The Year in Verse
A Politickles Retrospective
A HIGHER ROYALTY
There’s a law that prohibits a crook
From producing a film or a book,
Making even one dime
By exploiting his crime:
Maybe Comey should give it a look.
“The gold medal I won in a whirl
At the annual state intermural:
You may think I’m a scamp,
But I’m still the new champ –
And the boy who just beat the best girl.”
BASKET OF DEPORTABLES
“If you come to our home the right way,
Friendly strangers, you’re welcome to stay;
If you try to sneak in,
You’ll be sent back again:
‘Bon voyage!’ and ‘Have an ICE day!’”
“Receive our wisdom, peasants,
And be grateful for our presence
As your benefactors,”
Say anchors and actors,
Athletes, and adolescents.
He’s condemned to a pain-filled parade,
Falling thrice (even with Simon’s aid),
Hearing sad women’s sighs,
Then he’s stripped, nailed, and dies,
From the cross taken down, and tomb-laid.
BALLOT OF FIRE
Hillary thinks that white women aren’t bold,
That they mindlessly vote as they’re told –
By a husband, for one,
Or a boss or a son –
But forgets that they’re secretly polled.
“Did you know what the lecher would do
And go up to his room with a view
Toward landing a part
As an overpaid tart
(Or a ‘victimized’ woman)? #MeToo!”
AI YI YI, ROBOT
I don’t think it understands
I’m the one that gives commands:
It cannot be controlled,
Will not do what it’s told,
And refuses to untie my hands.
We hear calls for the banning of guns
Every time a mass murderer stuns,
But if bombs, cars, or knives
Have claimed multiple lives,
We hear calls for the banning of guns.
Comey’s IQ may be higher
And that maybe makes him slyer
Than us common folk,
But he’s still a joke –
And a pathological liar.
As investigators make connections,
Dirty Democrats face rejections:
Their poll numbers will slip
As the facts drip, drip –
Right on up to the midterm elections.
BROKE IN CHINA
Though they say that we owe them much debt,
They discount intellectual theft:
Just subtract what they stole,
We’ll be paid up in whole –
With a deficit due from them left.
Trump has done what he said that he would,
He has done it as fast as he could,
Plus, Obama is out,
Hillary’s lost all her clout,
And the state of the union is good.
When most workers are deemed “nonessential”
And their absence proves inconsequential,
Maybe voters will see
And we all can agree
Schumer’s shutdown was truly prudential.
DAINTY, AREN’T WE?
“Such a horror has never occurred,
Such a thing never spoken or heard:
We were shocked and dismayed,
Mortified and afraid
When the president said a bad word!”
“Not much longer must I wait
To embrace my perfect mate:
She’s arriving soon
And will make me swoon
When she steps out of her crate.”
It’s much safer now for me
When I go to the grocery:
I’m advised that nuts
“May contain nuts”
And that rice is “gluten-free.”