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2007

2007

The Year in Verse
A Politickles Retrospective

SISYPHUS
“For 12 months I had strived to get there,
And at last to the top I drew near;
When I reached the hill’s crown,
The stone rolled right back down,
So I’m starting all over this year.”

EVER PRESENT
All the creches are empty, it’s true,
And I’m waiting for Jesus anew;
Harking back to the Book,
I know now where to look:
I must find the Lord Jesus in you.

INCREDIBLE SHRINKING WOMAN
On a fantasy Hillary fed
‘Til reality reared its huge head:
As her poll numbers drop,
She will have to close shop
And admit that her life’s dream is dead.

THREE AMEBAS
Barack, John, and Hill are not reticent:
In the White House they mean to be resident.
Seems they learned how to rule
Back in nursery school
And are fully prepared to be president.

$MAS
There is less than a month left, you know,
Only 21 days in a row,
Barely 500 hours
To buy yours, mine, and ours,
30,000 mere minutes to go!

INTERVENTION
When a columnist known for his pluck
Inadvertently falls off a truck,
Breaking elbow and arm,
Friends must sound the alarm:
Was it whiskey, or merely bad luck?

CAMPAIGN FEVER
It’s a soda without any fizz,
A none-of-the-above kind of quiz,
And the voters agree
With the late Peggy Lee,
Who demanded, “Is that all there is?”

FAVORITE DISH
How much better can Thanksgiving get?
In my bedroom a 60-inch set,
And in HD displayed
This year’s Macy’s Parade:
Waking up to a scrumptious Rockette!

GRATITUDE
If you’re thankful for your lot
And all the things you’ve got,
Then say a prayer
And give a care
For someone on the spot.

PILING ON
Resentment tends to linger
When roguish rivals zing her:
As Hilly pouts,
Her hubby spouts
And wags his index finger.

MADAM PRESIDENT
She has shown she knows how to succeed,
And the public no longer pays heed
To the old rumor mill
And her problems with Bill:
Yes, Lewinski is destined to lead!

BOOTED
When first I was her suitor,
She said no one was cuter;
But now I find
That I’ve been blind:
She’s in love with her computer!

PETTY DETAILS
Mrs.Clinton, you certainly are
The most loving pet owner by far!
(We’ll ignore the twin shocks
Of abandoning Socks,
Letting Buddy get hit by a car.)

NASCARDIAC ARREST
“Be prepared for a cultural clash
When consorting with blue-collar trash:
Take your meds in advance
And you’ll lessen the chance
Of contracting full-blown Redneck Rash.”

INSIDER TRADING
Do delusions of warming derange
And compel poor Al Gore to act strange?
No, the reason he’s fishin’
For those caps on emission
Is his stock in the carbon exchange.

PIRATE SCHIP
Tis a tale that can scarcely be told:
In the hatch of the schip there is gold,
An ye open the door
For “poor” folk who aren’t poor
And for “young uns” incredibly old.

HOME DELIVERY
Ahmadinejad’s definitely dim
If he thought we’d accede to his whim:
We’ll let no antihero
Try to visit Ground Zero,
But will visit Ground Zero on him.

HEISTMAN TROPHY
“If I have zero dignity left,
If I am absolutely bereft,
If I murdered my bride
And saw justice denied,
Can I not get away with a theft?”

READY TO DYE
The reports coming in from Iraq
Say Osama’s prepared to attack,
With his chances for takeover
Now enhanced by a makeover
And a beard that is once again black.

INCOMMODE
See how swiftly the mighty do fall
And their bigness become very small:
Get a little too noisy
While you’re cruising for Boise
And you’ll find your career in a stall.

¿CUANDO?
With el Jefe confined to his bed,
Every Cuban is careful what’s said:
Out in public Fidel
Must be urged to get well,
While in private implored to drop dead.

WHERE’S THE GRAVITAS?
Though they’re clearly quite full of themselves,
These political pygmies and elves
Cannot bear close inspection
Before next year’s election
And should wait until 2012’s.

APPROPRIATE?
No one curbs what a Congressman spends
Or complains when his earmark offends,
Not while “King Corruption” Murtha
Wields the power of the purser
To provide for his family and friends.

GAG
The dry wit of George Gobel was charming,
But its after effects are alarming:
When we laugh ’til we’re blue,
We release CO2
And contribute to dread “Gobel Warming.”

WAR CHEST
Though I personally care not a tittle
And would hate to get caught in the middle,
When those Democrat boobs
Are exposed on the tubes,
They make mountains of something quite little.

SAY GOODBYE, GEORGE
As your second term comes to an end,
Say farewell to the fair-weather friend,
Whose encouraging voice
Will become ugly noise
And oppose where it once would defend.

HOTHEAD
Has Al Gore taken too many tokes
On that strange cigarette that he smokes?
Still, the burden of proof
Is on every green goof
Who espouses the climate-change hoax.

RICH
With audacity truly sublime,
An ex-president covered in slime
Castigates his successor
For playing confessor
To a man who’d committed no crime.

HU KNOWS
How we cheered at the clarion call
For the Soviet Union’s downfall!
Now it’s President Bush
Giving China a push
To demolish their own wicked wall!

TOUCHED BY AN ANGLE
There is only one way it can go
When the Clintons are destined for woe
And they don’t have the base
For a two-person race:
Michael Bloomberg must play Ross Perot.

NOT REAL BLIGHT
Though the only home they’ve known
And had ever hoped to own,
It’s a perfect site
To condemn as “blight”
For a new commercial zone.

POOR DAD
“I’ve been poor since the day of my birth
And may die with a negative worth;
Though I live on the skids,
With my wonderful kids,
I’m the wealthiest man on the earth!”

COMING 2 TERMS
Despite limits to presidents’ terms,
As a certain Amendment affirms,
Mrs. Old Two-for-One
Won’t admit that she’s done,
Having already shared her two terms.

LONE CHENEY
“Mommy, why did you do something bad?
Mommy, why did you make me so sad?
Mommy, what will you say
When I ask you one day,
‘Mommy, why don’t I have my own Dad?'”

JIMMY CRACKS CORN
Jimmy Carter the Unholy Roller
Could not possibly be any droller:
A rebuke from the man
Who subverted Iran
And empowered the Ayatollah?

WAR AND PIZZA
With a pizza, you get-a romance!
The aroma, she make-a you dance!
But the folks at Ft. Dix,
Have-a learned to say nix,
They no more-a give pizza a chance.

DEAL OR NO DEAL
All the movers and shakers are shaken,
But, unless I am greatly mistaken,
We will not get a look
At the Madam’s black book,
‘Cause she’ll clam up to bring home the bacon.

HILL’RY REDNECK CLINTON
“Hoosiers, hillbillies, dis is yer year!
Rednecks, crackers, doan be afeard!
Shucks! Gosh! an’ Dang!
Doanchu jes love mah twang?
Git yer fust lady prezdent rat cheer!”

IN TOLERANCE
Left-wing radicals running our schools
Do great harm with their inverted rules:
They oppose every norm,
Reject custom and form,
And show deference to freaks and to fools.

THE RULES
“We can tell filthy lies about you
And there’s nothing at all you can do,
But we’ll make such a fuss
If you criticize us —
Even if what you say is quite true.”

QUESTIONABLE DEDUCTIONS
You expect to have something to show
When you get your first job and some dough;
Then you get your first check
And you say, “What the heck!
Where the hell did the rest of it go?”

GOOD NEWS
And this you must believe:
The time is past to grieve;
The one who dies
Will surely rise;
He will return, who leaves.

MOVE ON
If the war is not going to plan,
Then George Bush has to be a big man
And agree to pull back
And withdraw from Iraq,
So our troops can then topple Iran.

HILLARY TAKES A STAND
“Being asked for my stand on morality,
I must say I believe in equality:
I agree with your view
And the opposite, too
— It depends on the date and locality.”

ON THE BLINK
Saving daylight is wonderfully wise
And a cinch if a citizen tries.
It’s so simple to do,
I’ll explain it to you:
You save daylight by closing your eyes.

AN INCONSISTENT BOOB, CONT.
“If superior beings ignore
Certain limits and use a bit more,
Then the peons, I guess,
Will just have to use less,”
Sniffed a gluttonous, glutinous Gore.

RIGHT FLIGHT
With just Romney, Giuliani, McCain
And no candidates of their own strain
Who will give them a voice
And a genuine choice,
Are conservatives forced to abstain?

FAT TUESDAY
Every revel unravels at last
And evaporates into the past,
For today is soon spent
And tomorrow is Lent:
Forty days to repent and to fast.

HOT HEADS
They defend “climate change” willy-nilly,
And lately they’ve gotten plain silly:
Saying snow, ice, and sleet
Must be caused by the heat —
And that’s why the weather’s so chilly.

ADIOS AMEBA!
Every Cuban who’s conscious and sane
Will applaud at the end of his reign:
When he heads off to hell,
There’ll be no more Fidel
To cause “Castro intestinal pain.”

IT COULD’VE BEEN WORSE
Democrats in the White House are scary.
Jimmy Carter and Bill made us wary
And relieved there weren’t more:
Mike Dukakis, Al Gore,
And spandexterous dullard John Kerry!

MEGALOMANIA
Hillary’s coy “conversation” is shrill
And her friends all agree she’s a pill;
The poor woman’s insane
If she thinks she will reign
As the distaff edition of Bill!

SNOW JOKE
What wise words will a weatherman say
When a winter storm’s wending our way?
He will warn us, “Stay warm!”
And “Stay out of the storm!”
And exhort us to “Have an ice day!”

NANCYLVANIA
With the change in the House status quo, see
The new Madame Speaker Pelosi
Enduring the glare
With the crazed, glassy stare
Of a transgendered Bela Lugosi.

JANUARY 1
I resolve not to gain any weight,
I resolve not to always be late,
I resolve not to get
Any further in debt —
On this single inceptional date!