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2012

2012

The Year in Verse
A Politickles Retrospective

GOOD NEWS
Briefly now is theirs the throne,
Fame and fortune overblown,
And the ones oppressed
Ever after blessed
When the Savior claims His own.

CONTROLLING PERSONALITY
Though the news out of Newtown was grim,
Mayor Bloomberg’s reaction was dim.
Why we keep and bear arms?
To respond to alarms
And protect us from tyrants like him.

ROBERTS’ RULES OF ARDOR
A conservative judge may betray us
By voting in ways that dismay us,
Saving Obamacare
To conceal an affair
And avoid the same fate as Petraeus.

MISADVENTURE
If these weeks must be spent at the mall,
Baskets bulging with kitsch big and small;
Christmas prelude must be
A nonstop shopping spree,
Do we miss the true gist of it all?

AGITPROP
Maybe three in a hundred are bent,
And one tenth of that number intent
On pretending to wed
Same-sex partners instead:
All this turmoil for three-tenths percent?

THANK GOD!
This Thanksgiving, may families join ranks
And remember to fill in the blanks:
So expression of gratitude
May be more than a platitude,
Let’s acknowledge to Whom we give thanks.

BRIGHT SPOT
Though he seems to completely ignore
An economy sick to the core,
Fearless Leader has made
More demand for one trade,
Guaranteeing that gun sales would soar.

AMEN!
Hear us, O Lord, we pray
On this election day:
Deliver our nation
From subjugation,
Make Obama go away.

OUT
His own poll shows a massive defection
And he cannot succeed sans injection:
All his intimates know
That Obama, down low,
Now has trouble achieving election.

MISS CANDY TO THE RESCUE
Miss Candy to the rescue!
Miss Candy to the rescue!
Miss Candy to the rescue!
Go, Miss Candy!
Go, Miss Candy!
Miss Candy put her man on top,
Wouldn’t be just a traffic cop,
Saw Benghazi as a runaway horse,
Uh oh, time to change course.
Miss Candy to the rescue!
Go, Miss Candy!
Go, Miss Candy!
Miss Candy to the rescue, ETC.
Miss Candy had a job to do
And she was the moderator, too.
Miss Candy saw her favorite guy
Looking like he’s about to cry.
Miss Candy to the rescue!
Go, Miss Candy!
Go, Miss Candy!
Miss Candy to the rescue, ETC.

MAKING AN OMELET
It’s not optimal spilling the beans,
And far safer to hide behind screens,
Using cute comrade code
Such as “bumps in the road”
When an end’s deemed to justify means.

LAST TIME
“Mr. President, please, tell me why
In your first debate you didn’t try.”
“Well, that question’s a dandy,
And the answer is, Candy,
I tried hard — not to make Romney cry.”

NEXT TIME
“By October 16th, that’s the date
That I want you to have this all straight:
Teleprompter is on,
Romney’s microphone’s gone.
Then we’ll see who will win the debate!”

BARRYOKE
“Honey child, should you inquire,
I have but one desire:
It’s not to start
A flame in your heart,
But to set the world on fire.”

A LA MODE
“I’m no savage, brute, bully, or hick,
But some things in my craw really stick:
With my set, it’s the fashion
To react with great passion
And go nuts when we see a bad flick.”

HERE WE GO AGAIN!
Jimmy Carter’s the president when
Some insane Arab protests begin
And is justly rewarded,
Being rightly regarded
As a laughingstock ever since then.

HOSANNA OBAMA!
This convention was more than just odd,
With the delegates given a prod
To embrace depraved gaiety,
Overthrow the true deity,
And install Lord Obama as god.

BIG FINISH
“Just imagine what waits in the wings,
All the wonders another term brings!
[Pause for Clapping & Cheers]
Give me just four more years
And I swear you won’t recognize things!”

PET PEEVE
“Master says that my weight is too low,
That he wants me to eat more and grow,
Be at least twice this size,
But that gleam in his eyes
Looks a little suspicious,” growled Bo.

BUILD-A-BARRY
Though I have ugly feelings about him
And consistently set out to flout him,
I still have to admit
He has sharpened my wit
And I can’t write this limerick without him.

CANDY CROWLEY REPORTS
“You would have to be totally blind
Or completely out of your mind
To begin to esteem
The Republican team:
They’re too decent, intelligent, kind.”

BEST OF SHOWS
Barry tunes in TV every night:
Rin Tin Tin, Scooby-Doo his delight.
Then there’s Benji and Lassie,
Augie Doggie and Daddy —
How they work up that man’s appetite!

BULLIES
In the 50s our fathers knew best,
But back then they could scarcely have guessed
That a mere three percent
Who are sexually bent
Would intimidate all of the rest

EVERYONE’S BUSINESS
Though our work be a labor of love,
Still, we have to have help from above:
Yes, we have to depend
On that one special friend
Whom we pray to at whitehouse.gov.

NOT SOON ENOUGH
“There is nothing to fret about, friend:
My one term will soon come to an end.
Don’t be down in the dumps:
I’ll be gone in six months.
How much harm can I do before then?”

DREAMS FROM MY FUHRER
“You can laugh or dismiss me as mad,
But I knew from the first as a lad:
Though unlikely it seems,
I’ll make good on the dreams
Of my true, psychological dad.”

DEPENDENCE DAY
“I remember how some of us tried:
How we fought, how we failed, how we cried,
How we few knew the worth
Of this last hope on earth.
I was there when America died.”

CEREALISM
“Here’s a great idea, what do you think:
The Trix Rabbit ‘comes out’ with a wink,
While Count Chocula warms
To the Leprechaun’s charms
And the Jolly Green Giant wears pink?”

FREAK OUT!
If a spectacle’s what you are seeking,
And to see a pretentious prig freaking,
A glib gabber tight-lipped
As he’s thrown off his script:
Interrupt when Obama is speaking.

WITNESS FOR THE PERSECUTION
“Can I get a tattoo, Dad?” said she.
“It can be quite expensive,” said he.
“Why not wait and emboss
On your forearm a cross?
Let the government do it for free.”

CINO* EVIL
With a logic at best acrobatic
And morality most problematic,
You help peddlers of porn,
You help kill the unborn,
All you Catholics who vote Democratic.
*Catholic in Name Only

WEST VIRGINIA
In the Democrat primary, some went
And cast votes for a bellicose bum bent
On flaunting his flaws
And flouting our laws —
And this candidate was the incumbent!

CAVE CANEM
All the diplomats gathering, greeting,
And locating their specified seating.
In their midst, a big grinner,
The man hosting their dinner.
Only he really knows what they’re eating.

WIFE SENTENCE
As evolving positions now gel,
He pronounces this travesty swell,
But you might change your view
About “gay marriage,” too,
If you’d married a mate like Michelle.

DREAMS FROM MY FEATHERBRAIN
“Like a Ninja, I crept ’til I’d gotten
To a spot I could get a good shot in,
Zeroed in on my game,
And then took a dead aim,
Singlehandedly killing bin Laden.”

COMMITTMENT
When Mitt Romney takes office, we will
Be enacting on Capitol Hill
A total repeal
Of Obama’s Bad Deal:
We can call it the Romneybus Bill.

CHOW TIME
At the Kmart, the president got
A new 16-quart stainless steel pot;
He’d been getting much thinner,
So he had friends for dinner:
Rex, King, Rover, Spike, Fido and Spot.

IRONIC CURTAIN
You’re not really “transparent” at all:
When you’re asked for your records, you stall;
You keep everything hidden,
Public access forbidden.
Mr. President, tear down this wall!

RUSSIAN
“Please, Vlady, let’s slow down the pace,
You really must give me more space,
Because after November
I’ll have time to dismember
What’s left of the United States.”

SAWBUCKS
“We affirm all the airheads who stop
For the beverages brewed in our shop:
If such customers think
That we’re green and we’re pink,
They will purchase more cups of our slop.”

CHINESE BANDITS
We are told that our nation’s in debt
And our balance of trade is upset,
But our deficit’s swollen
Because China has stolen
All American goods it could get.

GRAVE RESPONSIBILITY
Though his body will surely decay,
A dead Democrat’s ballot may stay:
He moves in with the moles,
But remains on the rolls
And continues to vote anyway.

FLUKES
“I may act like a female mutt
And have multiple partners, but
That doesn’t mean
You can be obscene
And call me a you-know-what.”

WATCHDOGS
“There’s just too much at stake,
We’ve got other muck to rake,
So, thanks, Sheriff Joe,
But we’d rather not know
If the birth certificate’s fake.”

WHOSE SARI NOW?
“Mr. President, hazard a guess:
What’s an Indian word for a dress?”
“Gee, I’m scratching my head.
Hmm, uh, sorry,” he said.
“That was it, Mr. President, yes!”

FREELOADER
What began with such grand expectations
As a quest for the best destinations
Finds Michelle scaling back
When it’s up to Barack
To finance his own family’s vacations.

(DOING) THE OBAMA
Two steps forward and bow like Barack.
Arms akimbo, a single step back.
Now a shuffle in place
With a smile on your face.
Two steps forward and bow like Barack . . .

IN HOC SIGNO VINCES
Raise high the holy cross
And show them Who is boss:
Fight the merchants of death
With every breath
And never count the cost.

RINOPLASTY
“If you don’t want your votes cast in vain,
Then wash Newt, Rick, and Ron down the drain;
Accept candidate Romney
As the mandated nominee:
Be consoled with a clone of McCain!”

OATHBUSTER
When he swore, did Obama intend
To preserve and protect and defend?
Were his motives all wrong,
Did he plan all along
To presume and project and upend?

SYMBOL-MINDED
When the persons we honor today
Turn out to have had feet of clay,
When our heavily hyped heroes
Are exposed as mere zeroes,
What a lesson their statues convey!

CITIZENSHIPWRECK
“We don’t care who’s the better debater
Or superior administrator,
We would rather not choose
Who will win, who will lose:
Can we just make somebody dictator?”

2012
At last, the moment’s here:
The beginning of the year
In which Barack
Is beaten back
And tossed out on his ear!