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  • Jun 10 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: Bye Bye, Birdie

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BYE BYE, BIRDIE
“I never was a quitter
And I’m not the least bit bitter,
But, if I can’t say
Things in my own way,
Then I’m giving up on Twitter.”

From the archive

NO FARTHER
“Father’s Day rolls around and (oh, brother!),
If it’s not one weird thing, it’s another.
Meet my current stepdad,
The third one that I’ve had:
He’s now trying to pass as my mother.”
(2015)

DAD RECKONING
“Though my comments may sometimes offend
And it seem I’ve gone off the deep end,
I’m determined to see
You live longer than me:
I’m your father and not just your friend.”
(2014)

HAPPY WHATEVER’S DAY!
“Is your father a man? I’m so glad.
That’s the kind that I wish that I had –
One that’s not a pretender,
One that is the right gender –
But my mother’s butch lover’s my ‘dad.’”
(2013)

POP PSYCHOLOGY
What a fashion sense he had,
Mixing stripes and checks with plaid!
And the jokes that he told,
All so corny and old!
How I miss my dear old dad!
(2011)

THE INVISIBLE MAN
Someone opened a devilish door
Without caring what might lie in store:
Disconnected from “donors,”
Single mothers are loners
And their kids don’t have dads anymore.
(2010)

FATHER TIME
Twenty years ago I lost my dad
And the loss to this day makes me sad,
But I’m glad he was there
In my formative years
And can cherish the time that we had.
(2009)

POOR DAD
“I’ve been poor since the day of my birth
And may die with a negative worth;
Though I live on the skids,
With my wonderful kids,
I’m the wealthiest man on the earth!”
(2007)

LONE CHENEY
“Mommy, why did you do something bad?
Mommy, why did you make me so sad?
Mommy, what will you say
When I ask you one day,
‘Mommy, why don’t I have my own Dad?’”
(2007)

FATHERS STAY
The third Sunday in June will be gray
For the sons and the daughters who may
Not remember the dad
That they never quite had
’Cause he left them and went far away.
(2006)

Last week’s limerick

STUBBORN MUELLER
“I could find no proof of his guilt,
Which is why the case that I built
May seem unduly flimsy
And reliant on whimsy
Like a patchwork, poorly made quilt.”

  • Jun 03 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: STUBBORN MUELLER

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

STUBBORN MUELLER
“I could find no proof of his guilt,
Which is why the case that I built
May seem unduly flimsy
And reliant on whimsy
Like a patchwork, poorly made quilt.”

From the archive

MUELLER RETORT
Robert Mueller was forced to conclude
Donald Trump is incredibly shrewd:
Though it looks to the throng
Like he did nothing wrong,
He conspired so as not to collude.
(2019)

Last week’s limerick

BLUE STATE
Are the Democrats singing the blues?
Are they drowning their sorrows in booze
And resorting to rants
As they pee in their pants?
I would not want to be in their shoes.

  • May 27 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: BLUE STATE

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BLUE STATE
Are the Democrats singing the blues?
Are they drowning their sorrows in booze
And resorting to rants
As they pee in their pants?
I would not want to be in their shoes.

From the archive

TDS
Are these symptoms familiar to you:
Bulging eyes and pinched lips turning blue,
Heart a-pounding (thump thump)
At the mention of Trump,
Raw emotions and lowered IQ?
(2018)

Last week’s limerick

NOTA
Two dozen Dems vie for domination
To see who can get the nomination,
But whomever they choose
The Democrats lose
Because every one’s an abomination.

  • May 20 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: NOTA

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

NOTA
Two dozen Dems vie for domination
To see who can get the nomination,
But whomever they choose
The Democrats lose
Because every one’s an abomination.

From the archive

MR. PRECEDENT
What a vile conglomeration
Of every abomination:
In Clinton’s wake,
Only villains will make
A bid for the nomination.
(1999)

Last week’s song parody

AMERICAN SPY
(as sung by HRC)

I can’t remember if I cried
When I realized I’d been denied,
But something scorched me deep inside
The day “collusion” died.

Why? Why? My American spies –
Comey, Brennan, and their brethren –
Were unethical guys,
But those good old boys
Came up empty and dry,
Leaving me no way to defy
Leaving me no way to defy.

I was a homely, enraged, pompous frump
With an insane notion I could outwit Trump,
But I knew I was out of luck
The day “collusion” died.

I started singing Why? Why? ETC.

  • May 13 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: AMERICAN SPY

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

AMERICAN SPY
(as sung by HRC)

I can’t remember if I cried
When I realized I’d been denied,
But something scorched me deep inside
The day “collusion” died.

Why? Why? My American spies –
Comey, Brennan, and their brethren –
Were unethical guys,
But those good old boys
Came up empty and dry,
Leaving me no way to defy
Leaving me no way to defy.

I was a homely, enraged, pompous frump
With an insane notion I could outwit Trump,
But I knew I was out of luck
The day “collusion” died.

I started singing Why? Why? ETC.

From the archive

MUELLER RETORT
Robert Mueller was forced to conclude
Donald Trump is incredibly shrewd:
Though it looks to the throng
Like he did nothing wrong,
He conspired so as not to collude.
(2019)

TURNABOUT
Robert Mueller at last retires
Without adding more fuel to the fires.
Surprise! Surprise!
It was nothing but lies!
Now it’s time to go after the liars.
(2019)

PLAN C
What they did way back when and kept hid
Are the things they now claim that Trump did:
To establish equivalence
And encourage ambivalence
Is their latest, most desperate bid.
(2019)

MCCABE AND MR. MUELLER
It’s the story of Andy and Bob
And the president they tried to rob
By staging a coup
With charges untrue
On behalf of the Insider mob.
(2019)

STRZOK OUT
What’s impossible now to deny is
That it’s perfectly clear when a guy is
Kissing Hillary’s rump
As he tries to frame Trump
That he’s guilty of obvious bias.
(2018)

IF IT PROSPER
All the sins of the Clintons are bared,
Yet you’d think not a single soul cared,
But we know what’s the reason
None dare call it treason:
They’re complicit, complacent, or scared.
(2018)

DEEP STATE
They assure us they’re loyal and true
And were not instigating a coup
By creating the illusion
Of Russian collusion.
Well, that’s that. I’m convinced. How about you?
(2018)

A HIGHER ROYALTY
There’s a law that prohibits a crook
From producing a film or a book,
Making even one dime
By exploiting his crime:
Maybe Comey should give it a look.
(2018)

JIM RAT
Comey’s IQ may be higher
And that maybe makes him slyer
Than us common folk,
But he’s still a joke –
And a pathological liar.
(2018)

LYNCH PARTY
At the gallows are gathered the gang,
In their consciences feeling no pang.
As the nooses draw taut,
Still surprised they got caught,
Haughty Hillary’s hooligans hang.
(2018)

URANIUM ONE
To avoid an erroneous conclusion,
Let’s begin by dispelling confusion:
It was Hillary who took
Russian bribes like a crook,
It was Hillary engaged in collusion.
(2017)

WELL, DUH!
I had never the slightest confusion
And came easily to this conclusion,
Needing no one to show me
It was Mueller and Comey
With the Clintons engaged in collusion.
(2017)

DITTO MACHINE
It’s now time to suspend the discussions
And consider the grim repercussions:
It’s true Trump had an ace
In the Limbaugh fan base
And engaged in collusion with Rush-ians.
(2017)

ONE LAW
Equal justice is our paradigm
And applies to commission of crime.
That’s why Comey and Lynch
Should both feel the “pinch”
And Obama and Clinton do time.
(2017)

SHOW
“As of yet, we have failed to outflank him,
Having turned up no evidence, dang him!
But ours is a court
Of a different sort:
We will have a ‘fair’ trial and then hang him.”
(2017)

DON OF THE DEAD
Deep in Boondoggle Bog, the Beast thrives,
Until one day The Donald arrives.
“They are draining the swamp!”
She shrieks, running: clomp, clomp.
“He is coming! Run! Run for your lives!”
(2017)

FORWARD, MARSH!
“We’re surrounded by partisan haters,
Resisters, subversives, and traitors:
We have struggled and strained
To get the swamp drained,
But we’re up to our asses in gators.”
(2017)

GOOD NOOSE
With more dirt every day to defend,
Even Hillary can now see the trend:
“It’s just not meant to be,
I’ll need some place to flee,
My great criminal career’s at an end.”
(2016)

LYNCHPIN
“Don’t worry,” said Bill, “it’s a cinch.
We just need to hang tough and not flinch.
How can acts be illicit
When the boss is complicit
And our friend will come through in a pinch?”
(2016)

Last week’s limerick

INTUITION
People say that a college degree
Is a right and it ought to be free:
If you get out of college
With no valuable knowledge,
Maybe free is the way it should be.

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