The Year in Verse
A Politickles Retrospective
I’m a victim of non-circumstance,
Having gone through the year in a trance.
Didn’t turn out so great,
But I’ll soon have another new chance.
“Will our nemesis nevermore vex us,
Enrage and appall and perplex us?
Will we not feel the same
When he’s out of the game
In a quiet retirement in Texas?”
Thanta, there’th a thpaith
I’d like you to replaith:
I’ll jump with glee
When all can thee
The thmile upon my faith.
“I know just what I want for a gift,
And I’ll throw such a fit if I’m stiffed!
If you fail to come through,
Who knows what I might do?”
The pathetic executive sniffed.
At Thanksgiving we pull out the stopper
On commercialized Christmastime proper:
We’ll have six months to pay,
But stay out of the way
Of the stampeding psychotic shopper!
A fried turkey injected with spice,
Shrimp-stuffed mirlitons and dirty rice,
Pecan pie, oyster dressing —
How we rush through the blessing!
Yes, a Creole Thanksgiving is nice.
If a kid is a bit of a scamp
And resists the new socialist stamp,
He will be reassigned
And his mind realigned
At a reeducational camp.
By nefarious allies surrounded,
With socialist nostrums propounded,
Obama has won,
The change has begun,
And I hope that my fears are unfounded.
There’ll be riots if that one’s rejected;
There’ll be riots if that one’s elected:
Either way, we are stuck
When his fans run amuck
And it’s better McCain is selected.
“He’s compared to the Christ and to Gandhi,
He’s offered us all bags of candy,
But he got my vote when
The endorsements came in
From the Fonz, Richie, Opie, and Andy.”
“I’m a master at deceivin’,
At wigglin’, waffllin’, weavin’;
And when I create
A socialist state,
You’ll have change you can believe in.”
Assigning bailout blame
Can be a cryptic game,
One must be deft,
Read on the left:
Now you know the name.
It’s so nice when a friend interposes
And everything’s coming up roses:
With Congressman Frank
Protecting his flank,
It was nothing but roses for Moses.
If the bailout’s astronomical bill
Is a bitter and hard-swallowed pill,
We know things will be fine
With the banks kept in line
By the spendthrifts on Capitol Hill.
Our service seems a scam,
Our solvency a sham,
But have no fear,
Just sign right here:
We’re backed by Uncle Sam.
How they made such a hullabaloo
Over one rather blah interview!
Sarah Palin’s got class,
Charlie Gibson’s an ass —
These are things that we already knew!
He has picked the right running mate:
A death-culture-shunning mate.
And it’s okay with me
That she happens to be
A delectably stunning mate.
Why are Hillary’s harpies all wailin’
And Obama now suddenly trailin’?
It’s because they are grievin’
A change they believe in:
A candidate named Sarah Palin.
All that socialist “change” is deceivin’
And so-called “social justice” mere thievin’,
But five ones for a fin
Or two fives for a ten —
That’s the kind of change I can believe in.
As a once sovereign nation, in flames,
Reveals Vladimir Putin’s dark aims
And the tanks rolling in
Signal empire again,
All the rest of the world watches games.
If unfailing commitment’s the thing
From which ultimate victories spring,
Then the spectators know
That the medals should go
To the Christians who live in Beijing.
“How peculiar is my plight:
Being equally black and white,
I must dun myself
And accept my pelf
In order to put things right!”
“Okay, kids! Listen good:
Always cross the way you should!
You should be a dent
Or an ornament
On Bob Novak’s corvette hood?”
Our vocabulary’s under attack
By an ill-mannered, ignorant pack;
Governed only by greed,
These dimwits have decreed
We no longer can use the word “black.”
“How the pundits like to laugh
At my web-assisting staff,
‘S nothing new to me —
I grew up with the telegraph!”
Snowstorm and earthquake and flood,
Protest and riot and blood,
Algae in water,
Locust on order:
Chinese Olympics big dud.
All the fireworks exploding on high,
Celebrating the Fourth of July,
Symbolize how we fought
For that world-changing thought:
If we cannot live free, we shall die.
Well, I’m not exactly thrilled
When I get my gas tank filled,
But it makes my blood boil
To know that there’s oil
In reserves of our own to be drilled.
The Irish are leery of hustles,
But eager to instigate tussles:
They respond to E.U.
With a broguish P.U.!
And a digital gesture for Brussels.
I would like to hear someone explain
How a person possessed of a brain
— Aside from his mama —
Could support Red Obama
Or endorse the Manchurian McCain.
Mrs. Clinton considers her play:
“Why, just look what befell JFK!
Look at Garfield and Lincoln,
McKinley – I’m thinkin’
Vice president might be okay!”
Though she may have a few screws to fasten,
Her remarks were not made just in passin’.
Let Obama be wary:
Mrs. Clinton is scary
— And soliciting for an assassin.
If I really had my druthers,
I would surely choose another;
Maybe I oughta
Vote for her daughter:
She’s as qualified as her mother.
It will be a stylish “marriage,”
They can afford a carriage,
They’ll book a suite
In a farcical rite for two
These new guidelines are certainly odd:
“We must never denounce the jihad;
We must never demean
As they force us to worship their god.”
In her desperate bid for the crown,
She has found herself trailing Big Brown;
At the end of the race
Looms a lame second place
And the prospect of being put down.
“Yes, Professor, you always excelled,
We approved of the views that you held,
But you see, Dr. Stein,
You have now crossed the line
And we’re happy to say you’re expelled.”
If Obama is offering false hope,
Miss “Experience” really can’t cope,
And it’s hard to explain
What we get with McCain,
Then I think I will vote for the pope.
Any student of crime comprehends
How to halve higher homicide trends:
He knows rates will decrease
Without adding police
When the Clintons stop killing their friends.
Though I’m no Clinton fan, I do find,
As support for his wife has declined,
That I’m actually beginning
To wish she were winning,
‘Cause I can’t stand to see her behind.
“I brought Belfast the peace they desire
And in Bosnia dodged sniper fire!
I’m impossibly grand
And cannot understand
Why I’m called an incorrigible liar!”
“Look how far we have come in the fight;
We’ve discovered a new civil right:
If a person is black,
He is free to attack,
‘Cause a racist can only be white.”
“New York State Attorney General” rang fine,
“New York Governor” sounded divine,
And yet even more eminent
Would have been “U.S. President”
— But, instead, he is now “Number 9.”
Here’s a question for Mr. McCain:
Do you think you could deign to explain
Why you don’t seem to mind
That we left men behind
— Are you callous, corrupt, or insane?
We survived Bill and Jimmy and Jack
— Every one an incompetent hack —
And it’s certain we will
Survive Mrs. Bill
Or her radical rival, Barack.
“You say I’m selling hope
As if it were a soap,
But, by being hip
And saying zip,
I hope to rope a dope.”
An American naturally jeers
When appalled by a comment he hears:
“The first time in my life
I am proud,” said a wife
Who has slept through the last 40 years.
Super delegates may have it rough
When selecting a favorite is tough,
But they’re up to the task
When they just have to ask:
“Isn’t one impeached Clinton enough?”
True conservatives simply abhor,
And could never consent to vote for,
Any nominee who
Would abandon them, too,
Like he did to our prisoners of war.
When the spirit of carnival reigns,
Sober citizens unplug their brains;
Egotists in disguises
Are proffering prizes
To propel presidential campaigns.
Hillary’s known for intolerant views:
She hates blacks, she hates Christians and Jews,
She hates soldiers and cops
And all men who aren’t fops —
She’s the candidate haters will choose.
“Now at last is my destiny reached!”
Mrs. Megalomaniac screeched,
And follow she will
In the footsteps of Bill
When a Clinton again is impeached.
She knew that she would win,
But she took it on the chin;
Now she’s lost the crown
And she’s spiraling down,
Still believing in her own spin.