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  • Jul 09 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: TDS

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

TDS*
Are these symptoms familiar to you:
Bulging eyes and pinched lips turning blue,
Heart a-pounding (thump thump)
At the mention of Trump,
Raw emotions and lowered IQ?
*Trump Derangement Syndrome

Lagniappe

FOOL WATERS
All day that face
Spews toxic waste,
Who could embrace
Miss Waters,
Maxine Waters?

That nut’s a tool,
An utter fool,
There’s no one who’ll
Miss Waters,
Maxine Waters.
*To the tune of “Cool Water”

#WALKAWAY, RENEE
And when you see the signs that seem to say
The Left just uses you to get their way,
Just walk away, Renee:
The Democrat Party’s not your home,
Their empty promises of hope and change are lame,
You’re not to blame.
*To the tune of “Walk Away, Renee”

Last week’s limerick

YOUR PENUMBRA’S UP
We will have a conservative Court,
One that won’t legislate or distort
The plain meaning of laws
To advance a bad cause,
One that won’t invent “rights” to abort.

  • Jul 02 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: YOUR PENUMBRA’S UP

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

YOUR PENUMBRA’S UP
We will have a conservative Court,
One that won’t legislate or distort
The plain meaning of laws
To advance a bad cause,
One that won’t invent “rights” to abort.

From the archive

A JUSTICE LIKE SCALIA*
(to the tune of “How Do You
Solve a Problem like Maria?”)

How do you top a justice like Scalia?
How to replace a lion of the bench?
How do you find a mind to match Scalia’s?
A textualist! An originalist! A mensch!

Many a thing you’d like in his successor:
Unwillingness to obfuscate or fudge,
Respect for the law’s intent
And eloquence in dissent,
Principals from which he’ll never budge.

Oh, how do you top a justice like Scalia?
How to replace a giant of a judge?

WE’RE GETTING GORSUCH*
(to the tune of “Get Me
to the Church on Time”)

We’re getting Gorsuch as a justice
He’s got a brilliant legal mind
Neil’s no beginner, Trump picked a winner!
For justice of the court, Neil’s fine!

He will protect our Constitution
And all the rights therein enshrined,
Giving assent to original intent!
For justice of the court, Neil’s fine!

Religious freedoms he will support
And right to life won’t come up short

We’re getting Gorsuch as a justice
He’s got a brilliant legal mind
Oh. Mama mia! Another Scalia!
For justice of the court, Neil’s fine!

*Commissioned by PublicAdvocateUSA.org, 2017

SUPREME FOLLY
Who’d have thought there would come such a time
When the butchering of babes was no crime?
Now another miscarriage:
Homosexual “marriage,”
Legalized by a panel of nine.
(2015)

ROBERTS’ RULES OF ARDOR
A conservative judge may betray us
By voting in ways that dismay us,
Saving Obamacare
To conceal an affair
And avoid the same fate as Petraeus.
(2012)

KAGANROO COURT
Poor Obama is losing support,
But he still has a sure last resort:
He can perpetrate strange
And perpetual change
Placing radicals on the High Court.
(2010)

INVERT TED
Olson says a square is round,
Half an ounce is twice a pound,
Two o’clock is ten,
Men can marry men,
And the sky is underground.
(2010)

SUPREME INDIFFERENCE
Should our judges be judged by their gender,
Or the justness of verdicts they render?
Should we reckon their race,
Or their ken in a case
As a strict Constitution defender?
(2009)

SUPREME IRONY
From first principles he won’t budge.
Constitutionally he won’t fudge.
But with Durbin and Biden
And their buddies decidin’,
He’s not “fit” to become a judge.
(2005)

LAWRENCE V. TEXAS
The evil with which men are ridden
In normal times hardly is hidden,
But no era’s more awful
Than when vice is made lawful
And propriety, then, is forbidden.
(2003)

LEGAL ISSUE
Five Justices’ wanton support
Preserves the grim “right” to abort:
To keep babies alive,
Replace one of those five
And establish a life-choosing Court.
(2000)

JUDICIAL RESTRAINT
It’s a perfectly valid complaint:
An activist judge is no saint.
So, give him a jacket
That ties in the back; it
Will force him to show some restraint.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

LYNCH PARTY
At the gallows are gathered the gang,
In their consciences feeling no pang.
As the nooses draw taut,
Still surprised they got caught,
Haughty Hillary’s hooligans hang.

  • Jun 25 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: LYNCH PARTY

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

LYNCH PARTY
At the gallows are gathered the gang,
In their consciences feeling no pang.
As the nooses draw taut,
Still surprised they got caught,
Haughty Hillary’s hooligans hang.

From the archive

ONE LAW
Equal justice is our paradigm
And applies to commission of crime.
That’s why Comey and Lynch
Should both feel the “pinch”
And Obama and Clinton do time.
(2017)

GOOD NOOSE
With more dirt every day to defend,
Even Hillary can now see the trend:
“It’s just not meant to be,
I’ll need some place to flee,
My great criminal career’s at an end.”
(2016)

LYNCHPIN
“Don’t worry,” said Bill, “it’s a cinch.
We just need to hang tough and not flinch.
How can acts be illicit
When the boss is complicit
And our friend will come through in a pinch?”
(2016)

Last week’s limerick

EYE BEAM
“Some opinions just make me irate,
They’re not worthy of public debate,
And the bigots who say them –
I just want to slay them:
How I hate all those people who hate!”

  • Jun 18 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: EYE BEAM

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

EYE BEAM
“Some opinions just make me irate,
They’re not worthy of public debate,
And the bigots who say them –
I just want to slay them:
How I hate all those people who hate!”

From the archive

AD HOMINEM
“My rhetorical skills are third-rate,
But I never have lost a debate:
Facts and logic I lack,
So I launch an attack
And accuse my opponent of hate!”
(2017)

E PLURIBUS
Our last names may be Hess, Hock, or Harrigan,
Federov, Feldstein, or Farrakhan,
MacDonald, Mandina,
Nguyen, Wong, Kim, or Pena,
But we’re one and we’re all all-American.
(2016)

HILLARY WHO HATES*
I’m Hillary who hates all men,
Hillary who hates all men, all men.
I hate men in the diplomatic corps,
I hate men going off to war.

And every one is an enemy,
I couldn’ t stand a manly kind of man.
I’m a hate-filled hag, I’m Hillary,
Hillary who hates all men.
*to the tune of “Henry the 8th”
(2015)

PROJECTIONISTS
It’s a simple, effective deceit:
Those called “racist” are doomed to defeat,
Yet the ones with most gall,
The most racist of all,
Are the pandering liberal elite.
(2014)

H STANDS FOR HATE
Hillary’s known for intolerant views:
She hates blacks, she hates Christians and Jews,
She hates soldiers and cops
And all men who aren’t fops –
She’s the candidate haters will choose.
(2008)

THE RULES
“We can tell filthy lies about you
And there’s nothing at all you can do,
But we’ll make such a fuss
If you criticize us –
Even if what you say is quite true.”
(2007)

IN TOLERANCE
Left-wing radicals running our schools
Do great harm with their inverted rules:
They oppose every norm,
Reject custom and form,
And show deference to freaks and to fools.
(2007)

THE LIBERAL
“You may think I’ve got rocks in my head
Or that maybe I’m even brain-dead,
But you needn’t complain
‘Cause I don’t use my brain:
I rely on emotions instead.”
(2004)

DIVISION LEADER
Who has kept black Americans down
And spread hatred from town to town?
No, it’s no Anglo-Saxon
But the Reverend Jackson
Who’s the rabidest racist around!
(2001)

BLANK LIKE ME
Census takers who tally my head
Will not know if I’m black, white, or red:
Because, in the space
To designate race,
I’ll inscribe the word “human” instead.
(2000)

PREFIXATION
Adding Euro- and Afro- won’t do:
Ethnic conflict will only ensue.
No hyphen for me:
I’m happy to be
An American through and through.
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

IF IT PROSPER
All the sins of the Clintons are bared,
Yet you’d think not a single soul cared,
But we know what’s the reason
None dare call it treason:
They’re complicit, complacent, or scared.

  • Jun 11 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: IF IT PROSPER

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

IF IT PROSPER
All the sins of the Clintons are bared,
Yet you’d think not a single soul cared,
But we know what’s the reason
None dare call it treason:
They’re complicit, complacent, or scared.

From the archive

URANIUM ONE
To avoid an erroneous conclusion,
Let’s begin by dispelling confusion:
It was Hillary who took
Russian bribes like a crook,
It was Hillary engaged in collusion.
(2017)

WHY? WHY? WHY?
“Is it all the untrue things I’ve said?
Is it that I look more than half-dead?
That I’m guilty of treason,
Could that be the reason?
Is that why I am not way ahead?”
(2016)

$PEECHE$
She’s about as exciting as clay
And has nothing of interest to say,
But the muckety-mucks
Give her millions of bucks
‘Cause they know that they must pay to play.
(2016)

CASHIFIED INFORMATION
“For accelerated authorization
With regard to above application:
To ensure I approve you,
It might well behoove you
To kick in to my family foundation.”
(2015)

WICKED
Through years the graft extends
And favors for their “friends”:
They plundered like Vandals,
Now Hillary’s scandals
Are burning at both ends.
(2015)

BELLE OF BENGHAZI
The worst candidates money can buy
Are the ones psychopathically sly,
So inherently truthless,
Self-absorbedly ruthless
They don’t care when their countrymen die.
(2014)

INSIDE JOB
Having failed in a decades-long try,
An appreciative communist spy
Pays a due compliment
To our own President
For destroying the FBI.
(1998)

CLINTONIAN DIPLOMACY
“We’ll supply whatsoever you need
To ensure your armed forces succeed,
And we won’t make a fuss
If you use them on us,
‘Cause our sole motivation is greed.
(1998)

SOLITARY ASSURED DESTRUCTION
Has Bill taken leave of his senses,
Dismantling all our defenses
And providing resources
To enemy forces
Regardless of consequences?
(1998)

THEY’RE PLAYING OUR SONG
Our nation is destined for grief
If our leader has no fixed belief
And conclusions are drawn
As to whose side he’s on
When China plays “Hail to the Chief!”
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

FROM ‘RUSSIA’ WITH LOVE
Short-term goal: Infiltrate and derail
And make sure Donald Trump can’t prevail;
Mission code name: No Drama;
Agent: Double Obama;
Long-term goal: Keep us all out of jail.

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