From the archive
“When a woman accuses, discredit her
(With the help of a compromised editor):
Though she’s anything but,
Call the woman a slut,”
Said the wife of a serial predator.
“I support, I embrace, I exalt
Every victim of sexual assault
– Unless it was Bill
Exercising his will,
In which case, the hussy’s at fault.”
“Though I handled Bill’s bimbo outbreaks,
Doing damage control on ‘mistakes,’
It meant nothing to me
And I really don’t see,
At this point, what difference it makes.”
Rules applied to the masses and not them,
But their hubris eventually got them:
First fell Spitzer, then Weiner,
And now somebody meaner –
The Belle of Benghazi, Ms. Rodham.
SENSE OF HUMA
“If your husband is horny like Bill,
You should pose as the good wife like Hill.
Do whatever you must
To regain public trust:
Once in office, then do what you will.”
WEINER DOES SINATRA
I’ve got the world on a screen,
I’m tweeting with a co-ed,
Got a thing about my weiner –
What a word! Where’s my wife? I’m enlarged.
I’ve got a shot that I send,
It’ll make her brain blow,
Or, again, it might offend her –
Lusty me! Can’t you see? I’m enlarged.
Wife’s a wonderful thing
As long as I have my flings.
I’d be a really stupid schmo
If I should ever let her know.
Little Anthony had to get meaner,
Being hung with a handle like Weiner,
Having always his surname
Being used as a slur name:
Could cognomens be any obscener?
Oh, you ought to get an oscar, “Mayor” Weiner,
For the explanation of your tweet,
But I doubt you’ll get an oscar, “Mayor” Weiner,
Or even keep your legislative seat.
If a human is hungry for strudel,
He can get some by using his noodle,
But his quest for confection
May result in rejection
If he paws like a poor, crazed sex poodle.
“New York State Attorney General” rang fine,
“New York Governor” sounded divine,
And yet even more eminent
Would have been “U.S. President”
– But, instead, he is now “Number 9.”
MISS KOPECHNE REGRETS
“Though I’ll miss your grand tribute to Ted,
I’ll be with you in spirit instead
As you strive to deny
That grave night in July
When he swam off and left me for dead.”