The Year in Verse
A Politickles Retrospective
Watching football, it’s easy to see –
In the stands or at home on TV –
That the outcome is fixed
If each play can be nixed
And the ref is the real MVP.
It should give the intelligent pause
When proposals to ban plastic straws
And eliminate coal
Are employed by a pol
To elicit a round of applause.
JIMMY CRACKED CORN
The Inspector General’s Report
Has elicited Comey’s retort
That he now has been vindicated,
But the findings have indicated
That he’s likely to end up in court.
THAT’S WHAT HE IS
Disregarding the ones who’ve been dozin’
The last several years and all those in
Denial, everyone knows
Trump’s the one that we chose –
Which is why he can say he’s the chosen.
He had dirt on the Clintons, he said,
And the next thing he knew he was dead,
But the coroner lied
And declared suicide
From two shots in the back of the head.
GREAT BOILS OF FIRE
Recent research reports now suggest
Rising temperatures mean we’ll be blest
With a boiled seafood treat:
More blue crabs we can eat!
Global warming is all for the best.
“All together now, let’s begin rooting
For more gun control, while we’re imputing
All blame for the fright
To a demonized Right:
Let’s exploit yet another mass shooting.”
Ilhan Omar’s incredibly smug
For a woman who looks like a bug
And is guilty of fraud
And in other ways flawed
And now stuck in a hole that she dug.
Epstein’s service is access to kids
And it all is recorded on vids:
Jeffrey’s “friends” soon know
There’s a quid pro quo,
And they do whatever he bids.
We must do what our duties demand
To preserve this exceptional land,
To make sure we’re united
And never divided,
’Cause a house that’s divided can’t stand.
Though the traitors are trying to spin
In an effort to save their own skin,
They’ve no right to be bitter,
Should stop posting on Twitter,
And then man up and turn themselves in.
Beto, Buttigieg, Biden, and Booker,
Castro, Gillibrand, Gabbard the looker,
Warren, Klobuchar, Sanders:
Every single one panders,
As do Swalwell and Harris the hooker.
Now at last we are hearing the knell
For a devilish global cartel
Dealing drugs, arms, and kids
And horrific snuff vids:
Is there anything Clintons won’t sell?
As can now be convincingly shown,
Every mass shooter’s mindset is known:
Though he may be insane,
He will still use his brain
And decide to attack gun-free zones.
BYE BYE, BIRDIE
“I never was a quitter
And I’m not the least bit bitter,
But, if I can’t say
Things in my own way,
Then I’m giving up on Twitter.”
“I could find no proof of his guilt,
Which is why the case that I built
May seem unduly flimsy
And reliant on whimsy
Like a patchwork, poorly made quilt.”
Are the Democrats singing the blues?
Are they drowning their sorrows in booze
And resorting to rants
As they pee in their pants?
I would not want to be in their shoes.
Two dozen Dems vie for domination
To see who can get the nomination,
But whomever they choose
The Democrats lose
Because every one’s an abomination.
(as sung by HRC)
I can’t remember if I cried
When I realized I’d been denied,
But something scorched me deep inside
The day “collusion” died.
Why? Why? My American spies –
Comey, Brennan, and their brethren –
Were unethical guys,
But those good old boys
Came up empty and dry,
Leaving me no way to defy
Leaving me no way to defy.
I was a homely, enraged, pompous frump
With an insane notion I could outwit Trump,
But I knew I was out of luck
The day “collusion” died.
I started singing Why? Why? ETC.
People say that a college degree
Is a right and it ought to be free:
If you get out of college
With no valuable knowledge,
Maybe free is the way it should be.
“An illegal, a felon, a tot,
A nonresident, even a bot:
They should all get to vote
And be part of the tote,
Whether living or human or not.”
Robert Mueller was forced to conclude
Donald Trump is incredibly shrewd:
Though it looks to the throng
Like he did nothing wrong,
He conspired so as not to collude.
All the peoples on earth, all the nations,
Have endured some unjust subjugations:
Is there one you can name
Who cannot make a claim
To their long overdue reparations?
“I’m a man. No, a woman. No, man.
I change gender as fast as I can.
Call me ‘him,’ call me ‘her,’
But you’d better concur
With the gender I currently am.”
“Mr. President, please don’t be mad.
We’re so sorry if we made you sad.
We were only just kidding
That you did Russia’s bidding.
It’s not like we did something bad.”
Robert Mueller at last retires
Without adding more fuel to the fires.
It was nothing but lies!
Now it’s time to go after the liars.
What they did way back when and kept hid
Are the things they now claim that Trump did:
To establish equivalence
And encourage ambivalence
Is their latest, most desperate bid.
Lenten Fridays, abstaining from meat,
There are limits to what I can eat:
I’ve no choice but to scrimp
And eat Barbecued Shrimp,
Blackened Redfish, and Oysters Lafitte.
ROE v. PPFA
A class action suit surely should
Be filed against Planned Parenthood
For the women they lied to,
And the babies that died, too:
Would you rule for these victims? I would.
MCCABE AND MR. MUELLER
It’s the story of Andy and Bob
And the president they tried to rob
By staging a coup
With charges untrue
On behalf of the Insider mob.
She may sound like she’s been on a bender,
But this babbling, bug-eyed bartender
Has great knowledge and skill:
If you ask her, she will
Make a pitcher of drinks in a blender.
“OMG! Can it possibly be
No one’s had this idea before me?
To recoup what we spent,
Tax one hundred percent
And make everything everywhere free!”
All the fussbudgets waiting to see
Where “The State of the Union” will be!
I don’t care if it’s here
Or instead over there:
Its location means nothing to me.
When the March for Life ended, a crowd
Of hate-spewing racists got loud
And those Covington kids
With their red MAGA lids
Were accosted by lying “Red Cloud.”
PRESS INTO SERVICE
Just what kind of a wall should we pick?
We don’t need one of steel or of brick:
Give Acosta the order
To stand on the border.
Who could penetrate someone that thick?
REWARD & PUNISHMENT
Those sweet carrots on a string
And hard sticks you sometimes swing –
When too often denied
Or too often applied –
Lose their sapor and their sting.
Let us give you some advice:
You’ve already rolled the dice,
You had your turn,
And it’s time you learn
That we won’t nominate you twice.