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  • May 27 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: BLUE STATE

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BLUE STATE
Are the Democrats singing the blues?
Are they drowning their sorrows in booze
And resorting to rants
As they pee in their pants?
I would not want to be in their shoes.

From the archive

TDS
Are these symptoms familiar to you:
Bulging eyes and pinched lips turning blue,
Heart a-pounding (thump thump)
At the mention of Trump,
Raw emotions and lowered IQ?
(2018)

Last week’s limerick

NOTA
Two dozen Dems vie for domination
To see who can get the nomination,
But whomever they choose
The Democrats lose
Because every one’s an abomination.

  • May 20 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: NOTA

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

NOTA
Two dozen Dems vie for domination
To see who can get the nomination,
But whomever they choose
The Democrats lose
Because every one’s an abomination.

From the archive

MR. PRECEDENT
What a vile conglomeration
Of every abomination:
In Clinton’s wake,
Only villains will make
A bid for the nomination.
(1999)

Last week’s song parody

AMERICAN SPY
(as sung by HRC)

I can’t remember if I cried
When I realized I’d been denied,
But something scorched me deep inside
The day “collusion” died.

Why? Why? My American spies –
Comey, Brennan, and their brethren –
Were unethical guys,
But those good old boys
Came up empty and dry,
Leaving me no way to defy
Leaving me no way to defy.

I was a homely, enraged, pompous frump
With an insane notion I could outwit Trump,
But I knew I was out of luck
The day “collusion” died.

I started singing Why? Why? ETC.

  • May 13 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: AMERICAN SPY

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

AMERICAN SPY
(as sung by HRC)

I can’t remember if I cried
When I realized I’d been denied,
But something scorched me deep inside
The day “collusion” died.

Why? Why? My American spies –
Comey, Brennan, and their brethren –
Were unethical guys,
But those good old boys
Came up empty and dry,
Leaving me no way to defy
Leaving me no way to defy.

I was a homely, enraged, pompous frump
With an insane notion I could outwit Trump,
But I knew I was out of luck
The day “collusion” died.

I started singing Why? Why? ETC.

From the archive

MUELLER RETORT
Robert Mueller was forced to conclude
Donald Trump is incredibly shrewd:
Though it looks to the throng
Like he did nothing wrong,
He conspired so as not to collude.
(2019)

TURNABOUT
Robert Mueller at last retires
Without adding more fuel to the fires.
Surprise! Surprise!
It was nothing but lies!
Now it’s time to go after the liars.
(2019)

PLAN C
What they did way back when and kept hid
Are the things they now claim that Trump did:
To establish equivalence
And encourage ambivalence
Is their latest, most desperate bid.
(2019)

MCCABE AND MR. MUELLER
It’s the story of Andy and Bob
And the president they tried to rob
By staging a coup
With charges untrue
On behalf of the Insider mob.
(2019)

STRZOK OUT
What’s impossible now to deny is
That it’s perfectly clear when a guy is
Kissing Hillary’s rump
As he tries to frame Trump
That he’s guilty of obvious bias.
(2018)

IF IT PROSPER
All the sins of the Clintons are bared,
Yet you’d think not a single soul cared,
But we know what’s the reason
None dare call it treason:
They’re complicit, complacent, or scared.
(2018)

DEEP STATE
They assure us they’re loyal and true
And were not instigating a coup
By creating the illusion
Of Russian collusion.
Well, that’s that. I’m convinced. How about you?
(2018)

A HIGHER ROYALTY
There’s a law that prohibits a crook
From producing a film or a book,
Making even one dime
By exploiting his crime:
Maybe Comey should give it a look.
(2018)

JIM RAT
Comey’s IQ may be higher
And that maybe makes him slyer
Than us common folk,
But he’s still a joke –
And a pathological liar.
(2018)

LYNCH PARTY
At the gallows are gathered the gang,
In their consciences feeling no pang.
As the nooses draw taut,
Still surprised they got caught,
Haughty Hillary’s hooligans hang.
(2018)

URANIUM ONE
To avoid an erroneous conclusion,
Let’s begin by dispelling confusion:
It was Hillary who took
Russian bribes like a crook,
It was Hillary engaged in collusion.
(2017)

WELL, DUH!
I had never the slightest confusion
And came easily to this conclusion,
Needing no one to show me
It was Mueller and Comey
With the Clintons engaged in collusion.
(2017)

DITTO MACHINE
It’s now time to suspend the discussions
And consider the grim repercussions:
It’s true Trump had an ace
In the Limbaugh fan base
And engaged in collusion with Rush-ians.
(2017)

ONE LAW
Equal justice is our paradigm
And applies to commission of crime.
That’s why Comey and Lynch
Should both feel the “pinch”
And Obama and Clinton do time.
(2017)

SHOW
“As of yet, we have failed to outflank him,
Having turned up no evidence, dang him!
But ours is a court
Of a different sort:
We will have a ‘fair’ trial and then hang him.”
(2017)

DON OF THE DEAD
Deep in Boondoggle Bog, the Beast thrives,
Until one day The Donald arrives.
“They are draining the swamp!”
She shrieks, running: clomp, clomp.
“He is coming! Run! Run for your lives!”
(2017)

FORWARD, MARSH!
“We’re surrounded by partisan haters,
Resisters, subversives, and traitors:
We have struggled and strained
To get the swamp drained,
But we’re up to our asses in gators.”
(2017)

GOOD NOOSE
With more dirt every day to defend,
Even Hillary can now see the trend:
“It’s just not meant to be,
I’ll need some place to flee,
My great criminal career’s at an end.”
(2016)

LYNCHPIN
“Don’t worry,” said Bill, “it’s a cinch.
We just need to hang tough and not flinch.
How can acts be illicit
When the boss is complicit
And our friend will come through in a pinch?”
(2016)

Last week’s limerick

INTUITION
People say that a college degree
Is a right and it ought to be free:
If you get out of college
With no valuable knowledge,
Maybe free is the way it should be.

  • May 06 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: INTUITION

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

INTUITION
People say that a college degree
Is a right and it ought to be free:
If you get out of college
With no valuable knowledge,
Maybe free is the way it should be.

From the archive

COMMENCEMENT
“In my cap and my gown, ill at ease,
One of millions with college degrees:
How that college has dunned me!
Please click through to GoFundMe,
Help defray my tuition and fees!”
(2017)

BS
Here is something we need to abolish:
The idea we must all go to college,
Squander four years or more,
Pile up debt at our door,
And gain little or negative knowledge.
(2014)

GRADUATED TAX
How they worry us and make us fret:
These degrees that we just have to get!
I’ve now earned my diploma,
But what’s that aroma?
It’s the smell of a smoldering debt.
(2014)

IN LOCO PARENTIS
It is time to let go of the dears
We have formed in their faith 18 years –
And to spend, as we planned,
More than one hundred grand
On their faith-killing college careers.
(2011)

GRADUATION DAZE
There once was a student named Bob
Who stood out from the mortarboard mob;
Now he’s got his diploma,
But he’s caught in a coma
‘Cause he can’t find a well-paying job.
(2009)

RE: ORIENTATION
Fully formed are your heart, soul, and mind
With the facts of a faith well defined.
Now we send you to college,
Where a secular “knowledge”
Will ensure that belief’s undermined.
(2005)

QUEENS COLLEGE
“Your report card’s created a fuss
With your father and me: Both of us
Are a little bit leery
Of this course called ‘Queer Theory’
– And the fact that you got an A-plus.”
(2002)

GRADUATION DEITY
No religious beliefs were expressed
In his valedictorian address,
But he feigned an “achoo!”
And his classmates on cue
In unison shouted “God bless!”
(2002)

P.C. (POST CHRISTIAN)
The other children teased her
For being a faithful feaster:
When the pagan takes
His seasonal breaks,
She celebrates Christmas and Easter.
(2002)

CLARITY BEGINS AT HOME
Their parents won’t be overruled,
Nor their personal values retooled.
Their minds will grow strong
As they learn right from wrong,
‘Cause these children are being homeschooled.
(2000)

FRESHMAN ORIENTATION
Students headed for college each fall
Have to keep their opinions in thrall:
It’s essential to be
Perceived as “PC,”
So they try not to speak up at all.
(1999)

FAILING MARX
Socialism is dead!
Done in, the indomitable Red!
Or so it would seem,
But in academe
One had better check under one’s bed.
(1998)

GRAD SONG
The student goes to college
And an education forges,
But I fed too much
On knowledge and such,
And now my brain disgorges:
Within the dark and dismal class,
You’ll no longer spot my features.
My notes I burned,
And since I’ve learned
What I never could from teachers.
(1975)

Last week’s limerick

UNIVERSAL SUFFRAGE
“An illegal, a felon, a tot,
A nonresident, even a bot:
They should all get to vote
And be part of the tote,
Whether living or human or not.”

  • Apr 29 / 2019
  • 0
Uncategorized

Your Weekly Politickle: UNIVERSAL SUFFRAGE

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

UNIVERSAL SUFFRAGE
“An illegal, a felon, a tot,
A nonresident, even a bot:
They should all get to vote
And be part of the tote,
Whether living or human or not.”

From the archive

VOTO FINISH
“Immigration concerns are what spur us,
Opposition will never deter us,
And the line of the souls
Heading out to the polls
Stretches all the way down to Honduras.”
(2018)

FRANCHISE OPPORTUNITY
When a voter votes multiple times
And is “punished” for multiple crimes
With a sentence commuted,
Are not others recruited
Likewise to vote multiple times?
(2014)

GRAVE RESPONSIBILITY
Though his body will surely decay,
A dead Democrat’s ballot may stay:
He moves in with the moles,
But remains on the rolls
And continues to vote anyway.
(2012)

NIGHT OF THE VOTING DEAD
“We’ll be summoned from slumberous state
To endorse the biennial slate;
Then it’s back to the grave,
Where we’ll try to behave
‘Til another electoral date!”
(2004)

REGISTERED VOTERS
The polls open and who comes in?
Mary Poppins and Mickey Finn,
Then Betty Boop
And Alley Oop,
Sherlock Holmes and Gunga Din!
(2004)

TWO-DAY ELECTION?
To ensure that the balloting may
Proceed in an orderly way:
On Tuesday, please note,
All Republicans vote –
And all Democrats on the next day.
(2002)

WINNING BY A WHISKER
“Our Party is poised to prevail
With this new registration by mail:
All corpses and cats
Are staunch Democrats,
So our candidates simply can’t fail!”
(1998)

ROCK THE VOTE (TO SLEEP)
If free markets are something you dread,
Our Constitution is over your head,
And American history
To you is a mystery,
On election day, please, stay in bed!
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

MUELLER RETORT
Robert Mueller was forced to conclude
Donald Trump is incredibly shrewd:
Though it looks to the throng
Like he did nothing wrong,
He conspired so as not to collude.

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