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  • Oct 16 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: GATEKEEPERS

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

GATEKEEPERS
Academia’s vetting our views,
Mainstream media’s spinning our news,
But they seem to forget
That it’s all on the Net:
Their distortions are not what we choose.

From the archive

CAVEAT LECTOR
Boat I bought had great reviews,
Couldn’t wait to take a cruise,
Launched it and – kerplunk! –
Down it went and sunk,
So beware of fake canoes.
(2017)

NEWS SURREAL
Mainstream media’s known to suffuse
Its reports with particular views:
With this bias abundant,
It’s absurdly redundant
To call what it offers “fake news.”
(2017)

THIS IS CNN
“Hey! Hello! Over here! Can’t you see?
I’ve a question to ask! Call on me!
Are you totally blind?
Are you out of your mind?
I’m a big shot who’s seen on TV!”
(2017)

SELF-ANOINTED
“How can anyone belie us
Or suggest we bear a bias?
Our head-tilted-back poses
Let you see up our noses,
Proving we’re ever so pious.”
(2017)

PRESS PASS
“Yes, Obama’s dark past we denied,
His gargantuan gaffes we let slide,
But this Dr. Ben Carson
Comes across like a parson:
We just know he’s got something to hide!”
(2015)

HOIST
Quintanilla and Harwood and Quick
Thought they’d worked out a dynamite shtick:
“Since we’re on the left side,
Let’s be snarky and snide,
Playing dumb as we lay it on thick.”
(2015)

PEACOCK
“There’s no point in anyone tryin’
To find someone who’s better at lyin’,
‘Cause Barack is the best
And he does it with zest:
He’s the perfect replacement for Brian!”
(2015)

TWITS
It may be just the biggest lie ever,
Making saner sorts say, “Well, I never!”
But celebrities tweet it
And you have to repeat it
If you want to sound current and clever.
(2014)

PROJECTIONISTS
It’s a simple, effective deceit:
Those called “racist” are doomed to defeat,
Yet the ones with most gall,
The most racist of all,
Are the pandering liberal elite.
(2014)

DETOX
Take the pledge and escape from its grip,
Nevermore from this moment a nip:
If you value your brain,
You must henceforth refrain
From the vile Mainstream Media drip.
(2014)

WATCHDOGS
“There’s just too much at stake,
We’ve got other muck to rake,
So, thanks, Sheriff Joe,
But we’d rather not know
If the birth certificate’s fake.”
(2012)

MISS CANDY TO THE RESCUE!
Miss Candy to the rescue!
Miss Candy to the rescue!
Go, Miss Candy!
Go, Miss Candy!

Miss Candy put her man on top,
Wouldn’t be just a traffic cop,
Saw Benghazi as a runaway horse,
Uh oh, time to change course.
Miss Candy to the rescue, ETC.

Miss Candy had a job to do
And she was the moderator, too.
Miss Candy saw her favorite guy
Looking like he’s about to cry.
Miss Candy to the rescue, ETC.
(2012)

CANDY CROWLEY REPORTS
“You would have to be totally blind
Or completely out of your mind
To begin to esteem
The Republican team:
They’re too decent, intelligent, kind.”
(2012)

FULL COVERAGE
“Save Santorum, Newt Gingrich, and Cain,
Male debaters wore blue ties and plain;
And, though Bachmann chose gray,
Darker suits won the day.
This is Chris Wallace from the campaign.”
(2011)

THE BURROWERS
“Just like Cronkite and Edward R. Murrow,
We’re committed, determined, and thorough:
In the media, the schools,
With our radical rules,
We’re the moles that unceasingly burrow.”
(2011)

BALANCE
“This Talk Radio’s going too far
And we soon will be raising the bar:
In the interest of fairness
And cultural awareness,
Every station will air NPR.”
(2009)

SORRY CHARLIE
How they made such a hullabaloo
Over one rather blah interview!
Sarah Palin’s got class,
Charlie Gibson’s an ass –
These are things that we already knew!
(2008)

IN TOLERANCE
Left-wing radicals running our schools
Do great harm with their inverted rules:
They oppose every norm,
Reject custom and form,
And show deference to freaks and to fools.
(2007)

THE RULES
“We can tell filthy lies about you
And there’s nothing at all you can do,
But we’ll make such a fuss
If you criticize us –
Even if what you say is quite true.”
(2007)

SAD TIMES
Their respect for the truth may be scanty,
Their perspective outrageously slanty;
Still, despite all their lies,
The posh Pulitzer Prize
Is retained by the Times and Duranty.
(2003)

JENNINGS DOES BASEBALL
“Diehard fans are still cheering and grinning,
Convinced that their favourites are winning:
Yes, their team’s up by ten
And at bat once again,
But it’s taking them more than one inning!”
(2003)

BIRDS OF A FEATHER
The media rarely deride
A President on the same side:
For the faithful defender
Of their social agenda,
They’re willing to let some things slide.
(1998)

THE JOURNALIST
In the past, he was forced to “pay dues”
And develop “a nose for the news.”
Well, he still has a nose,
But, my, how it grows
When the facts must conform to his views!
(1996)

INSTANT ANALYSIS
Jennings, Rather, Brokaw
Seem determined to jabber and jaw.
They think we’re too dumb
To discern the outcome
Of the campaign debate we just saw.
(1991)

Last week’s limerick

SUCCESS!
There are times when a president fails,
Other times when he clearly prevails,
So give credit to Trump
For the NFL slump,
To Obama for boosting gun sales.

  • Oct 09 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: SUCCESS!

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

SUCCESS!
There are times when a president fails,
Other times when he clearly prevails,
So give credit to Trump
For the NFL slump,
To Obama for boosting gun sales.

From the archive

BRIGHT SPOT
Though he seems to completely ignore
An economy sick to the core,
Fearless Leader has made
More demand for one trade,
Guaranteeing that gun sales would soar.
(2012)

Last week’s limerick

OUT OF BOUNDS
If you’re good on a stage or a court,
You’ll enjoy our unflagging support,
But don’t offer us clues
To your vacuous views:
Stick to acting or playing a sport.

  • Oct 02 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: OUT OF BOUNDS

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

OUT OF BOUNDS
If you’re good on a stage or a court,
You’ll enjoy our unflagging support,
But don’t offer us clues
To your vacuous views:
Stick to acting or playing a sport.

From the archive

SUPER BAWL
Seeing tirades and tantrums begin
Well before Donald Trump was sworn in,
Fake adults throwing fits
Like some overgrown kids,
Aren’t you glad these big brats didn’t win?
(2017)

7.4.15
We’re still standing, and standing unbowed,
We’re Americans, naturally proud,
And we make this forecast:
That this won’t be the last
July Fourth celebration allowed.
(2015)

DEPENDENCE DAY
“I remember how some of us tried:
How we fought, how we failed, how we cried,
How we few knew the worth
Of this last hope on earth.
I was there when America died.”
(2012)

REPUBLIC
Our Creator has blessed us a lot
Since the sound of that round-the-world shot,
But how long will we be
Still the land of the free
If the people don’t know what we’ve got?
(2011)

REVOLTING DEVELOPMENT
Revolution’s a natural desire
When we lack what our natures require,
But it loses its glow
When oppressed people go
From the frying pan into the fire.
(2011)

INDEPENDENCE DAY
All the fireworks exploding on high,
Celebrating the Fourth of July,
Symbolize how we fought
For that world-changing thought:
If we cannot live free, we shall die.
(2008)

WORLD FREEDOM
If freedom can come to Romanians,
Albanians, Lithuanians, Ukrainians,
Why must others abide
While their freedom’s denied:
Brother Syrians, Saudis, Iranians?
(2006)

REVOLUTION REVERIE
I attend every fireworks show
With the spirits of men you may know:
General Washington,
Thomas Jefferson,
Adams, Madison, and Monroe.
(2006)

ANTHEM FELLOW
With Bates, Berlin, and Key,
I salute this “land of the free,”
This “land that I love . . .
With the light from above,”
Stretched “from sea to shining sea.”
(2002)

Last week’s limerick

ONE LAW
Equal justice is our paradigm
And applies to commission of crime.
That’s why Comey and Lynch
Should both feel the “pinch”
And Obama and Clinton do time.

  • Sep 25 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: ONE LAW

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

ONE LAW
Equal justice is our paradigm
And applies to commission of crime.
That’s why Comey and Lynch
Should both feel the “pinch”
And Obama and Clinton do time.

From the archive

SHOW
“As of yet, we have failed to outflank him,
Having turned up no evidence, dang him!
But ours is a court
Of a different sort:
We will have a ‘fair’ trial and then hang him.”
(2017)

BALLAD OF HILL’RY CLINTON

[to the tune of Davy Crockett]

Married to the governor of Arkansas,
Saw herself and him as above the law.
How that First Lady would scratch and claw
To get some filthy lucre in her grubby paws!
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

At Madison Guaranty Savings & Loan,
The McDougals did their best to throw her a bone.
Everyone went to prison, ‘cept Bill and her alone.
“Whitewatergate” is how that scandal’s known.
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

When she got to the White House, there were scandals galore:
There were Travelgate and Fostergate and umpteen more,
Filegate and Chinagate (with help from Al Gore),
Pardongate and other -gates – who can even keep score?
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

In the Senate and at State, there was more of the same:
Trading favors for financing has always been her aim.
For disasters like Bengazi, she refused to take the blame,
Emailgate’s the latest and she acts like it’s a game.
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!

She will speak in phony accents ’cause she likes to condescend,
She just uses everybody and has never had a friend,
She deserves to be in prison and that’s where her life should end,
How she expects to be the president is too hard to comprehend.
Hill’ry, Hill’ry Clinton, Queen of the Racketeers!
(2016)

LAWRENCE V. TEXAS
The evil with which men are ridden
In normal times hardly is hidden,
But no era’s more awful
Than when vice is made lawful
And propriety, then, is forbidden.
(2003)

NO EXCEPTIONS
The rule of law, don’t you see,
Is the essence of liberty
And freedom will end
When leaders pretend
“The rules don’t apply to me.”
(2000)

Last week’s limerick

WHIGGING OUT
Do the Democrats represent you?
Are Republicans renegade, too?
Would you like to see Trump shun
Their colossal presumption
And our two-party system renew?

  • Sep 18 / 2017
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Your Weekly Politickle: WHIGGING OUT

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

WHIGGING OUT
Do the Democrats represent you?
Are Republicans renegade, too?
Would you like to see Trump shun
Their colossal presumption
And our two-party system renew?

From the archive

DIS ESTABLISHMENT
Bush and Dole and Bush again?
Romney after John McCain?
Reagan and Trump,
You tried to dump?
Grand Old Party, please explain.
(2016)

RINOPLASTY
“If you don’t want your votes cast in vain,
Then wash Newt, Rick, and Ron down the drain;
Accept candidate Romney
As the mandated nominee:
Be consoled with a clone of McCain!”
(2012)

TEATOTALERS
Having taken it on the chin,
All the RINOs are packing it in:
They’d rather abstain
Than actively deign
To help Tea Party candidates win.
(2010)

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST
Having rendered himself indistinct,
A Republican candidate finked,
And we now can take Crist
Off the endangered list,
‘Cause this RINO’s already extinct.
(2010)

Last week’s limerick

BUSTED
While we’re kicking up such a big fuss
Over statues of men valorous,
Plowing history asunder,
Do we even once wonder:
Are the statues embarrassed by us?

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