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  • Oct 14 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: JOE BRIBIN’


Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

JOE BRIBIN’
“There’s no conflict for me or for Sonny –
That’s a fact, even if it sounds funny.
You can trust me,” says Joe,
“There was no quid pro quo
When we traded influence for money.”

From the archive

SOME FOUNDATION
Now at last we are hearing the knell
For a devilish global cartel
Dealing drugs, arms, and kids
And horrific snuff vids:
Is there anything Clintons won’t sell?
(2019)

IF IT PROSPER
All the sins of the Clintons are bared,
Yet you’d think not a single soul cared,
But we know what’s the reason
None dare call it treason:
They’re complicit, complacent, or scared.
(2018)

FROM ‘RUSSIA’ WITH LOVE
Short-term goal: Infiltrate and derail
And make sure Donald Trump can’t prevail;
Mission code name: No Drama;
Agent: Double Obama;
Long-term goal: Keep us all out of jail.
(2018)

URANIUM ONE
To avoid an erroneous conclusion,
Let’s begin by dispelling confusion:
It was Hillary who took
Russian bribes like a crook,
It was Hillary engaged in collusion.
(2017)

WHY? WHY? WHY?
“Is it all the untrue things I’ve said?
Is it that I look more than half-dead?
That I’m guilty of treason,
Could that be the reason?
Is that why I am not way ahead?”
(2016)

$PEECHE$
She’s about as exciting as clay
And has nothing of interest to say,
But the muckety-mucks
Give her millions of bucks
’Cause they know that they must pay to play.
(2016)

CASHIFIED INFORMATION
“For accelerated authorization
With regard to above application:
To ensure I approve you,
It might well behoove you
To kick in to my family foundation.”
(2015)

WICKED
Through years the graft extends
And favors for their “friends”:
They plundered like Vandals,
Now Hillary’s scandals
Are burning at both ends.
(2015)

BELLE OF BENGHAZI
The worst candidates money can buy
Are the ones psychopathically sly,
So inherently truthless,
Self-absorbedly ruthless
They don’t care when their countrymen die.
(2014)

INSIDE JOB
Having failed in a decades-long try,
An appreciative communist spy
Pays a due compliment
To our own President
For destroying the FBI.
(1998)

CLINTONIAN DIPLOMACY
“We’ll supply whatsoever you need
To ensure your armed forces succeed,
And we won’t make a fuss
If you use them on us,
’Cause our sole motivation is greed.
(1998)

SOLITARY ASSURED DESTRUCTION
Has Bill taken leave of his senses,
Dismantling all our defenses
And providing resources
To enemy forces
Regardless of consequences?
(1998)

THEY’RE PLAYING OUR SONG
Our nation is destined for grief
If our leader has no fixed belief
And conclusions are drawn
As to whose side he’s on
When China plays “Hail to the Chief!”
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

MISS DEMEANOR
At Pelosi’s press conference today,
All attending asked, “What did she say?”
’Cause it sounded like “Trump
Constitutes a peach pump,
Russian rooster, and Biden bidet.”



  • Oct 07 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: MISS DEMEANOR

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

MISS DEMEANOR
At Pelosi’s press conference today,
All attending asked, “What did she say?”
’Cause it sounded like “Trump
Constitutes a peach pump,
Russian rooster, and Biden bidet.”

From the archive

NANCYLVANIA
With the change in the House status quo, see
The new Madame Speaker Pelosi
Enduring the glare
With the crazed, glassy stare
Of a transgendered Bela Lugosi.
(2007)

Last week’s limerick

HOW DARE YOU!
“You have stolen my childhood,” said Greta,
“And made me an anxious bedwetter:
I should be back in school,
Sitting on my dunce stool,
But I like flogging you so much better.”

  • Sep 30 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: HOW DARE YOU!


Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

HOW DARE YOU!
“You have stolen my childhood,” said Greta,
“And made me an anxious bedwetter:
I should be back in school,
Sitting on my dunce stool,
But I like flogging you so much better.”

From the archive

GREAT BOILS OF FIRE
Recent research reports now suggest
Rising temperatures mean we’ll be blest
With a boiled seafood treat:
More blue crabs we can eat!
Global warming is all for the best.
(2019)

SPAWN OF SAGAN
They pretend to be men of true science,
But they have an unholy alliance,
For the side that Bill Nye’s on
With Neil deGrasse Tyson
Denies Truth in demonic defiance.
(2017)

LOBO WARNING
When Al Junior first raised the alarm,
Some believed there might be some real harm,
But they found out he’d lied
And, the next time he tried,
They just tuned out the boy who cried, “Warm!”
(2015)

FAITH IN GORE
“All you skeptics who try to besmirch
Our beliefs will be left in the lurch
As we celebrate dearth
And increase our net worth
At St. Albert Gore’s Climate Change Church.”
(2011)

WARMAGEDDON
In the end and come what might,
Climate changers may be right:
In the depths of hell,
Where such liars dwell,
Things can get real hot all right!
(2010)

GLOBAL LIES
Global warming was always in doubt,
But they pushed it with all of their clout:
If those climate-change crooks
Really cooked all the books,
Then what else were we lied to about?
(2009)

CAP’N TRADE
“Here I come to save the day!
Everyone will have to pay!
I will pull a switch
That will make me rich
As my stock goes up and away!”
(2009)

SCIENCE SAYS
“Science says beware because
Now it’s warmer than it was.
Just listen to me
And you’ll agree:
Science says what I say it does.”
(2009)

INSIDER TRADING
Do delusions of warming derange
And compel poor Al Gore to act strange?
No, the reason he’s fishin’
For those caps on emission
Is his stock in the carbon exchange.
(2007)

HOTHEAD
Has Al Gore taken too many tokes
On that strange cigarette that he smokes?
Still, the burden of proof
Is on every green goof
Who espouses the climate-change hoax.
(2007)

AN INCONSISTENT BOOB, CONT.
“If superior beings ignore
Certain limits and use a bit more,
Then the peons, I guess,
Will just have to use less,”
Sniffed a gluttonous, glutinous Gore.
(2007)

HOT HEADS
They defend climate change willy-nilly,
And lately they’ve gotten plain silly:
Saying snow, ice, and sleet
Must be caused by the heat —
And that’s why the weather’s so chilly.
(2007)

SNOW DOUBT
As a theory it’s cheesily charming,
Except when the neighborhood’s swarming
With snow, sleet, and ice
From unfair Fahrenheits,
And we’re longing for real global warming.
(2006)

MOWER LESS
While it has been unreasonably hot,
And I do tend to wish it were not,
I am glad to save gas
By not cutting the grass,
’Cause there’s none on my shriveled-up lot.
(2006)

AN INCONSISTENT BOOB
Al Gore worries the world’s getting hot,
And all over the globe he will trot,
Warmly warning the masses
About grave greenhouse gases
Caused by people who travel a lot.
(2006)

HEAT RASHNESS
Every Spring they start their swarming
And fantastical alarming,
Fearing and oh-dearing
That the end is nearing,
’Cause it’s April and it’s warming.
(2006)

WARM MONGERS
Alarmists like to heighten
Anxieties and frighten —
Their aim’s made clear
In State of Fear
By author Michael Crichton.
(2006)

ABATED BREATH
Whether sickly or healthy and hale,
We object when the air gets too stale,
But what shall we do
When they ban CO2
And deny us the right to exhale?
(2001)

TRUTH IN THE BALANCE
The temperature’s not getting higher.
Our environmental future’s not dire.
With the best yet to come,
There’s no need to be glum:
Al Gore, you’re an ozone liar!
(2000)

CHICKEN LITTLE
Doomsday deadlines bear recalling
When they’ve passed and we’re not sprawling:
If dreaded fate
Is running late,
Then perhaps the sky’s not falling.
(2000)

EMISSION IMPOSSIBLE
We’re faced with a problem that’s prickly.
We’d better do something, and quickly.
Forget the suspicions
About greenhouse emissions:
It’s the wind from the White House that’s sickly.
(1999)

VICTIMLESS CLIME
The penguin complained, “It’s too hot!”
The hippo replied, “No, it’s not!”
The gator, when polled,
Insisted, “Too cold!”
And the polar bear grumbled, “What rot!”
(1998)

THINK GULLIBLY, ACT LOCO-LY
The temperature rose in July
Compared to December, quite high.
It’s really alarming
This “seasonal warming.”
Oh, lordy, we’re all gonna fry!
(1997)

FRAUDSTER THE SNOWMAN
Fraudster the Snowman
Was an enterprising pol,
With a trust-fund life
And an upturned nose
And a heart made out of coal.

Fraudster the Snowman
Was a senator, they say.
He was made of snow,
But the voters know
How he came to life one day.

There must have been some magic in
Those tight blue jeans they found,
For when they placed them on his legs
He began to dance around.

O, Fraudster the Snowman
Found a way to live for free.
While the people pay,
He could laugh and play
And drive around in an SUV.

Huffedy humbug,
Huffedy humbug,
Look at Fraudster go.
Huffedy humbug,
Huffedy humbug,
O the bilge of snow!

Fraudster the Snowman
Knew the sun was hot some days,
So he said, “I’ll hoax
All the stupid folks
And get myself a big pay raise.”

Down to the village,
With a hockey stick in hand
And some bogus graphs
And some doctored stats
Showing crisis for the land.

He led them to his Waterloo,
Where the facts came out at last,
But he never once admitted that
He was just plain full of crap.

For Fraudster the Snowman
Liked to always have his way,
So he waved goodbye
Saying, “Don’t deny,
I’ll be back again some day.”

Huffedy humbug,
Huffedy humbug,
Look at Fraudster go.
Huffedy humbug,
Huffedy humbug,
O the bilge of snow!
(2009)

Last week’s limerick

BREAKING CHINA
Your tyrannical rule is just wrong,
You will leave the world stage before long
And be suitably humbled
When your empire has crumbled:
Your time’s up. Did you not hear the gong?



  • Sep 23 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: BREAKING CHINA


Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BREAKING CHINA
Your tyrannical rule is just wrong,
You will leave the world stage before long
And be suitably humbled
When your empire has crumbled:
Your time’s up. Did you not hear the gong?

From the archive

BROKE IN CHINA
Though they say that we owe them much debt,
They discount intellectual theft:
Just subtract what they stole,
We’ll be paid up in whole –
With a deficit due from them left.
(2018)

CHINESE BANDITS
We are told that our nation’s in debt
And our balance of trade is upset,
But our deficit’s swollen
Because China has stolen
All American goods it could get.
(2012)

CHINA PATTERN
“We will tar fossil fuels as ‘unclean,’
Promote other resources as ‘green.’
There’s a catch, which, of course, is
That those greener resources
Are controlled by our red war machine.”
(2011)

THEY’RE PLAYING OUR SONG
Our nation is destined for grief
If our leader has no fixed belief
And conclusions are drawn
As to whose side he’s on
When China plays “Hail to the Chief!”
(1998)

BILL IN A CHINA SHOP
Campaign prospects are more sunny
When the coffer’s full of money.
Leave it to Bill
To fill the till
With money that is funny!
(1996)

RIADY OR NOT, HERE WE COME!
“Though funds that the DNC spent
Did arise in the Orient,
Our designs are disputable,
Lippo’s motives inscrutable —
Can you prove that we’re not innocent?”
(1996)

Last week’s limerick

INTERFERENCE
Watching football, it’s easy to see –
In the stands or at home on TV –
That the outcome is fixed
If each play can be nixed
And the ref is the real MVP.



  • Sep 16 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: INTERFERENCE

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

INTERFERENCE
Watching football, it’s easy to see –
In the stands or at home on TV –
That the outcome is fixed
If each play can be nixed
And the ref is the real MVP.

From the archive

BUST
You might deem balls deflated okay
And let cut-corner quarterbacks play,
But the last thing that you
Would want Brady to do
Is prepare a delicious soufflé.
(2015)

Last week’s limerick

FACILE FOOLS
It should give the intelligent pause
When proposals to ban plastic straws
And eliminate coal
Are employed by a pol
To elicit a round of applause.

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