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  • Mar 06 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: BARACKSTABBER

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BARACKSTABBER
Our new president has competition
And will soon have to make a decision:
Should his predecessor be
Allowed to roam free
Or arrested and tried for sedition?

From the archive

BIG EARS
Does Obama read my email?
Does Obama tap my phone?
Does he peer into my bedroom
With a dragonfly-shaped drone?
Does he know my favorite color,
Movie, music, and cologne?
Does he know I like chai latte
With a croissant or a scone?
Does he know where I’ve donated,
Where I’ve driven to or flown?
Does he check my charge card charges
Just as if they were his own?
Does he recognize no boundaries
And respect no private zone?
Does Obama lack the decency
To leave us all alone?
(2013)

GOOD NOOSE
With more dirt every day to defend,
Even Hillary can now see the trend:
“It’s just not meant to be,
I’ll need some place to flee,
My great criminal career’s at an end.”
(2016)

WHY? WHY? WHY?
“Is it all the untrue things I’ve said?
Is it that I look more than half-dead?
That I’m guilty of treason,
Could that be the reason?
Is that why I am not way ahead?”
(2016)

A-NOT-HER
If for no other principled reason,
In this present electoral season
With two candidates who
Are repugnant to you,
Choose the one who’s not guilty of treason.
(2016)

APRES MOI
“After me the law traduced,
After me the sword and noose,
The border strains,
Disorder reigns,
After me all hell breaks loose.”
(2014)

ASYLUM
“In America, son, we will see
How the people enjoy liberty!”
“I’m glad papa is dead
And won’t feel what we fled
Taking root in the Land of the Free.”
(2014)

AMERICAN HERO
All the reds Joe McCarthy once named
Have turned out to be just what he claimed.
Is this patriot praised
For the warnings he raised?
No, McCarthy’s the one who is shamed!
(2013)

OATHBUSTER
When he swore, did Obama intend
To preserve and protect and defend?
Were his motives all wrong,
Did he plan all along
To presume and project and upend?
(2012)

FIFTH COLUMN
Our brave battle for self-preservation
Must address the domestic predation
Of those traitors and fools
— All those socialist tools —
Who are hoping to change our great nation.
(2011)

THE BURROWERS
“Just like Cronkite and Edward R. Murrow,
We’re committed, determined, and thorough:
In the media, the schools,
With our radical rules,
We’re the moles that unceasingly burrow.”
(2011)

CHINA PATTERN
“We will tar fossil fuels as ‘unclean,’
Promote other resources as ‘green.’
There’s a catch, which, of course, is
That those greener resources
Are controlled by our red war machine.”
(2011)

CZARDOM & GOMORRAH
“We are in your schools now and polluting
All the innocent minds we’re rebooting:
There’ll be total immersion
In every perversion
And the schools will be safe for recruiting.”
(2011)

HAPPENING
Our Republic he will rearrange
And the rights of the people estrange:
Yes, it can happen here
And it’s now all too clear
What Obama intended by “change.”
(2010)

HOPE AGAINST HOPE
By nefarious allies surrounded,
With socialist nostrums propounded,
Obama has won,
The change has begun,
And I hope that my fears are unfounded.
(2008)

USEFUL IDIOTS
There were businessmen, kids, and their mommies
Joining ministers, imams, and swamis –
There were people galore
Shouting no to the war,
Giving aid to Saddam and the commies.
(2003)

THEY’RE PLAYING OUR SONG
Our nation is destined for grief
If our leader has no fixed belief
And conclusions are drawn
As to whose side he’s on
When China plays “Hail to the Chief!”
(1998)

FAILING MARX
Socialism is dead!
Done in, the indomitable Red!
Or so it would seem,
But in academe
One had better check under one’s bed.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

BOEUF GRAS
Who’s that marching and what’s their big beef?
Not more malcontents flaunting faux grief?
No, it’s Mardi Gras Day
And it’s revelers at play:
Joie de vivre is the only motif.

  • Feb 27 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: BOEUF GRAS

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Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BOEUF GRAS
Who’s that marching and what’s their big beef?
Not more malcontents flaunting faux grief?
No, it’s Mardi Gras Day
And it’s revelers at play:
Joie de vivre is the only motif.

From the archive

DOING WITHOUT
To avoid any purchase or rent
Was my niggardly neighbor’s intent,
So I said with mock sorrow,
“I don’t have what you’d borrow:
It’s Ash Wednesday, it’s already Lent.”
(2015)

MARDI GRAS TIME
In New Orleans, where everyone knows
How to scramble for carnival throws,
It’s just one day of fun,
Then the madness is done —
But the madness in Madison grows.
(2011)

HAPPY MARDI GRAS!
When the spirit of carnival reigns,
Sober citizens unplug their brains;
Egotists in disguises
Are proffering prizes
To propel presidential campaigns.
(2008)

FAT TUESDAY
Every revel unravels at last
And evaporates into the past,
For today is soon spent
And tomorrow is Lent:
Forty days to repent and to fast.
(2007)

MAY WE?
It’s not a big “faux pas”
When we say, “Oh, la la!”
Or “laissez faire,”
Or “derriere,”
Or Happy “Mardi Gras!”
(2006)

HAPPY MEDI-GRASS!
Marijuana has helped me a lot!
It’s a marvel, this medical “pot”!
My condition’s the same,
But I’m pleased to proclaim
I’ve forgotten what illness I’ve got!
(2005)

Last week’s limerick

THIS IS CNN
“Hey! Hello! Over here! Can’t you see?
I’ve a question to ask! Call on me!
Are you totally blind?
Are you out of your mind?
I’m a big shot who’s seen on TV!”

  • Feb 20 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: THIS IS CNN

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

THIS IS CNN
“Hey! Hello! Over here! Can’t you see?
I’ve a question to ask! Call on me!
Are you totally blind?
Are you out of your mind?
I’m a big shot who’s seen on TV!”

From the archive

PRESS PASS
“Yes, Obama’s dark past we denied,
His gargantuan gaffes we let slide,
But this Dr. Ben Carson
Comes across like a parson:
We just know he’s got something to hide!”
(2015)

HOIST
Quintanilla and Harwood and Quick
Thought they’d worked out a dynamite shtick:
“Since we’re on the left side,
Let’s be snarky and snide,
Playing dumb as we lay it on thick.”
(2015)

PEACOCK
“There’s no point in anyone tryin’
To find someone who’s better at lyin’,
‘Cause Barack is the best
And he does it with zest:
He’s the perfect replacement for Brian!”
(2015)

DETOX
Take the pledge and escape from its grip,
Nevermore from this moment a nip:
If you value your brain,
You must henceforth refrain
From the vile Mainstream Media drip.
(2014)

WATCHDOGS
“There’s just too much at stake,
We’ve got other muck to rake,
So, thanks, Sheriff Joe,
But we’d rather not know
If the birth certificate’s fake.”
(2012)

MISS CANDY TO THE RESCUE!
Miss Candy to the rescue!
Miss Candy to the rescue!
Go, Miss Candy!
Go, Miss Candy!

Miss Candy put her man on top,
Wouldn’t be just a traffic cop,
Saw Benghazi as a runaway horse,
Uh oh, time to change course.
Miss Candy to the rescue, ETC.

Miss Candy had a job to do
And she was the moderator, too.
Miss Candy saw her favorite guy
Looking like he’s about to cry.
Miss Candy to the rescue, ETC.
(2012)

CANDY CROWLEY REPORTS
“You would have to be totally blind
Or completely out of your mind
To begin to esteem
The Republican team:
They’re too decent, intelligent, kind.”
(2012)

FULL COVERAGE
“Save Santorum, Newt Gingrich, and Cain,
Male debaters wore blue ties and plain;
And, though Bachmann chose gray,
Darker suits won the day.
This is Chris Wallace from the campaign.”
(2011)

THE BURROWERS
“Just like Cronkite and Edward R. Murrow,
We’re committed, determined, and thorough:
In the media, the schools,
With our radical rules,
We’re the moles that unceasingly burrow.”
(2011)

BALANCE
“This Talk Radio’s going too far
And we soon will be raising the bar:
In the interest of fairness
And cultural awareness,
Every station will air NPR.”
(2009)

SORRY CHARLIE
How they made such a hullabaloo
Over one rather blah interview!
Sarah Palin’s got class,
Charlie Gibson’s an ass –
These are things that we already knew!
(2008)

SAD TIMES
Their respect for the truth may be scanty,
Their perspective outrageously slanty;
Still, despite all their lies,
The posh Pulitzer Prize
Is retained by the Times and Duranty.
(2003)

JENNINGS DOES BASEBALL
“Diehard fans are still cheering and grinning,
Convinced that their favourites are winning:
Yes, their team’s up by ten
And at bat once again,
But it’s taking them more than one inning!”
(2003)

BIRDS OF A FEATHER
The media rarely deride
A President on the same side:
For the faithful defender
Of their social agenda,
They’re willing to let some things slide.
(1998)

THE JOURNALIST
In the past, he was forced to “pay dues”
And develop “a nose for the news.”
Well, he still has a nose,
But, my, how it grows
When the facts must conform to his views!
(1996)

INSTANT ANALYSIS
Jennings, Rather, Brokaw
Seem determined to jabber and jaw.
They think we’re too dumb
To discern the outcome
Of the campaign debate we just saw.
(1991)

Last week’s limerick

FAMILY VALUES
“You’re a member of the Left to me –
A brother, uncle, nephew, see?
You can rape my wife
Or take my life:
It’s okay if you’re a ‘refugee.’”

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  • Feb 13 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: FAMILY VALUES

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

FAMILY VALUES
“You’re a member of the Left to me –
A brother, uncle, nephew, see?
You can rape my wife
Or take my life:
It’s okay if you’re a ‘refugee.’”

From the archive

MENDING WALL
There’s no need to rattle sabers
Just because we’re checking papers:
We will build a wall
To screen them all
‘Cause good fences make good neighbors.
(2017)

VISITORS
If you’re in someone’s home as a guest,
Try to see that your host is impressed:
Don’t do anything wrong
And don’t stay overlong
Or in any way act like a pest.
(2014)

WELCOME TO AMERICA
“You illegally crossed our border?
You’re a drugs and weapons importer?
You’re a sociopath
Spewing venomous wrath?
Yes, everything seems in order.”
(2002)

TWO-WAY TRAFFIC
It came as an inspiration,
The solution to mass immigration:
For each incoming worker,
Deport one native shirker
To some socialist paradise nation.
(2001)

Last week’s limerick

SUPER BAWL
Seeing tirades and tantrums begin
Well before Donald Trump was sworn in,
Fake adults throwing fits
Like some overgrown kids,
Aren’t you glad these big brats didn’t win?

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  • Feb 06 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: SUPER BAWL

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

SUPER BAWL
Seeing tirades and tantrums begin
Well before Donald Trump was sworn in,
Fake adults throwing fits
Like some overgrown kids,
Aren’t you glad these big brats didn’t win?

From the archive

BUST
You might deem balls deflated okay
And let cut-corner quarterbacks play,
But the last thing that you
Would want Brady to do
Is prepare a delicious soufflé.
(2015)

STUPID BOWL
“It’s fourth quarter, we’ve just gone ahead,
We could run up the score, but, instead
Of taking a chance
To make further advance,
We’ll play prevent defense,” Boehner said.
(2015)

MARCHING IN
Listen close and you may hear the cheers
From Jim Mora, Bum Phillips, Tom Fears:
With Sean Payton around,
They’re now Superbowl-bound
For the first time in 43 years!
(2010)

XLIII
This year’s Superbowl Party was fun.
I enjoyed every kick, pass, and run.
But I had such a blast,
And it went by so fast,
That I can’t quite remember who won.
(2009)

TELL IT LIKE IT IS
I tuned into the last Super Bowl
Just before all the rigamarole:
For a moment to revel
As I heard Aaron Neville
Sing the anthem with singular soul.
(2006)

NO RESERVATION NEEDED
The perfect time to dine
Was Sunday six to nine:
Every other soul
Was watching the Bowl
And we didn’t stand in line.
(2006)

DAMAGE CONTROL
“She had something to get off her chest
And decided to make a clean breast;
We assure you that Janet
Did not mean it or plan it:
She just happened to wind up undressed.”
(2004)

Last week’s limerick

MENDING WALL
There’s no need to rattle sabers
Just because we’re checking papers:
We will build a wall
To screen them all
‘Cause good fences make good neighbors.

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