Archive for May 2012

The War We Didn’t Learn About

The Cristero War is a chapter in Mexico’s history in the 1920s, when thousands of Catholics answered this crucial question [of religious freedom] at the cost of their very lives. President Plutarco Calles launched a direct attack on the Catholic Church using articles from Mexico’s Constitution, which created this uprising and counter-revolution against the Mexican government during that time. The original rebellion was set off by the persecution of Roman Catholics and a ban on their public religious practices. – Ruben Quezada

How Much Should I Give?

Politickles are free AND priceless. That’s what makes it so hard to figure out how much to charge yourself for a subscription to “Your Weekly Politickle.” To avoid hurting your brain as you deliberate, please apply the following helpful guidelines.

Ask yourself this question: How much should I pay for 52 weeks of politickles? How about 10 cents a laugh? 10 x 52 = $5.20. How about a dollar a laugh? $52. Ten dollars a laugh? $520. This is quite logical. Just figure out how much each politickle is worth to you and multiply by 52. (Remember, it’s easier to multiply numbers like 10 or 100 — i.e., any number that starts with 1 and has zeros behind it. If you have trouble multiplying by 52, just multiply by 50 first and then by 2 and add the totals. Or use a calculator.)

Now, upon reflection, you may conclude that not all of the 52 politickles you received in the last year were worth $10, in your estimation. Maybe only 10 of them were. Fair enough. Just give $100 then (10 x $10), and a dollar apiece for the rest: $142 total.

Before you donate, however, please go to the archives and review the last 12 month’s worth of politickles. Maybe you’ll find some you’ve forgotten about and realize that there were more than 10 that were worth $10. If so, recalculate your donation.

On the other hand, you may find that the ten that you thought were worth $10 each aren’t as funny as you remember and therefore be inclined to reduce your donation accordingly. Don’t be hasty, however. Think this through. Remember, when you first read them, you thought they were worth $10. Now, upon rereading them, you think they’re worth only $1. So, what do you do? Donate only $1 apiece for them? No, indeed! You donate the $10 apiece that you originally intended, plus an extra dollar for their current value: $11 apiece. As noted above, this is quite logical.

If, at this point, you’re still confused, just pick a number from 1 to 1,000,000 and donate that. Then the burden will be on me to determine how you settled on that figure, and you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that it’s driving me mad — because, after all, I’m a very logical fellow.

Last of all, remember that whatever you donate today will be worth considerably less a year from now, so it really doesn’t matter to either one of us.

Click the DONATE button at the top of the right sidebar now.

Yours truly,

F.R. Duplantier

P.S. Remember me when you plan your estate, or adopt me now.

Your Weekly Politickle: WEST VIRGINIA

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

WEST VIRGINIA
In the Democrat primary, some went
And cast votes for a bellicose bum bent
On flaunting his flaws
And flouting our laws –
And this candidate was the incumbent!

From the archive:

MR. PRECEDENT
What a vile conglomeration
Of every abomination:
In Clinton’s wake,
Only villains will make
A bid for the nomination.
(1999)

Last week’s limerick:

CAVE CANEM
All the diplomats gathering, greeting,
And locating their specified seating.
In their midst, a big grinner,
The man hosting their dinner.
Only he really knows what they’re eating.

A Strong, Driving Wind

What Being a Father Truly Means

Perhaps men today do not perceive the beauty, the grandeur, and the profound consolation contained in the word “father” by which we may address God in prayer, because the father figure today is often not sufficiently present; and this presence is often not adequately positive in daily life. A father’s absence, i.e., the problem of a father who is not present in the child’s life, is a great problem of our time; and therefore, it becomes difficult to understand the profound significance of what it means to say that God is a Father to us. We can learn from Jesus Himself, and from His filial relationship with God, what being a “father” truly means, and the true nature of the Father who is in heaven. – Benedict XVI

Few men do perceive the beauty, grandeur, and consolation of fatherhood, and fewer women, even though it’s the key to everything.

Viva Cristo Rey!

They say that truth is stranger than fiction, and I agree. Nevertheless, at times, fiction is the place to find the truths that “history” has left out. I discovered “Operation Keelhaul” in a novel by Evelyn Waugh and first learned about the persecution of the Church in Mexico in a Graham Greene novel. Here’s hoping that For Greater Glory is a box-office success, so that millions of American moviegoers can learn in a theater the truth that they weren’t taught in school.

My Vocation

And then it suddenly became clear to me that my whole life was at a crisis. Far more than I could imagine or understand or conceive was now hanging upon a word — a decision of mine.

I had not shaped my life to this situation: I had not been build­ing up to this. Nothing had been further from my mind. There was, therefore, an added solemnity in the fact that I had been called in here abruptly to answer a question that had been preparing, not in my mind, but in the infinite depths of an eternal Providence.

I did not clearly see it then, but I think now that it might have been something in the nature of a last chance. If I had hesitated or refused at that moment — what would have become of me?

But the way into the new land, the promised land, the land that was not like the Egypt where I persisted in living, was now thrown open again: and I instinctively sensed that it was only for a moment.

It was a moment of crisis, yet of interrogation: a moment of searching, but it was a moment of joy. It took me about a minute to collect my thoughts about the grace that had been suddenly planted in my soul, and to adjust the weak eyes of my spirit to its unaccustomed light, and during that moment my whole life remained suspended on the edge of an abyss: but this time, the abyss was an abyss of love and peace, the abyss was God.

It would be in some sense a blind, irrevocable act to throw my­self over. But if I failed to do that … I did not even have to turn and look behind me at what I would be leaving. Wasn’t I tired enough of all that? — Thomas Merton, The Seven Storey Mountain

The Seven Storey Mountain sat on my shelf for a couple of decades, along with many other marvelous books that I bought for two or three bucks at secondhand stores, fully intending to read them some day. All I knew about it was that it was the autobiography of an atheist who converted to Catholicism and became a Trappist monk and that it was supposed to be quite good.

Just recently, something prompted me to take it down and start in on it. It’s 400+ pages long, and I don’t read as fast as I used to, but I’m enjoying every page of it. I don’t go in much for biographies; still, it’s one of the best I’ve ever read, along with Whittaker Chambers’ Witness — which I liked so much that I bought multiple secondhand copies to give away. The Seven Storey Mountain is extraordinarily well-written, but the subject, of course, is compelling, the only one that really matters: how to save one’s soul. In other words, it’s about vocations.

Years ago, a relative suggested that I should become a deacon, presumably because she thought I would be adept at sermonizing. I knew, however, that there is more to being a deacon than the ability to give a good homily. There must be, because so few of them are good at homiletics — and the ones who think they have a gift for oratory are often the worst.

I’m fatheaded enough to believe that I might very well excel at biblical exegesis and yet honest enough to admit that I would more than likely fail miserably at all the other duties of a deacon, but this was not my reason for demurring.

“I already have a vocation,” I confided.

“You do?”

“Yes,” I said. “I’m a father.”

(I should have added that I’m also a husband, but, in a properly ordered society, one presumes the other.)

She was nonplussed by this revelation, perhaps because she and her husband separated when their only daughter was in her early teens, thus facilitating the abandonment of his vocation and the attenuation of his relationship with his daughter.

But fatherhood and husbandhood are my vocations — ones I embarked on, like Merton, with great trepidation, only when I sensed that I might not get another chance.

What a leap of faith it was! Twenty-six years later, I’m still falling, blissfully, into the abyss.

It’s Fun to be Generous!

Sure, you can get politickles free of charge, but you can also pay for them. And some people do, year after year. $5, $10, $25, $100, even $1000! I’d accept more, of course, but that’s the top contribution so far.

Why do they do it? You got me. Whatever the motivation, their donations help me pay my bills and I’m grateful for that.

Anyway, I learned long ago, during my adman days, that you have to ask several times before some people will respond. And so, for the benefit of you slow responders, I’m asking again.

Why not make a contribution today?

Click the DONATE button at the top of the right sidebar.

I promise you I won’t regret it.

Yours truly,

F.R. Duplantier

P.S. Remember me when you plan your estate. It will help me plan my estate. And let me know if you have a house I could live in for free or if you want to hire someone with my peculiar talents.

Your Weekly Politickle: CAVE CANEM

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

CAVE CANEM
All the diplomats gathering, greeting,
And locating their specified seating.
In their midst, a big grinner,
The man hosting their dinner.
Only he really knows what they’re eating.

From the archive:

CHOW TIME
At the Kmart, the president got
A new 16-quart stainless steel pot;
He’d been getting much thinner,
So he had friends for dinner:
Rex, King, Rover, Spike, Fido and Spot.
(2012)

Last week’s limerick:

WIFE SENTENCE
As evolving positions now gel,
He pronounces this travesty swell,
But you might change your view
About “gay marriage,” too,
If you’d married a mate like Michelle.

Spirit of Wisdom and Revelation