Archive for December 2009
Profile and Discriminate
After the Christmas Day near disaster in Detroit, it is time for Americans to demand effective anti-terrorist actions. Over eight years after 9/11 and 30 years after the Iranian illegal seizure of the United States embassy and the 444 day Iranian hostage crisis, Washington is still avoiding being intellectually honest about the war we are in. – Newt Gingrich
WELCOME TO AMERICA
“You illegally crossed our border?
You’re a drugs and weapons importer?
You’re a sociopath
Spewing venomous wrath?
Yes, everything seems in order.”
F.R. Duplantier, 2002
PROFILES IN CARNAGE
Multiculturalism assails
Common sense until it fails:
Screeners x-ray granny
And pat down the nanny,
But ignore young Arab males.
F.R. Duplantier, 2002
Your Weekly Politickle: RESOLUTIONS
Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:
RESOLUTIONS
1. Reconnect with a special old friend
2. Earn a few dollars more than I spend
3. Try to concentrate solely
On becoming more holy
4. Make it all the way through to year’s end.
From the archive:
YEAR MUFF
I sure hope that it isn’t a sign
Of accelerating mental decline
When I know it’s too late
To write 2008
But forget to write 2009.
(2008)
NEW YEAR
I’m a victim of non-circumstance,
Having gone through the year in a trance.
Maybe 2008
Didn’t turn out so great,
But I’ll soon have another new chance.
(2008)
SISYPHUS
For 12 months I had strived to get there,
And at last to the top I drew near;
When I reached the hill’s crown,
The stone rolled right back down,
So I’m starting all over this year.
(2007)
JANUARY 1
I resolve not to gain any weight,
I resolve not to ever be late,
I resolve not to get
Any further in debt –
On this single inceptional date!
(2007)
ANNUAL REPORT
I’m amazed when the year’s finally through
At the things that I’ve managed to do,
But I can’t understand
Why the things that I planned
Are the things that I never got to.
(2006)
OUT OF TIME
How I leapt into 2005
And pursued all my plans with such drive!
But it’s now crystal clear
That there’s not enough year
Before 2006 will arrive.
(2005)
RUN OF THE MILLENNIUM
Our thousand-year party was fun.
We’ll repeat it for 2001.
A millennial glow
Two years in a row
And a hangover second to none!
(2000)
DISCONTINUING RESOLUTIONS
Resolutions I’ve hastily made
Are infrequently kept, I’ m afraid;
Still, I find I can live up
To a promise to give up
Resolutions I’ve hastily made.
(1998)
Last week’s verse:
BARRY CHRISTMAS?
Tis the season of change and of hope –
The kind that is real and not soap –
But, to meet your Messiah,
You will have to look higher
Than some fast-talking, power-mad dope.
Christmas is not a Fairy Tale
Christmas is much more than the season of Santa Claus and sugar plums; it’s God’s answer to mankind’s yearning for peace, says Benedict XVI. – Zenit
The True Meaning of Christmas
A Visit from the Christ Child
by Père Robért
(for Maria, Ida, Isabel, Maxine, Crozet & Audrey)
Twas the morning of Christmas, when all through the house
All the family was frantic, including my spouse;
For each one of them had one thing only in mind,
To examine the presents St. Nick left behind.
The boxes and wrapping and ribbons and toys
Were strewn on the floor, and the volume of noise
Increased as our children began a big fight
Over who got the video games, who got the bike.
I looked at my watch and I said, slightly nervous,
“Let’s get ready for church, so we won’t miss the service.”
The children protested, “We don’t want to pray:
We’ve just got our presents, and we want to play!”
It dawned on me then that we had gone astray,
In confusing the purpose of this special day;
Our presents were many and very high-priced
But something was missing — that something was Christ!
I said, “Put the gifts down and let’s gather together,
And I’ll tell you a tale of the greatest gift ever.
“A savior was promised when Adam first sinned,
And the hopes of the world upon Jesus were pinned.
Abraham begat Isaac, who Jacob begat,
And through David the line went to Joseph, whereat
This carpenter married a maiden with child,
Who yet was a virgin, in no way defiled.
“Saying ‘Hail, full of Grace,’ an archangel appeared
To Mary the Blessed, among women revered:
The Lord willed she would bear — through the Spirit — a son.
Said Mary to Gabriel, ‘God’s will be done.’
“Now Caesar commanded a tax would be paid,
And all would go home while the census was made;
Thus Joseph and Mary did leave Galilee
For the city of David to pay this new fee.
“Mary’s time had arrived, but the inn had no room,
So she laid in a manger the fruit of her womb;
And both Joseph and Mary admired as He napped
The Light of the World in his swaddling clothes wrapped.
“Three wise men from the East had come looking for news
Of the birth of the Savior, the King of the Jews;
They carried great gifts as they followed a star –
Gold, frankincense, myrrh, which they’d brought from afar.
“As the shepherds watched over their flocks on that night,
The glory of God shone upon them quite bright,
And an angel explained the intent of the birth,
Saying, ‘Glory to God and His peace to the earth.’
“For this was the Messiah whom prophets foretold,
A good shepherd to bring his sheep back to the fold;
He was God become man, He would die on the cross,
He would rise from the dead to restore Adam’s loss.
“Santa Claus, Christmas presents, a brightly lit pine,
Candy canes and spiked eggnog are all very fine;
Let’s have fun celebrating, but leave not a doubt
That Christ is what Christmas is really about!”
The children right then put an end to the noise,
They dressed quickly for church, put away all their toys;
For they knew Jesus loved them and said they were glad
That He’d died for their sins, and to save their dear Dad.
Copyright ©1986, F.R. Duplantier
Putting the Noel in Novelty
STOOGE CHRISTMAS
by F.R. Duplantier
(with apologies to Walter Kent, Kim Gannon and Buck Ram)
I’ll be home for Christmas
you can plan on me
I must see Moe, Larry, Curly, or Joe
destroy a Christmas tree!
Christmas Eve will find me
where the blue light beams
I’ll be home for Christmas
watching Stooges on TV!
I’ll be home for Christmas
you can plan on me
I must see Moe, Larry, Shemp, Curly Joe
destroy a Christmas tree!
Christmas Eve will find me
where the blue light beams
I’ll be home for Christmas
watching Stooges on TV!
JOLIES BELLES
by F.R. Duplantier
(sung to the tune of Jingle Bells)
One morning in Mamou,
I danced with Sal and Sue.
Ooh la la! Comme ci, comme ca,
How I love those pretty girls!
Jolies belles! Jolies belles!
J’aime les jolies belles!
Quelle joyeux c’est pour danser
Avec les jolies belles!
At breakfast in Breaux Bridge,
I danced with Madge and Midge.
Ooh la la! Comme ci, comme ca,
How I love those pretty girls!
Jolies belles, ETC.
Midday in Morgan City,
I danced with Kate and Kitty.
Ooh la la! Comme ci, comme ca,
How I love those pretty girls!
Jolies belles, ETC.
At lunch in Lafayette
I danced with Barb and Bette.
Ooh la la! Comme ci, comme ca,
How I love those pretty girls!
Jolies belles, ETC.
Afternoon in Abbeville,
I danced with Jane and Jill.
Ooh la la! Comme ci, comme ca,
How I love those pretty girls!
Jolies belles, ETC.
Late day in Thibodaux,
I danced with Fran and Flo.
Ooh la la! Comme ci, comme ca,
How I love those pretty girls!
Jolies belles, ETC.
That evening in Ville Platte,
I danced with Pam and Pat.
Ooh la la! Comme ci, comme ca,
How I love those pretty girls!
Jolies belles, ETC.
Midnight in Mermentau,
I danced with Liz and Lo.
Ooh la la! Comme ci, comme ca,
How I love those pretty girls!
Jolies belles, ETC.
Fraudster the Snowman
by F.R. Duplantier
Fraudster the Snowman
Was an enterprising pol,
With a trust-fund life
And an upturned nose
And a heart made out of coal.
Fraudster the Snowman
Was a senator, they say.
He was made of snow,
But the voters know
How he came to life one day.
There must have been some magic in
Those tight blue jeans they found,
For when they placed them on his legs
He began to dance around.
O, Fraudster the Snowman
Found a way to live for free.
While the people pay,
He could laugh and play
And drive around in an SUV.
Huffedy humbug,
Huffedy humbug,
Look at Fraudster go.
Huffedy humbug,
Huffedy humbug,
O the bilge of snow!
Fraudster the Snowman
Knew the sun was hot some days,
So he said, “I’ll hoax
All the stupid folks
And get myself a big pay raise.”
Down to the village,
With a hockey stick in hand
And some bogus graphs
And some doctored stats,
Showing crisis for the land.
He led them to his Waterloo,
Where the facts came out at last,
But he never once admitted that
He was just plain full of crap.
For Fraudster the Snowman
Liked to always have his way,
So he waved goodbye
Saying, “Don’t deny,
I’ll be back again some day.”
Huffedy humbug,
Huffedy humbug,
Look at Fraudster go.
Huffedy humbug,
Huffedy humbug,
O the bilge of snow!
100 Reasons Why Climate Change Is Natural
- There is “no real scientific proof” that the current warming is caused by the rise of greenhouse gases from man’s activity.
- Man-made carbon dioxide emissions throughout human history constitute less than 0.00022 percent of the total naturally emitted from the mantle of the earth during geological history.
- Warmer periods of the Earth’s history came around 800 years before rises in CO2 levels.
