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  • Nov 05 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: VOTO FINISH

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

VOTO FINISH
“Immigration concerns are what spur us,
Opposition will never deter us,
And the line of the souls
Heading out to the polls
Stretches all the way down to Honduras.”

From the archive

FRANCHISE OPPORTUNITY
When a voter votes multiple times
And is “punished” for multiple crimes
With a sentence commuted,
Are not others recruited
Likewise to vote multiple times?
(2014)

GRAVE RESPONSIBILITY
Though his body will surely decay,
A dead Democrat’s ballot may stay:
He moves in with the moles,
But remains on the rolls
And continues to vote anyway.
(2012)

NIGHT OF THE VOTING DEAD
“We’ll be summoned from slumberous state
To endorse the biennial slate;
Then it’s back to the grave,
Where we’ll try to behave
‘Til another electoral date!”
(2004)

REGISTERED VOTERS
The polls open and who comes in?
Mary Poppins and Mickey Finn,
Then Betty Boop
And Alley Oop,
Sherlock Holmes and Gunga Din!
(2004)

TWO-DAY ELECTION?
To ensure that the balloting may
Proceed in an orderly way:
On Tuesday, please note,
All Republicans vote –
And all Democrats on the next day.
(2002)

WINNING BY A WHISKER
“Our Party is poised to prevail
With this new registration by mail:
All corpses and cats
Are staunch Democrats,
So our candidates simply can’t fail!”
(1998)

ROCK THE VOTE (TO SLEEP)
If free markets are something you dread,
Our Constitution is over your head,
And American history
To you is a mystery,
On election day, please, stay in bed!
(1998)

Last week’s limerick

CARAVANGUARD
What’s the difference between immigration
And an enemy-driven invasion?
The answer’s been given
By Cloward and Piven:
It’s the numbers that topple a nation.

  • Oct 29 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: CARAVANGUARD

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

CARAVANGUARD
What’s the difference between immigration
And an enemy-driven invasion?
The answer’s been given
By Cloward and Piven:
It’s the numbers that topple a nation.

From the archive

DON OF THE DEAD
Deep in Boondoggle Bog, the Beast thrives,
Until one day The Donald arrives.
“They are draining the swamp!”
She shrieks, running: clomp, clomp.
“He is coming! Run! Run for your lives!”
(2017)

FORWARD, MARSH!
“We’re surrounded by partisan haters,
Resisters, subversives, and traitors:
We have struggled and strained
To get the swamp drained,
But we’re up to our asses in gators.”
(2017)

GOOD NOOSE
With more dirt every day to defend,
Even Hillary can now see the trend:
“It’s just not meant to be,
I’ll need some place to flee,
My great criminal career’s at an end.”
(2016)

HOLLOW WEENIE
“I may act like Elmer Fudd
And appear to be a dud,
But I’m truly spectacular,
The awesome Count Barackula,
And I want to suck your blood.”
(2011)

HOUSE OF HORRORS
By the demons we all have been taunted
As unnatural powers were flaunted,
But the townsfolk will rout
And then drive the fiends out
Of the House on the Hill that is haunted.
(2009)

GETTING WHAT WE ASK FOR
Halloween we all shout “Trick or Treat!”
As we hit every house on the street.
The next morning we wake
With a bad stomach ache,
‘Cause we had too much candy to eat.
(2009)

NANCYLVANIA
With the change in the House status quo, see
The new Madame Speaker Pelosi
Enduring the glare
With the crazed, glassy stare
Of a transgendered Bela Lugosi.
(2007)

NIGHT OF THE VOTING DEAD
“We’ll be summoned from slumberous state
To endorse the biennial slate;
Then it’s back to the grave,
Where we’ll try to behave
‘Til another electoral date!”
(2004)

THE GREAT BUMPKIN
Linus scans the nightscape scary
For a form imaginary:
There, looming tall
Like an orange ball,
Glows a pumpkin-colored Kerry!
(2004)

HILLAREEN
What compares to the horrible fright
That will haunt us on Halloween night?
Consider the fear,
As elections draw near,
Ghoulish candidates soon will excite!
(2003)

INAUGURAL NIGHT
Bush had plenty of sleep before,
Knowing now he will get no more,
With the clanking chain
And the cries of pain
From the ghost of a grieving Gore.
(2000)

RECOUNT DRACULA
There once was a man named Vlad
Who was known for a habit he had:
With such pride in his nailing,
When he took to impaling
No one ever would challenge his chad.
(2000)

MR. PRECEDENT
What a vile conglomeration
Of every abomination:
In Clinton’s wake,
Only villains will make
A bid for the nomination.
(1999)

WHAT IS IT, E-GORE?
The mad doctor was testing a drug
When he felt on his labcoat a tug:
“Master, oh Master,
We’ve got to work faster
To destroy the Millennium Bug!”
(1999)

ZOMBIES
From justice they craftily fled
And avoided the sanctions they dread;
Now O.J. and Bill
Can linger at will
In the night of the fast-living dead.
(1999)

Last week’s limerick

MOB TRAINING
“That’s not right! That’s not it! No, no, no!
You’re supposed to be rhyming with ‘go.’
Please remember the rhyme.
Get it right this time.
Once again: ‘Hey, hey! Ho, ho!’”

  • Oct 22 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: MOB TRAINING

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

MOB TRAINING
“That’s not right! That’s not it! No, no, no!
You’re supposed to be rhyming with ‘go.’
Please remember the rhyme.
Get it right this time.
Once again: ‘Hey, hey! Ho, ho!’”

From the archive

POLICE, COME BACK!
“When the ‘protesting’ finally stops
And the fires have died down in the shops,
We’ll be too scared to roam
In what’s left of our home
And we’ll wish we could bring back the cops.”
(2015)

PRESIDENT EVIL
Open borders and mass immigration,
Homosexual indoctrination,
Racial riots and war:
That’s what he has in store,
That’s Obama’s macabre “transformation.”
(2014)

BARRYCADE
Many ugly and arrogant faces
Overrun and defile public places;
While Obama and spouse
Violate the White House,
We’ll ignore other occupied spaces.
(2011)

UP WITH POULPE
Organizing a movement’s no small feat,
Nor securing a venue where all meet:
See the cephalopods,
Queued in querulous squads,
Launch a protest called Octopi Wall Street.
(2011)

IN USE
At Zuccotti Park we tried,
But the line was long outside.
Can someone please show
Us a good place to go
That’s not currently occupied?
(2011)

THE PRICE IS RIOT
A new cell phone or VCR?
CD player to put in your car?
Don’t bother to buy it,
Just set off a riot,
Get it free at the bandits’ bazaar.
(2001)

POLICE, THANK YOU!
Promise next time you see one you’ll stop,
When out for a stroll or to shop,
And give him a hand
For taking a stand:
It’s the least you can do for a cop.
(2001)

Last week’s limerick

I REMEMBER IT WELL
Certain memories are retellable
And potentially resellable –
They affect us, they stamp us,
They depress us or amp us –
But some memories are plain smellable.

  • Oct 15 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: I REMEMBER IT WELL

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

I REMEMBER IT WELL
Certain memories are retellable
And potentially resellable –
They affect us, they stamp us,
They depress us or amp us –
But some memories are plain smellable.

From the archive

BLASÉ
An accuser cites her fear of flying
To justify not testifying,
But she’s been everywhere
And has traveled by air,
So it’s clear she has no fear of lying.
(2018)

K SERA
“Justice of the Supreme Court I will be
When I’m grown up, you wait and you’ll see –
Unless somebody nosy
Conspires to expose me
For tantrums I threw at age three.”
(2018)

Last week’s limerick

BELLA
There once was a woman named Dodd
Who rejected His scepter and rod,
In His Church sowing seeds
Of the wickedest weeds,
But repented and came back to God.

  • Oct 08 / 2018
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Your Weekly Politickle: BELLA

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

BELLA
There once was a woman named Dodd
Who rejected His scepter and rod,
In His Church sowing seeds
Of the wickedest weeds,
But repented and came back to God.

From the archive

IN THE PUNCH BOWL
Do you wonder why Francis demurred,
Also wonder if he was deterred
By his own share of blame,
And because of his shame
Papa Caca would not say a word?
(2018)

McCARRICK
Woe to shepherds who secretly mock
And mislead the poor sheep in their flock!
Woe to bishops betraying
And on innocents preying!
Woe to all undermining the Rock!
(2018)

IMBROGLIO
Like Obama, he promises hope
And a yep to replace every nope:
“Forget about sins
And let’s just be friends,”
Says all affably dear Auntie Pope.
(2017)

BAD SAMARITANS
When a brother has wandered astray,
Those who love him will show him the way;
Those who follow the fashion
Of corrupted compassion
Will assure him his sin is okay.
(2010)

CARPE DEUM
We’ve had “free” love and all of the rest;
Other options were put to the test.
Now we see in the light
Benedict has it right
When he says “Deus caritas est.”
(2006)

VIVA IL PAPA!
I remember the blear Berlin Wall
And the day that it started to fall,
And the part that was played
By a man unafraid –
The inspired and inspiring John Paul.
(2005)

ECCE HOMO
“Comrades, have no fears;
It’s only a matter of years:
We’ll sneak some fairies
Through the seminaries;
Soon the Church will be full of queers!”
(2002)

Last week’s limerick

BLASÉ
An accuser cites her fear of flying
To justify not testifying,
But she’s been everywhere
And has traveled by air,
So it’s clear she has no fear of lying.

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