Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:
I have followed the experts’ commands,
Blocking access to all of my glands:
There’s not one single trace
Of a germ on my face,
And I’ve scrubbed all the skin off my hands.
From the archive
Donald Trump must be made to make amends
For the phone call he stoutly defends,
Say the ones who didn’t hear him
But have reason to fear him:
Adam Schiff and nefarious friends.
Every “truth” in their credulous creed
Was instilled by the MSM feed:
How their heads will explode
When the false “facts” erode
And the real truth comes out at warp speed!
“There’s no conflict for me or for Sonny –
That’s a fact, even if it sounds funny.
You can trust me,” says Joe,
“There was no quid pro quo
When we traded influence for money.”
Are these symptoms familiar to you:
Bulging eyes and pinched lips turning blue,
Heart a-pounding (thump thump)
At the mention of Trump,
Raw emotions and lowered IQ?
When you’re constantly taking sides
With a narrative that divides,
When you won’t play it straight
As the Fourth Estate,
You’ve surrendered your bona fides.
“Receive our wisdom, peasants,
And be grateful for our presence
As your benefactors,”
Say anchors and actors,
Athletes, and adolescents.
Academia’s vetting our views,
Mainstream media’s spinning our news,
But they seem to forget
That it’s all on the Net:
Their distortions are not what we choose.
Mainstream media’s known to suffuse
Its reports with particular views:
With this bias abundant,
It’s absurdly redundant
To call what it offers “fake news.”
“How can anyone belie us
Or suggest we bear a bias?
Our head-tilted-back poses
Let you see up our noses,
Proving we’re ever so pious.”
It may be just the biggest lie ever,
Making saner sorts say, “Well, I never!”
But celebrities tweet it
And you have to repeat it
If you want to sound current and clever.
It’s a simple, effective deceit:
Those called “racist” are doomed to defeat,
Yet the ones with most gall,
The most racist of all,
Are the pandering liberal elite.
Take the pledge and escape from its grip,
Nevermore from this moment a nip:
If you value your brain,
You must henceforth refrain
From the vile Mainstream Media drip.
Our brave battle for self-preservation
Must address the domestic predation
Of those traitors and fools
– All those socialist tools –
Who are hoping to change our great nation.
“Just like Cronkite and Edward R. Murrow,
We’re committed, determined, and thorough:
In the media, the schools,
With our radical rules,
We’re the moles that unceasingly burrow.”
“We can tell filthy lies about you
And there’s nothing at all you can do,
But we’ll make such a fuss
If you criticize us –
Even if what you say is quite true.”
BIRDS OF A FEATHER
The media rarely deride
A President on the same side:
For the faithful defender
Of their social agenda,
They’re willing to let some things slide.
In the past, he was forced to “pay dues”
And develop “a nose for the news.”
Well, he still has a nose,
But, my, how it grows
When the facts must conform to his views!
Jennings, Rather, Brokaw
Seem determined to jabber and jaw.
They think we’re too dumb
To discern the outcome
Of the campaign debate we just saw.
Last week’s limerick
There once was a woman named Beth
Who experienced shortness of breath:
The Wuhan Flu panic
Was making her manic,
And the fretter was frightened to death.