Politickles

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

CHINA PATTERN
“We will tar fossil fuels as unclean,
Promote other resources as green.
There’s a catch — which, of course, is
That those greener resources
Are controlled by our red war machine.”

From the archive:

ALONG CAME JONES
He played green but was red to the bones
In a White House chockfull of his clones.
It is good that Van goes
And the public now knows
What to make of the man who hired Jones.
(2009)

ECO-MANIACS
Their abiding misanthropy shows
What’s behind the Earth Firster’s pose,
For these mopes without mirth
Have no love for the earth
And are nothing but Mean Green Joes.
(2000)

Last week’s verse:

TODAY’S LESSON
“I don’t care if your dad’s out of work
Or state budgets are going berserk:
I’m a privileged creature,
A public school teacher,
An incompetent, overpaid jerk.”

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Mass times and readings

Update on conditions back home from a friend left behind, with the requisite gallows humor:

Twelve people were shot in New Orleans last weekend, plus 5 more on Monday and 6 more in the next 2 days. The Times-Picayune reported 14 were shot this past weekend. They haven’t counted Monday’s corpses yet.

Police reports for the city for last weekend include:

• “A 30-year-old male heard gunfire and realized he was shot in the left thigh and back.” What tipped him off?
• “A 34-year-old man said his girlfriend pulled a gun on him and forced him to take off a jacket she ‘brought him.’” Must not have fit properly.
• “A 22-year-old man was shot while walking.” Hmm, is exercise worth it?
• “A 22-year-old male and a man [not to be confused with a male] were involved in a fistfight. Both pulled out guns and began firing.” No comment required.
• “A 24-year-old man was approached by two males. They asked to use his cell phone. There was a struggle for the phone. The young man was hit in the face and shot in the abdomen.” The only thing more dangerous than walking is owning a cell phone.
• “A person was working in a doctor’s office when an unknown, armed man pointed a gun at the worker’s head and demanding [sic] money. The suspect fled with a cash box and a pair of orthopedic shoes.” It’s hell to have flat feet in the ’hood.

That’s just 5 of more than 40 “major incidents” last week. This week’s reports should be even more fun.

And, thankfully, the crusading journalists at the Times-Picayune realized what the real news is all about and had a page-one, high-profile story on the inclusion of the weather frog illustration on its website. The story on 14 people shot did make it to page one, but below the weather frog.

And my response:

Carnival time, all year round.

23 people shot in five days? I believe that’s a record, even for New Orleans. Of course, if they didn’t all die, it doesn’t really count in the race for murder capital of America. Still impressive, though.

I once suggested during a meeting with the tourist commission that they distribute maps to visitors indicating the more dangerous areas of the city that ought to be avoided. It wasn’t well received. In fact, the meeting resumed as though I hadn’t said anything.

Great news about the frog.

Marriage is the union of a man and a woman. Anything else is a farcical counterfeit.

Same-sex marriage is not a justice issue. It’s an injustice issue. It’s an attack — by truly evil and twisted people — on legitimate marriage and authentic families.

Vive la difference!

Preserve the Union!

The President of the United States paying homage to God for “every public and private good” — such a gesture struck no one as quaint, inappropriate, or ill-mannered 222 years ago. As he himself noted, Washington took for granted that his colleagues and countrymen shared his sentiments; nor is there any indication that he was ever contradicted in this regard. But how many Congressmen today would even understand these sentiments, much less endorse them? We’ve come a long way, baby — but in the wrong direction. – F.R. Duplantier, “Behind The Headlines”

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

TODAY’S LESSON
“I don’t care if your dad’s out of work
Or state budgets are going berserk:
I’m a privileged creature,
A public school teacher,
An incompetent, overpaid jerk.”

From the archive:

NEA ENNUI
“We ignore those impossible pests
And their parents’ complaints and requests:
As a matter of prudence,
We disregard students
And focus on feathering our nests.”
(2000)

Last week’s verse:

‘S MOTHER
Oh, thank goodness the government’s there
To precaution and make me beware:
I’m now starving to death,
Blue from holding my breath,
‘Cause I’m frightened of food and of air.

To join the weekly politickle subscriber list, email subscribe [at] politickles.com.

Mass times and readings

BILL IN A CHINA SHOP
Campaign prospects are more sunny
When the coffer’s full of money.
Leave it to Bill
To fill the till
With money that is funny!

CLINTONIAN DIPLOMACY
“We’ll supply whatsoever you need
To ensure your armed forces succeed,
And we won’t make a fuss
If you use them on us,
’Cause our sole motivation is greed.

RIADY OR NOT, HERE WE COME!
“Though funds that the DNC spent
Did arise in the Orient,
Our designs are disputable,
Lippo’s motives inscrutable –
Can you prove that we’re not innocent?”

SOLITARY ASSURED DESTRUCTION
Has Bill taken leave of his senses,
Dismantling all our defenses
And providing resources
To enemy forces
Regardless of consequences?

STANDARD BARER
We’ll overlook Bill’s obfuscations,
And his sexual aberrations,
And perhaps, within reason,
We’ll tolerate treason
’Cause he’s meeting our low expectations.

STAYTHERE KID
Before he had started to pack,
Bill’s visit to China caught flack,
But Clinton should know
He was welcome to go
Just so long as he didn’t come back!

THEY’RE PLAYING OUR SONG
Our nation is destined for grief
If our leader has no fixed belief
And conclusions are drawn
As to whose side he’s on
When China plays “Hail to the Chief.”

Increasing the United States’ reliance on “clean” energy, as touted by President Obama yet again in this week’s budget proposal, would leave Americans just as dependent on unreliable foreign suppliers as we are now on the Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries’ stranglehold on oil. Instead of a handful of mostly Middle Eastern states, we would be dependent on a single nation for critical energy supplies — China. The threat to both national security and the U.S. economy is obvious to anyone who isn’t blinded by environmentalist dogma. – H. Sterling Burnett