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  • Apr 09 / 2018
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YWP: BASKET OF DEPORTABLES

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BASKET OF DEPORTABLES
“If you come to our home the right way,
Friendly strangers, you’re welcome to stay;
If you try to sneak in,
You’ll be sent back again:
‘Bon voyage!’ and ‘Have an ICE day!’”

From the archive

FAMILY VALUES
“You’re a member of the Left to me –
A brother, uncle, nephew, see?
You can rape my wife
Or take my life:
It’s okay if you’re a ‘refugee.’”
(2017)

MENDING WALL
There’s no need to rattle sabers
Just because we’re checking papers:
We will build a wall
To screen them all
‘Cause good fences make good neighbors.
(2017)

E PLURIBUS
Our last names may be Hess, Hock, or Harrigan,
Federov, Feldstein, or Farrakhan,
MacDonald, Mandina,
Nguyen, Wong, Kim, or Pena,
But we’re one and we’re all all-American.
(2016)

DREAMERS FROM MY FATHERLAND
“People say I pursue my goals sneakily
Or, exceeding my powers, act regally,
But I’ve done what I’ve done
‘Cause I feel myself one
With the folks who have come here illegally.”
(2015)

PRESIDENT EVIL
Open borders and mass immigration,
Homosexual indoctrination,
Racial riots and war:
That’s what he has in store,
That’s Obama’s macabre “transformation.”
(2014)

VISITORS
If you’re in someone’s home as a guest,
Try to see that your host is impressed:
Don’t do anything wrong
And don’t stay overlong
Or in any way act like a pest.
(2014)

WELCOME TO AMERICA
“You illegally crossed our border?
You’re a drugs and weapons importer?
You’re a sociopath
Spewing venomous wrath?
Yes, everything seems in order.”
(2002)

TWO-WAY TRAFFIC
It came as an inspiration,
The solution to mass immigration:
For each incoming worker,
Deport one native shirker
To some socialist paradise nation.
(2001)

BLANK LIKE ME
Census takers who tally my head
Will not know if I’m black, white, or red:
Because, in the space
To designate race,
I’ll inscribe the word “human” instead.
(2000)

PREFIXATION
Adding Euro- and Afro- won’t do:
Ethnic conflict will only ensue.
No hyphen for me:
I’m happy to be
An American through and through.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

HOGGWASH
“Receive our wisdom, peasants,
And be grateful for our presence
As your benefactors,”
Say anchors and actors,
Athletes, and adolescents.

  • Apr 02 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: HOGGWASH

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

HOGGWASH
“Receive our wisdom, peasants,
And be grateful for our presence
As your benefactors,”
Say anchors and actors,
Athletes, and adolescents.

From the archive

DAINTY, AREN’T WE?
“Such a horror has never occurred,
Such a thing never spoken or heard:
We were shocked and dismayed,
Mortified and afraid
When the president said a bad word!”
(2018)

OUT OF BOUNDS
If you’re good on a stage or a court,
You’ll enjoy our unflagging support,
But don’t offer us clues
To your vacuous views:
Stick to acting or playing a sport.
(2017)

SUPER BAWL
Seeing tirades and tantrums begin
Well before Donald Trump was sworn in,
Fake adults throwing fits
Like some overgrown kids,
Aren’t you glad these big brats didn’t win?
(2017)

GATEKEEPERS
Academia’s vetting our views,
Mainstream media’s spinning our news,
But they seem to forget
That it’s all on the Net:
Their distortions are not what we choose.
(2017)

NEWS SURREAL
Mainstream media’s known to suffuse
Its reports with particular views:
With this bias abundant,
It’s absurdly redundant
To call what it offers “fake news.”
(2017)

THIS IS CNN
“Hey! Hello! Over here! Can’t you see?
I’ve a question to ask! Call on me!
Are you totally blind?
Are you out of your mind?
I’m a big shot who’s seen on TV!”
(2017)

SELF-ANOINTED
“How can anyone belie us
Or suggest we bear a bias?
Our head-tilted-back poses
Let you see up our noses,
Proving we’re ever so pious.”
(2017)

TWITS
It may be just the biggest lie ever,
Making saner sorts say, “Well, I never!”
But celebrities tweet it
And you have to repeat it
If you want to sound current and clever.
(2014)

PROJECTIONISTS
It’s a simple, effective deceit:
Those called “racist” are doomed to defeat,
Yet the ones with most gall,
The most racist of all,
Are the pandering liberal elite.
(2014)

DETOX
Take the pledge and escape from its grip,
Nevermore from this moment a nip:
If you value your brain,
You must henceforth refrain
From the vile Mainstream Media drip.
(2014)

THE BURROWERS
“Just like Cronkite and Edward R. Murrow,
We’re committed, determined, and thorough:
In the media, the schools,
With our radical rules,
We’re the moles that unceasingly burrow.”
(2011)

IN TOLERANCE
Left-wing radicals running our schools
Do great harm with their inverted rules:
They oppose every norm,
Reject custom and form,
And show deference to freaks and to fools.
(2007)

THE RULES
“We can tell filthy lies about you
And there’s nothing at all you can do,
But we’ll make such a fuss
If you criticize us –
Even if what you say is quite true.”
(2007)

BIRDS OF A FEATHER
The media rarely deride
A President on the same side:
For the faithful defender
Of their social agenda,
They’re willing to let some things slide.
(1998)

THE JOURNALIST
In the past, he was forced to “pay dues”
And develop “a nose for the news.”
Well, he still has a nose,
But, my, how it grows
When the facts must conform to his views!
(1996)

INSTANT ANALYSIS
Jennings, Rather, Brokaw
Seem determined to jabber and jaw.
They think we’re too dumb
To discern the outcome
Of the campaign debate we just saw.
(1991)

Last week’s limerick

STATIONS
He’s condemned to a pain-filled parade,
Falling thrice (even with Simon’s aid),
Hearing sad women’s sighs,
Then he’s stripped, nailed, and dies,
From the cross taken down, and tomb-laid.

  • Mar 26 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: STATIONS

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

STATIONS
He’s condemned to a pain-filled parade,
Falling thrice (even with Simon’s aid),
Hearing sad women’s sighs,
Then he’s stripped, nailed, and dies,
From the cross taken down, and tomb-laid.

From the archive

BURST OF IRE
Now their rage is at its peak
As we turn the other cheek:
Because of Christ
We are despised
All the more in Passion Week.
(2017)

OMG
On a phone or computer or pod,
These exclamatory letters are odd:
When you breathe your last breath
And can no longer text,
Will you log off and cry, “Oh, my God!”?
(2016)

PETRIFIED
At the Passion poor Peter did thrice
Deny Him ere the cock could crow twice:
When we too face the Terror,
Will we make the same error
And insist that we never knew Christ?
(2015)

YOU TURN
Do you feel you’ve been left in the lurch
And not found what you sought in your search?
Why continue to roam
When it’s time to come home?
Why not join us this Easter in church?
(2014)

SUFFRAGE
Now our enemies freely attack us –
Pillage, plunder, despoil, and ransack us –
But we once had a voice
And were offered a choice,
Whereupon we cried, “Give us Barackus!”
(2014)

FULLNESS
Though they say it’s a post-Christian time
And we follow a new paradigm,
There are martyrs galore,
More than ever before:
Christianity’s now at its prime.
(2014)

HE LIVES
Demons dread this day,
They hate to hear us say
Year after year
The phrase they fear:
¡Viva Cristo Rey!
(2013)

WITNESS FOR THE PERSECUTION
“Can I get a tattoo, Dad?” said she.
“It can be quite expensive,” said he.
“Why not wait and emboss
On your forearm a cross?
Let the government do it for free.”
(2012)

IN HOC SIGNO VINCES
Raise high the holy cross
And show them Who is boss:
Fight the merchants of death
With every breath
And never count the cost.
(2012)

GOOD FRIDAY
When tornadoes come whirling your way,
You get down on your knees and you pray:
You’re just glad you’re not dead,
Have a roof overhead –
Nothing else seems to matter that day.
(2011)

HOLY WEEK
So begins the passion play:
Evil triumphs for a day,
But Friday’s cross
Redeems our loss
And confirms us in the Way.
(2009)

NATIVITY
Tell me how can an innocent Child –
Holy Infant, so tender and mild –
Be the object of scorn
From the moment He’s born:
Rejected, resented, reviled?
(2005)

MEA CULPA
How fully prim piety fails
And scarcely scapegoating avails
When I add my own ration
To Christ’s frightful passion
And with my hands help drive in the nails.
(2004)

PASSION
Critics say it’s a judgmental story
With scenes that are overly gory,
But that’s what you’re liable
To read in the Bible
Of sacrifice leading to glory.
(2003)

P.C. (POST CHRISTIAN)
The other children teased her
For being a faithful feaster:
When the pagan takes
His seasonal breaks,
She celebrates Christmas and Easter.
(2002)

SCHADENFREUDE
Why do liberals like to besmirch
Institutions confirmed by research
As conducive to wealth,
Happiness, and health –
Such as marriage, the family, and church?
(1998)

*   *   *   *   *

BASKET CASE
My obesity just isn’t funny
And I’m suing for bundles of money:
When a basket of candy
Is too full and too handy,
Who’s to blame but the old Easter Bunny?
(2005)

POSITION STATEMENT
While walking with the abbot,
Which was his daily habit,
A monk who spied
Hares side by side
Said, “That’s the east-er rabbit!”
(2011)

Last week’s limerick

BALLOT OF FIRE
Hillary thinks that white women aren’t bold,
That they mindlessly vote as they’re told –
By a husband, for one,
Or a boss or a son –
But forgets that they’re secretly polled.

  • Mar 19 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: BALLOT OF FIRE

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BALLOT OF FIRE
Hillary thinks that white women aren’t bold,
That they mindlessly vote as they’re told –
By a husband, for one,
Or a boss or a son –
But forgets that they’re secretly polled.

From the archive

DON OF THE DEAD
Deep in Boondoggle Bog, the Beast thrives,
Until one day The Donald arrives.
“They are draining the swamp!”
She shrieks, running: clomp, clomp.
“He is coming! Run! Run for your lives!”
(2017)

URANIUM ONE
To avoid an erroneous conclusion,
Let’s begin by dispelling confusion:
It was Hillary who took
Russian bribes like a crook,
It was Hillary engaged in collusion.
(2017)

GOOD NOOSE
With more dirt every day to defend,
Even Hillary can now see the trend:
“It’s just not meant to be,
I’ll need some place to flee,
My great criminal career’s at an end.”
(2016)

WHY? WHY? WHY?
“Is it all the untrue things I’ve said?
Is it that I look more than half-dead?
That I’m guilty of treason,
Could that be the reason?
Is that why I am not way ahead?”
(2016)

$PEECHE$
She’s about as exciting as clay
And has nothing of interest to say,
But the muckety-mucks
Give her millions of bucks
‘Cause they know that they must pay to play.
(2016)

RODHAM
“I support, I embrace, I exalt
Every victim of sexual assault
– Unless it was Bill
Exercising his will,
In which case, the hussy’s at fault.”
(2016)

CASHIFIED INFORMATION
“For accelerated authorization
With regard to above application:
To ensure I approve you,
It might well behoove you
To kick in to my family foundation.”
(2015)

WICKED
Through years the graft extends
And favors for their “friends”:
They plundered like Vandals,
Now Hillary’s scandals
Are burning at both ends.
(2015)

HOW SPECIAL
Rules applied to the masses and not them,
But their hubris eventually got them:
First fell Spitzer, then Weiner,
And now somebody meaner –
The Belle of Benghazi, Ms. Rodham.
(2015)

CLINTONEMAIL.COMEDY
“You’ll hand over your emails, complete,
Without further delay or deceit.”
“Oh, please, don’t have a cow:
I’m compiling them now –
Oops! I’m sorry, I just hit ‘delete.’”
(2015)

NOT DOT GOV
You’d expect a felonious female
Not to want to mail mail the way we mail,
Not to follow the rules
Like the rest of us fools,
And to have her own personal email.
(2015)

BELLE OF BENGHAZI
The worst candidates money can buy
Are the ones psychopathically sly,
So inherently truthless,
Self-absorbedly ruthless
They don’t care when their countrymen die.
(2014)

DECISIONS, DECISIONS
How best might Bill’s bimbos be tarred?
Which long-standing friends to discard?
What dumb do for her hair?
Which drab pantsuit to wear?
Hillary’s choices were hardy har hard!
(2014)

HILL OF BEANS
“Oh, for goodness sake:
I made a little mistake!
So I lied and lied
And people died:
What difference does it make?”
(2013)

THE POLITICS OF
PERSONAL CONSTRUCTION
“I brought Belfast the peace they desire
And in Bosnia dodged sniper fire!
I’m impossibly grand
And cannot understand
Why I’m called an incorrigible liar!”
(2008)

LYING HISTORY
A librarian with conviction,
Finding too much contradiction
In a certain book
By a noted crook,
Had it classified as “fiction.”
(2003)

BUBBA BATH
Eight years of the Clintons in power
Leave a taste in the mouth that is sour
And an overall sense
That we need a good rinse
And should spend extra time in the shower.
(2000)

Last week’s limerick

FALSE TART
“Did you know what the lecher would do
And go up to his room with a view
Toward landing a part
As an overpaid tart
(Or a ‘victimized’ woman)? #MeToo!”

  • Mar 12 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: FALSE TART

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

FALSE TART
“Did you know what the lecher would do
And go up to his room with a view
Toward landing a part
As an overpaid tart
(Or a ‘victimized’ woman)? #MeToo!”

From the archive

MACROAGGRESSION
You insist we’ve no virtues you lack,
But still claim that we’re holding you back:
If you’re equal to us,
Then it’s clear when you fuss
That it’s us who are under attack.
(2017)

BIMBO ERUPTIONS
“When a woman accuses, discredit her
(With the help of a compromised editor):
Though she’s anything but,
Call the woman a slut,”
Said the wife of a serial predator.
(2017)

ASSAULT & FLATTERY
Men and women are left with no room
For incipient romance to bloom:
No more innocent flirting
Or impulsively blurting
Hubba hubba!” and “Va va va voom!”
(2017)

FLUKE
“I may act like a female mutt
And have multiple partners, but
That doesn’t mean
You can be obscene
And call me a you-know-what.”
(2012)

AMENDMENT 2
What do liberals and feminists say
About women exploited today?
They say, “Women are hens,
So let’s keep them in pens
To collect all the eggs that they lay.”
(2006)

THE REAL WMDs
Multicultural misinstruction
And the feminist/gay seduction
Aim to cause disaffection
And incite insurrection
And are weapons of mass destruction.
(2003)

OVA REACTION
“Whistling at my shapely legs
Violates my rules and regs,
But I’ll drop pretense
And take no offense
If you want to buy my eggs.”
(2002)

MAN DATE
The September 11th attack
Put America back on track,
But the nags at NOW
Are having a cow
‘Cause the Macho Man is back!
(2002)

MILITANT FEMINISM?
In the army, the air force, or navy,
One must answer “Yes, Sir!” never “Maybe”
— Except for the faction
Who decline to see action,
Who say “‘Scuse, me, I’m having a baby!”
(2001)

SO THAT’S WHAT YOU CALL IT!
She was flattered he found her appealing,
But preferred that he be less revealing.
Bill tried to explain
He was feeling her pain,
But Paula knew what he was feeling!
(2001)

Last week’s limerick

AI YI YI, ROBOT
I don’t think it understands
I’m the one that gives commands:
It cannot be controlled,
Will not do what it’s told,
And refuses to untie my hands.

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