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  • Jun 04 / 2018
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YWP: FROM ‘RUSSIA’ WITH LOVE

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

FROM ‘RUSSIA’ WITH LOVE
Short-term goal: Infiltrate and derail
And make sure Donald Trump can’t prevail;
Mission code name: No Drama;
Agent: Double Obama;
Long-term goal: Keep us all out of jail.

From the archive

GOOD NOOSE
With more dirt every day to defend,
Even Hillary can now see the trend:
“It’s just not meant to be,
I’ll need some place to flee,
My great criminal career’s at an end.”
(2016)

Last week’s limerick

BARACK THE BRAIN
He’s the smartest in the room?
Does that mean we can assume
The location where
None can compare
Is the closet for the broom?

  • May 28 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: BARACK THE BRAIN

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BARACK THE BRAIN
He’s the smartest in the room?
Does that mean we can assume
The location where
None can compare
Is the closet for the broom?

From the archive

SOT-U
Here’s a drinking game you’ll want to try
If your goal is to get really high:
Watch Obama’s address
And then drink (to excess)
Every time he says I, me, or my.
(2015)

OBAMA IN THE HIGHEST
“With the pope, I made such an impression
That he asked me to hear his confession.
I replied, with a nod,
‘I’m related to God
And would gladly provide intercession.’”
(2014)

HOSANNA OBAMA!
This convention was more than just odd,
With the delegates given a prod
To embrace depraved gaiety,
Overthrow the true deity,
And install Lord Obama as god.
(2012)

BARACK AROUND THE CLOCK
Get ready, Blogger Nation,
For the pettifog-oration:
Cue the abstractions
And the cultic reactions!
It’s Obama’s inauguration!
(2009)

Last week’s limerick

MS-13
If his morals are well below average
And his instinct’s to rampage and ravage,
It becomes understandable
Why one calls him an animal –
Or subhuman or beastly or savage.

  • May 21 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: MS-13

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

MS-13
If his morals are well below average
And his instinct’s to rampage and ravage,
It becomes understandable
Why one calls him an animal –
Or subhuman or beastly or savage.

Last week’s limerick

SCHNEIDERMAN
Schneiderman, Schneiderman
Has that Weiner and Spitzer gland:
S&M is his style,
Choking chicks makes him smile.
Look out! Here comes weird Schneiderman!

  • May 14 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: SCHNEIDERMAN

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

SCHNEIDERMAN
Schneiderman, Schneiderman
Has that Weiner and Spitzer gland:
S&M is his style,
Choking chicks makes him smile.
Look out! Here comes weird Schneiderman!

From the archive

“BIMBO ERUPTIONS”
“When a woman accuses, discredit her
(With the help of a compromised editor):
Though she’s anything but,
Call the woman a slut,”
Said the wife of a serial predator.
(2017)

RODHAM
“I support, I embrace, I exalt
Every victim of sexual assault
– Unless it was Bill
Exercising his will,
In which case, the hussy’s at fault.”
(2016)

CHILLARY
“Though I handled Bill’s bimbo outbreaks,
Doing damage control on ‘mistakes,’
It meant nothing to me
And I really don’t see,
At this point, what difference it makes.”
(2016)

HOW SPECIAL
Rules applied to the masses and not them,
But their hubris eventually got them:
First fell Spitzer, then Weiner,
And now somebody meaner –
The Belle of Benghazi, Ms. Rodham.
(2015)

SENSE OF HUMA
“If your husband is horny like Bill,
You should pose as the good wife like Hill.
Do whatever you must
To regain public trust:
Once in office, then do what you will.”
(2013)

WEINER DOES SINATRA
I’ve got the world on a screen,
I’m tweeting with a co-ed,
Got a thing about my weiner
What a word! Where’s my wife? I’m enlarged.

I’ve got a shot that I send,
It’ll make her brain blow,
Or, again, it might offend her –
Lusty me! Can’t you see? I’m enlarged.

Wife’s a wonderful thing
As long as I have my flings.
I’d be a really stupid schmo
If I should ever let her know.
(2011)

MISTWEETED
Little Anthony had to get meaner,
Being hung with a handle like Weiner,
Having always his surname
Being used as a slur name:
Could cognomens be any obscener?
(2011)

CRAFT PRODUCT
Oh, you ought to get an oscar, “Mayor” Weiner,
For the explanation of your tweet,
But I doubt you’ll get an oscar, “Mayor” Weiner,
Or even keep your legislative seat.
(2011)

AL GORGE
If a human is hungry for strudel,
He can get some by using his noodle,
But his quest for confection
May result in rejection
If he paws like a poor, crazed sex poodle.
(2010)

SPITZER
“New York State Attorney General” rang fine,
“New York Governor” sounded divine,
And yet even more eminent
Would have been “U.S. President”
– But, instead, he is now “Number 9.”
(2008)

MISS KOPECHNE REGRETS
“Though I’ll miss your grand tribute to Ted,
I’ll be with you in spirit instead
As you strive to deny
That grave night in July
When he swam off and left me for dead.”
(2004)

Last week’s limerick

TOXIC
Modern mother, what harm you have done:
You’ve admonished your fatherless son
Not to shout, not to run,
Not to shoot a toy gun,
Not to ever have any real fun!

  • May 07 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: TOXIC

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

TOXIC
Modern mother, what harm you have done:
You’ve admonished your fatherless son
Not to shout, not to run,
Not to shoot a toy gun,
Not to ever have any real fun!

From the archive

BE PREPARED
Who knows what to make of “scouting”
And once-winsome words like “outing”?
What plain terms mean
May be obscene
When acceptance turns to touting.
(2013)

OUTLAW SCOUT LAW?
Should Scouts suppress their squareness
For fashionable fairyland “fairness”
And give badges of merit
To all who can parrot
Propaganda on “AIDS awareness”?
(2001)

BOYS WILL BE BOYS
“If we must give up guns, sticks, and balls
And like girls be content just with dolls,
Then we’ll rip off their heads
And tear them to shreds
And bounce all the bits off the walls.”
(2001)

Lagniappe

PUT IT ON THE LIST
(Mother’s plea, to the tune
of “Puttin’ on the Ritz”)

Have you seen the work I do
Up and down this house for you?
When I come back from the store,
Then you tell me we need more

Bath soap and talcum powder,
Parsnips and crab-corn chowder,
Premium potting soil
And aluminum foil?

If we need more peanut butter,
Communicate that to your mother,
Please assist:
Put it on the list.

No, I didn’t buy
More cans of tuna,
Tell me why
You couldn’t ask me sooner.
Can’t read lips:
Put it on the list.

Mustard’s gone
And I’m left out the loop on.
Makes me mad,
I had a half-price coupon
(On Grey Poupon)!

You can grin
And bear your sorrow.
I won’t shop again
Until tomorrow
Don’t throw fits:
Put it on the list.

Pepper jack
Would make you happy snackers?
It’s too bad that
There’s a lack of crackers.
(Sorry, slackers)!

If you’d write
Before I’m shopping,
Then I might
Avoid some stopping
I insist:
Put it on the list!
(2015)

Last week’s limerick

DEEP STATE
They assure us they’re loyal and true
And were not instigating a coup
By creating the illusion
Of Russian collusion.
Well, that’s that. I’m convinced. How about you?

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