Your Weekly Politickle: NEWS SURREAL

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

NEWS SURREAL
Mainstream media’s known to suffuse
Its reports with particular views:
With this bias abundant,
It’s absurdly redundant
To call what it offers “fake news.”

From the archive

TWITS
It may be just the biggest lie ever,
Making saner sorts say, “Well, I never!”
But celebrities tweet it
And you have to repeat it
If you want to sound current and clever.
(2014)

PROJECTIONISTS
It’s a simple, effective deceit:
Those called “racist” are doomed to defeat,
Yet the ones with most gall,
The most racist of all,
Are the pandering liberal elite.
(2014)

DETOX
Take the pledge and escape from its grip,
Nevermore from this moment a nip:
If you value your brain,
You must henceforth refrain
From the vile Mainstream Media drip.
(2014)

FIFTH COLUMN
Our brave battle for self-preservation
Must address the domestic predation
Of those traitors and fools
– All those socialist tools –
Who are hoping to change our great nation.
(2011)

THE BURROWERS
“Just like Cronkite and Edward R. Murrow,
We’re committed, determined, and thorough:
In the media, the schools,
With our radical rules,
We’re the moles that unceasingly burrow.”
(2011)

BALANCE
“This Talk Radio’s going too far
And we soon will be raising the bar:
In the interest of fairness
And cultural awareness,
Every station will air NPR.”
(2009)

THE RULES
“We can tell filthy lies about you
And there’s nothing at all you can do,
But we’ll make such a fuss
If you criticize us –
Even if what you say is quite true.”
(2007)

SAD TIMES
Their respect for the truth may be scanty,
Their perspective outrageously slanty;
Still, despite all their lies,
The posh Pulitzer Prize
Is retained by the Times and Duranty.
(2003)

JENNINGS DOES BASEBALL
“Diehard fans are still cheering and grinning,
Convinced that their favourites are winning:
Yes, their team’s up by ten
And at bat once again,
But it’s taking them more than one inning!”
(2003)

BIRDS OF A FEATHER
The media rarely deride
A President on the same side:
For the faithful defender
Of their social agenda,
They’re willing to let some things slide.
(1998)

THE JOURNALIST
In the past, he was forced to “pay dues”
And develop “a nose for the news.”
Well, he still has a nose,
But, my, how it grows
When the facts must conform to his views!
(1996)

Last week’s limerick

AND THEY’RE OFF!
This past year we had politics plenty,
Until finally who didn’t want the
Campaigning to end
So that we could attend
To the race set for Two-Thousand-Twenty?

SEE YOU LATER, AGITATOR!
Well, I saw Obama talkin’
Like he wouldn’t go away.
Well, I saw Obama talkin’
Like he wouldn’t go away.
When he asked me, “What’s the matter?”
This is what I had to say:

“See you later, agitator!
After ’while, coprophile.
See you later, agitator!
After ’while, coprophile.
Can’t you see you’re in the way now?
Don’t you know you’re out of style?”

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