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Your Weekly Politickle: MADAM SCHIFF

  • Dec 09 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: MADAM SCHIFF

MADAM SCHIFF
Call him Adam who likes to tell lies,
Call him Adam with crazy bug eyes,
Call him Adam whose friends
Often come to bad ends,
Call him Adam this guy in disguise.

From the archive

FRUITCAKE
A fruitcake came one day
And I sent it on its way.
The next day, then,
It was back again,
But here it cannot stay.

I sent it to one brother,
Who sent it to another.
It eventually
Came back to me,
In a package from my mother.

I sent it to a friend —
At least, he was ’til then.
He sent it back
With a caustic crack
And we never spoke again.

I sent it to my boss
And signed it “Santa Claus.”
My name he guessed
And readdressed
That spice-baked albatross.

I sent it to a client,
Who proved to be defiant:
It seems the space
In his office place
Is fruitcake noncompliant.

I picked someone at random
In hopes that he could stand ’em.
It was returned:
Somehow he’d learned
I was the Fruitcake Phantom.

If a fruitcake comes today,
I think I’ll let it stay.
It’s crystal clear
Its place is here —
And I must move away.
(2004)

FOOD CHAIN
Some people will complain
Or think that you’re insane
When you send out ten
To foe and friend
And start a fruitcake chain.

But those ten people then
Will send out ten again:
Not one will deign
To break the chain
And risk a tragic end.

One caution you should heed
Before you do proceed:
What you send out may
Come back one day
In numbers you don’t need.
(2004)

RE GIFT
When I say this, I’m being sincere:
I don’t dislike fruitcake, my dear.
It’s just I’m bewildered
’Cause it looks so familiar –
Like the one that I gave you last year.
(2018)

Last week’s limerick

BRIAR PATCH
“I surrender and beseech thee:
Though I know you’d like to teach me
A lesson or two,
I beg of you,
Please, please, please, do not impeach me!”

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