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  • Mar 16 / 2020
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Your Weekly Politickle: CORONARY VIRUS

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

CORONARYVIRUS
There once was a woman named Beth
Who experienced shortness of breath:
The Wuhan Flu panic
Was making her manic,
And the fretter was frightened to death.

From the archive

HOW DARE YOU!
“You have stolen my childhood,” said Greta,
“And made me an anxious bedwetter:
I should be back in school,
Sitting on my dunce stool,
But I like flogging you so much better.”
(2019)

GREAT BOILS OF FIRE
Recent research reports now suggest
Rising temperatures mean we’ll be blest
With a boiled seafood treat:
More blue crabs we can eat!
Global warming is all for the best.
(2019)

SPAWN OF SAGAN
They pretend to be men of true science,
But they have an unholy alliance,
For the side that Bill Nye’s on
With Neil deGrasse Tyson
Denies Truth in demonic defiance.
(2017)

LOBO WARNING
When Al Junior first raised the alarm,
Some believed there might be some real harm,
But they found out he’d lied
And, the next time he tried,
They just tuned out the boy who cried, “Warm!”
(2015)

FAITH IN GORE
“All you skeptics who try to besmirch
Our beliefs will be left in the lurch
As we celebrate dearth
And increase our net worth
At St. Albert Gore’s Climate Change Church.”
(2011)

WARMAGEDDON
In the end and come what might,
Climate changers may be right:
In the depths of hell,
Where such liars dwell,
Things can get real hot all right!
(2010)

GLOBAL LIES
Global warming was always in doubt,
But they pushed it with all of their clout:
If those climate-change crooks
Really cooked all the books,
Then what else were we lied to about?
(2009)

CAP’N TRADE
“Here I come to save the day!
Everyone will have to pay!
I will pull a switch
That will make me rich
As my stock goes up and away!”
(2009)

SCIENCE SAYS
“Science says beware because
Now it’s warmer than it was.
Just listen to me
And you’ll agree:
Science says what I say it does.”
(2009)

INSIDER TRADING
Do delusions of warming derange
And compel poor Al Gore to act strange?
No, the reason he’s fishin’
For those caps on emission
Is his stock in the carbon exchange.
(2007)

HOTHEAD
Has Al Gore taken too many tokes
On that strange cigarette that he smokes?
Still, the burden of proof
Is on every green goof
Who espouses the climate-change hoax.
(2007)

AN INCONSISTENT BOOB, CONT.
“If superior beings ignore
Certain limits and use a bit more,
Then the peons, I guess,
Will just have to use less,”
Sniffed a gluttonous, glutinous Gore.
(2007)

HOT HEADS
They defend climate change willy-nilly,
And lately they’ve gotten plain silly:
Saying snow, ice, and sleet
Must be caused by the heat —
And that’s why the weather’s so chilly.
(2007)

SNOW DOUBT
As a theory it’s cheesily charming,
Except when the neighborhood’s swarming
With snow, sleet, and ice
From unfair Fahrenheits,
And we’re longing for real global warming.
(2006)

MOWER LESS
While it has been unreasonably hot,
And I do tend to wish it were not,
I am glad to save gas
By not cutting the grass,
’Cause there’s none on my shriveled-up lot.
(2006)

AN INCONSISTENT BOOB
Al Gore worries the world’s getting hot,
And all over the globe he will trot,
Warmly warning the masses
About grave greenhouse gases
Caused by people who travel a lot.
(2006)

HEAT RASHNESS
Every Spring they start their swarming
And fantastical alarming,
Fearing and oh-dearing
That the end is nearing,
’Cause it’s April and it’s warming.
(2006)

WARM MONGERS
Alarmists like to heighten
Anxieties and frighten —
Their aim’s made clear
In State of Fear
By author Michael Crichton.
(2006)

ABATED BREATH
Whether sickly or healthy and hale,
We object when the air gets too stale,
But what shall we do
When they ban CO2
And deny us the right to exhale?
(2001)

TRUTH IN THE BALANCE
The temperature’s not getting higher.
Our environmental future’s not dire.
With the best yet to come,
There’s no need to be glum:
Al Gore, you’re an ozone liar!
(2000)

CHICKEN LITTLE
Doomsday deadlines bear recalling
When they’ve passed and we’re not sprawling:
If dreaded fate
Is running late,
Then perhaps the sky’s not falling.
(2000)

EMISSION IMPOSSIBLE
We’re faced with a problem that’s prickly.
We’d better do something, and quickly.
Forget the suspicions
About greenhouse emissions:
It’s the wind from the White House that’s sickly.
(1999)

VICTIMLESS CLIME
The penguin complained, “It’s too hot!”
The hippo replied, “No, it’s not!”
The gator, when polled,
Insisted, “Too cold!”
And the polar bear grumbled, “What rot!”
(1998)

THINK GULLIBLY, ACT LOCO-LY
The temperature rose in July
Compared to December, quite high.
It’s really alarming
This “seasonal warming.”
Oh, lordy, we’re all gonna fry!
(1997)

FRAUDSTER THE SNOWMAN
Fraudster the Snowman
Was an enterprising pol,
With a trust-fund life
And an upturned nose
And a heart made out of coal.

Fraudster the Snowman
Was a senator, they say.
He was made of snow,
But the voters know
How he came to life one day.

There must have been some magic in
Those tight blue jeans they found,
For when they placed them on his legs
He began to dance around.

O, Fraudster the Snowman
Found a way to live for free.
While the people pay,
He could laugh and play
And drive around in an SUV.

Huffedy humbug,
Huffedy humbug,
Look at Fraudster go.
Huffedy humbug,
Huffedy humbug,
O the bilge of snow!

Fraudster the Snowman
Knew the sun was hot some days,
So he said, “I’ll hoax
All the stupid folks
And get myself a big pay raise.”

Down to the village,
With a hockey stick in hand
And some bogus graphs
And some doctored stats
Showing crisis for the land.

He led them to his Waterloo,
Where the facts came out at last,
But he never once admitted that
He was just plain full of crap.

For Fraudster the Snowman
Liked to always have his way,
So he waved goodbye
Saying, “Don’t deny,
I’ll be back again some day.”

Huffedy humbug,
Huffedy humbug,
Look at Fraudster go.
Huffedy humbug,
Huffedy humbug,
O the bilge of snow!
(2009)

Last week’s limerick

RUNNING ON EMPTY
“I’m Joe Biden, I’m running for press event!
What I mean is, I’m running for peppermints!
Folks, I’m not really senile,
You can trust me, and meanwhile:
I’m Joe Biden, I’m running for Pepsodent!”

  • Mar 09 / 2020
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Your Weekly Politickle: RUNNING ON EMPTY

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

RUNNING ON EMPTY
“I’m Joe Biden, I’m running for press event!
What I mean is, I’m running for peppermints!
Folks, I’m not really senile,
You can trust me, and meanwhile:
I’m Joe Biden, I’m running for Pepsodent!”

From the archive

UKRANIUM ONE
Of a scandal, there’s not been a whiff?
Biden, Kerry, Pelosi, and Schiff
All have ties to Ukraine
That they cannot explain:
It’s no longer a question of if.
(2020)

JOE BRIBIN’
“There’s no conflict for me or for Sonny –
That’s a fact, even if it sounds funny.
You can trust me,” says Joe,
“There was no quid pro quo
When we traded influence for money.”
(2019)

MadamSpeakerVille

MISS DEMEANOR
At Pelosi’s press conference today,
All attending asked, “What did she say?”
’Cause it sounded like “Trump
Constitutes a peach pump,
Russian rooster, and Biden bidet.”
(2019)

Last week’s limerick

MORTIFIED
“I was pleased I secured your consent
About giving up something for Lent,
But, instead of rich sweets,
You’re abstaining from beets?
Son, you misunderstood what I meant.”





  • Mar 02 / 2020
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Your Weekly Politickle: MORTIFIED

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

MORTIFIED
“I was pleased I secured your consent
About giving up something for Lent,
But, instead of rich sweets,
You’re abstaining from beets?
Son, you misunderstood what I meant.”

From the archive

SACRIFICIAL
Lenten Fridays, abstaining from meat,
There are limits to what I can eat:
I’ve no choice but to scrimp
And eat Barbecued Shrimp,
Blackened Redfish, and Oysters Lafitte.
(2019)

DOING WITHOUT
To avoid any purchase or rent
Was my niggardly neighbor’s intent,
So I said with mock sorrow,
“I don’t have what you’d borrow:
It’s Ash Wednesday, it’s already Lent.”
(2015)

FAT TUESDAY
Every revel unravels at last
And evaporates into the past,
For today is soon spent
And tomorrow is Lent:
Forty days to repent and to fast.
(2007)

*    *    *    *    *

FALL START
From the clock that I keep on the wall
I acquired one more hour last Fall,
But I never did use it
And will now likely lose it:
Tell me what was the point of it all?
(2017)

ON THE BLINK
Saving daylight is wonderfully wise
And a cinch if a citizen tries.
It’s so simple to do,
I’ll explain it to you:
You save daylight by closing your eyes.
(2007)

OUR CONFUSION
Will we ever develop the knack
Of remembering how to keep track,
Overcoming the “block”
Of resetting our clock:
To “fall forward” or, rather, “fall back”?
(2005)

Last week’s limerick

LOSERS
Bernie and Lizzie and Joe,
Petey and Amy all show
Zero potential
To be presidential:
This pathetic selection’s no-go.

  • Feb 24 / 2020
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Your Weekly Politickle: LOSERS


LOSERS
Bernie and Lizzie and Joe,
Petey and Amy all show
Zero potential
To be presidential:
This pathetic selection’s no-go.

From the archive

DEBATE BUCKET
Beto, Buttigieg, Biden, and Booker,
Castro, Gillibrand, Gabbard the looker,
Warren, Klobuchar, Sanders:
Every single one panders,
As do Swalwell and Harris the hooker.
(2019)

NOTA
Two dozen Dems vie for domination
To see who can get the nomination,
But whomever they choose
The Democrats lose
Because every one’s an abomination.
(2019)

BERN WARD
“Bernie Sanders, I’m on your team!
It’s so cool you look like ‘The Scream’!
You can bet I would cast
My vote for you fast
If I wasn’t still under eighteen!”
(2016)

BERN, BABY, BERN!
If you’re fired up by someone who panders
To ignorant, idle demanders,
Then place your hope
In a misanthrope:
The self-avowed socialist Sanders.
(2016)

WORST FIRSTS
All those firsts were considered quite foreign
‘Til the day we ostensibly swore in
The first Catholic, Jack,
The first black man, Barack,
The first Native American, Warren.
(2015)

MR. PRECEDENT
What a vile conglomeration
Of every abomination:
In Clinton’s wake,
Only villains will make
A bid for the nomination.
(1999)

Last week’s limerick

SHOWTIME
Please be patient, you’re in for a treat,
Grab some popcorn and find a good seat,
Soon the show will begin
And the good guys will win
As the bad guys go down to defeat.



  • Feb 17 / 2020
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Uncategorized

Your Weekly Politickle: SHOWTIME

SHOWTIME
Please be patient, you’re in for a treat,
Grab some popcorn and find a good seat,
Soon the show will begin
And the good guys will win
As the bad guys go down to defeat.

From the archive

COVFEFE MATE
Once impeachment is finally done,
We can then start to have some real fun,
Watching Democrats squirm
As the tables are turned
And they find that they’ve no place to run.
(2020)

HAIL, STORM!
Though it seemed it would never appear,
2020 is finally here:
When our victory is won
And the Deep State undone,
It will be such a glorious year!
(2019)

2020 VISION
Every “truth” in their credulous creed
Was instilled by the MSM feed:
How their heads will explode
When the false “facts” erode
And the real truth comes out at warp speed!
(2019)

Last week’s limerick

REPUGNANCY
When I urged her, “Put down your carafe,
Read this limerick, and have a good laugh,”
She made faces a lot,
Threw a fit like a tot,
And then stood up and tore it in half.

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