kept, I’m afraid;
Still, I find I can live up
To a promise to give up
Resolutions I’ve hastily made.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

OH OH OH
“Christmas makes mom happy, yet
Only makes our dad upset;
By Eastertime,
His mood is fine,
When he’s paid off all the debt.”

  • Dec 18 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: OH OH OH

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

OH OH OH
“Christmas makes mom happy, yet
Only makes our dad upset;
By Eastertime,
His mood is fine,
When he’s paid off all the debt.”

From the archive

MARIAH CHRISTMAS!
When you’re down to me, you’re through,
No more shopping left to do.
There is only one gift
That will give me a lift:
All I want for Christmas is you.
(2016)

EXEGESIS
Some in sorrow the very name eases,
Some in excess the same name displeases:
Why is one thus engaged
And the other enraged,
Why such different reactions to Jesus?
(2015)

YOU TURN
Do you feel you’ve been left in the lurch
And not found what you sought in your search?
Why continue to roam
When it’s time to come home?
Why not join us this Christmas in church?
(2014)

GLIMMER
Comes the end of the overlong night
And the dawn of the life-giving Light:
Pagans say Christians stole this,
But the old winter solstice
Foreshadowed a predestined rite.
(2013)

BLANK FRIDAY
I’m not certain it actually pays
To be part of the Black Friday craze.
Am I first in the store?
No, I’m at the wrong door
– After camping out 25 days.
(2013)

GOOD NEWS
Briefly now is theirs the throne,
Fame and fortune overblown,
And the ones oppressed
Ever after blessed
When the Savior claims His own.
(2012)

MISADVENTURE
If these weeks must be spent at the mall,
Baskets bulging with kitsch big and small;
Christmas prelude must be
A nonstop shopping spree,
Do we miss the true gist of it all?
(2012)

CRECHE COURSE
Once in time a virgin birth
Incarnated on the earth
God’s Son despised
And sacrificed
To redeem us by His worth.
(2011)

DEAR SANTA
“If you really would like to assist us,
Please bring everything on our list, plus
A candidate we
Can support heartily –
Because that’s what we want most for Christmas!”
(2011)

WISH LIST
This Christmas, I’m not being shy;
I want something no money can buy:
For our country to be
Always brave, always free,
Always true to our Father on high.
(2010)

FAST FORWARD
I remember with special delight
How each holiday had its own rite:
Now that commerce trumps living,
We skip over Thanksgiving
And start Christmas on Halloween night.
(2010)

BARRY CHRISTMAS?
Tis the season of change and of hope –
The kind that is real and not soap –
But, to meet your Messiah,
You will have to look higher
Than some fast-talking, power-mad dope.
(2009)

GIFT
There is nothing quite so pleasant
As an instant evanescent:
With the past behind
And no future defined,
We are given the perfect present.
(2009)

FRONT TEETH
Thanta, there’th a thpaith
I’d like you to replaith:
I’ll jump with glee
When all can thee
The thmile upon my faith.
(2008)

NAUGHTY
“I know just what I want for a gift,
And I’ll throw such a fit if I’m stiffed!
If you fail to come through,
Who knows what I might do?”
The pathetic executive sniffed.
(2008)

CHARGE!
At Thanksgiving we pull out the stopper
On commercialized Christmastime proper:
We’ll have six months to pay,
But stay out of the way
Of the stampeding psychotic shopper!
(2008)

EVER PRESENT
All the creches are empty, it’s true,
And I’m waiting for Jesus anew;
Harking back to the Book,
I know now where to look:
I must find the Lord Jesus in you.
(2007)

$MAS
There is less than a month left, you know,
Only 21 days in a row,
Barely 500 hours
To buy yours, mine, and ours,
30,000 mere minutes to go!
(2007)

MERI KURISUMASU
If you find “Frohliche Weihnachten” odd,
“Buon Natale” and “Feliz Navidad,”
Even “Joyeux Noel”
Unfamiliar as well,
“Merry Christmas” should then get the nod.
(2006)

NATIVITY
Tell me how can an innocent Child —
Holy Infant, so tender and mild —
Be the object of scorn
From the moment He’s born:
Rejected, resented, reviled?
(2005)

CLAUSTROPHOBIA
Is there somewhere I can go
That the Santas do not know,
A Santa-free zone
I can call my own
And not hear that “ho ho ho”?
(2005)

DECK THE GALS
“Merry Christmas!” she crowed, and then smiled,
Leaving less seasoned shoppers beguiled.
“Now get out of my way
‘Cause I don’t have all day
And I must have that toy for my child!”
(2005)

YULE GET OVER IT
So what if you feel disempowered
By someone who’s grimaced or glowered?
If you’re frightened to say
“Merry Christmas” today,
You’re simply a Noel coward!
(2004)

MERRY CHRISTMAS, BEDFORD FALLS!
He’s known plenty of struggle and strife,
But George Bailey is blessed with a wife
And family and friends
On whom he depends:
What he has is a wonderful life.
(2002)

KILLJOY
Who but a hardhearted heathen
For some nefarious reason
Would ignore the morn
When our Savior was born
And call Christmas the “holiday season”?
(2002)

Last week’s limerick

DITTO MACHINE
“It’s now time to suspend the discussions
And consider the grim repercussions:
It’s true Trump had an ace
In the Limbaugh fan base
And engaged in collusion with Rush-ians.”

  • Dec 11 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: DITTO MACHINE

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

DITTO MACHINE
“It’s now time to suspend the discussions
And consider the grim repercussions:
It’s true Trump had an ace
In the Limbaugh fan base
And engaged in collusion with Rush-ians.”

From the archive

URANIUM ONE
To avoid an erroneous conclusion,
Let’s begin by dispelling confusion:
It was Hillary who took
Russian bribes like a crook,
It was Hillary engaged in collusion.
(2017)

RUSH HOUR
When combative conservatives hush
And the brazenest liberals blush,
We know that the fun
Has already begun
And the nation is listening to Rush!
(2000)

Last week’s limerick

WELL, DUH!
I had never the slightest confusion
And came easily to this conclusion,
Needing no one to show me
It was Mueller and Comey
With the Clintons engaged in collusion.

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